Just go out

Last week I just felt I have gone over the waterfall- it is no longer an issue for me that I love wearing dresses and I am confident that it is not a meaningful issue to others who don't know me and have an investment in my gender. It was a beautiful warm spring day and I put on a short dress and went out! Attachment 304161

I drove to the city, went shoe shopping at Nordstrom Rack, went to discount fabric house, helped a woman there figure out a choice for her patio furnishings, bought lingerie fabrics and lace, went to my favorite coffee shop, and felt absolutely peaceful and normal like any woman would, sitting next to the line, with an assortment of people, including curious children studying me as they waited.

It is a great relief- and the result is that now I choose clothes with the same freedom as any woman- and the irony is that now I find myself thinking- well do I really need to call attention to myself on this errand? but this is balanced by also choosing the other way' " it is a beautiful day, and I am going to wear a dress and enjoy the sun and breeze and attention of others to my look!"

So I invite you to post your 'just go out' pics, and if you don't have any- take some to share!

That style is not for me but you go girl.

Hi Phili! If they're going out in public, drawing attention is what every female from about 13 to 35 has to deal with every day whether they like it or not. So, I'd say that you're getting the true female experience! Enjoy it.

Hi Phili;
WOW!! That is a short dress, I could never wear a dress that short, My legs are nothing to look at.
I do commend you, As I also have face hair. I wish I cold do what you did......good luck.
Rader

It is short, but not immodest- and doesn't blow up in the wind. I've looked around and occasionally females wear similar dresses. I like longer dresses as well- anything that has an artistic flair. As I said, I'm over worrying- if a polite female might wear it, I am free to as well! It is a good feeling- all the fear is over and I see the feared authority is like the Wizard of Oz- not fearful and not a wizard. Parental threats and peer mocking internalized no more.

I encourage all those who have facial hair not to worry- for most people observing us, if you are able to be recognized as a man, body hair doesn't matter. Since body and facial hair is there, even if shaved, it doesn't change the basics- you are a male. Some people are exercised about beards on men, and the same people will not like it when that man wears a dress. Others have firmly categorized facial hair as a masculine trait and an all too vivid trace of wild and unfeminine heritage, so they might cluck about how I don't belong in a dress. But all this is the result of cultural training that has not been helpfully good for males.

I know I am not alone in being a male who wants to enjoy dresses and other feminine expression and feeling. And over the past few years I have found that the world makes space for me. The shame and ostracism just didn't happen. Some people don't want to be my friend- but others do. And that is such a wonderful outcome. I discovered them by going out!

Women take me at face value, and often remark on my clothes or shoes as they do with other females. I got a lot of questions about a cowl neck blouse I had on one day, which were sincere. If I were going full on transformation it would be the same- I have no doubt- they know I am male, and then accept what level of the essentially superficial feminine expression I have- i.e. clothes and heels, a light step and engaged emotions, but no makeup. Plenty of females go without makeup, and you see occasional women who have decided not to shave their legs or arms. They are essentially taking the same path as I am. People who don't conform are everywhere, and the more of us who just take part in the normal marketplace the better.

I couldn't agree more. Just go out be yourself and have fun and do what you need to do to ensure that your life is the best that it can be and you are the happiest and most optimum version of yourself. We're only given this one life why shouldn't we spend it the way we want to or need to? I saw a great quote a few days ago: "As you express more authentically who you truly are, you draw your true family closer to you." This forum really does feel like one big family sometimes. It's great! :)

Hey as long as it is working for you, go for it!

Not for me but if you are comfortable......

I just have to have smooth skin when I apply makeup.

Hi Phili, I agree 100%. Absolutely, just go out. Enjoy the world and wear whatever you want. But make no mistake, when I’m out there is no one who thinks I’m a cis female. So, you are correct that there is no point in trying to create a perfect illusion. While I do full face and wig, I have a fair amount of arm hair. Rather than shave or bleach, I just go with it short sleeve and all. I also keep on my guy wedding ring and make no effort to change my voice. No one ever bats an eye. I think that part of it is to have an attitude like, this is me, take it or leave it. People will usually follow suit.

I think the most important point you make is that there’s no wrong way to do this. We’re all unique and should do whatever makes us most comfortable.

Oh yeah, if anyone is looking for a great place to go out with friends in a great city, think about going to Pinkfest:
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...t=#post4360644

Nice one my friend, but what you do defefeats the object of what I'm trying to do, beards, no makeup is for males, I want to be seen as female, you obviously don't want to be seen as female, hence the beard, so not sure what gender if any your looking for, but I want to distance myself from being a male for a short while, so completely immerse myself in being female, Phili, this is my feelings about dressing up, your are completely different, and personally, I would be wary of flaunting your look in certain places in case of the wrong attention, I am making this clear, this is my opinion only, but please be careful Phili

Hi Phili, I completely agree with your statement, I feel that too.
I just came back from a three day trip, and wearing the dresses that I like with proud and confidence is one of those things that make me happy.

Just go out there!!

You continue to be a source of inspiration, Phili.
Currently my respect for my wife and my own timidity prevent me from presenting as you do, but such an outlook certainly chimes with my own belief that it shouldn't matter.
If and when I eventually go out en femme it'll likely be full throttle, but that's simply because society, rightly or wrong ly, does still seem to be more OK with CDs who 'make the effort'. I'd like for it to not matter. Especially as I'm at least as fond of my beard as I am of my clean shaven face.
Just having the courage to be our authentic selves is as good as anyone can be expected to achieve in life.

YAY PHIL!!!!!!!

My wife would never let me out of the house wearing a dress that short lol but I absolutely cheer you on. You are breaking gender roles, stereotypes, and making a difference.
And it's not your choice of dress (coded by most as female), or that you have a beard (coded by most as male), but the fact that you interacted with the patio furniture woman (coded by most as being a nice human being). The human interaction is the best thing one can do. We are hardwired for human connection and she will remember the nice person who helped with her decision that day and that person just happened to be wearing a dress. She will remember the human being, the dress is secondary. The more that happens, the easier it will be for others to be who they are.

Thank you.

Betty,

You are absolutely right, but she will remember the dress.

As you go out and interact with people, live life, you become part of the community. It is those positive interactions that builds trust, understanding and relationships.

I know firsthand, I have this whole community of friends that love and support me. All I have had to do is be myself. Not all that hard for me.

Pilli.

I bow my head.

To stand and in other words say this is me, holding head high, is not an easy thing at first.

The fastest way to get and be completely free, is doing it the way you are, by yourself, no crutches.

I find that I am approached more when I am by myself, then when I’m out with my friends (GGs). But when I’m out with my friends it’s different. Because I am dress like one and in the company of women, I am automatically part of the club. Just women out doing what women do. It has all just become normal.

Love Jean

Thanks for the positive feedback-I think it is funny that I didn't even think my dress was that short- just on the short end of normal.

And that illustrates one of the inner measuring tapes people are using when they observe others. As Debs pointed out, 'see beard- see male/expect and feel certain things about him' . For many others: see skirt or dress-evaluate length and secondary messaging [flaunting her legs/weather just cleared and she finally got a chance to wear that nice sundress/ trying to be younger than she is/ dirt poor and only has one dress, ... as we pick up additional clues]

But I see over and over that after that initial reaction- then 'see beard see male' rapidly dissolves into 'see person and figure out: friend or foe, interesting or repellent, needs help or doesn't, adding something or isn't, etc.' So just being a normal person works just fine. Humans mostly can't and don't want to be stuck wondering why you are wearing a dress when life is moving on and conversation is to be had. Most people seem to be mildly uncertain, but relaxing progressively, seeming to me to be relatively relieved that at least someone has bucked the gender norms and is proving safety. That said, it is a heavy lift to reconstruct society, so I will be understood as an outlier, suffering the loneliness and exclusionary pressure felt by every minority. It is a rare person who will just run the other way to avoid contact. I never get any threats or hostile looks. Mothers usually just communicate to small children that it is no big deal, and men generally are either stiffly polite or ignore me like they would any man not in their sphere of manhood.

Meanwhile, I am finally free just to live life as feels normal to me. I take pleasure in the superficial pleasures- the breeze, the ruffling of my hem as I move, the colorfulness of my clothes a a walking art piece, the gentleness of my interactions with others, the ease with which I am being a girl in the world, rather than the way I learned to behave and feel as a boy. Life feels like it doubled in size since I am free to have the whole range of experience of being a person, rather than one side of the dualistic gender framework.

For the benefit of those still trying to find a way past the uncertainties to subdue the fear of going out- I'd liken this to a day on a river where there was a high tree limb people could walk out on an dive in the river. I saw them doing it, wanted to do it for the intense pleasure and adventure and fun, and I could calculate the risks as low if performed with simple confidence in ordinary actions I already knew how to do. When I go up on the limb, though, I froze. The water seemed too far away. But I knew it could be done, so I just leaned forward until it was too late, and as I started to fall I turned the fall into a dive. It was a great afternoon after that, and I never forgot it!

Everyone has their own agenda and reason for crossdressing. I used to Rock the Man in a Dress style when I first started out on this journey. It seamed the right thing at the time, but I moved on from there. Almost every time I posted a pic of myself sans wig, I got a response that I would look so much better with a wig. Well now I have embraced the wig and I can't even think of going out dressed without it. I did notice that when I was Rockin the Bald Chick look, that I got A LOT of attention, double takes and whispers. That is because, I think, that I was presenting as as male in female clothes and people just can't compute that. AHHHHH, but with the wig, makeup, body clean shaved, it is a whole new ball game. I'm sure I don't pass on close inspection, and that's OK. My goal is to appear as a attractive woman in her 50's, NOT as a man out on a lark to get attention. I want the attention but not for the wrong reasons. I was walking into a bar the other night and some "gentlemen" were hanging out outside the bar in the outdoor seating area (I think they were smoking "something") and I got looked up and down and received several cat calls. THAT made me feel good about my presentation and my skills at transformation.

IMO that dress Is too short for the way you were presenting, if you had gone out Full Female, then the dress would have been just right, Again, in my opinion.

I think I have rambled on enough.

Peace & Love
Gerri

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Phil I have to admire you.I go out a lot but not with a beard BUt my wish is to pass as a female and they don't have beards. I don't try and change my voice, its just to hard. So there is no doubt i get clocked when I talk but know one cares Attachment 304527 I enjoy it and have fun so to me that is what matters and I seldom if ever have a problem
I do love your dress

Love the dress. Looking good Philli.:hugs:
Angie