Should I have known I'd enjoy CDing

Yesterday afternoon I had occasion to visit the kennel where we board our dog when we're out of town and can't take him with us. The front desk is always worked by women. There are 3 or 4 women that rotate working the desk. Yesterday, there were 2 of them at the desk. I had a couple of questions that needed a slight bit of research on their part. I was talking with these 2 ladies for about 10 minutes. As I was leaving, I realized how easy conversation was with them. By comparison, I generally find conversations with other men to be somewhat strained and awkward - something I never feel when speaking with women. I do tend to be a loner. I've never been one to go out drinking with the guys. I've never been a part of poker nights. I've pretty much shied away from doing a lot of things with "the guys." However, when I'm thrown into conversations with women, I seem to always be comfortable whether they are friends or strangers.

Anyway, I'm really curious if my relaxed nature with women my whole life should have been taken as a clue that there is a definite feminine side to me that was wanting to get out and experience life. Understand, I do NOT wish to be a woman. I just love everything about dressing as one and only wish I could do so more often. Frilly clothes with lots of lace and wearing bras and forms simply feels wonderful. I'm curious how other girls find their relationships with men compare to their relationships with women. I'm not talking about romantic or sexual relationships - just how you tend to interact with one sex vs. the other.

Sort of the opposite for me. Most of my life I was terrified to talk with girls / women. Amazing I ever dated or married. Since I went further in dressing up, I find it easier to talk with women, even flirt a little.

I can say when at a party I always like being with the ladies. Just so much more fun and yes easier to talk with. My wife will come over if I am with the guys and get me to be with the girls at least for a while. She knows it makes me happier.
My guess is most of our members will agree

Heather, I have always been shy around women. I have had lots of male friends. Really doesn't make much sense as I have four sisters.

I can comfortably talk (and talk and talk) to pretty much anyone.

Although most who know me casually would probably consider me a manly man, I've always been more relaxed and comfortable around the ladies and usually gravitated toward them. Hmm. Go figure.
-Jen

I always liked to talk to anyone who likes to return the favor, whether girl or boy, woman or man, Venusian or Martian. It just so happens that women, by education, tend to be more engaging and chatty than men, they ( and by they, I mean all women, not just SAs) simply make efforts to socialize (smiling, talking, getting news) that men don't feel pressured to. The reason some of us are more comfortable talking to women may be simply because most women make these efforts, and most men, not so much.
For a heterosexual man, there can also be an element of seduction (in the most innocent sense of the term) as an additional motivator, even if you are naturally shy.

Hi Heather

I can relate to your experiences with women. In my teens I was very shy with girls but that changed in my 20s and beyond. I too was not ?one of the guys?, followed my own furrow and became quite successful in my career and in sport ? but along the way always related to female staff etc much better than with the guys. Likewise at social events it?s the same. I chat with the girls more readily than the guys.

My CDing started when very young, and have always been conscious of the clothes women wear. The CDing was dormant until about 10 ? 15 years ago when I took the plunge ? I?m now in my mid 70s.

Vikky

Hi Heather :hugs:, Your story could very well been about me, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

CD'ing has made me more communicative in general but as consequence of engaging with GG's while out dressed.

In my younger days I was somewhat shy around the girls but now years on things have changed. I'd have to say dressing while out and about in effect forced me to be more engaged and I suppose a bit like that first step enemme into the world being in a position of needing to emulate how GG's interact gave me that skill set.

I enjoy both but find being with women comes natural.It's a easier ,relaxed frame of mind than with the guy's.I enjoy guy talk too but it's a whole different game and range of conversation.I fit into both.

When I was younger, I was painfully shy - especially around the fairer sex. I was always afraid that they'd either think I was trying to flirt with them (never learned how!) or that they'd pick up on my secret.

As I became more comfortable with myself -and took myself "off the market" (married), I realized that it's really pretty easy to chat with women. Nowadays in a group setting, I'll tend to gravitate to where the women are gathered. This is just natural for me, and I don't even realize that's what I'm doing until some time has passed.

I'm able to talk to men, but with (most of) them, it's uncomfortable since I'm not into most of the things they are. For example, I don't know who won "the game" last night. I won't even know that there WAS a game. Hunting? Fishing? Cars? Meh. Women? Well maybe - but I'm not in the "I'd do her" category so much as in the "I' wonder where she got that outfit" one.

Heather, I am very much like you in that my comfort zone is with women and not with men. During my formative years there were a lot of women in my life and only one man I liked or was not afraid of - my grandfather who was a major fixture in my life. One could say that I became kinda-sorta like the women through contact, but that does not fit with what the experts say. They say there may be a predisposition we are born with that, when activated, tends to [B]encourage[B] us to prefer some things with regard to what we are comfortable with. Not deterministic, but more like a flexible bounded area within our interactions. The predisposition, if it actually exists, shifts us toward a more male-like or female-like side in our behaviors.

It seems to me that what you are describing aligns with that thinking as it does with me. Like you, I have no desire to transition; I explored that 10 years ago and came to the conclusion it did not fit me the way it fit others I knew. In short, we all enjoyed being in the more feminine world, but there was also something very different between them and me. I did not have that strong, even obsessive, desire to transition or to even use that gender expression all the time. Their desire was constant; mine came in spurts. We thought and perceived the world differently.

Even today, after nearly 3/4 of a century I am much like I was when I was 5 or 6 with regard to my preferences about who I prefer to be around. I limit exposure to masculine men but get along well with men who lean in the more feminine direction. Strangely, I am not as comfortable around strongly masculine women either. So, it seems I have a comfort zone just like everybody else. It is just that my comfort zone is definitely on the female side of things whereas most men have comfort zones on the masculine side of the continuum.

My feeling is, no matter what you do it is important to do that which produces the strongest sense of comfort with regard to the fit between your identity patterns and the environment you gravitate toward. Each of us have comfort zones that cover different habitats and I think gender happiness comes from staying within your zone irrespective of where the zone is located or what size it is. But always keep in mind, that zone is not fixed. It can change as we encounter more experiences - it can shift, expand, contract, or so to speak shift into different shades of color. Each time we learn a bit more and the zone becomes more defined even though it has fuzzy boundaries.

I am definitely more comfortable around women. I dont like to hang out with the guys. I am much more comfortable in conversations with women and enjoy being one of the girls even if the women that I am around realize that I am. I have even been included on some girls trips with my wife and her sisters and I love it!!!

hello Heather,
do women talk about different things?
I can spend an hour on the 'phone to my best friend (male) from junior school and afterwards my wife says "did he have any news?" and I reply "I don't know, we just talked about stuff!"
stay healthy,
luv J

Looking back, I grew up mostly around men. A bunch of brothers and kids from around the neighborhood. I distrust my recollections from that far back, but I knew there was something different about me and had a sense that the feeling was not acceptable around the guys (or anyone else for that matter). Consequentially, I kept my feelings about cross dressing very much to myself in those days. It was there, for sure, but not reflected in the relationships I had with males or females.

In my adult life, objectively, I really did and have not not maintainied close personal friendships. My social life revolved and to a large extent still revolves around family. Perhaps that is why I am primarily open about myself with former colleagues.

When I was growing I lived in a neighborhood full of boys about my age. They tended to gather at the large lot across the street. The dad was usually out there with them. Baseball, football, the usual. I was never allowed to play with them or even go over into their yard, never, not one single time. There was one boy in the neighborhood I was allowed to play with and even that was pretty restricted. I was also never allowed to play organized sports. Consequently, there was/is some "guy stuff" that I'm uncomfortable with. Just hanging out is awkward for me. The social stuff. At work, at a convention, at things that are pretty structured I have no problem. I went hunting and fishing with my dad and learned how to work on cars and fix things. I just never learned how to hang out with the guys. Back when I was married and we'd go to a party where the wives were in one room and the men were in another, it seemed I was kind of a killjoy when I walked in where the men were. I think I made them as uncomfortable as they made me. I wasn't exactly longing to hang out with the women either, though.

I've always found it easier to talk to women than men. I can talk to guys about baseball, football, hockey and cars (especially classic cars) all day long but I find women easier to converse with and hang out with. I think part of that is due to women generally being more open and outgoing about many things where men tend to be more reserved.

Hi Heather...

Interesting speculation as to whether you could have read the signs of your innate gravity towards many things feminine in your life. Difficult to know for sure, yes? In retrospect you can connect some dots yet in living all those moments in time? Perhaps they would not have presented themselves so obviously.

A constant involvement in sports, a polite social shyness and my totally private, simmering interest in feminine clothing tended to make me a bit of a curiosity to the girls in a generally good way. I was usually quiet and when the girls talked I would listen. Apparently, if you listen - they will share. And not just the girls but their sisters and mothers as well. This often made dialogue and connections easier with females than males even with the shyness.

My sports experiences and career path have permitted a great many positive interactions and relationships with men of a wide age range as well. However, stereotypically - but not the law - males seem to like experiencing adventures and activities in groups over long periods of time before expressing how they truly feel about life. Revisiting that one: before expressing why they feel the way they do about things in life. Often one just has to sift through the regular male bravado, protective/aggressive nature and occasional one-upmanship to get there. I've experienced that women tend to cut to the chase, to be quicker to jump to their feelings and explore them. It's these discussions with females that have guided me to cultivate a larger base of female friends in adulthood than men.

Comes to mind the notion of competitive nature versus collaborative. Wonder if that plays into any of this. Another thread somewhere in here, probably?

I honestly don't know if these social characteristics could have/should have helped me realize that I would enjoy crossdressing the way I do. I will say, however, that I enjoyed the concept of dressing much sooner in life than becoming interested in deep discussions with anyone about anything.

Going to explore this topic a bit more...thanks!

I can relate to you, Heather. I have felt the same way

I can definitely relate to this.
I spent my school years trying to be ‘one of the boys’ and chronically shy of girls.
When I started working I realised I had far more in common with women.
I’ve never really been one for going out with the lads, and when I did, found it quite hard work.
When I talk to men it’s mainly sport related, but with women it’s just anything.
At any sort of gathering I can always be found chatting to women rather than men.
Most of the people I would call friends rather than acquaintances nowadays are women.
I just feel much more at home in female company.

I can have a conversation with a plant. So, either sex works for me.

For me I think of it depends on what the topic of conversation. Generally, I find talking with women less intimidating than I do men. Further I don't care about sports ball or male driven ego competitions. Although, as I am a veteran I find most veteran related topics of interest are male dominated which is fine by me. Hmm, that makes me wonder. I think the truth is it all depends on how confident I am in the topic being discussed. If I believe I can contribute usefully to the conversation, without belittlement, I am equally happy talking to both men and women.

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Originally Posted by Natalie5004

I can have a conversation with a plant. So, either sex works for me.

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And do the plants talk back to you dear? :)

I socialise ok with both . With men conversations tend to be limited to certain things . Such as sports, music, cars , politics etc. with women the topics are much more diverse a better variety and more deeper and fulfilling. I used to regularly enjoy nights out with female colleagues from work.Found them a lot more interesting and fun.

Growing up, I was always a bit socially awkward ... I was always part of the social scene but find it hard to engage with people in long conversations. I didnt date much in high school or college but had several female friends in those years. In high school I was starting to dabble in cross dressing (I just needed to feel what it was like to wear this or that but I certainly wasn't some kind of pervert mindset). I remember one time one of the girls told me that I was "so much easier to talk to than most of the guys". Maybe that was another manifestation of my girl side?

I am comfortable in conversation with either sex but at family or social gatherings I do tend to end up in the women's conversation more than the men and find it more comfortable there.