Wife reading up on CD-ers

when my wife first found out it wasn't pretty and it certainly wasn't the only thing wrong with our marriage. She stayed for a variety of reasons and I worked on me. Mucho therapy etc and today I feel I am a much better person. More importantly I am happy with me for the first time in my life. The issue is that includes crossdressing.

Now I love my wife allot, true love. I think I have accepted many things for her, I am the main breadwinner, participate in all family stuff, help around the house and supportive in many, many ways. This is my thing! at my age, kids are HS and college, I think I deserve to be accepted for me too. Isn't that what love is? no matter what? Just my thoughts and clearly everyone situation is different, but for me , if my wife said no more, I would actually leave..it would be devastating but I have to be happy too.

I have addressed this scenario on my blog.

Compared to shooting Bambi, gamboling, fishing to the detriment of everything else, racing cars, whoring around, abusing, drinking to excess, watching every game on the teli, really? How bad is CDing anyway?

One thing Judy, why she is reading on CD's, why, because you have never had a real talk with her and you hide all things from her. Oh course she is mad. Be a man about it and well, Hoot if she wants to leave let her. There is nothing wrong with it and you need to have an adult conversation with her. Of course you can't stop. But to bring peace in your household, Have an adult talk with her. Don't be afraid to do that.

I like your style Rachelakld

Scarlett,

You are fantastic. Your lengthy response gave me so much to think about.
We are very much in the same kind of place with crossdressing, and in our marriage.

My Wife is not one to be idle and I'm pretty certain that over the last year she's read up on crossdressing as a subject. She hasn't said anything in our conversations about her readings, such as "Oh I read in the American Journal of Psychology article that....." . But I know her and she's too intelligent NOT to inquire. The problem is that while I believe she's getting good and supportive information, she's also receiving a dose of "Dr Phil" and talk show type quackery. One of the things she HAS expressed is her fear that this CD thing would blossom, expand, grow and take over my life (eventually will lead to my Caitlyn Jenner moment? - not) I don't know where she picked up that data point, and I can only state that I'm not at the "take over my life stage" (yet).
This is a healthy, if not supportive, forum. I'd love to invite her. I just don't believe the moment is correct for her at this time. She can digest it and take it, but again.... one of her paranoia's about this habit is that is can be coupled with the internet and used to meet other likeminded CDs (or other "queer men" - she's still struggling with the concepts of CD); but she's concerned that HER Man would be a woman and be attracted to other men. She would see an internet factor (like this board), as the portal for that, even though we all know it is not. I need to give her time to understand better.

Great answer, Scarlett. Let me know when you're going to have The Talk, and continue to look fantastic.

That's not a good story Judy. Good like on not dressing anymore girl it almost never go's away and stays. Keep us updated hun.:hugs:
Angie

Great, discussion, thanks to all for insights and sharing. We all have our own paths and journeys.

I would choose my wife and marriage and family over dressing anytime. Fortunately I have quiet space and privacy in retirement to enjoy Gina.
Given that, I wish I had the courage to open up again discussions and dialog with my wife. She seems supportive of gender issues in general.
However, up close and personal, my experience is nope, do not want to see you dressed. And I can understand that.
Best of travels to everyone, it is a long and winding road.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

OK she has said she won't live with a CDer, is that bluff to get her own way or true fact ? Judy has to get a clear answer to that one

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Far too many people sit and ponder what someone else 'really means'. We can't just assume what someone else says is some sort of secret way of hiding their real intentions. We cannot be responsible for reading other people's minds.

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So many talk about love on the forum ,if a couple love each other enough they can work through problems like these

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Again, it depends; once no longer seen as a 'real man', and additionally considered as being dishonest because we 'deceived her' by hiding something about us, that can easily kill the love. And once that's gone, there really isn't much left to keep her wanting to stay in the relationship, as the desire for a 'real man' will now be for someone else.

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Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing

She says she'll never accept living with a CD-er.

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This needs clarification. Is it an ultimatum or a statement saying "I'll never like it"?
I'm surprised at how many crossdressers with unaccepting wives allow ultimatums to transfer decision-making to the husband. Either way, she sets herself up as the victim, and he's always the bad guy. If she decides she can't live with a crossdressing husband, let her take action.

Well we talked more last night and today and hugged.
She said the thing that hurt more than the idea of cross-dressing was that it appeared that I didn't seem to care how much she was hurting.

Instead of me saying I'm sorry for putting you in this predicament I basically said "what's so bad about cross-dressing".

I told her that I was afraid to tell her about my cross-dressing due to the fear of loosing her, I wanted us to spend our life together and actually thought I would stop.

I did stop for over twenty five years.

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Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing

Wife been reading up on CD-ers, says I'll never stop and I'll need time to dress now and then.

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Education is never bad. Until they understand what is going on, they don't have a chance to understand where *you* are. Personally, I recently gave my wife a minor wig-out by telling her that I was considering hormones. What did she do? Read and ask questions.

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Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing

She says she'll never accept living with a CD-er.

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Personal choice, but...

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Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing

CD-ing is fun but it's a small part of me and If I can get happiness back in my marriage I'm pretty sure I can stop.

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With all due respect, I don't believe that. If you are really driven to dress, it isn't going to go away, no matter how hard you want it to. Even if you could, it would mean you are burying a part of yourself. It would be like giving up bowling because your wife does not like bowling. How does that change what *you* want?

- MM