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It costs $500 to hire an attorney to change your name! I guess it is a Lee county thing! My daughter wants me to forget changing my name since I already know who I am and it will cause some difficulty with the finances! I however do feel it would make a difference in my life! (Note that I have not gone to legal aid yet! Not sure if they can help or not!) I need some responses to help me decide something! Hugs Lana Mae
If you are serious about completely transitioning, surgeries and all, you will have to change your name and gender marker. It is essential to transition. Any therapists that knows what they are doing will not give you the necessary letters for surgery. The surgeon you are considering requires two letters and will not do mtf GRS on a guy.
This is not about feeling like a girl. Transition is about finding your niche in the real world as a woman where everyone knows you as a women.
Everyone that I know who had to transition did not let the money stop them. They came up with the money.
$500 is cheap for any legal representation requiring court action. If a few hundred dollars causes you to pull up short in the beginning of the transition process, then I would seriously reconsider the need to transition.
Thanks, Jeri Ann on your thoughts on the matter! I will go ahead with the name change in all likelyhood! It is not likely that I will come up with all the money for the various surgeries! I guess this is all for the "rich bitches" and I can just put a gun to my head and say goodbye! Seriously? I thought this was about the way we feel and think and see ourselves! Not about how many surgeries we have! Is what we have between our legs the final deciding factor? Do big boobs matter all that much? Not all women are beauties! I think money is being pushed instead of what is important and that is our state of mind! So call me an idiot who knows nothing! Regardless I am no less Lana Mae now or with or with out surgery! I am highly insulted that it is all about surgeries and money spent! What about the ones who can't have the surgery for health reasons? Are they any less women than the ones who can have the surgeries? I scream-Bulls--t! LM
Lana Mae,
Your rant is out of line. Your implication that someone who has surgery is a rich bitch is in very poor taste.
None of the steps of transition are necessary unless they are necessary for you. I do not require what is best for you. It was YOU that mentioned surgeries, not me. You even checked a surgeon’s website and discovered that she does not take Medicare. It was you that recently indicated that surgery was important for YOUR state of mind.
When you stayed with me for five days in June I introduced you to several of my friends. If you recall, when the girls came over to my house after setting up for the conference, you had dinner with Danielle. She has completely transitioned in every aspect of her life, including her law practice. She has had no surgeries and no HRT because of her health problems. None of this brings any judgement from me and I will always think of her as a woman.
You also met Kayla, the blind girl. She transitioned 22 years ago and has had no surgery yet.
You asked for responses to help you decide to change your name or not. It seems important to you but that is only my perspective. However, I would not pursue anything so important based on what people in an open forum, who do not have a dog in the fight, might offer in the way of advice. You are the only one who can know if it is right for you.
Hi Lana Mae,
At the end of the day it's just a name, my male name is Terry, my female is Tracey, I had short hair on yesterday because it was hot, i bumped into my next door neighbour and she can never remember what to call me, she said my hair was nice, that meant more to me than my name, perhaps you should set yourself a target for transition and insert the name change when you are ready
I’m surprised at the tone of comments here and in the gatekeeping thread. People have seemed to make broad, and harsh, generalizations, sometimes based simply on their personal experiences.
A little empathy can go a long way.
Jeri Ann, the thread appears to show that it was you, not Lana Mae, who brought up surgeries initially. That seemed like an awfully a big jump.
And for some people, $500 is not a small amount of money.
Billie,
Lana Mae and I have spent a lot of time together. In addition, we have had many conversations about these matters and many more.
You are correct, $500 is a lot of money. I can not come up with it on short notice either. But, if Lana Mae feels that a name and gender marker change is what she needs, then she will make it happen. $500 is actually not a bad deal. Mine was $3000 but Texas is tough.
I care very much for Lana Mae and she knows this. It is because of my caring that I come across as tough. This is serious business.
Wow that really triggered you Lana.... a person really needs to develop some thick skin during transition if they honestly want to not only survive but thrive.... life is tough, it’s even tougher for people who actually transition. If Jeri Ann’s comments about a simple name change sets you off I’m going to say that your not ready for this.....
As for my thoughts on name change and gender marker change..... IMHO it’s a must for anyone who transitions. That name and gender marker is the core of our identities, not surgeries (those just cement it in stone). If you show up to your doctors office looking and dressing as Lana Mae, asking to be called Lana Mae but still possess identification saying your “Bob Jones”..... guess what.... your still legally Bob Jones.....
As for surgeries, that’s a personal thing if you want it, need it or not and only you can decide if they are right for you. If they are important you will find a way to make it happen. We all do thru sacrifices, saving and long term planning. Having surgeries does not make you any less of a woman identity wise.... but it can effect your life when you have to be classified as either male or female in what you have down below.... a person does not have to look any further than the nutcase that has taken 16 salons to the human rights tribunal in Vancouver after they refused to wax their penis and testicles.
I am well aware it is serious business Jeri Ann.
Speaking in terms of what other people “must” do, Megan, seems harsh and unhelpful.
Different people take different paths. Everyone’s journey is their own.
That is incorrect, though to be fair, if you had not seen the other communications, this thread would seem to make it look that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by BillieS
Jeri Ann may have been able to afford the treatments for her condition, as is the case with most of us who pursue such a course, it is not without great sacrifice; familial, social and of course, financial. To characterize her as a "rich bitch" is inaccurate on it's face, but more to the point, using that term to reject well intended advice, advice born of direct experience, is out of line.
Jeri Ann is good friend, and perhaps the most generous and caring person I know. Her advice on the realities of the choices we must make WRT the journey to transition is always well-intended and well-informed, if not always what the recipient wants to hear. There is a tendency towards cheer leading in this online community, and that is sometimes counterproductive. Being "supportive" does not always mean unconditional encouragement.
These are public forums. I read them for insight. Taking the comments at face value, it seemed that a member asked a genuine question that has broad interest to many us.
Some comments here and in the gatekeeping thread, in my view, appear to be telling people what to do when, in fact, each of us have highly personal decisions that are truly ours alone to make..
Showing empathy is not cheerleading.
Compassion and empathy are very interesting concepts
It's not always clear what is and isn't compassion. If somebody thinks they can fly, and wants to fly... empathy and compassion require making sure they dont try to fly...or at least make sure they have wings or a parachute...
If you carefully read the posts, surgery was only brought up in the context of "if you want surgeries, you are gonna have to change your name"...seems pretty common sensical to me...
and the follow up was perfectly sensible and empathetic to this reader. " ..finding your niche..." and "...money doesnt stop you..." do not imply surgery is necessary ...
it does imply transition(if thats what you want) needs to be an IMPERATIVE in your life...otherwise your quality of life will likely suffer
and to me this is a very compassionate thing to say regardless of whether some readers find it tough...its the truth.
over and over and over I see it that folks who don't do surgery, regardless of the reason, are defensive about it and project that into comments...
thats a general statement but its an observation over many years...
and "rich bitches' is a pretty nasty turn of phrase to put out there...maybe meant in jest but misses the mark IMO
as for Megan's comments, I have to say I basically agree... and if you want to get picky about "telling people what to do", Megan made it very clear it was her IMHO, and her statement was plain old common sense..
it was not telling people what to do...
clearly you don't have to change your name but life aint easy for a boy named sue, or a girl named Bob...
and NOT ONCE in this thread has anybody suggested a surgery is required. In fact quite the opposite....
and that is very different than saying surgery is a very helpful thing and is very meaningful to folks that pursue it... its worth saving for, its worth sacrificing for it if you really want to do it
Meghan,
Is that standard practice in the US and Canada about name changes . The reason why I ask is in my GP's sugery here in the UK I registered initially in my full male name , which I assumed was the legal requirement but when I was called by my full male name in front of a full waiting room when waiting for my flu injection . I immediately asked the registration nurse if I could ammend it to Terri as a shortend female version of my name , she replied no problem and typed the correction onto my notes on the computer and then asked if I wished to change my gender title which she did . She didn't ask if I was transitioning or taking hormones , which I'm not .
OK, so now I feel like a total ass and am just so depressed! Jeri Ann, consider this a public apology! I am so sorry and embarassed! It is just another instance where my life's desire has been foiled due to money! What Jeri Ann has said is correct and I had no right to talk to her like that! I just feel that Lana Mae will never be fully realized without the surgeries and I can not afford the surgeries! I live paycheck to paycheck and seldom have $100 left at the end of the month let alone 5 figures! It is all a big dream for me! I am so sad that I hurt my friend and the realization about Lana Mae! Yes, I am crying! I will end now as I am all choked up! Hugs LanaMae
Getting back to the first post, Lana Mae I recommend that you start contacting all the LGBTQ+ organizations around, including out of state to see if there is a cheaper option for a name and gender change. I did mine in California, did not need an attorney and the court costs were $453.00 for the name change, $20-50.00 for document registration in the same court building, then another $25.00 for each certified copy. I would also contact that legal aide group. Sometimes, States require that attorneys do a certain amount of pro-bono work. Some attorney my be looking for someone like you to help him fulfill that requirement.
On another note, we all have our bad days, sensitive days, etc. I hope all here in this thread get over theirs, including me.
Teresa, speaking from only a Canadian healthcare perspective, and i will go out onto a limb and say it is most likely the same around the world.... there is a difference between legal name and preferred name... and there is a spot on the same form for both of those names....Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
We will call you Terri, we will treat you like we would treat any other woman....but your medical records are legal documents and the name and gender on them is your “legal name and gender”. When we bill for services to provincial/federal health plans or private insurance companies it’s in your legal name.
This is why trying to transition without a name/gender change just seems crazy to me as that is the core of our existence and i can’t imagine any woman in this world would like to have to produce ID stating “Bob Jones.....male”.
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And if that’s what people want to think of me that’s totally cool as i am a firm believer in sometimes what a person needs the most is some tough love. This “using kids gloves” on trans people approach does not work and is creating a generation of entitled babies who cry to the world every time something goes wrong. i want every single person here to succeed in what ever they need in life but to do that you need to get out of the starting blocks and quit hiding.Quote:
Originally Posted by BillieS
And if you think I’m tough just you wait.... the real world will tear you up.....
Lana Mae,
Thank you! I am not a rich bitch but I am a tough bitch. At least that was what a therapists once told me. Maybe you have had a hormonal outburst or something. I don’t know. But, I am still here for you.
Allie is on track about LGBT organizations. There are a couple here in Houston that help with the legal changes. Danielle has even done some pro bono work for transwomen.
Surely you know how hard I work to afford extra things. You and I have had conversations about my selling cupcakes, selling items on eBay and driving for Uber. Any extra money is extra money.
There is another option too. Check into Care Credit. It will allow you to spread out payments for medical expenses. You do, however, still need to afford the payments.
Please take it slow. Do what you can as you can but, be certain it is the right thing for you. Remember, no one ever needs to see your private parts. What is important is to make the most of the life you should have always had.
Still lovin’ you,
Jeri Ann
I look to name change as yet one more validation of who I am. For instance, I join casino players clubs and can't have "welcome Sarah" show up on the machine when I insert my player card. Until I can provide ID with Sarah on it, I'm stuck. Yeah, it's a small thing but I think we can agree all those small things add up and I'm for making the world as simple as possible. It's taken me years and years to get where I am, so I'll be patient in saving up and getting the next steps accomplished.
I recently had a conversation with an attorney about name changes and asked about having property and financial interests that would be complicated following a name change and how it would be reflected in a will. She said unless the record is sealed things would still be smooth as the court would be just fine with that and might refer to me as "Sarah, aka Dave" in filings where the name change hadn't been finished. At least that's how I remember the conversation, I yield to anyone with actual legal credentials on that one.
So, I answered everyone and timed out and lost what I said! Basically Jeri Ann, Kaitlyn, and Megan are out to help everyone! Call it tough love if you must but I respect their opinions over some others who only think they know it all! I am extremely sorry for my terrible outburst and my nasty comments! This is not me generally! I totally agree with Aunt Kelly! Jeri Ann; It must have been a Hormonal Outburst and I have felt so bad about it all day at work! I am glad you forgive me and I love you too! Hugs Lana Mae
The legal name/gender change is way more complicated than some people think. There will be things to change that you never thought of. After two years I am still dealing with it. It seems that there are nooks and crannies in the universal data base that no one knows even exists, much less know how to change. It seems that the older you are, and the more you have been connected to, the harder it is.
It is frustrating but, at the same time, worthwhile. Like someone has said, it is the name that identifies us. Making it permanent and legal insures that the world will know us the way we truly are.
Lana Mae,
We all have had our moments in the beginning... it’s a huge mountain your just starting to climb with lots of peaks and valleys along the way.... so all is good cause I’m sure those of us that have transitioned can all relate....
You and I have had this conversation before but if money’s the issue than you need to sit down and figure out a way. Pick up extra shifts, a second job, cut unnecessary items out of your life.... put a plan in motion... it may be 2 years or 5 years but if the goal at the end is valuable enough you will see it thru.
Not only have i done the surgeries in my transition i have also put myself thru college in my 40’s (two years down, two years to go still) while still supporting my son who is a competitive minor hockey player. I rarely have a day off work, barely see my friends but i am dedicated to that end goal that i set out.... and in the end everything will have taken 7 years to accomplish... from the first time i stepped out the door as Megan to the time i am finished everything....
Nothing is impossible, but you have to WANT it and WORK HARD for it.....
I wish you lots of luck...
Meg
I have thought about it in terms of how it is all coordinated! For instance, you must change with the doctors for your healthcare but also the insurance company(ies) that handle paying for that healthcare and don't forget the pharmacy who won't give Lana Mae's meds to Harry! That is just one instance and there are many! Grocery store cards are another you might no think of! I have figured out that Social Security and your driver's licence should be the first two! These can (it seems) be used in place of the court order!
Allie: Your costs in California are higher than here-total! I am going to look in to legal aid!
Thanks Megan! Best wishes for seeing yours through!
Hugs Lana Mae
Meghan,
Thanks for that . Don't forget our NHS is funded through the tax payers not private insurance companies , if my details are changed at my GP's surgery , those records are then available thoughout the system .
Teresa,
Your NHS is no different than my OHIP here in Canada and the point is.... without a legal name and gender change all the paperwork (including digital records) says your Terry.... and your gender is male.... regardless of what your “preferred name” is.....
Legally you are not Terri.... and you are not a woman.......you are Mr Terry (insert surname here). This is not an insult or shot by me.... just being real....
If you died today your death certificate would read Terry and you are a man..... let that sink in for a minute.
Meghan,
I appreciate the legalities of name changes , the point I was making was my GP told me her door was always open as far as my TG issues were concerned and as there is no third party ( Insurance Company ) involved she is the starting point for me in the process if I wish to start hormones etc . so the acknowledgement of the small alteration to my name does carry some weight within our system in the UK .
Please!!!
Conversations between two individuals need to be by private message, not in Lana Mae's thread about her name and gender marker change.
Teresa, what you are talking about is common practice in doctor's offices in the US but is not even distantly related to the legal name and gender marker change that Lana Mae is talking about.
The “conversation” is still on topic of name/gender changes and the realities of not doing it, sure it strayed a little when i was asked a question......but still on same topic.....
Jeri Ann,
I do understand your comment but surely these exchanges are read by other members who may gain some insight into this situation . Some people possibly more in the Uk don't realise how to even start the process , fearing problems coming out to their own GP . They do make it easy to adopt a more appropriate name to make people feel they have been accepted and can now begin to take the next small step , just getting use to a femme name is a great leap for some people .
Well, I have done the legal name and gender change and am cleaning up on any loose ends that still use or reference my dead name. I just had some blood work done this morning prior to an upcoming doctor's visit to review my current health status. When called to go back and have the blood drown they called me by my "Mr." dead name. Just another loose end to correct. The Dr's order for the blood work was in my old name and had nothing to do with my new name already being registered and used now by Social Security and my insurance companies. What my doctor uses was from my old electronic data in their office, which is just based on what documents they referenced when inputting my name and personal data. Basically, all they need to do is correct my name in their own computer software, since everything else has been corrected. It was just a small embarrassment that will be easily corrected when I visit them this week. I add this recent occurence to this thread because even when you think you are done, there is always one more thing to do to get it right until the next error, misgendering, happens.
Lana Mae, you know what you have to do to get to an eventually "normal" life as a woman. The recommendations are to do certain things immediately whether you can afford it or not. I disagree because in your case money is a big issue and you have lived with the inconveniences so far, so if you have to, you know you can do it for a little more time. I wish you the best of luck going forward and enjoy being you as best you can and try to ignore those awkward moments that we all have experienced as we walk this path to a new life. Do what you can when you can, and rant here when you need a relief valve to let off a little too much steam.
Hugs and stuff,
Allie
I would like to thank everyone for their responses! Again I apoligize for my outburst!
There is great wisdom and knowledge here! I just want to hug all of you!
I have decided to cancel my appointment with the attorney! Not giving up just postponing to a better financial time! I have a loan that will be paid off in a few months and I won't renew some insurance that I do not feel I need! That will loosen up some cash and then I can proceed with the name change!
I have gone too far to go back so I will remain Lana Mae! Hugs LM
Lana Mae, you have already received a lot of advice so I am not going to add to that. What I would like to add though is that in my own personal experience, legally changing my name and gender designation on all my id was probably among the most gender affirming steps I've taken to date and probably will take. Having people correspond with me addressing me by my new female name and seeing my new name on legal documents was a huge high for me. I get the cost issue, its not inexpensive. That said, once you are able to afford it I would strongly recommend proceeding with it if it is your eventual goal to be recognized by society as a woman.
Lana Mae, what is the total cost for a name and gender change for you? That means walking out of the court, or whatever, with legal documents for a name and gender change, start to finish. You said that my cost here is California ($453 plus maybe another $100 for copies and other fees) was much more expensive than where you are, done through the court system with no need to publish your requested name change in public newspapers for set time period, which I understand at today's price for news paper legal notices is very expensive. A Curious friendly mind wants to know.
Hi Lana Mae: I am very sorry for your frustration.
I DIY’d my name and gender change using the downloadable online guide from the Transgender Law Center and the online guide from the Superior Court Website in my County. Although I am a lawyer, I practice criminal defense and The name change papers were something I had to cookbook my way through.
And I needed it. I have to put my legal name on all court documents, and if I walk into a federal courthouse my ID needs to match how I am dressed or I can be ordered out for violating dress code.
You should really consider saving your hard earned money and DIYing the name change.
And—I got FFS covered by my health insurance, but the recovery has been quite an ordeal. You can read more in the body issues section.
Hugs, Carly
Hi Carly,
I don't want to change the direction of the thread but holy moly! Thanks for sharing this with us. I never imagined FFS can turn out that way. Speedy recovery!
Katya
Wow. I missed all the excitement. Just a side-note on the topic of the OP -- Lana Mae, if money is a problem go visit the GLADD site and see if they have volunteer attorneys in your area. They often waive their fees to help the transgender community and GLAAD itself is good at helping you organize your info and file on your own behalf. I had a GLAAD attorney check my plan an my paperwork when I was changing my docs and it was very helpful.
Transgender surgeries on Medicare depend a lot on your plan. I have a Medicare Advantage plan through Blue Cross and have had BA totally on their dime (less a standard out-patient co-pay) after showing I met all the WPATH qualifications. They'll do GCS as well, but you probably won't be able to go to a name-brand surgeon. If you have the will, there's a way. ;)
Sara: I received a letter from my former(now retired) endo addressed to Lana Mae W------! I almost cried with joy when I read it! I know it will be just wonderful to have it on legal documents!
Allie: Our's gets posted on a courthouse bulletin board at no cost! The fees vary but there was one for the FBI and one for the SBI ! The filing fee was variable! Maybe I figured wrong initially but with the lawyer fees it was $550-$700!
Carly: You are on my prayer list now! Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery!
Katya: Yeah, sometimes all of us could use a wake up call to some of the realities of all this!
Pat: Thanks for the tip! I will check out GLAAD! I will tackle the surgeries another time and then there will probably be another wild thread! LOL
Thanks so much for your responses! You have all been so much help!
Hugs Lana Mae
I honestly don't like the tone that this thread has reached.
We should evaluate people not for one comment but by her/his trayectory.
Being a trasgender has taught me a lot about human nature and is very easy to feel offended or misunderstood.
Lana mae has always characterized for being friendly and I don't understand why you get upset using bad words especially towards Jeri Ann that always has showed wisdom and empathy, attest that's my own impression on both ladies.
For some of you name has o meaning or importance but in my case, David was a completely arrogant and self wise compare with Devi so I'm not longer his name.
I'm lucky of ha e a financial situation that waives the $400 that court charges for name and gender change but even that easy I'm taking things slowly for love of the loved as my wife but from the day I started hormones I knew that I would have to do so many changes and one of the persons that indirectly enlighten me was Jeri.
I know that one day I'll do the SRS, and may be that will be the end after other possible surgeries.
I don't ask anybody what to do because of the story of the man, the kid and the donkey, it's impossible le to please everybody and one thing I learn being trans is to respect diversity, in sex, gender, economic levels, culture, roots and of course opinions.
I think at this time that should be a common sense at least on the trans section.
Mho.
Devi: Jeri Ann and I are like sisters! The conflict is now over and yes we still love each other like sisters! I am sorry if I offended you!
I was to the doctor today and finally changed my preferred name on my records! From now on it will be Lana Mae going to the doctor and not Harry! I know it is not a "legal" chage of name but it feels good anyway! LOL
Hugs Lana Mae
Lana,
I'm so pleased you have had the change accepted . On a one to one basis it may not be much but as I found when waiting for my flu injection last year in a busy waiting room being called by a full male name is more unsettling . It did raise a few eyebrows as I was Teresa wearing a skirt , they were perfectly happy to change the details to read Terri instead of the male version . I must admit to receive letters and Emails with a femme name does feel good .
Teresa,Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
I haven't legally changed my name.for some issues ut basically procastination.
The process of change name and gender in the states is different in each state. As Jeri mention, for her was $3000 in Texas, for me, in California, it would be just $400 (rounding numbers) that can be waived if you proof low income, so it would be free. The process is easy and fast, no more than 6 weeks that the law needs you wait for someone presenting an appeal or seize to your change of name for any legal. After that they would give you a court letter to present on any federal office to proceed on legal documents.
When I go to a public place where have to wait to be called, I always ask to be call by Devi or just my last name, that had never failed.
Hi everyone,
I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin. There are things you really need a lawyer for and things you don't. I have been practicing law for 20 years and have helped many through the process. As a civilian lawyer for the Air Force, we help clients do it themselves all the time. In most states, including NC and TX it is a form based process with several steps that can be found online. The forms are fill in the blank. Most state courts that have jurisdiction for name changes have packets that you can pick up and then follow the instructions. You can call your local legal aid office to see if they can give you some direction or your local court.
Please don't let this be the thing that holds you up. It really is not that hard.
Hey Robin,
You are correct. Name change is simple and inexpensive. However, it is the gender marker change that is tricky. Gender marker change is a clandestine operation and only a few judges in the entire state of Texas will do it. I had to travel to San Antonio because there was not a single judge in the Houston area that will grant a GM change. What I paid for was the attorney’s fees. My attorney is the only one that is 100% successful.
When legal name change is mentioned in this section, it is typically understood that it includes gender marker too. It is hard to imagine that someone would transition, change their name and still identify as their original gender.
Thanks for the tip on the forms.
It is a personal choice and nobody, not even your daughter, can make the decision for you. Do what is right in your heart.
Robin: Checked local legal aide and they don't do name changes!
Maya: Heart says surgeries! Brain keeps saying I can not afford them! I will do what I can but...
Teresa: yes it is wonderful to get an email or snail mail with Lana Mae on it!
Thanks for your replies everyone!
Hugs Lana Mae