The Tipping Point

I figured I'd change somewhat during the Covid-19 isolation, just not quite this much. About 45 days ago I stopped pretending I wasn't going to transition, although I didn't recognize it at the time. The fear of being seen by family, particularly grandkids or by service providers I've come to recognize, all seemed to melt away. Over the last 10 days I've been sending out messages to friends and family letting them know I'm transgender, I've been open with family and they've mostly seen and spoken with me. I've visited, at a safe coronavirus distance, from my oldest friends and I've been going to doctor appointments as myself. I even have a new Primary Care Physician who has only seen Sarah. I have yet to receive a single outright negative comment or response. However, I've been saving the message for those folks until I know I have lots of support. That base of support is pretty much there now, so it could move before long.

I guess it all just built up on the girl side of things and tipped over. It's not what I planned. I'd hoped to make it to October for Coming Out day, but it will be more likely to be general knowledge by the middle of summer. How the hell did that happen? I know we often say you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube after it's been squeezed. But it just may have been something other than toothpaste, maybe a pigment that can be used to paint a new image now that I see it as a resource instead of a liability. Regardless, it's pretty damn odd when I look back to the days of "I'd never do that." to "Now I've done it, what next?" That tipping point was unexpected, no doubt but I guess I was ready for it because it hasn't knocked me down yet.

For those farther down this road, did you plan it down to the day, did it arrive once you had a belly-full of waiting or did it surprise even you when the tipping point was reached? Or something else?

I was a happy crossdresser loving both sides of me. Then gradually I realized that maybe all this stuff I was doing had a deeper meaning and reality. One day I knew that it was time to tell everyone that I was Transgender. I came out verbally to my best pal/granddaughter who liked to do a lot of things together in San Francisco like going to the Haight Ashbury neighborhood and going into almost every store their, including a lot of second hand clothing stores where I was always looking at women's clothing. From there I told my daughter, son and then ex-wife with whom we are still best friends. I made the coming out talk really short, "I have to tell you something important about me. I am transgender and I dress up as a woman." Then I let them ask questions, and I would tell them to think about it and we can talk in more detail later if you want. From there I came out to my siblings, then neighbors and then my friends I actually see every day, my friends at my local coffee shop.

I never planned a date. I had started HRT and just knew that I had to let those nearest to me know about me. I did wait about a year before going full time. I had already pierced my ears and wore earrings every day, and let my hair grow to shoulder length before getting it colored (with my granddaughter) before coming out. So, everyone knew something was up and it was just time for me to let them know what. For coming out and then presenting as a woman full time, I just knew that that moment had arrived. I did spend a lot of time getting enough very casual (shorts and tops) clothes in stock to actually love my life full time before actually going full time.

Sarah,
My coming out in the RW was planned , my separation was the start of it . I admit I had so much to prove , first to myself and then the net around me . To put it bluntly I had to put my money where my mouth was . For me I felt time was running out , if I didn't make it happen now it possibly never would , After two years I don't have a single regret , my life is in balance and I'm much happier , obvioulsy my wife sees it differently she says I should be happy because I have no responsibilities , well she would wouldn't she !

What has surprised me is once I'd made that decision and stuck to it how much it made things happen , accept and believe in yourself builds the confidence which people pick up on . The reversion to male has to stop , that's one thing I've found hard and it gets harder even if it's down to a few hours each month . People now tell me they prefer me as Teresa , one or two will no longer speak to me in male mode , I do get nagged that I really should transition .

Hi Sarah ,

In the past 2 years the Coming out day in October caught me by surprised. Last year, it was 3 PM when I learned and I had that urge to come out on FB to the rest of the world but I was totally unprepared. I let the day pass. Then we went on vacation to Greece with my family, and I became determined that I will come out before my 40th birthday later in the month. It was now or never. I planned what to say, I took a photo of myself in a Pride shirt (my wife has helped me) and did come out on Facebook the night before. Yes, the National Coming Out is a good way but not the only way.
Btw, I know that I did the right thing because once in a while, I get weird headaches. I have anxiety that I may one day get a brain cancer like my mom did at 41, and passed away just 4 months later. So when I get these thoughts, now I tell myself - look, at least you had a chance to live openly as yourself. And it calmes me down. I think if it happened for real, and I was in the closet, I would die full of regrets. So live your life to not have them. My favorite quote from another teenager who passed away from cancer (Zach Sobiech) - "You don't need to find out you're dying, to start living!"
Hugs,
Katya.

There wasn't a "tipping point" per se! It was more of a slow build up to an obvious end! My counselor through her questions brought many experiences that linked together! From my namesake to the present, slowly it was unraveled! My realization came when I told my counselor, "I am a transgirl!" HRT was a step in that direction! So many things contributed to it that I do not believe there was an actual tipping point! Only evolution if you will!
There are some family and a friend in another state that I have not come out to but plan on an actual reveal by mail! I am out on Facebook and have had no negatives! My local family all know and accept as well as co-employees and the boss, who complimented me on my nails the other day!
Hugs Lana Mae

It may not be a "tipping point" as much as I've been climbing a long grade to over the divide. I normally would have stopped and looked at the view for a while, but I started rolling down the other side and picking up speed as I moved along. It is kind of exciting but I ain't scared, the brakes are good and tires are fair.
As I spread the word and others share I'm reconnecting with folks I've not heard from in years. Still no negative responses, the worst has been being not getting a response. Most are surprised; I worked with cops for my career, did a lot of long challenging backpack trips and got really good at stealth. But a few are saying "I had an inkling about you." I'll follow up on that eventually. I sent a photo to one person who passed it on to a woman I'd loved and lost track of over the years. She called me, was supportive and complimented me on the photo (my avatar with the blue jacket). I guess they expected something else, so all those years of curating photos to find the best ones finally paid off in the real world.

I found myself in a, crawl, walk, run. I am just learning to stand up phase of my personal tipping point analogy.