A breakthrough of sorts

Ever since my wife found out about my dressing many years ago she's been adamant about a DADT basis. She's made it clear that I can do what I have to do, as long as she does not have to participate in any way, shape or form. And on that basis, it's never caused any strife or stress in the marriage. I was happy that at least she had never demanded that I cease and desist. But at the same time I've always been hopeful that she would soften her position. And for me my biggest cause of guilt has been needing to hide my clothes from her, as well as a nagging concern that if anything happened to me (or worse, both of us), our kids might find some women's clothes that obviously weren't hers.

Last week she was looking for some boxes to use for shipping, and she found my current stash in the back of a storage closet. When she approached me about it, I feared the worst. But instead she said that even though she's never understood why I do this, it was clear to her that I wasn't about to stop, and she reassured me that she wasn't going to ask me to. She then expressed the same concern that I've had about discovery, and she suggested the following solution: "I want you to move all of your things into my closet and simply store them among my clothes. You can use them whenever you need to. And if anything should happen to us, they'll simply assume that everything is mine". I thanked for her understanding, reminded her that I love her, and did as she suggested.

I know that this is not an earth-shattering event. But the guilt-relief it's brought me to know that she is accepting to the point of literally seeing, for example, my undergarments when she accesses her own is somehow extremely reassuring to me. I'm hopeful that it will lead to further softening of the rules of engagement.

"I know that this is not an earth-shattering event."
I would disagree. I think it's a pretty big deal. Like really big deal.
Really happy for you and that she's helping you in this way.

Hugs, Sayyidah

It's totally a breakthrough! Now she will see what you are wearing and it will be in her mind more than before.

Mystery Woman hang on to her
Even though she doesn't want to
See you dressed or participate
She is using good head sense
To agree with you on what your
Children must think knowing that
Those clothes were either to large
or way to small for MOM and then
they would have a mystery to try
To solve.Her suggestion to hang
In her closet is good but make
Sure you get yours&not hers when
Dressing. Best of Luck If you box
your excess clothes Mark them
For donation to Goodwill &they
Will probably never look through
Knowing MOM had already shared that her clothes were
To go to Good Will for others
To buy& use.

A butterfly flapping it's wings can cause a tsunami half way around the world, even the smallest thing can have a great impact, it seems to me that your wife is starting to participate by helping you avoid detection. Congrats

Congrats on your breakthrough. One step at a time and even baby steps count. Best wishes going forward. Hugs Lana Mae

Maybe not earth shattering but it's a pretty big deal. It is a sign of acceptance from her. I've talked before on this board about a scale that I see in how people deal with us (including our SOs). Up until now, she's been in the avoidance part of the scale. She knows it's there but can't accept and deal with it so she just avoids it. Opening up her closet to you in this way shows a shift toward acceptance. While she's still not facing the vision of you dressed up, she now will have to face the sight of your clothes every single day.

That said, be careful. Often times (I've experienced this myself and seen it happen to others) our SOs will do something like this based on the logical argument. It makes sense and no one will discover it. However, she may not be prepared or being honest with herself about the emotions she'll feel when she goes through her closet to find and outfit and comes across one of your dresses. She's going to see them everyday. She could even end up mistakenly grabbing one of your things thinking it was hers. How's she going to react when she's holding it in her hands? There's no way to know but if she has a bad emotional reaction, it could come back on you. It's not anyone's fault mind you, but just something she may believe she's equipped to deal with but in reality may not be.

Hopefully that doesn't happen and things continue to progress for you. Sorry if I was kind of a downer, it's not my intent. Just wanted to put it out there so you can look for the signs rather than getting blind sided if it does happen.

Thank you (and others above as well) for your thoughtful reply

"If anything should happen to us..." I hate to be that guy, but if you're dead does it really matter?

Well! It could have been worse thats forsure. I read it as a positive, and it is a step in the right direction.

Mystery,

Thank you, darling.
Your story is a good reason WHY every CD should be on this forum. To learn.
I am not alone. There are people out there struggle with the same divine condition I suffer, and trying to make sense of it with friends/family, all who have diverse values and opinions.

I'm recently out with an SO "accepting" but definitely not comfortable with it; and we are talking and working. One of the lessons early was to not just listen to the concerns [of wife, etc.] but take them into serious account before seeing where my new CD life leads. A step at a time.

I can use YOUR idea (of stashing my clothes on her closet side), as a means of showing her I am listening to some of her concerns about "what will the kids/grandkids think?'. This is constructive.
Thanks. Hugs.

every nugget of good news...is just that good news. Take heart in the fact that she is trying...

It seems you're slowly moving toward acceptance. That's good. Perhaps you can slowly make headway. If you can arrange for all your male briefs to be in the laundry, you have a good reason to wear a pair of panties (plain black or nude would be a better choice than pink lace). You might get by with wearing a just slightly feminine blouse around the house and/or plain women's jeans.

Just take it slowly and keep an eye on her reaction.

I would love to have such a breakthrough with my DADT spouse. Really nice story.🌺

You could always use a Storage chest with lock on it so they cannot get into it to see what is in there also I agree with everybody else that she is starting to open up about you and that she is realizing that is never going to go away

I actually think this is an "earth-shattering" breakthrough. baby steps.