This is an awesome question I must admit.
Most if not all MTF people resisted and went through all kinds of guilt and disgust, and denial of there cross gender feelings, actions, mannerisms, wishes, dreams, cross-dressing, what was thought as homosexual sex, and there need for some to be females and the invaluableness of it all.
Did you go through this?
:bonk: :love:
Excepted it. I have always felt male even when I was real little.
My hump was homosexuality, really. I spent most of my junior (grade 11) year stressing over it, unable to sleep at night, that sort of thing. I spent a lot of sleepless nights, and a lot of bad thoughts that year, which I had before suppressed.
Actually, me in my dream convinced me to smarten up and not feel so ashamed of myself (cool dream). Actually, a lot of the dreaming I did then was about the only support I got. Out of myself, and it was actually quite theroputicBADSPELING!:D (strange as it is). I'm out.. mostly. To my parents, the people I know immediately.
As for crossdressing, I've never really felt ashamed of it, except for my mother who constantly tries to guilt me into being more female. Other then that, it's been smooth sailing.
Always totally accepted it.
Not exactly. Unlike most of the guys here, I did go through a period of denial, but never guilt (I don't believe in guilt anyway) or disgust. I accepted my crossdressing and male feelings when I was young, but then a time came when I had to accept that I wasn't going to be able to continue to live like a guy or even androgynously, so I reluctantly accepted that I was female and proceeded to face that reality for many years. :( This was in the 70's when things were very different and I had absolutely no resources to help me figure out what I was going through.Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica duprea
Denial only lasted as long as the female hormones I was made to take were still in my body. When I stopped taking them, everything became clear again and it was then I realized that this time I had to do something about it. Also, unlike most people, I had the opposite situation regarding sexual orientation. I always thought I was a straight female, but I had to then come to terms with being a gay male instead. It's been a roller-coaster ride, but I'm adjusting a little better each day. :D
For me it was never to accept or not, the way I am, I am just me, I have to accept that I was born into the wrong body, which totally kills me inside. But Im getting there hopefully, on my way to CXH anyway so the gits better 'treat' me and give me my hormones!
I was quite young when I first thought I was slightly different, well about 8 I should think. I thought then that I wanted to be a boy, I felt that I should be a boy lol I tried doing alot of boy things I was such a tomboy!!!! In those days you didn't talk about it you just delt with it. So I delt with it like ya do and decided there was nothing I could do about it so just to block these feelings out. I always liked girls when I was young and although due to a stricked religious upbringing I tried to be 'normal' I had relationships with men and have been married and have children but by the time I was in my thirties I came out and have been in a relationship for five years with my GF.
When I first came out I was exremely butch I suppose this was a way of me expressing my masculinity. I wore shirts and mens trousers alot but the fits were not that good cos I'm small. I also tried packin that my gf made for a laugh but it made her feel strange so I didn't do it again. Tried other things too which made me feel great to be honest but stopped after a while cos of my gal and how she felt. When I started my new job I was still quite masculine in my attire to others but as time has gone on I've adjusted to fit in more this worked so far but it came out recently that people look at me in quite a different way to the other female members of staff, infact more as a man. This is quite strange and difficult.
My GF has always teased me about my masculinity and I have always said I feel camp inside although I like women confused? you will be lol. I feel I am going more back towards how I was when I came out but I know I won't ware shirts again cos I loose my neck so prob will have to ware tee shirts jeans and stuff. I feel like I'm goin through a real strange time right now can any of you relate to how I'm feeling right now?
Yup, I can sure relate to most of what you're saying - especially the confusion. I knew I was a boy when I was 4-1/2 years old, but went through a long period of having to live as a female (most of my life) and only rediscovered this side of myself again about a year ago. When these feelings re-emerged I went through so much confusion, I thought I was losing my mind. :silly: Fortunately, I found this site (thanks, Abraxas), had a very good friend to confide in, found a very good therapist who is still helping me, and joined a wonderful support group.Quote:
Originally Posted by silvawitch
I'm sure you'll find your way too - and we're here to help.l :hugs:
Thanx I know what I want to do but it's about courage I really want to hide my breasts all the time but it's work and the kids we have two kids I have tried it out infront of them when I had long hair but i think that masked the fact somewhat.I did try to bind at the begining of term but it was so uncomfortable ive gone back to crop tops till i can find somethin more comfortable, then it will be if ive got the courage lol. It is srange cos I am proud of being a women and yet I have a strong masculinity inside god how confusing lol a contradiction in terms I would say!!!!!!:eek: