Finally come out

Well my sister and neice has known for a few weeks now. They are very accepting. My sister lives ten seconds from me now, so thought it is better to now be open than get caught. My SO knows too. But she lives abroad, we recently split up due to other reasons but remain best friends. She is tolerating enough to be accepting. She is still planning to visit me later in the year (friends with benefits). I am just so tired of hiding and purging.

But I finally told my mum today.

She didn’t take it quite so well, although she didn’t disown me. Not quite THAT bad.

Well, doorbell rang. I answered the door in my femme clothes knowing it was her as arranged last night. I made sure I wore casuals, no dress, and a lair of leggings, not a skirt. But her face still literally drained of blood when she saw me.

I was then given the third degree interrogation over everything. Everytime she saw something new, such as my jumper dress. My long cardie, and especially my black nail varnish she would go “Oh my GOD!” each time, like I was some beast from hell. She also said which sounded like disgusted contempt “Next you’ll be telling me you wear a bra”. Well, I didn’t really know what to say when she put it like that. It took me back to all the male shaming bullying I endured from my own brother years back. I really did feel like I was disgusting, and that angered me :sad:

But this time, I know it was just down to initial shock with my mum. She knew I wore makeup for a couple of months anyway. She even helped me choose in the store, although I told her it was to hide a facial scar, and just to improve my appearance which is partly true. After all actors and tv personalities wear makeup too.

Well, it took a while to explain why I do this. I have given her time to process it all in. She now understands better. I endured much abuse for most of my life in one form or another, and this is the result. She largely blames my brother for the bullying, and my dad for being so useless. But it’s plenty of other things too.

She is beginning to come around, and understands that it has already improved my health considerably. I have largely quit drinking alcohol at home. I became borderline alcoholic for many years. I am looking after my personal hygiene better too. I tend to take better care of myself, and am more relaxed as Keira. I should have been born a girl. Pretty certain now that my life would have been a lot happier. Too much toxic-masculinity my whole life has dramatically emasculated me.

So, now I don’t need to hide my clothes in a holdall anymore. I also don’t have to make a mad dash to change when the doorbell rings. It is such a relief.

My niece also invited me round to her flat as she had a bag full of makeup to give me. I guess it was her way of telling me she and her bf accepts me which was very sweet of her. It is a bus ride away. I decided that since I braved the coming out to my mum, I may as well keep the momentum going. I went to visit my niece as Keira Bea during broad daylight and when all the kids and teens were coming home from school, which I didn’t plan on. I was a bit nervous at first expecting young hecklers. But nobody even gave me a second glance all the way there and back. I showed my niece some of my photos. She reckoned I looked lovely in one of them, very last one though, well I did warn her that it might be a bit too much, as it was me in my leopard skin skirt, top and fishnets, bit ****ty lol. Well she still wanted to see, and admitted that I did warn her, lol. She asked me whether I wanted to be known as Keira. Well, I will let her decide. She can call me Bea if she prefers, as that sounds more close to my male name, a nice compromise.

Well, when my brother and dad finally finds out, oh boy. Hell, they always harshly judge me regardless anyway so I may as well throw some caution to the wind, and just be me now.

This has been a very significant day.

Congratulations Keira Bea. Such a big step toward being you and being happier.

Julie

Keira Bea, I am so happy for you taking these steps to let people know who you are. This is such a personal decision and I think you will happier in your life. Telling your brother and father will be hard so no need to rush into that IMO. Good luck and just know we are here to help and give you support.

Well you are half way there....:-)

Your mother will get used to your appearance and hopefully your father and brother will come around too.

Like you did with your mum wear casual top and jeans for starters.

Maybe an "A" cup bra as well.

Use the alphabet, A, B and then C if you need it. :-)

Sounds like you had a wonderful day indeed Keira!

Congratulations Keira Bea! I cannot imagine coming out to my Dad or brothers, but they live thousands of miles away, so no rush! But I am thinking about coming out to my closest friend and a co-worker who is also a friend. I think every time a CD or TG person comes out to another person, the better it is for the entire CD/TG community.

well done, while you can't control how others react, you at least have a choice on how you react.

One of my work collegues came out, while some were shocked for a day or 2, once they realised she wasn't "working the streets" but just a regular everyday, highly skilled, very patient instructor and all round nice girl, it stopped being an issue

Keep us posted on when you plan to tell the men folk. We will be there mentally holding your hand and minding your back. I have told all my kids but have not showed up enfemme yet.

Clearly the right thing at the right time Keira. Good for you.
As for your brother and father, well, what can be done or said that hasn't already. Screw em. Be you and be happy. If in fact their opinion matters to you at all.
I realise that it's a minority opinion but I've always felt that family should be immune from being put out of one's life if they're destructive. On the contrary if family is of any value it's surely as support and acceptance in the face of a friendless world. Suffice to say I did not find it so and that'll be why I've neithet seen nor spoken to anyone in my family for about 12 years. It's cost me less emotionally than it ever did staying in touch. It's not for everyone though.

Oh my. I will have to go through this one day soon, as well. I so want to "come out". I only have two daughters, older and married, who live quite aways away. But I do have some unknowing friends I am worried about!
Roxanne "Femininity is Wonderful"

The design of your coming out is very good. Starting with your closest female relatives is a great idea as women tend to be much more accepting and supportive. Although coming out to your mum was delicate and stressful, it is likely to go a bit more smoothly as she adjusts to the idea. Mothers rarely turn on their children, although there are exceptions.

Your explanation of how you came to be this way, although an entirely appropriate explanation may not be quite right. You said "you should have been born a girl." That is very likely at the root of it all. It has now been learned that most of us were born this way and although environment (abuse, rejection, etc.) has considerable impact on the foundation and the resulting behaviors it is rarely the cause. But what was good about your approach is to fully draw attention to the impact of your father and brother on your self image. Your mum apparently understands that, but probably did not understand the extent of the impact. Now she knows.

As for dealing with your father and brother, stand your ground, try not to place blame on them for your gender variance, but do emphasize the negative consequences of their treatment of you. They need to hear that. In a sense, be a woman and don't let them trample you the way they have in the past. We are now in the 21st century and things are different now than they were in just the recent past, not even to mention the last century. There is nothing wrong with you. You have found who you are. It will need a lot more fine tuning until you find your natural comfort zone, but I believe you have gone very far already.

Isn’t it amazing how much stress is lifted from us when we come to terms with our dressing? Even more so when we share it with others so that it doesn’t feel like a big shameful secret?

I too came out to my mother some time ago. She hasn’t seen me dressed, though, and I don’t anticipate it happening anytime soon, unless as a fluke of some kind.

:hugs::w00t::yahoo::yrtw: