Strange territory for me!

I am transexual! Sexually I am confused! I am not looking for sex at this point but what if a relationship develops? What if it is a man? I have been homophobic at least half of my life! I am not anymore but I am not sure how to react to men! Oh, I know how to say no in no uncertain terms but... Should I really give a man a chance with a relationship? At this point, I would be open to some old fashioned cuddling but not sex! I am noticing more men looking at me and smiling! Women are always friendly and nice! Men so far do not speak to me! Maybe a relationship with a lady! Just not sure what I want now! Ugh! Hugs Lana Mae

Take a deep breath, a cold shower, and be patient. See how things go. Do your name change and don’t over think things.

Laura, I have taken many deep breaths! I just took a nice hot shower-I am not horny! LOL Patience is a virtue, I know! The name change is in motion and should be complete no later than next month! My attorney was amazed at how fast it was going! Isn't this place famous for those who overthink everything! LOL I know I should take it as it comes but I need other's feedback on this one! Hugs Lana Mae

This goes for most people, just live life and love will find you. Don't think sex, don't think gender, when the right person comes along you'll know. Don't do something that you aren't completely comfortable with. Don't do something just because others do it, don't follow what the crowd says should be the way.

And if all else fails, get a cat.

Thanks, Amelie! Your advise is sound but I am a dog person! Hugs Lana Mae

Lana,
This is a perennial question that keeps coming up , I have TG /TS friends going through the same thought process . I wouldn't call myself homophobic but a male to male relationship just doesn't register with me . I know hormones can put a different slant on sexuality as some of my TG friends have discovered . I also have to take care not to offend my TS friends because they are now women which adds to the confusion especially as one was in a male to male relationship before she transitioned .

Personally I remain in the same state as you preferring to have a female companion . In our situation men are more likely to be looking for sex and not love . I admit I would like to experience a loving relationship with a woman, it's been far too long , if sex happens out of that then that's fine but mostly it's now on the back burner .

Some say what harm can male contact be , you never know unless you try , to me I'm just about on an even keel I really don't want that confusion thrown into my life , I'm just going to be patient and see if the right lady passes through my life .

This aspect is one I find best dealt with inside a social group when we can talk freely and honestly about these problems .

Thanks Teresa! At this point, I think I will take it as it comes! If there are any instances, deal with them then! But I seriously doubt any will occur! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

Lana,
Such is life we never really know what is round the next corner ! I'm not out looking as I have so much to sort in my life still ( divorce now proceeding ) , Cupid was known to fire the odd stray arrow , if we don't see it coming and fail to duck , Oh well !

Teresa, I think Cupid is most likely to shoot that arrow when you are not looking! I was alright the first time but now I am not as sure of myself! I am a different me than I was 35 years ago! Oh, well like I said, just take it as it comes! Hugs Lana Mae

I have to say I'm not fond of the term "transsexual". It automatically implies a change in our sexual orientation. Some stay oriented in the same direction they've been since the get-go, others change a bit or are willing to experiment, others switch over their orientation as well. How one responds to HRT varies. I prefer transgender because it is our gender identity that we are affirming. In fact transgender is a process that makes our bodies conform to the inner reality: we are, in our souls, women.

So far I still feel oriented towards women 2.5 weeks into HRT, but my libido has melted away. And that's a good thing. So much going on right now that sexuality would be a distraction, even sexual thoughts!

The HRT has also slowed me down and allowed me to take the long-view on transition, and not fast-forward things faster than I can absorb them. Take the time to absorb and integrate each step as I move along. Starting HRT was a biggie for me. Yesterday I came out to my two sons, with my trans daughter present for moral support. My oldest son was terrific, my younger one is going to need some time to process the info. And I need some time to process the body changes I already feel on HRT!

I?m five years into HRT, and am still attracted exclusively to women (which is good, since I?m married to one). Your mileage may vary.

My libido decreased, but after a while I realized it hadn?t so much decreased as changed. The best I can describe is that arousal is less ?driving?, more subtle, but still strong. Sex is slower paced and less goal oriented. After about two years on HRT I could no longer sustain enough of an erection for penetration. If that ability matters to you or your partner, then don?t go on HRT. If you?re interested in women, expect sex with them post HRT to differ from pre-HRT; it?s *wonderful*, but different from what you?ve experienced before. To use the OP?s phrase, it is ?strange territory.? Enjoy the exploration!

Jean: Would Transwoman have been better? Unfortunately, transgender is considered an umbrella term and covers all those who are trans and is not specific! I was trying to be a little more specific! My orientation has not changed but a "new" element has entered where men actually look at me and smile! I am still processing it but asked for thoughts on it!
My libido has been gone for a while now! HRT to me is a blessing and I see changes quite often still!
Kath: My wife passed away 4 years ago! I am not in any kind of relationship and still love women over men but... With all the staring and smiles, just wondering how to handle all of that!
Thanks for your responses, ladies!
Hugs Lana Mae

I don’t know that anybody brought this up but... are you even attracted to men? It doesn’t sound like it, and it would certainly not be good for you to force yourself into a relationship you don’t want, and it would be even more screwed up for the guy who thought this was a serious relationship and then finds out you were just “playing a role”. It’s ok to be Asexual.

Lana Mae: Maybe the best is to not get too hung up on terminology! You know who you are and I know who I am. We seem to have the same goal, living our lives as women! I sometimes think that my identity is "woman" and trans-whatever is a process, not an identity, but maybe that's wrong too. But at the end does it really matter? Whether we take High Street or Main Street to get to our destination?

Micki: Yes, maybe I am just making too much out of nothing! I do not actually care for men much and the ladies are nice to me! I just need to be asexual and not bother with all that sex stuff!
Jean: Different journeys same destination! No fun being in boxes! Like I said before I am gender me!
Thanks for your responses, Ladies!
Hugs Lana Mae

At this point in your life, I think you just need to take it as it happens. It might be a male, it might be a female or it might be another trans person. Society makes a big deal over the homo and hetero thing but it doesn't have to be this way. Relax and let it happen as long as you're not uncomfortable with it.

For me, about 3 years into HRT, I am still only attracted to the feminine. I have expanded my definitions of things, as in, I used to say I am only attracted to women. But the reality is that I am attracted to the feminine, which could potentially also include feminine non-binary humans. Masculinity has never held any attraction for me what so ever. It never has, and I suspect it never will.

I have had ample opportunity throughout my entire life to explore having sex with men. I've been open to that possibility, however after being sexually active for quite some time, I have yet to find any male physically attractive.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lana Mae

. . . . My wife passed away 4 years ago! I am not in any kind of relationship and still love women over men but... With all the staring and smiles, just wondering how to handle all of that!
Thanks for your responses, ladies!
Hugs Lana Mae

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Lana, I'm pretty sure I understand what you are feeling. It's been nearly 7 years since my wife passed away and she had been ill for years before that. I think I have my virginity papers back by now. But it isn't sex that i'm in need of, just the kind of intimacy that a long relationship brings to a couple. Little touches, shared moments and someone who will listen to your bad jokes as many times as you want to tell them. Having that contact comfort at night is a kind of reassurance that you are not alone, because that is what has replaced the person that was once there.

The person who takes up some of that space in life may be male, female, trans or still attempting to figure it out. I agree that it isn't something that can be planned, and have been told several times there is a better chance of finding that person if I put myself in more and more frequent social situations. It may happen, or perhaps I'll just stay married to a nice and extensive library of memories, I don't know. I do think we deserve the happiness that comes with it but I also know I've built a lot of habits and attitudes that may stand in the way. Regardless, in this time of Social Distancing and Isolation for health reasons it won't happen right away, but it's worth thinking about.
My best wishes for all of us to be happy.

Krisi: I think you are right-just let it happen and then go with it!
Nadine: I am not sure about the male thing! If a human being treats you like a human being-well! I don't know! Yes, feminine in my opinion is better but...
Sarah: I think you are the closest of all and with great insight and similar experiences!
Thanks so much Ladies for your responses!
Hugs Lana Mae

Lana,
I'm inclined to agree with Nadine , if the spark isn't there the fire won't get lit !

Hi Lana,

These are not questions for us to answer, but for you to discover for yourself. I'm of the opinion that one loves the person, and factors such as gender, wealth, health, location, job are not really relevant IF that person lights up your world. There is something in the eye-to-eye that really is an instant knowing. How you deal with that will depend on how you answer those questions for yourself.

xxx Pam

Teresa: Yes, I need the spark and go on from there!
Pam: True wisdom! Yes, I think it will be, take it as it comes!
Thanks for your replies, ladies!
Hugs Lana Mae

Let it play itself out and let the hormones do their thing. I’ve always been attracted to women and I am still with my wife of twenty years but—last year I attended a professional event. I had been out for about a year and on hormones for about two years. At the event I met this guy. He was older, retired military, still in shape and very good looking, and I could tell he was attracted. Standing two feet from him talking to him I could feel some high voltage chemistry. I swear he was carbonating my hormones. If I were single I think we would have been all over each other.

I’ll never know. He will be the stuff of fantasies because I love my wife. But, wow.

Let things happen and enjoy.

Lana, i?ve always considered my self Straight, married 25 years and happy, even after 20 years divorced but never in a relationship would always notice pretty women, now after transition I still react to pretty women but slowly realizing that I was having the same reaction to handsome men, this was confusing at first telling myself I was just finally free of all the indoctrination society placed on me growing up until I had my very first ever full blown crush, on a really good straight man. So never say never.