My divorce had nothing to with my dressing. It did have to do with decreasing intimacy.
The bigger my ex became, the less I wanted sex with her. Which increasingly put the burden to initiate sex on her! After awhile she decided to get it somewhere else.:doh:
But, as for "real men"? Of all the crazy, embarrassing, and hard to do things I've done in my 75 years? NOTHING took as much guts as going out dressed as a female that first time!:devil:
my wife is a dadt, i do slide the odd comment in there, like i love that dress etc. but its like water off a ducks back and falls on deaf ears, but saying that I have a static caravan near the lakes, and she has no problem with me going up to that and dressing, im here on my own now. So there is life after frocks. As for sex, not touched her for over 15 years, we have a queen anne bed ginormous , occasionally i will brush against her, her reaction is brutal, never go near me !!!! look. lol, but overall happy if you ever want to visit , drop me a line.
You know the funniest thing just happened, I must have read that wrong because I thought for a moment that you were complaining that your wife did not thank you for crossdressing instead of inevitably engaging in multiple affairs! I almost said that some women are so ungrateful and don't know how lucky they are. Silly me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
This is just information that I gleaned from 20 years working at a company of 80% women. Most women were wishing they had sex but didn't like how they were treated by their self centered husbands (and ex husbands) or the men had ED. The age of the women didn't change the way they felt.
For me there had always been a connection. When the intimacy drops off, the need to dress increases. It's like a law of nature.
Interesting topic and discussion. For me, my wife and I stopped all intimacy 8 years ago. She found out I was a crossdresser about 8 years into a marriage. She tried to accept it at first but after four years, she could not. We ended up in therapy and I purged EVERYTHING. that lasted for 6 years and then I decided I was hurting myself but not dressing. So I went back into the closet and started building my collection over again. But this time, our intimacy had come to a complete halt. The best we do it hug each other at church. My collection of clothes, heels is probably 10 times what it was before I purged. i have reached a point to where I have run out of space to store and hide my items. My collection could start a small clothing store. So my dressing is very strong with my non-acceptance of my wife. Somedays, I wish I had found someone that would have appreciated the feminine side of my. But 25 years ago, there was not today's level of acceptance. glad to have all my sisters here in the forum.
My wife had relationships with women before I met her when I found out I thought I had found my soulmate. boy was I wrong she wanted an old fashion man.. we tried to work it out her allowing me to dress and even have her girl friend do my makeup.but after the night of the makeup job she freaked out told me she couldn't stand to see me that way .we broke up for 6 months then she told me that she loved me and wanted to work things out so we got back togeather.after a year and her buying me clothes and helping me dress she told me she couldn't deal with it that I could still dress but not around her.me wanting to dress any way I could I accepted it. but thru the years.i had to hear this [if you were a real man you wouldn't need to dress or if a man was here! this went on thru out our marriage.to this day I still dress but in private we are still married 39 years .but now that im older I feel I have lost my chance of ever having that person in my life that I could share my whole self with.i doubt I will ever leave this marriage.but just once in my life I would love for the person I love to hold me while im dressed and tell im loved :daydreaming: all of me not just the man part.im more than just a husband and grandfather ,Thanks for letting me vent
Daisy,
I may be fit but didn't say I could manage multiple affairs . No matter what her thoughts were I was in a no win situation .
In an exchange of heated Emails recently I did ask which aspect my family find it easier to live with , knowing I'm out as a CDer or knowing I have a new woman on my arm . I said as far as my family are concerned I'm actually doing less harm with CDing than parading a new female friend under their noses .
The sad thing I'm still having to explain myself to them for my actions no matter what lifestyle I choose .
Wait! Teresa has a new girlfriend???
krissy - I hear ya and understand. I too would love to be loved while I am dressed since this is who I am... but being married for 25 years, I too feel that i have lost that opportunity. Dressing in private or when I am on business trips.
What??? Wait???
Teresa! - you can't just slide that juicy tidbit about having a new female friend into a run-of-the mill post in this Forum as a kind of "by the way..." and expect to get away with it. :doh: This is MAJOR NEWS! :eek::eek: We need DETAILS on this! You have been an inspiration and role model to many of us here, and now you've seemingly taken it to a whole new level. But before I say anything more...Congratulations, and well done!:thumbsup::thumbsup:
Rhonda/Leslie.
It would be a lovely thought but you have read it wrong , my meaning was what would my family prefer me to do, which of those two choices are more acceptable to them ?
Then saying that I am working on finding someone just to spend time with for an occasional meal or a drink , like I keep saying , " never say never !" It does appear there some women who are happy to spend time in a CDer's company .
To your original question Leslie, it was the dreaded menopause that led to the lack of intimacy in our lives, not my crossdressing.
Karen
Teresa,
Darn it! I feel let down!
Rhonda,
Don't feel let down I have exchanged phone numbers with a lady so maybe watch this space !
No, not at all. My wife got married to have kids, pure and simple. No other reason. When younger, she would track her body temperature twice a day with an extra accurate thermometer. When she identified optimum time and temperature, she could not get enough for a couple days. It was feast or famine. When she hit age 40, she decided that a woman her age and weight should not have any more kids. And that was the end of her interest in sex. Cold turkey. She knew about my CDing by age 25 and hates it with a passion, but she never brought that up when discussing sexual activity or when engaging in it, ever. BTW, we have only one child.
My situation was a little different than most I have read here. In my youth I had dabbled in my mother's lingerie draw. My interest was kindled by the love of nylon, specifically nylon slips. My interest waned and everything was fine with me. Back in the 1960's to be a cross dresser was to be a homosexual. A very confusing time for me. Anyway, after college Uncle Sam sent me an invitation to spend some time with him, and, see the world. Or rather a very limited geographical area better know as I Corp in the Nam. Wounded twice! How's that for putting something manly on a resume for a "real man." Met my wife while in the army. Life became great. There I was a 175 pound muscular, six foot two, wavy blond headed guy. My future wife had to make it known to her friends to keep their grubby paws off me. I was taken. So, a nice guy for someone who had been treated like dirt by male friends. No alcohol outside of a social drink. Definitely no drugs.
Somewhere along the way my love of nylon was rekindled. As a honeymoon gift I had bought her a very sexy white nylon peignoir. However, not really knowing about women's sizes I bought one that was too big for her. One night when I was thirsty I headed to the kitchen to guzzle some water. I picked up her nightgown, which after a nice romp in the bed she usually discarded. Something about sliding around too much on the satin sheets. Anyway, I tried it on in the kitchen. Alas, she pops in a find me wearing it. Questions. I fessed up I loved the way it felt so I wanted to try it on, which was the truth. Anyway, over the course of several months nylon gowns were incorporated into the bedroom. I had my own black floor length nightie as well as a knee length pink peignoir. Also, a red peignoir a friend gave to her which was to scratchy for her. Me too! I discarded it also. She bought me some hosiery and a garter belt. It was not an every time thing. Just sometimes. When our son was born she asked me not to wear it to bed since our infant son slept in a crib in the same room. Hazards of a one bedroom apartment. Fast forward to moving across country. Into a three bedroom house. Add a daughter, who unexpectedly yanked a vivid red Vanity Fair bra out of the bottom draw of my armoire. What's this says my wife. "Why would a man who has nothing to pack into a bra want to wear one?" "The Talk." Well, kinky sex with a nightie was different than cross dressing.
For the longest time she told me to NOT buy her sexy lingerie because she was sure I was thinking of myself wearing the clothes. No, she was a dynamite hot woman. I loved the gift wrap on her. She cooled off to sex for a long time. Once the initial shock over several years was over I think menopause crept in. Then it was a really bad back. Followed my cancer treatment. Hard to get interested when you hurt all the time.
My interests in expanding my cross dressing was due in part to rejection which was stressful. Throw in some issues coming out of my "manly" days as an infantryman, like seeing too many guys shot, blown up and otherwise killed, cross dressing became a hiding place. Yes, there is still a lot of love in the relationship, but, the physical aspect is limited. Not being able to wear women's clothing whenever I want or need is not torturous for me.
One thing of note I did read on this issue is the fact many wives, who have never seen their husbands dressed, have a mental image which interferes with her ability to see her husband as a "manly" sex object.