Thoughts on hormones .

I hope I can make some open and honest observations about my personal needs of hormones , I'm not trying to dodge the issue or make excuses .

Firstly I'm not going to say I'm too old at 67 as I know some start later in life than this . I'm sure most know now that I separated a year last February from my wife after 44 years of marriage . I moved 20 miles away to set up my new home, all this happened because my wife couldn't live with my TG issues and I couldn't live without them . The move gave me the chance to dress full time as Teresa , please don't give me a hard time over this but it falls short of that ideal . Firstly I chose to walk my dog first thing in the morning simply to avoid messing up my makeup and hair/wig while the weather isn't good , if I do a second walk later in the day it's as Teresa . All other apects of my life are lived as Teresa in my new town without exception . I still attend my art group in my old town in male mode although I'm working to change that, I also have to respect my mother's wishes now she's almost 90 that she prefers to see the son she gave birth to, although she knows all the other facts . I haven't seen my wife since last October but it would still have to be in male mode . My daughter fully accepts me and we have been out several times but this is not the case with my son . All our joint friends know about me and some have seen me in reality others have only seen my pictures . My sister in law has met me several times for coffee in the town she's perfectly happy but hasn't breathed a word to my wife . Finally I have had general counselling twice and gender counselling which was cut short through NHS budget cuts .

I have written this history simply because personally I feel it would be wrong to consider changing my life through hormones unless I was comfortably fulltime . I'm far happier now so I then also question would hormones make any difference to my day to day lifestyle , to me they are a stepping stone to full transition . If I comfortably presented 100% as Teresa what more would I achieve with GRS .

There is another aspect to this question , I do not claim to pass 100% but my friends keep urging me to continue as they feel I'm a natural to transition . My new GP is as supportive as my previous one and again she said I would have no problem with starting me on hormones , I only have to ask .

I feel a touch guilty in writing this as so many members on the forum tell stories of how hard it is to procede and how much it may cost and I appear to have it offered on a plate .

I wouldn't dabble with hormones because it's not something to take lightly , I know they affect people in different ways , there are some aspects I would love to change but I live alone now so there could be aspects I might not want to lose .

Somehow I feel life is as good as it gets right now , no one lives a perfect one ! Maybe I should be content with what I have .

Teresa only you know what is best for you, and only you can make that choice. If you are comfortable without them than honestly why bother?

Honestly i think HRT should be reserved for those that do transition from one sex to another (notice i said SEX, not gender).... but that’s just my opinion.

Someone like you (and this is not a personal attack) who still presents as male at times, is ok with being gendered as male (you were reluctant to change a gender marker on mail) does not need HRT.... your just not quite there yet and that’s ok..... it’s your life to live your way..

Megan,
I accept your sincerity in your reply , I admit I'm finding it harder to step back to male mode . My feelings on that came home to me on Xmas night , my daughter gave me a photostory album based on my six year old granddaughter , it contained various family pictures with the little girl , when I came to my selection obviously all as grandpa I told my daughter not to stop doing these books but I can't stand seeing myself in male mode . I know it's posed her a problem because they make a similar book for my wife and obvioulsy she isn't going to be too pleased seeing me in the future as Teresa so they will have to print two different books in the future. I have changed my name from Terry to Terri at my GP's surgery and at the blood donation centre as I was called by full my christian name in the waiting rooms , it does raise a few eyebrows when Terence H... is called out and a blond in a skirt responds . I also had a funny incident recently when I went to choose a woodburner , the SA asked for my name and address so I gave her Terri H... , I didn't check the sales sheet closely until I returned home and found she had written , " Mrs " . Specsavers who I use as my optician's and now supply my hearing aids always use Terri , sometimes with Ms and sometimes without .

I don't lose any sleep over these issues , I know it happens in stages and people do slip up unintentionally , I just appreciate that everyone so far has been very accepting and have been from the first day I stepped out in broad daylight as Teresa .

Hi Teresa,
I remember being stressed and even agonized about whether to start on hormones or not. I had to take into account my wife, young kids, career. It is up to us to make the final call. I do remember in the end, I asked myself whether I will regret or not for not transitioning this way (we all have our own ways) when I would realize that my time has come, and the answer was very clear to me. I personally do not think hormones are a stepping stone, or any how are associated with how and when you live socially. They first and foremost are helping to align your body with what you think it ought to be. No pick and choose of course and millage will vary. If you have dysphoria about your body at its current form, then hormones could help which in turns helps you mentally because it reduces the dysphoria. Again, I see no connection to how you make you hair in the morning, how you dress for your arts classes or to meet your ex wife. Good luck. I know it is not easy to decide.
Katya

Katya,
At the moment I feel my dysphoria is under control because I have found a balance , I'm totally comfortable as Teresa ( a TS friend corrected me for saying , " I go out dressed " , all I should say is , " I go out as Teresa " ) as everyone apart from wife is .

Perhaps my stepping stone comment was incorrect as hormones are enough for some people without going to fully transition .

The point of my thread is questioning how much would hormones change my life on a daily basis whether I need to align my body , in that repect I guess I'm very lucky . I'm naturally a 36B bust, have a 31" waist and 37" hips and legs that often get comments , when my male parts are tucked out the way it's just a body that works very well , I feel it's why my friends make the comments they do , it all looks so natural for me .

Hi Terri,

Sounds like you may be already in a good place with your body. Listen to you inner voice.

Katya

Teresa I think you know a lot of my story as I was where you are over a year ago, does HRT make sense. For me it was not
I too decided I could not make the full transition for various reasons and I’m pretty sure I’ve found my balance in the NB
state I’ve chosen. As was said it really does come down to you and will it actually improve anything for you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Somehow I feel life is as good as it gets right now , no one lives a perfect one ! Maybe I should be content with what I have .

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Hi Terri! If you sincerely believe this, then why would you do hormones? I would have never been able to say anything like this before transition, now I can. If for now you have reached this level of comfort, why not stay there for a while? HRT does have health risks, so does GRS. Maybe this will change with time, but in the meanwhile enjoy your life for what it is. You are a brave and beautiful woman, and I am happy for you.:)

Dorit,
I really appreciate your comments , I've never seen it in those terms , my feelings were more of being a fraud or a coward , thinking more I need to do it rather than why do I need to do it .
There are more issues behind this question , I'm beating myself up because I've not pushed hard enough to sort my new home out . My art means a great deal to me and I bought my bungalow because the garage is large enough to constuct an upper floor , I desparately need the space to install my picture framing equipment . I'm on my own with a limited budget so physically it's all on my back . My concern is some people have commented on losing physical strength on hormones, I can't risk that happening , I get enough sleepless nights as it is worrying over my progress.

I keep telling myself being TG is part of my life but it's not going to control it , hormones may just tip that balance .

I posted a thread in the NB section titled , " If only !" The point being if there was no male side to fall back on so many issues wouldn't arise but I realise that isn't the right reason to transition . I obviously ask the ask question do I want to be a woman , if I was born one then so be it . I prefer presenting as female now I'm comfortable with my appearance and my accpetance level , I admit it has happened much quicker and been far less stressful than I expected , after all the years of suppression I guess I was ready for it .

Rachel,
I knew you would appreciate my dilemma , as you've been in this situation yourself.

I would like to thank everyone for their comments , I guess I'm just writing down my thoughts and listening to other's opinion , it's the nearest thing on the forum to chatting over a coffee . I did hestitate which section to post this thread but it's the nearest one that relates to this question .

Thing is, Teresa, if you tried it for 3 or 6 months, anti-a and E, then you would know. I had no idea how they would affect me, and wow, so glad. Many times before in my life I thought I'd got to "as good as it gets" - and it can get better.

So yes, you can justify easily not giving them a go, but what if that go transformed your world?

Interesting thread! I have been on HRT for over a year, present as a male most of the time simply because it is easier right now. Gender dysphoria is gone and I'm in a good place. After 65 years of so wondering what was wrong with me, I'm happy just to be me. The day of reckoning will come when the physical changes are more pronounced and I have come out to my important friends and family. I'm just taking it slow and steady. My wife (fully supportive) asked me today what friends of hers she could mention my journey. Pre-HRT, I would have gotten very nervous. Now, I just don't care. People will react how they do and I'll find out who is really a friend. You know, at 66 I realize that I have 15 years or so left in life. Factor in my mobility handicap and it's now or never.

Bottom line is that this is how my journey is going. You will work out your best path. I'm glad you are talking about it!

About the hormones... interestingly Teresa, I think you might be feeling some of the same external expectation that I'm starting to notice now that I'm out. There's no external barrier to me going on hormones and/or transitioning if I wanted to. Divorced, no kids, not going to get fired, etc etc. And I've realised that a lot of the most supportive people around me are kinda assuming that's the "next step". But I have no plans in that direction at all, right now. I'm having a great time. And I'm certainly not going to start screwing with my body chemistry because someone else expects me to. I didn't get where I am today by doing what other people expect me to do (to paraphrase CJ in the old Reggie Perrin TV Show).

Someday? Who knows. 3 years ago I would have said everything I've done since then was impossible. But if/when I do it'll be because *I* want to and because I think it'll make my life better.

I don't have any disphoria about my er, let's say "undercarriage"; we've had a lot of good times together and tbh loss of that would be a major negative of hormones for me.

Eemz,
( Or should I say Reggie ? and do watch out for the whoppee cushions !)

I do agree we enter the stage of " what next ?" Partly my own thoughts and partly from friends .
Obviously it's not a case of needing to go full time before considering hormones as Anne K pointed out in her reply and also from a converation I was having with a TS and a TG member (on hormones) last night at my social meeting . I guess I was putting two and two together and coming up with that conclusion . As I said earler there aspects I would like to change but is that a good enough reason to take this step . I'm not sure if I agree with Pamela although I have to respect her experience and knowledge because I feel like it's dabbling with the situation but on the other hand my GP would see it in those terms , if you have problems then she would recommend changing or even stopping the regime .

I must admit my own words keep ringing in my ears , " If only ! "

I am on the fourth month of HT and am so happy! I agree that it is not for everybody but it has greatly helped with the dysphoria! Will I go on with other transition phases? I do not know! It is a journey and we will see! For now, I am satisfied and happy and not worried about moving on from here at least until a year on HT! Just my $0,02! Hugs Lana Mae

Question: What do you mean by there are aspects you might not want to lose now that you live alone?

Leap,
Many on hormones list one of the the effects is loss of physical strength . As I mentioned I have some have some renovations to do in my new home on a limited budget so I will have to do as much of the work myself . I'm not saying women aren't capable but a very good GG friend in the same situation is exasperated by not having the physical capability of doing her renovation work . I have offered to help her out , so she jokes with me about not going on hormones until we've both completed our jobs .

Hi Teresa,

I can get where you are coming from. And honestly, if you are happy with your life as it is, why rock the boat?

I started living part time as a woman in mid-2014, at 56 years old, shortly after I was widowed. I has repressed my feminine impulses completely, until after my parents and wife had all passed away. I was still male around the house and when doing mundane stuff like grocery shopping or getting my car serviced. But it was not long before 75% or more of my social life was female, and when I relocated to a new state in late 2015, I decided to be very open about being transgender with my doctor, friends and neighbors. After showing my new doctor pictures of what I had been doing as a woman since I started, he was quite willing to start me on hormones, if that was what I wanted. I declined, mostly because I did not believe I could afford the surgeries. And at my age, with no romantic partner, what did it matter what was in my panties? As recently as the Summer of last year, 2018, even though I was now doing every sort of activity as a woman, and hardly anything as a male, I did not ask to start hormones. I was not willing to disable my male functions without replacing them with female ones.

For me, the tipping point came when I found out my insurance would cover 100% of full medical transition costs. Counseling, hormones, surgery and all! And in that moment, I realized that if it was financially possible, I wanted to fully transition to female. The first step for that was to start hormones. But before that, it was not necessary enough to me.

Teresa, there are those here who kept to the gym and retained their strength. I didn't and will have to do something to regain some strength. it's not inevitable. xx

Pamela,
I've never used a gym , I didn't need to with carrying heavy photo equipment about for thirty years and on top of that I was either renovating my home or helping out with my son and daughter . OK I admit I would love to turn my back on all that physical work but I don't have a choice , the point that makes me smile is I appear to be on my own , well that's kids for you !!

Ceera,
Cost isn't a concern as I can get most of it on the NHS if I'm patient , my new GP has made that perfectly clear .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Teresa

I feel a touch guilty in writing this as so many members on the forum tell stories of how hard it is to procede and how much it may cost and I appear to have it offered on a plate .
.

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I missed this earlier, but how exactly do you have it “offered on a plate” Teresa? Just reading this makes me wonder if you honestly even know what those of us that actually transition go thru...

You still dress/present as male around family, go to your painting group as male, you walk your dog as male in the mornings before dressing as female. You let your mother, son and former spouse dictate to you how you are to dress around them. Hell you don’t even call yourself a woman and you still refer to it as your “dressing” like CD’ers do....

You have no plans of having to face the costs of HRT or surgeries. You are retired and did not have to transition in place while working a career. You moved away and don’t have to deal with the people you knew for years (or decades).

Those are the aspects that cause people difficulties and pain..... those are the issues we face as transitioning women.... those are the issues that can make our lives difficult. But in the process we do not give in and say “ok mom i will dress as a boy for you” or worry about if HRT will effect our abilities to renovate our homes...

We embrace our new lives as women and stand proud. We give up our male privilege. This is what it means to be TS...

Meghan,
In the UK we can go the NHS route and it costs far less , those who can't wait have to accept paying as most of you do in the US , also my GP has told me clearly she would support me whenever I choose , that was the meaning of that sentence .

I did say this was my thoughts on hormones not full transition so why did you need to throw in my face my my male / female dressing situation . Again I'm picked up for choosing an incorrect expression , I now attend three social groups, most are CDers some are in transition on hormones and a few have fully transitioned so I tend to use terms which are commonly used in those groups . I don't call myself a woman simply because I haven't transitioned , I have no right to use that term in respect to people like yourself .

I moved away in repect to my wife and family , OK I now have to work out ways to get round those problems but I'm determined to do it otherwise I am full time in my new home town . You could cut me a little slack , I've been married 44 years and only out as Teresa for just over one year . I know even if I choose to start hormones I will be over 70 before it's all in place , naturally I'm thinking very hard about the changes and what difference they would make to my daily life .


I am fully aware of the difficulties and pain but this was not the theme of my thread , I was taking great care not bring that into the thread because I knew I would get comments like this . I'm sorry I do understand your point of view please try and see mine .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Megan G

I missed this earlier, but how exactly do you have it “offered on a plate” Teresa? Just reading this makes me wonder if you honestly even know what those of us that actually transition go thru...

You still dress/present as male around family, go to your painting group as male, you walk your dog as male in the mornings before dressing as female. You let your mother, son and former spouse dictate to you how you are to dress around them. Hell you don’t even call yourself a woman and you still refer to it as your “dressing” like CD’ers do....

You have no plans of having to face the costs of HRT or surgeries. You are retired and did not have to transition in place while working a career. You moved away and don’t have to deal with the people you knew for years (or decades).

Those are the aspects that cause people difficulties and pain..... those are the issues we face as transitioning women.... those are the issues that can make our lives difficult. But in the process we do not give in and say “ok mom i will dress as a boy for you” or worry about if HRT will effect our abilities to renovate our homes...

We embrace our new lives as women and stand proud. We give up our male privilege. This is what it means to be TS...

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This. ^^^^

Theresa, I can only speak for myself, but I can't fathom why anyone would consider HRT without it being driven by a clear need; so clear that it trumps all of health risks and "inconveniences" like loss of strength and other aspects of being male.
So why would you consider HRT? What, exactly, is it that you hope to gain from it?

Oh, another one of those threads that might as well be titled: "This is what I've decided now validate it please and don't even think about having a different opinion".

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Megan G

Honestly i think HRT should be reserved for those that do transition from one sex to another (notice i said SEX, not gender).... but that’s just my opinion.

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So a non-binary identyfying person such as myself who suffers crippling gender dyphoria at times due to my overwhelmingly naturally male body (but who does not identify as binary female) is not allowed to consider hormones as a way of addressing those issues because I don't want to transition my genitalia physically to female? I think you'll find many non-binaries on HRT, including on this forum, that find that a little intolerant sounding.

Kelly,
AS you can see from my intro I've just written down my thoughts on hormones . I know many are in a similar situation and maybe wondering how others think .

Again if you take the trouble to read what is written that is exactly the point I'm debating .

Daisy ,
As usual you are way off the mark but I'm no longer concerned about your thoughts , they serves no useful purpose .

I'm going to add a footnote to Meghan's Reply . Whether it was intentional or not she inflicted pain and suffering on me last night with her comments . I slept badly and still wasn't in a good place this morning . Despite that I did my makeup and slipped on a new blouse I'd bought weeks ago and never worn ,added my red cardigan as it's a good uplifting colour . I had several jobs to do in town , one was to my letting agent , I had a lovely conversation with her and she told me I did my make up very well , I always looked smart and was amazed I was wearing a wig , she ended by giving me a lovely hug . As I waited at the cosmetics counter with two other GGs the SA asked which of you ladies is first . I had a frieindly " Madam " from another store and finally two ladies chatted to me for a while in a charity shop , they honestly did think I was a woman .
While I choose not to use any labels other than Teresa , despite feeling bad about myself first thing this morning , I felt back on form by the time I arrived home . I really don't see why I need to point out what I am to the people that fill my life . I really feel it's time I started to ignore what some people think on the forum , they don't know me personally .

You know what, I'm fed up with certain members taking umbridge at opinions posted on this forum, this thread is going the same way, so it's done