Where and when will all this end?

When I was young (think puberty) I had feelings I couldn't explain. Somehow knew they were not the norm. But, I enjoyed the feeling and dressing as well as I could. I've always been in the closet. I'm now 76 and if anything I enjoy dressing more than ever. I hope the urge never goes away.

I am totally dressed right now and loving it!!

Love and hugs,

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Originally Posted by ReineD

RS, I am happy you have found a way to keep your libido going so strong into your 60's, and like the others, I agree that you should continue to enjoy it to the fullest without questioning it, if it works for you! :D It is good that you are true to yourself by not being in a relationship with a GG who wouldn't be able to meet your needs in the same way as CDing does.

But as a GG in a fairly new relationship with my bf, reading your post and most of the others who experience similar feelings to yours scares me because it does not look as if you need to have women in your lives. For the type of love that brings emotional security and companionship perhaps, but not for passion. You have yourselves.

Many GGs share the fear that we are not enough ... that our CDers will never feel as passionate towards us in the long term as we feel towards them, because CDers' love for themselves as women elevates them to a high beyond compare. Any woman would love to have a man (or a woman if she is so inclined) feel about her the way you describe you feel towards yourselves dressed.

:sad: :sad: :sad:

If I am reading it incorrectly, I do apologize. Or, maybe it is not true for every CDer, but I venture to guess that if what I have said is true over all, it may explain why marriages fail eventually even after the SO has been supportive of the CDing.

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Well said Reine, and so damn sad that I don't know rightly what else to say just now. :(

A

Formerly known as dancinginthedark

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Originally Posted by Satrana

DS

It is called autogynephilia - look it up. You are basically short-circuiting your sexual arousal pattern in your brain by finding the "perfect woman" in the mirror and not in someone else who comes with emotional baggage and the stress of a relationship. You know the girl in the mirror will always look the way that excites you most and will always play along with your fantasies. There is no fear of rejection or judgement.

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Autogynephilia: "a man's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman." Wikipedia: Autogynephilia.

Paraphilia: "any of several persistent, intense sexual interests, fantasies, or urges [... that] may interfere with the capacity for sexual activity with consenting adult partners." Wikipedia: Paraphilia

The term was coined by Ray Blanchard in a study he conducted in 1989 as a motive for seeking sexual reassignment. The study is controversial, as subsequent researchers (1990's) found that Blanchard's research method was flawed. More recent studies (2000's) corroborate Blanchard's findings, and a study conducted in 2007 advances the idea that the condition is more mainstream (affects non gender-disphoric people) than was originally propounded. Autogynephilia in Non Gender Disphoric Persons

Blanchard's studies are not well received in the transgendered community.

A Google search will turn up many other resources.

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Originally Posted by Michaela

wow, I had never seen it from that point of view. and that is an amazing point!

I wonder if that is why I stay away from relationships in general...

because I wouldnt want to do that to anyone

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Actually Michaela,
Reading through the responses I dont think any one else has done either, but atleast you know enough about yourself not to get attached and put anyone through that. I hate to say this and I will try to be as kind as I can be, but is there any wonder that we are constantly reading threads about unaccepting wives and partners. I think there is only Holly who has said anything positive about her SO. I find that terribly sad and am enormously relieved that I dont have a partner who is so obsessed with his CDing that he hasn't got time for me or isn't turned on sexually by me. I'd be absolutely devastated if he was. I am terribly sorry if this sounds in any way condemning but I am quite surprised at some of the answers and a tad disappointed too because I had always thought that the feminine side of your CD was an advantage in as much as they were more compassionate and caring toward you than your regular guy. I can see where some of my GG friends are coming from now when they pour their hearts out to me and feel unwanted and unloved. How terribly sad.
Bev

sheesh... a few girls trying to be supportive and expressing things like what has been said here is hardley enough to become dissapointed...

I must have missed something there :\

Having trouble making relationship with others as a young boy and adult, a relationship with myself was always available: Result ? "Narcissism"

While I have been working to mature this relationship of fascination with myself, with some success, I still get that charge of "One More Way" to fall in love with myself. Variety is the spice of life !

So, from that first fascination with Roberta I have been working to mature my relationship with myself as Roberta, with some success.

I feel a measure of health, in that I have put aside CDing frequently, as "more important" priorities in my work and family life have dominated.

So, even as I am somewhat free from the first rush of Narcissism, I acknowledge it as a strong candidate for the much of the "highs" of my fascination with CDing.


:rose: Roberta :rose:

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Originally Posted by Michaela

sheesh... a few girls trying to be supportive and expressing things like what has been said here is hardley enough to become dissapointed...

I must have missed something there :\

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Michaela, I suggest you go back and read the full thread and then try to understand where I am coming from. I regularly talk and listn to ladies who cannot accept CDing and struggle with all it has brought to the relationship. I have always tried when talking to these ladies to focus on the positive side of having a CD as a partner in the hope that they will do too. I also listen to a fair majority of you wondering why your SO or others cannot accept you and my heart goes out to you. After all how can wearing female attire possibly affect a relationship in such a destructive way.
Then you read something like this thread which is basically saying that CDing replaces the sexual thrill you get from having a partner. Infact Doc actually admitted that although his partner was pretty and always interested in sex he lost interest sexually and gained more of a thrill from his dressing.
Nothing wrong in that you say, no there isn't if thats what floats your boat, what I am saying is that all those things I have tried to get over to my GG friends who have CD partners seem to have evaporated because judging by the response a great many of you agree with Doc, which blows my argument of CDs feminine side often being more kind sensitive, understanding and loving toward their partners out of the water. So yes I am a tad disappointed because I always thought that the argument my lady friends were putting to me about the sex thing were imaginary and had been blown up out of all proportion simply because they didn't want their SO to dress. I hope that makes it a bit more clearer for you
Take care
Bev

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Originally Posted by RobertaFermina

So, even as I am somewhat free from the first rush of Narcissism, I acknowledge it as a strong candidate for the much of the "highs" of my fascination with CDing.

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Narcissism is not really the correct term to use. Narcissism is love of oneself, what CDs develop is autogynephilia which is the love of the image or idea of themselves as a female. As such CDs are attracted to a fantasy concept not actually with themselves and much of that attraction is based upon the automated sexual response to visual feminine signals that we are conditioned to react to.

All heterosexual CDs will develop autogynephilia to some degree because we are all responding correctly to what we are supposed to find attractive. The struggle is to realize this is occurring and to stay focused on your partner and not on a fantasy.

You said that you dress in the closet.

The secretiveness makes it more exciting.

If you were to dress openly everyday, the novelty slows down (but it is always fun).

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Originally Posted by Bev06 GG

Michaela, I suggest you go back and read the full thread and then try to understand where I am coming from. I regularly talk and listn to ladies who cannot accept CDing and struggle with all it has brought to the relationship. I have always tried when talking to these ladies to focus on the positive side of having a CD as a partner in the hope that they will do too. I also listen to a fair majority of you wondering why your SO or others cannot accept you and my heart goes out to you. After all how can wearing female attire possibly affect a relationship in such a destructive way.
Then you read something like this thread which is basically saying that CDing replaces the sexual thrill you get from having a partner. Infact Doc actually admitted that although his partner was pretty and always interested in sex he lost interest sexually and gained more of a thrill from his dressing.
Nothing wrong in that you say, no there isn't if thats what floats your boat, what I am saying is that all those things I have tried to get over to my GG friends who have CD partners seem to have evaporated because judging by the response a great many of you agree with Doc, which blows my argument of CDs feminine side often being more kind sensitive, understanding and loving toward their partners out of the water. So yes I am a tad disappointed because I always thought that the argument my lady friends were putting to me about the sex thing were imaginary and had been blown up out of all proportion simply because they didn't want their SO to dress. I hope that makes it a bit more clearer for you
Take care
Bev

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grrrr...

I am sure you are a nice person and I am sorry if I am being defensive here but what I see you saying is that you are prepared to judge all transgendered women based on what a few have said in their posts.

I understand that giving support after time can become really stressful and when someone says something that goes against advice that you have been giving for a long time it can be extremely frustrating because it feels like being defeated.

When these girls replied to this thread I don't think they were focusing so much on the part where docrobbysherry was mentioning past relationships. I think that is because for many of us that is indeed a touchy subject and it is easier to avoid it and talk about the easy part which is continuing to have a desire to dress.

We meant no harm, or at least I didnt, in any of my statements. I admit that I danced around the subject of her ability to stay happy with past lovers. This is because I have no real solid ground to stand on for giving that sort of advice since I myself have avoided serious relationships my whole life. I have a hard enough time feeling like a human myself at times, and wont subject my craziness to someone else who has to listen to that crap.

Yeah how long does it go on for? My biggest fear is haveing a heart attack while dressed when I get into my 80's

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Originally Posted by curse within

Yeah how long does it go on for? My biggest fear is haveing a heart attack while dressed when I get into my 80's

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You should be so lucky! But at least you can go out in style
hugs ....lacie:battingeyelashes:

note to self: make sure to write will that explains that I MUST be buried in my best skirt and heels :p

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Originally Posted by Michaela

note to self: make sure to write will that explains that I MUST be buried in my best skirt and heels :p

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Love the note to self no a bad Idea .:D

First, let me thank u all for your posts. Your knowledge and experience gives me new incite into my Cding. So many things I had not considered!

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Originally Posted by whitelace

Hi docrobbysherry,
You mention that it frightens you and sure the unknown has a tendency of doing that to all of us, but take a look at what we have ....you take the average senior... they look in the mirror and then they look away in defeat for the oncoming of age and just end up accepting the years .... but we're e a different lot indeed... we have the will and the expertise to just wave our magic wands an poof , a beautiful princess appears .... lets face it would you ever give up the power of transcending the years ( not I )...sure we changed the rules but then again this is our game and this is our field of dreams hope this helped to shed some light hugs ....lacie:battingeyelashes:

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What u say is SO true! I'm sure I'm living in denial. Of my age, my gender, and probably my CD obsession. On the other hand, I'm going to be in the ground for a long time!

So, how bad is it if I pretend to be a pretty woman for a few years? And that I get to date hot, young women, that I could NEVER EVEN meet at my age in REAL life, is just a bonus!

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

I think a lot more CDs get a sexual thrill than willing to admit. Probably cause a lot of other CD or TS say "Oh if you get turned on by it, you are not a "true" TS or a "true" CD." So other CD and TS feel ashamed like even their own "sisters" don't accept them.
Others claim their is no sexual attachement to their femme side yet they have 10 gigabytes of photos of themselves

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Yes, I get that a lot on this site. I'm a closet CD, with no desires to; go out dressed, make CDing my life style, or become the "woman inside". I often feel left out here. And that I'm all alone with my own weird CD style!

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Originally Posted by Satrana

Narcissism is not really the correct term to use. Narcissism is love of oneself, what CDs develop is autogynephilia which is the love of the image or idea of themselves as a female. As such CDs are attracted to a fantasy concept not actually with themselves and much of that attraction is based upon the automated sexual response to visual feminine signals that we are conditioned to react to.

All heterosexual CDs will develop autogynephilia to some degree because we are all responding correctly to what we are supposed to find attractive. The struggle is to realize this is occurring and to stay focused on your partner and not on a fantasy.

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I guess that describes me as a CD, in a nutshell! And why I fear I may never have another live GG partner. As long as Sherry has this overpowering and passionate hold on me!


The best thing I learned was, once again, I'm not alone. Many of u had or have, the same fears, guilts, and concerns about your CDing as I do! Thank u all SO MUCH for taking the time to give of yourselves!

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

After the first 3, getting sexually excited became more and more difficult. Yet, she was very pretty and always interested in sex.
As a young man, I always felt turned on being with a new woman. But girl friends became less exciting after a number of times in bed. Sex always became, "just same old thing" again.

I've been dressing for 10 years. I'm 60 years old. How can I still be having these over the top urges when CDing? Why is it still so sexually exciting and such a turn on? Still so overwhelming and compelling?

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I’m 60 years old too , I’ve been dressing for 55 years, and I certainly have almost the same kind of experience as you, even if I’m no more in the closet.
The sexual excitation is still there when I dress, like 30 years ago, whereas I find it very difficult to maintain a comparable level of excitation, after 3-4years of sex with the same sexy girl friend.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

But as a GG in a fairly new relationship with my bf, reading your post and most of the others who experience similar feelings to yours scares me because it does not look as if you need to have women in your lives. For the type of love that brings emotional security and companionship perhaps, but not for passion. You have yourselves.

Many GGs share the fear that we are not enough ... that our CDers will never feel as passionate towards us in the long term as we feel towards them, because CDers' love for themselves as women elevates them to a high beyond compare. Any woman would love to have a man (or a woman if she is so inclined) feel about her the way you describe you feel towards yourselves dressed.

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Dear Reine,

Might be true for me. You made a very insightful comment.
Happily for you, not every CDers are like Doc and me.

Kisses

Nadia

Hello Sherry!
I also have pondered this very question. Why do I get this charge out of dressing and looking ...AT ME! I think it is because we can cheat. We dress in the very outfits that we want to see on women. We can be the very picture of what we think is sexy. If we love women that have pointy high heels..they are there. If we get excited about blue mini skirts with fringe...there it is. If we love women that have long blond hair..it is in front of us. And we put it all together in one live package that will do exactly as we want. How can you not love the person in the mirror? You have created the live girl of your dreams when the clothes and accessories turn out right!

It's SO good to know there r others out there! It gets very lonely and weird in my closet sometimes-----:sad:

Big hugs to u both!:love:

G-d, I LOVE THIS SITE!:o

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

It's SO good to know there r others out there! It gets very lonely and weird in my closet sometimes

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Oh I think there are plenty of CDs who think exactly the same way you do, unfortunately there is a sentiment in the CD community to downplay sexual issues, especially those which might raise fears among GGs that our feminine side may be competition. This is the last thing they want to hear so these types of disclosures are largely swept under the carpet. I certainly had similar thoughts when I was single.:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Satrana

unfortunately there is a sentiment in the CD community to downplay sexual issues, especially those which might raise fears among GGs that our feminine side may be competition. This is the last thing they want to hear so these types of disclosures are largely swept under the carpet..:hugs:

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There can be no competition cos we are the real deal ......... [SIZE="3"]"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is in her being"[/SIZE]

Doc, I don't think there is an "end" to CD'ing! It's an endless process that only ends with death! I'm 55 years old and CD'ing is the big thing that makes me feel young! Maybe that's it, it is our fountain of youth!

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Originally Posted by Jess

There can be no competition cos we are the real deal

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No competition for being a woman certainly, but competition over femininity yes. The problem of course is that many people are unable to detach femininity from womanhood, the two do not automatically go hand in hand.

When women entered the workplace and became financially independent there was much discussion about how women were competing for a man's "natural" role as family provider. It all turned out to be hogwash, just as CDers competing with their SOs is hogwash but it will take time for this to be recognized.

Where and when will all this end?

I don't know about the 'where' bit, but as Charlie Brown said the other day in Peanuts the 'when' bit ends right after the credits.

This has got to be the most intelligent, insightful, and educational thread I have read in a very long time. The breadth of positions and experiences from CD's and GG's alike is remakable. Thank you all. Especially DocRS. Sometimes all it takes to get an excellent discussion going is to ask an excellent question.

The only thing I can add is to remind us all that DocRS has only been CDing for 10 years. Most of us have been at it most of our lives. I would remind you all of the line: "Too hot not to cool down".

Doc got off to a very fast start, and had the wherewithall to get to an unusually intense level very quickly. Most of us started slowly with one or two pieces of purloined garments, and escalated over a number of years. In fact, very few of us will ever have the opportunity to completely transform ourselves, temporarily, the way he is able with his femskin ensemble.

So, here is my point: (Damn, I am handicapped without a blackboard.) Please visualize a basic AC sine wave. As the alternating current goes from 0volts toward 120 it takes a certain amount of time to get there. Eventually, the power will hit 120 volts and start down toward 0 volts again on it's way to negative 120. Hitting -120, it goes back up, through 0, and on to positive 120volts. This movement is symetrical, the power above 0 is equal to the power below 0. And, in this example, the time it takes to get up to 120 will be the same as the time it takes to go down to zero, etc.

If it takes a relatively short time to get to the top, it will take a relatively short time to go down. And vice versa. If it took me 20 or 30 years to get to the top of my CDing, it can be expected to last longer than if it only took a couple of years.

Obviously, there are an infinate number of variables that are not included in this example. But, in general, the single biggest factor that differentiates his situation from most of ours is his quick raise to his current level.

So, DocRS, as you ponder our responses to your question, keep in mind that few of us can really appreciate your situation. I feel that I am in a similar boat as you in that I have no interest in passing, or transitioning. I am simply a man who likes to wear womens clothes.

There is a way to take some control of the timing of all this, but it is probably too much for this posting. If you are interested, IM me.

Good luck, and thanks for opening this up.