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I'm thinking of visiting a bar in a very liberal and accepting town a few hours away from home. I wouldn't be drinking alcohol and I have never done it enfemme. I plan on visiting a bar for some light takeout and the atmosphere, probably spending around 30 minutes. Asking here for suggestions, advice and experiences? Also, what drink to order without looking silly.
In my head, I see myself in casual spring dress with a denim jacket and ankle booties.
The beverage market caters to both genders, so you'll be fine ordering what you usually get.
The outfit sounds nice. Since you'll be out of your hometown, make sure you have a charged cell phone.
Other than that, have fun and take pictures if you can.
Ask your bartender for a recommendation if you want an alcoholic or non alcoholic beverage. They are always willing to help. - tip them of course.
One thing I do is always get a glass and a straw with my drink to minimize lipstick smearing even though the liquid lipstick I use is pretty resilient.
Sandi
Plan on spending an hour. Thirty minutes is way too short. In terms of what to drink, just ask the bartender for a recommendation. They may ask you a basic question or two about your preferences in flavors and go from there. Enjoy!
My first times out were to Cheesecake Factories. Liked the food and the vibe. Never an issue. I've expanded to other places; never an issue. As to what to drink, what do you like and order it. Women drink beer and guys drink wine. Drinks have no gender.
I have found that people don't care, and most wait staff are trained to be courteous and polite (and yes, they are tipped, so they are motivated to do so). You might even get a compliment on your outfit (I have before).
Why hurry? Order your drink and your meal. Take your time. Do what all the others do; get out your phone and play with it (or take a tablet; again, no one cares). If you are driving a couple of hours, why are you going to rush the process.
And if you are in a larger town, before you eat go to the mall and have a walk around. Go in the stores. Try on clothes (if there is a Nordstrom, definitely go; Macy's are also non issues). Make a day of it.
Just don't overthink it. Dress nicely, act naturally, and things will be fine.
I hope you enjoy your venture out to a few bars but be very conservative especially with others drinking too who can get a little more courage when drunk. Plus we all see the stories about attacks on transgender etc more. I would say checking out in drab first a few times. As far as drinking there?s more and more 0% beers on the market if they don?t look too close it won?t be noticed. Or just tonic water and ice. They?d never know it wasn?t a mixed drink. Only you and your priest err bartender will know. As suggested tips go along way getting info on the lay of the land. Good luck and enjoy
My top tips; If this is somewhere you're not that familiar with check out the surrounding streets on Google Street View. You'll get a feel for the place. Same time check out the parking. Ist time out you don't want to be walking too far to get to the bar. Scrap the 30 minutes. If all is going well, stay with it, make the most of it. More time spent, more your confidence will grow.
Drinks? What's wrong with a diet cola? Don't over think it. Order food, doesn't have to be much. It's a vehicle for you to enjoy your time.
Sit, people watch, pick up the vibe of the place. Be aware you might get chatted too by another customer, even chatted up!
If you feel uncomfortable, leave. If all is well, go with the flow.
If you don't want alcohol, just order a "Coke". Or Bloody Mary without the alcohol (spicy tomato juice). Or whatever you like.
It’s a bar. Surely you’ve been to a bar? The only extra “etiquette” you need is never leave your drink unattended.
Sometimes you get comments.
I just smile vaguely, look at their (usually a guy) neck, and keep moving. If you ignore it they usually get embarrassed.
Oder what ever you want! Most people don't pay attention. You have them pour you a Spite with a twist in it and it will look like a mixed drink if you want to look like you are indulging.
Google non-alcoholic mixed drinks and it will give you some ideas, but that doesn't mean the bar tender will know how to mix them!
Prazia, u don't mention which bar or what time u plan to visit it? Just because a bar is in a liberal accepting town doesn't mean it couldn't have closeminded, homophobes in it.:sad:
My advice? Unless u you've been in it before in man mode? Be careful!:straightface:
Just order a club soda, and tip like you would for any other drink. The staff will appreciate your consideration.
Prazia, Just act like you belong there. I assume you arguing to a LGBTQ bar.
A cape cod, ginger ale or something of that sort would be fine. Cola is ok, but you might want to avoid caffeine as it is a dieretic. Not that you should be afraid of using the ladies' but depending on your foundation, hose or shapeware, using the bathroom can be a hassle. Especially with false nails.
Of course that doesn't stop me, just takes a little longer, and I like to fix my lipstick anyway. Other women occasionally comment. You know, like oh nice boots, or where did you find that blouse?
Like Sherry said, go there en drab first if you can. Even if it is a gay place. Do a little research to make sure it is in a (reasonably) safe neighborhood, if not, don't go there. Much safer to go in daylight hours than at night, especially alone. If you don't want attention, even better during the day when there will be less people.
You can order a soda or a cup of coffee or something. And if you are driving, that is an excellent idea, a single drop of alcohol on your breath is a license for the police to make you get out and walk the line and all of that, not something I ever, ever want to experience.
Mine's a Jameson and lemonade (or 2).
Sometimes I order from the bar, sometimes (especially with Covid) they seat me first.
I must admit, I'm normally there around 4pm and out before 5.30 as I have duties at home and there's no abusive drunks around.
I probably should shave regularly to blend a bit more
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Love the outfit!
I got this response mixed up with another thread, posted there but was meant for here, same advise.
I suggest a tg/cd friendly bar typically a gay type bar.
Go first in drab you will get the feel for the place which will make you more comfortable when you go as Crystal. Do not over dress I made that mistake the first time I went out I wore a dress like you would wear to a wedding reception, way over dressed, I never made that mistake again. I suggest jeans very few people wear a dress or a skirt to a bar.
You will more than likely be scared, very normal I still feel a little fear when I first walk in. Remember this, no one cares only you. Each time you go out the easier it gets you'll love it once you do it a few times. Its so much better and exciting being out of the house
Thanks everyone for the advice ans sharing experiences. 😊 I did go tooneand stayed for an hour. It was wonderful.
The hardest part for me when I first started was walking into the place. Walk in head high no one is staring at you even though it feels like everyone is. I found a place at the bar where I could people watch. The bartenders are usually friendly and start conversations if not busy. Stay as long as you wish. Ask the bar tender to take a photo. I tip well. Not unusual if at the bar to have a few conversations with others. I have had some women smile and start a conversation and compliment me on my look and seem genuinely interested in knowing my story. Overall I have enjoyed every time, took a few trips before i could walk in without my heart racing. I do recommend LGBT friendly places.
No, I don't think etiquettes should be barred, ever.
They've suffered enough already and deserve the same fair and equal treatment as everyone else!
We do the bar scene a lot with events and fundraising for various organizations. I rarely drink alcohol. Being a former alcoholic I know not to really get started so one or maybe two drinks. Most of the time I just drink coke a cola. I have never had a bartender worry about that. I did have one offer me a free drink once. I said thanks I can buy them just know better. Je said I get it the soda is on me all night.