Lawd , next time that happens I would call the police ( before she calls them on YOU ) , I am too old at 57 to fight all night long . Ridiculous .
. I bet . I cannot handle drama like that . Life is too short .
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Hello Renee Demarea
We only have your side of the story, but based on what you've posted, I'd say it's time to engage a solicitor for eviction proceedings. I see her behavior going downhill.
So she is reconsidering because it is too much work to find another place to live and move out? Seems like a good reason to maintain a relationship to me to me! If she doesn't move out, start charging her rent! I bet she will find a place to live then. She is just using you, free rent!!
Kick her to the curb. There is no upside to sharing your home with her. If your son knows about the crossdressing and doesn't mind, neither will the rest of the world.
Thanks for all your thoughts, A update is that she came home that night and was in disbelief got PO , and then continued to pull about 10 ft of hanging clothes and threw them in the middle of the room. We fought back and forth till 700 am , got up around 10 and she left with her daughter. Return about 5 hrs latter we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out boxes closets and wall hangings . She cannot find a place to go with all this stuff and two cats also. She has began to rethink the arrangement we have and maybe more forgiving moving forward ? Time will tell, the line is drawn in the sand. give it a few weeks ttul Renee
Give her time to give it some thought.
Getting pissed and boxing up stuff to move out isn't thinking clearly so time to mull it over in her head is a good thing.
Watch out she does not change the locks when you're out of your own home! The sex would have to be really good for me to put up with stuff like that.
Perhaps she's begun to realise which side the bread is buttered on and to appreciate she's been taking you for granted.
Was alcohol involved in triggering this altercation? In your original post, you indicated that her behavior is often influenced by that. Is this really the way you want to live the rest of your life...having an unstable drunk dictate how you get to enjoy your life, with all the "perks" of this relationship/living arrangement going to her and none to you? I repeat..."What's in it for you?"
Personally, if I were in your position, I would follow the advice of sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage, whose "go to" advice in cases like this is "DTMFA"...as in "Dump The (censored...rhymes with Mother Trucker) Already".
A Few WEEKS is too damn long!!!! Give her ONE week and no more! She can do plenty of mulling and thinking in that amount of time. If she continues to stay by agreement, she pays Rent and helps to do things in and around the house..put it in writing and get her signature of agreement. If her daughter is an adult, let her go there!
Trust me, life life is too short to spend it on toxic relationships. My advice is to cut your losses and end this one as soon as possible.
She is using you is what it sounds like to me.
You don't have to live that way and be talked to like that.
I would tell her to leave and take her stuff with her.If she refused tell her if she wants to stay she has to stop drinking and pay rent. Make the rent what others in the area pay don't go light on her.
Write up a legal rental agreement and if she doesn't agree tell her to go.
It does sound toxic to me.
I wouldn't put up with her.
I was married twice to women like that and it will never happen again.
And what is the upside to this relationship? I am asking that question quite seriously.
Renee;
Part of me wants to say you are in a toxic relationship and the other part of me has to say that by not being upfront before starting a relationship, you set yourself up for future problems because most GG's over the age of 40ish may not be as informed on what CD/TG means other than the preconceived notions of being gay . If the relationship is salvageable, a gender therapist and conversation between the two of you is important. You moved on fairly quickly after your spouse passed away. These things of tossing clothes around, drinking, being verbally abusive, locking you out of rooms in your own house are all signs of a toxic relationship between the two of you.
You may want to consider helping her find a place to live , paying for rent for a few months until she is on her feet with work. In the meantime if you really want to try to work things out, consider dating for 6 to 12 months while separated. It'll give the two of you time to see if you both can overcome the CD/TG issue and have a less volatile relationship.
Kelly
I say this in the kindest, most loving way possible.
GET HER THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOME AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!
Do what you need to do to protect yourself, but GET HER THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!!
Not sure where you live but this is an abusive relationship. I have worked with Domestic Violence Prevention. But in most countries you can?t just kick her out. Check with local authorities or DV organizations or attorney and learn what you must do legally to get her out. In the USA you might be able to get a restraining order to limit contact until she moves.