You win some, you lose some

I have been going out in public a lot more lately because I plan eventually on transitioning, and I need to get used to presenting as female.

So today I went to a mall, browsed, had coffee, etc. Then my wife called and said she'd meet me. We decided to eat lunch. So I lined up at the A&W and a little kid cut in front of me. His mom said "No, the lady was here first." That was the first time I'd been "ma'am'd" or equivalent, and was feeling pretty good.

Then as I was paying, my wife came up and said "I need a few napkins." Then she turned to the cashier and said "Could I have some napkins? I'm with him." :eek:

D'oh! Funny in retrospect, but not at the time. (My wife has still not gotten used to the prospect of my transitioning, needless to say...)

Sounds like all in all it was a good time out. Yes your wife still hasn't gotten used to it and i'm sure my friends that i recently told will have similar issues but give it time.. I'd probably feint if someone called me Lady in public :)

Hi Dawn, Just a little slip of the tong,

Doh! ...It sounds louder than it is. When something like that happens the best response is to pretend it didn't happen that way the third person just thinks they need to get their ears checked.

Keep loving her. There will be more. My wife references "my husband" all the time. It is hard to break old habits, so the more someone has been around us, the more likely they will slip.

Life is meant to be fun, glad you got out for a coffee

Getting Ma'am apparently is a rite of passage, and much appreciated.

I was at a Starbucks yesterday, dressed in guy mode - nothing that even hinted at androgyny. As I paid for the coffee the barista said 'Thank you ma'am'. It caught me off-guard, in a pleasant way. I have been on hormones for 4 months and I can see changes in the mirror - now, someone else can - even when I am in guy mode.

Hi Dawn,

Yes the first time I was referred to as Miss, it was a great feeling.

As far as your wife, I think a little slack is in order. It's a force of habit to refer to you in the masculine pronoun for so long, it's just rolls off the tongue. This will all come in time, but more important, be glad that you have a partner that is supporting you in your journey to transition.

Hee hee... I laughed hard at the end! :)

Hi Dawn,

I think it is just a slip of the tongue on the part of your wife.

Hugs

Isha

First off, if someone called me a lady I would say they are blind because I do not think I come close to passing and second even though I try to act like a lady, I sure ain't a lady in private LOL

I used to get annoyed when the girls were out and Sue would call me by my male name. Now I don't mind at all -- I'm proud to be her husband no matter what I'm wearing. E. g. yesterday we went shopping (in fact a first for me -- a gentleman offered me his seat on the Metro!) and we were trying on things at Chico's. Sue has an account with them but I don't, and I had to order a blouse that I really wanted (they didn't have it in a size 1). The SA is putting in the order and asked "Claire, what is your last name?" "Cook, just like hers." "Oh?" "Yes, we're married". Quick double take ... maybe a same sex marriage? "We've been married for 40 years." Then the light bulb goes off. "Oh, no problem, I have husbands who use their wives' account all the time when buying things for them."

I think this is the bottom line: if Sue is willing to go out with me, I'm willing to be called whatever she likes .. well, within reason... :heehee:

Honey, if your wife is accepting that you'll transition, and is supportive enough to join you on an outing where you are en femme, you need to count that as a giant win, despite her accidental misgendering of you. Not very many of us get this experience. :(

Yes, it was an innocent mistake on my wife's part. She is very supportive and I love her very much. I just found it funny that my very first "ma'am" was followed seconds later by a crashing "him" :)

Dawn,
Gently, gently does it. :)

As your title says......"you win some, you loose some"
and some get rained out!

Funny but sounds like you have more in the win column than most.

how handy is Finnish in that respect. we have no he or she. they both have the same word: hän. no need for me to worry about such slips :D

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Originally Posted by dawn03

Yes, it was an innocent mistake on my wife's part. She is very supportive and I love her very much. I just found it funny that my very first "ma'am" was followed seconds later by a crashing "him" :)

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Your wife sounds like a good guy ... I mean gal. Oops.

You could be your wife's "husband" even if you were a GG. You've got to get her used to thinking of you as a female if this is going to work out. It may take time.

We've been together for 28 years... I'm sure it will take a lot of time. I feel amazingly lucky at the level of acceptance my wife has exhibited so far. I only hope we can stay together through the transition.

Yep! How well I know that feeling...