The Next Step ??

Hi all I have been on here for a while but I haven't really talked to much I am the kind of person to watch and listen and try to learn from it all . But I am really starting to think about going to the next step "Transition" but I really don't know kinda stuck in the middle of the road on this. I am married and have 3 kids wife is very understanding and I really think she would support anything I wanted, but the kids and family is where im stuck. I would never do anything to hurt or embarrass them I would take this to my grave to keep them safe . So I guess my question is where and how to go about this ????? If this as been discussed before I apologize for starting it again .

Thanks so much

Deeanne

DeeAnne

If i was thinking about transitioning I would sit down and talk with my wife,kids and family and listen to how they would feel about it

What Mistyjo said. After u get feel for what they think? Then, decide on a plan of action. Or, maybe not.

Without walking in your shoes it just strikes me that to make a decision as dramatic as transitioning one should/would be 100% certain to proceed. Any amount of doubt should/would make the call a "no go".

But that is strictly my opinion from afar.

Good luck with whatever your call turns out to be....

I'm too much of a coward to transition. Best Wishes Darlin.

That sure does cross the mind every now and then but I don't believe I would go all the way. Good luck to you on that issue...

I'm gay, single, and transitioning is also would be the next step for me. It seems that it would be so easy as I do not have a wife or kids, but the decision to transition does not seem to be any easier for me than you. I do agree with Nikki Michelle, if you're not 100% solidly committed knowing that you need to set things right, then it's a no-go. Communication with your family is nothing less than a complete must for you Dee Ann. Good Luck, dear, all the best.

Cassie :love:

There's an old saying, "When in doubt, don't!
You really need to figure out your motivation for crossdressing, and why you might want to transition. If it is sexually driven, then the loss of the boys, and the hormone changes could leave you with some serious emotional problems, and major depression. And it's not reversable! If you transitioned, what would be your relationship with your wife? Would you want to date? Would anyone find you attractive? Many of us imagine ourselves looking much better than we really do. It's not something to be taken lightly.

Deeanne,
What you are talking about is a very large and life changing step.
For a start you I feel you would have felt you were in the wrong body for a very long time.
It is not something that springs up overnight.

With a wife and three kids, why do you feel that there has to be a "next step"?

Next step by the looks of things is take a seat, big deep breaths and say "I am currently in a VERY DEEP PINK FOG!" :)

No offence meant DeeAnne but I can't find any indication in previous posts that your family even knows you CD let alone anything else, whether you have seen a gender counsellor etc.etc.

It's OK. Most of us have thoughts like this every so often. And most of the time it's just a bit of pink fog "wouldn't it be nice" fantasy that falls apart in the cold hard light of day.

I would suggest you start by educating yourself about gender, transgender theories, womens issues etc. etc., not crappy internet nonsense but real stuff, research books, go and have a read of the TS forum. Then you need to start talking to the people you love and people who are properly trained i.e. counsellors , medical professionals.

One thing to remember is that "transition" does not have to include any particular steps (though medical protocols or legal requirements where you live might make some possibilities unavailable unless you have undertaken particular actions.)

You don't even have to have been deliberately "transitioning" to have been in "transition". Transition is a process of change. Capital-T Transition signifies mostly that you are aware the change is happening and permit it or make changes deliberately. Capital-T Transition does not inherently require SRS or even shaving your legs.

I second Adina's post. Read the TS forum here. Use the search functions.
Don't let the pink fog, even a pink tsunami make decisions.

Deeanne,
If it's any help to you I posted a thread a short time ago about," thoughts on transition", maybe a page or so back in this section, I hope it might give some different thoughts on it !

Deeanne,

Before you go any further you need to get yourself in front of a professional counsellor or therapist, preferably one who has experience of dealing with gender issues. With the greatest respect to everyone that posts here (including me!) all we are doing is relating to our own personal experiences, emotions and relationships... we do have a few professional counsellors as members but the greater depth that a counsellor will discuss and explore with you is what you need now, imho... :hugs:

If you've read a lot here you'll know that people do go through periods of great uncertainty about their gender or sexuality and while the forum might help you explore these feelings it is definitively not the place for serious and personal help...

If you check the TS forum you may get some good advice about counsellors in your area - I think the DFW region is pretty well supported by individuals and groups. You might want to PM PaulaQ who lives in your area and has a lot of knowledge in this subject.

Good luck - take your time and get the right support...

Katey x

The truth? Forget it. So you think you weighed the pros and cons of the whole situation: think again.
In a make-believe world of “wouldn’t it all be nice and everybody be happy” to the real world of where we all live, be satisfied with the opportunities you have to express yourself as a women when you can.
Think of it as joining the military: once you raise that right hand and take the oath, you’re in, as in really in, all the way, and can’t get out, while dressing on a part-time basis is fun, at least you get to go home, if you get what I mean.
Relax. Have fun and don’t make such a big deal out of it.

Hi DeeAnne,

I can only echo some of the responses made. Most importantly, if you are conflicted WRT your gender identity you really should seek out a therapist skilled in dealing with gender identity issues as they can help clear up a lot of confusion. I thought early on I might be on the road to transition but after several therapy sessions . . . not so much.

Now again it also depends on what you mean by "transition" . . . are you talking becoming a woman (HRT, BAS, SRS, FFS) or just taking the next step and presenting "en femme" to the world but maintaining your male identity? If you truly believe in your heart of hearts that you need to be a woman then I go back to the original advice . . . talk to a therapist. You will have to do so anyway should you wish to continue.

Hugs

Isha

Thank you for all the replies and I will try to do my best at this. My wife has known about me from the first date we had and very supportive of me , and she is not to sure that I'm not on the right track with all of this but like me really not sure about the kids . I guess its one day at a time . Once again thanks for taking the time to reply

Love all ya'll

DeeAnne

DeeAnne,
If you're not sure about the kids try and hold off ! I'm not the best advert for this but we did keep it from our kids and got them through school and university ! I feel I'm paying the price now but at least I'm now in a position of seeing them married with homes and families ! I may have lost all that if I made drastic decisions sooner !

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Originally Posted by char GG

With a wife and three kids, why do you feel that there has to be a "next step"?

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I would like to see your reply on this one, I think you would have to think carefully to reply.

DeeAnne

Clarify something for me. OK your wife knows and is supportive with you being a CD but do the kids know? The fact that you say " I would never do anything to hurt or embarrass them" suggests to me it's something they're not aware of or have I misunderstood? Also are you out to family, friends and neighbours?

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Originally Posted by Teresa

DeeAnne,
If you're not sure about the kids try and hold off ! I'm not the best advert for this but we did keep it from our kids and got them through school and university ! I feel I'm paying the price now but at least I'm now in a position of seeing them married with homes and families ! I may have lost all that if I made drastic decisions sooner !

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I understand why you have waited but sometimes I wonder which one is better them or me ?? Of course its them we all know we will go through hell and back for all of them weather they know it or not .....

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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

I would like to see your reply on this one, I think you would have to think carefully to reply.

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The next step would be for me to go with HRT and SRS for me no one else for my sanity or at least that's what I think it is . That's why im asking for all of your opinion to see what others think that have been here and gone on or turned back and why ...

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

DeeAnne

Clarify something for me. OK your wife knows and is supportive with you being a CD but do the kids know? The fact that you say " I would never do anything to hurt or embarrass them" suggests to me it's something they're not aware of or have I misunderstood? Also are you out to family, friends and neighbours?

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No you are right they don't know my wife and I haven't told them as of yet not sure how or if we should because if I don't go any further we are not going to tell them ,,, close family knows but we don't talk about it at all my neighbor's I really don't give a damn about all they care about is make sure your yard is mowed and you cant have anyone at your house because they might park in front of there house but if they have people over its ok if they park in front of yours and block your driveway ,, so that's why I don't give a damn about them ... sorry to be so blunt

I'll probably get slammed for this, but don't do anything until your kids are grown. It's not all about you. Your kids deserve a normal mother/father parent situation. And if you do anything now, your kids could be subject to all kinds of ridicule, snide remarks, embarrassment and abuse if the kids at school find out. It's not right, but kids can be cruel to each other. Be their dad, and wait till they grow up before doing anything!

the more I read about this and talk here I really think that is the best starting point for me thank you