Reaching a plateau

I've been a crossdresser since about 5. Obviously at 5 it was childhood games and nothing more. I'm 62 now and life's path has led me to a second marriage with a very excepting wife. We will be married for ten years this September. It's been known that we like to take pictures of ourselves but for me I've never been too interested in pictures until recently. I used to look in the mirror and see a man in a dress. As of a few weeks ago on at one of our group meeting weekends, I was so pleased with the pictures and how everything was so perfect I just couldn't believe it. The picture I've posted of me is the first I've ever posted anywhere. Fact is I even posted one on my fem side Facebook account! (until I Google searched my fem name and came up with my picture! removed it immediately)

The point is "how do you follow that?!?!" I planned (all things considered) weeks in advanced for that weekend (something I don't normally do). My wife and I had bought matching polka dot dresses over a year ago. She got to wear hers to work and mine hung in the closet. I have no hips and that has always bothered me. Then it occurred to me to try a crinoline slip for shape so I ordered one on wish.com. When it came in I tried it on under my dress but the dress was too long and needed a belt to define a waist. I took the dress to a tailor and had it hemmed. I wanted a wide belt but found the one I have on. with my corset and all put together I really liked what I seen in the mirror. My wife suggested electric curlers so we bought a set at Walgreens next to the motel. I put on my makeup while the curlers set my hair. OMG what an experience! This was truly the first time I have ever felt that I stood a chance to "pass".

I've grown a beard now and have been in full man mode ever since. I look at the pictures and play with editing them in my phone. Still feeling pretty good about them. (sigh) I look back at so much work to get to that point and the awesome results.... well worth it I'd say! But now that I've gotten there I want my next outing to be as good...no....better than the last one. But how can that be possible (in my own mind anyway)?

That's my plateau. It's a good place to be but I'm a little tentative to go there again as it was such a high that I don't want to be disappointed.

This is one of those "the thing you seek is inside you" moments, I think. It's cool that you got to a place where you were happy one time. But it sounds like you're afraid you won't get there again, so you put impediments in front of yourself -- grow a beard; say the next experience has to be "better" than the last. Less a plateau and more of a fortress to defend yourself against failure. Try getting back to that place you got to before and no further -- you found happiness there, right? Just get to happy again. It should be easier this time since you found the way once. Easier still the next time. And from there see if happiness can guide you forward. ;)

I really don't understand why people build barriers or fortresses as Pat says.
All they really are is excuses because you don't want to take the chance or you wish to deny yourself happiness.
Will it be as great as it was last time ? Who knows that depends on you but if you are scared of failure then you have failed already.

My beard went completely gray in my late 20's. Yet another motivation to stay clean-shaven.

Joyce, there are many plateaus. Every time I reach one, something else comes along: A new wig that gives me a whole new look and a new perspective, a new dress style that makes me look even more feminine, a new style of jewelry that adds something that was missing. It goes on and on and gets better and better.

Joyce, I really don't understand why u feel doing something u enjoyed so much should be avoided? Unless,it's what Pat said?

And, it doesn't have to be that much trouble. Leave out the tailor, missing belt, and curlers? And, u could re live the experience with much less effort. And, u found one dress u like. But, there millions of other out there that will fit u and give u a slightly different look. So, if it's a higher high u want? Pick something sexier, prettier, more stylish, etc., next time!:battingeyelashes:

And, I wear a beard and stash between dressings. It's no big deal to take it off for a Sherry appearance. It's a lot MORE effort to shave every day!:heehee:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Joyce Swindell

The picture I've posted of me is the first I've ever posted anywhere. Fact is I even posted one on my fem side Facebook account! (until I Google searched my fem name and came up with my picture! removed it immediately)

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Which is exactly why I'll go to my grave never being on Facebook! I don't need Mark Zuckerberg outing me.

Joyce, what a lovely story! Getting the right look, however one defines it, takes work. There is an art to it. The way to get back to that high is by doing three things: practice, practice, practice!

Joyce, you looked real and really, really good...it may be a plateau for now but with an accepting wife of 10 years...the next ten could be fabulous! You are too pretty to not look like your picture all of the time. Your hair appears to be so thick...my is about as long but too thin with only a little left on top. Best wishes...and shave that beard. Rita Leigh

Thanks for all the cool responses. I only grew the beard for my wives birthday. She enjoys my facial hair so it's my annual gift to her. (and as she says.... because she can't grow one for herself......yet).

I plan on continuing forward to learn more about who I am and experience more. I consider this plateau as a win and wanted to share.

It's takes hard work to be pirty 😌

What you refer to as a plateau is in fact the pinnacle, the top, the finish line! You made it, you passed, well done, you are the winner, number one! And as Pat said, next time it will be easier and easier until it seems natural and you pass with ease. Welcome to happy, the view is good from here!

Hi Joyce,

I understand those sentiments. The failure of a transformation attempt is very difficult for me to handle when I really need to feel pretty. However, I don't completely run from it because: 1) I know that if I don't practise, failure will become more likely, 2) I want to get quicker and better, which also requires practise, 3) Resisting the need in guy mode is also damaging to me in its own way, and 4) The attempt might just be good enough or even be better, and then there will be a massive exhale or a new target to aspire to.

When the need and the stakes are high, it limits the new things I'm willing to try that could lead to failure, but I also do drills where I try not to invest emotionally into the transformation. Then I am more prepared for failure and more willing to experiment. But the attempt that follows a failure is done with a heightened determination.

So why don't you just use that determination in all of your attempts?

Well, you can't fake desperation. After a failure, I feel an intensity, an irritation and a bitterness from not having been revitalised last time. After an emotional success, sitting down and holding a tube of primer, looking at a man in the mirror, wondering how I'm going to turn that into what I felt before... I'm chasing from the outset - it's daunting. ( Unless one has mastered makeup ( which I have not ), where any variations in the attempt are likely to be just as effective as what one had before. There are other factors too, which I'll not get into ).

However, Joyce, if you feel that reliving memories in guy mode works as a self preservation mechanism from the heartache of failure of a new attempt, then I do understand it.

- Lydianne.