The thing i feared most, I did to myself today. Hell to pay the rest of my life.

Hi Alice , I was the first one to see this last night and I was really stunned. I didn't know what to say . I have been watching you write about these folks for alot of years and I knew how upset you were .
I had to cut out some of my close family also and it was scary but it gave me peace. I hope this can be worked out but , as some have said you have the right to live as you wish in peace after a lifetime of torment . You are hurting no one . Hopefully they will not say anything but if they do you are under no obligation to explain anything to anyone , that is your private life . You've spent a long time being fearful of these folks and it stops now . You don't deserve this kind of fear . You absolutely hold your head up and keep on moving , you do not need any of these people anymore if they are going to continue to be mean .

Well, hon, sometimes you’ve got to put on your best dress, stand up straight, stick out your boobs and say, this is me! If you don’t like it, you know what you can do!

It’s your life and no one else’s.

How about a response, "Just joking. I wanted to get you all riled up."

And call you sister and brother before your brother in jail can get to them. Tell them that you played a terrible trick on your brother in jail, telling him that you are LGBT. If he calls them before he calls you, tell him it was a big joke, 'cause it was.

Sometimes things like this happen for a reason and after the cat is out of the bag you feel a wieght off your shoulders. I remember the day I told my wife and I thought all hell was going to break lose instead she respected me for being honest and how hard it must have been to tell her.
Let us know how it goes.

I must admit that i have emotional illness and being a HSP, and overthinker and worrier, and some paranoia and some mental illness, too.
, and baby of a very dysfunctional family, like many families. My siblings are afflicted with some disorders too, and we all have social disorders and cognitive disorders too. I can not condemn anyone. I can make right judgments, and do what i need to to do, without condemning my siblings, as i also have done wrong things, and hurt others, and made bad decisions. We live and die by our words and decisions, but can try to make amends.. I have been in a number of 12 step programs for things. The 12 steps are really good, for anything. Holding grudges is very harmful to the grudge holder, but yes, it is wise to distance from family, and others if possible, when they get toxic or abusive. Sadly, so many people are in abusive relationships , marriages, and families of origin, and work situations with mean people. But, good judgment is not condemnation of the abuser. It is condemning bad behavior, and abuse, without hate. I sure as hell need to watch myself more, and be wiser, and work on myself to change the bad shit in me. But thanks for all the input, people! Whatever happens, whether the letter gets discarded or it gets delivered to my brother, THIS TOO SHALL PASS, as painful and miserable as things may get, or nothing. My whole life has been constant damage control, but, in these super stressful, uncertain times, untold millions of people are living lives of constant damage control now.

Alice,

You seem to have thought this through and I hope the future communication with your siblings is fine.

If I may, I would like to add some words of caution. It's your life and you do as you wish, however, consider this:

Quote:

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An admirer online has loved my photos and video as Alice, and lives 170 miles away, and i decided to write a hand written letter and then type it out on email. I decided to not meet him, and told him a lot of my secrets , and how i love to dress up as the very tall lady i would have liked to have, and other personal things. and why i do not dress much anymore and will quit sometime.

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You don't have to tell a stranger/admirer any of your secrets. But, again, it's up to you.

You are right char.

Happy update! I sent many emails and several faxes to the prison, and heard nothing for 2 weeks. But, one day, utterly exhausted, and tired, i checked the mailbox, and there was the letter, returned to sender!! It took me a while to actually believe i was not just dreaming, and had to check the trash can a few times, to verify it! I am old now, and slip up in mind a lot now. Had an injury from a fall 3 weeks ago, fairly serious, and not dressing anymore.

Thank goodness thats over with Alice . One less thing to worry about , very glad everything worked out OK .

Wow! That was lucky for you. Now you can be at ease.

Good to hear Alice! . Take care , sorry to hear about your fall.

Hi Alice, That is the news I was waiting for,Now you can rest easy, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

Alice, someone as lucky as you are should run right out and buy a lottery ticket! After all, you are a total WINNER in our minds.

Whew, and best regards,
Rhonda

Over the years I have read your posts concerning your toxic family. I would have dumped them a long time ago. My mother was toxic. She did not even acknowledge my marriage which is going to be celebrated at fifty years this year. I decided to stop trying to figure her out and just expunged her from my life. When she passed all I could think of was "Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!" If you have a vested interest in your father's old property decided to sell it and be done with them.

Stephanie47, I can understand a lot of what you are saying. Each person and their relatives are a bit different. i actually see some change in my older brothers lately, believe it or not. I still would not tell them i am a cd, or have cded. I did hint though in a another letter, and i think they are not as offended. They arent perfect eirther. And older age and prison life has made them see some crazy stuff, so maybe they are changing some. I o=used to be very redneck myself, but i now realize we all have skeletons in our closets, or other things, like dresses! I am hardly ever dressing now that i have a few painful injuries from a fall, and realize the sands of time are running low for me, and i better get my house in order soon.

Alice, I am so happy and relieved to hear your news! Please take care of yourself.

I am relieved that this all worked out. I sometimes have to remind myself that the worst thing may not happen.

Alice,

Glad it worked out for you.

As for your admirer, tread carefully. There are a lot of scammers out there who shower you with kind complements and then ask if you could lend them $100 so they can come and see you, then it's another $300 for a hotel room to stay in. Soon you're broke. They're cunning and good at what they do.

Helen, I am finished with admirers, and i really want a special GG in my life now, but nned to be good to myself, whether i ever have a GG friend or not. No more male admirers for me. I am having serious health issues now, and am not dressing now. Reality checks and push coming to shove in health.