CD selfies and Machismo

So, I was having a discussion at a family 4th of July cookout about craft and home-brewing and beer in general. My observation was that a lot of people, amateurs and neo-professionals alike, tend to over do the flavor pallets. There seems to be a competition for the bitterest IPA, the most chocolate porter, etc.

It reminded me of my younger days with hot wings. Guys had to prove their machismo by suffering the hottest wings imaginable. Never mind the taste, burnt eyes, or trips to the bathroom a couple of hours later. They had to prove that they were more of a man than the next guy.

Sometimes I wonder if that same spirit lives in the CD world. The constant need to prove that your the best. It didn't happen if there aren't any pictures. I have more clothes than you. I was more daring and flew pretty. You shave, well I epilate. You epilate, well I got laser.

How about just a nice night out with friends, not a marathon clubbing night? Would that be so bad?

I have enough issues with myself to worry about competing with others.

I'm really keen to do more with my eyebrows, but I can't shape them without upsetting my wife. Others will be able to shape them, I can't compete.

My chin and face are long. I can't compete with a femme faced person. Why worry about it?

We all do what we can, and show celebrate each others expression.

When one applies what you are talking about to the CD world you can come up with some hilarious scenarios.

That said, Meghan I think you bring up some good points and important observations. I have even seen some women who are definitely not fitting the common stereotype of the way women should be. They compete like crazy and just as much as the machismo men and once in awhile even out perform the guys. And then a few minutes later they are as kind, sensitive and gentle touchy-feely as the most feminine.

In this regard humans are often a competitive lot much like our close relatives the chimpanzees. But we also have a definite softer side that can be gentle and incredibly empathic like our other close relatives, the bonobos. If one considers our genetic heritage our kind of "schizophrenic" behavior is quite understandable. We evolved in an environment where we had to be quite competitive to survive but those genetically defined behavior traits have not gone away because they are still useful even though now often being harmful when implemented to the extreme as dictators do. Whether cis or trans those behaviors persist, it is just the amount they are used that varies.

Thanks for the good thought. It was fun to think about.

I've never been one to "prove" I'm best at anything. I much prefer to be a team player and contribute what I can while trying my best. A fun night out with friends without competition is more than enough for me.


Karen

I am not in competition with anyone except for my own internal image of myself. Sadly though many seem to think it is a competition. But then again you are speaking of a man thing, and I'm not a man so I really wouldn't understand.

Megan, I agree! If we lived closer, we could share a GNO! My only competition is myself! Hugs Lana Mae

I hope I don't come across as competing. if I'm sharing and experience it is to let others know it is possible.or something that made me happy. I have never taken any replies to my posts as well my experience was better. Yes I have too many clothes but thats not to brag just what I've collected over the years.

I don't seem to come across that sense of competition as most of the like minded friends I have met only care that you make a serious effort to present yourself in a respectful lady like manner. That could be construed as competing...who looks the most feminine, and we do have our "clicks"....but I don't think most TGers are of that mentality. Most of those I know are kind, gentle, demure, and sensitive. Sure, there are a few girls with A type personalities but when they realize their in a group who possess these C type personality traits, there is not much to prove and they start to realize, they just look silly.

In our society today, many people see what they want to see, Meghan. I'm not saying that CD's aren't competitive. But, in the many 100's I've met personally?

Once I got to know them individually I've found even the loudest, boldest, and prettiest to by friendly, helpful and accepting! Kind of the opposite of competitive.:hugs:

As for going out with just a few friends for the evening? When I first began going out long ago? The quieter and more private the meet up was the better!:o

However, some 15 years later I'm now discovering how elevating going out to crowded, vanilla, club/bar venues can be!:thumbsup:

I made a comment on this forum quite some time ago referencing this. I said something along the lines of how it was obvious this was really a bunch of men because of the level of competition. I will say that I think it has improved since then, mainly because most of the worst offenders have stopped posting for one reason or another.

I think that any sense of competition isn't in the form of an external challenge, but that which we create in one's self. It can be subtle, like noticing how many photo posts never seem to show the same outfit in more than one post and thinking that I should build up my wardrobe. On the other hand, one could simply appreciate the variety and the effort others take to share a good experience. I think most members here work to achieve a level that makes them feel good, and pretty much stay there. I don't know if it is competition to get ideas from others, and try them out ourselves.

I don't understand people who compete against each other. Competition is pointless. And often over things that are so silly. For example, would you compete over who did blue eye shadow the best? Silly. Everyone probably did it anyway at some point. I know I did blue eye shadow in my young days (I took what my mother had in store). I think I remember doing it quite a few times. In fact, I'm sure I did it more than most of you. Actually, I probably did it ten times more often than ANY of you. You obviously were not even born when I broke my first records at the age of 4 1/2. And boy, was I good at it, I did it so, so right, every single -bleep- time, the total package, the absolute finest expert in blue eye shadow artistry. Absolutely NOBODY could compete. And the few who tried, ended up bowing before me, in awe of my mastery. Oooooh, those were the good times. Mmmmh. What was the question again?

For me I think of it like most Golfers, to try to do better than you did before.

I'm not trying to out due other CDers, I'm just trying to look more fem each time I dress for my own pleasure and since I can't go out.
I like to share photos.

Kind of sad that I feel that at some point I'm going to erase all photos and Purge my stash.

Megan, I am in. I would love a nice small group to have a glass of wine with and just talk. I am alone in this.

I would never begin to presume myself better or more than anyone else. If anything, I am engaged in a constant struggle to make up for my shortcomings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Meghan4now

Guys had to prove their machismo by suffering the hottest wings imaginable. Never mind the taste, burnt eyes, or trips to the bathroom a couple of hours later. They had to prove that they were more of a man than the next guy.

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You reminded me of college days. It wasn't the hottest wings, but who could ruin their homemade "Cincinnati chili" by loading it with more and more hot peppers. I was standing out on a friend's outside balcony, in the snow, sweating up a storm while I ate his latest spicy chili, and realized how stupid that was. I haven't seen that level of competition in the CD world, but some pops through every now and again.

For me my looks are so non-fem that I just try to enjoy the time I can dress. I dress because I enjoy the feel of the clothes. Maybe I will just go back into my closet.
No more going out. No more photos. and no more advice (because I have a limited world of experience.)

Now I have to go pack for my weekend in Atlanta, GA.

I like mild beer, hate chicken wings and I may not have more bras than everyone but I do have more vintage nail pullers including the amazing 1882 Sampson Bulldog! Even have a book on nail pullers! Chalk it up to obsessions not Machismo.

I haven?t picked up that vibe here? I do feel pretty when I dress but I?m fine when I see how gorgeous some of you are.

I personally think competition is what makes us better, as humans and as a society. There are obviously some exceptions, but if you consider sports, its a wonderful thing. As consumers we benefit everyday from a free market and from companies wanting a share of our pocket! Competition is good!

Regarding this forum I think we lack the most important component of competition - dependence. We don?t depend from each other. It?s actually (in my humble opinion) the other way around - cooperation.

Its amazing how supportive the conversation gets in this forum. And we should be proud of it.

The only feeling I can recall from seeing gorgeous girls, reading about wonderful adventures and unforgettable moments from some some of you is motivation. Motivation to dress more, to improve my makeup skills, to care less by the opinion and judgment of others, to value and cherish my loved accepting partner and finally to show empathy and help others to overcome their perceived problems or anxieties.

While compared to many here, my experience of meeting other CD'ers in a social setting has always been such that it has been about socialising. A chance to chat about anything and everything.

Yes CD issues come up, talks about our back story, the how why and when's but I've never felt that there was any competition as to who did what best.

It is sometimes the case that complements are made; "I like your dress" or "I wish I had your figure" but those are more akin to what you'd here GG's saying to each other.

When I dress I feel I leave my manliness behind. It's excess baggage so why take it with you.

To add an important bit to my post that talked about the competition thing in general, I am a strong believer in cooperative action rather than competition. In the social sciences there has been way too much emphasis on competition and some people latch on to that and begin to think that is the way one wins. I believe that here one can see competition once in awhile, but it is largely cooperation that we do. That may exist because we are mostly traveling in the same boat with pressures from the outside to be more traditional. Cooperation works really well in the situation here and it is refreshing to experience. So Here is quite possibly not representative of the general world where it is possible to encounter a strong push back toward the traditional. Fortunately, that seems to be changing some. The intensely competitive world in the U.S over the last 4 1/2 years seems to be fading as more balanced behavior takes over.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I like mild beer, hate chicken wings and I may not have more bras than everyone but I do have more vintage nail pullers including the amazing 1882 Sampson Bulldog! Even have a book on nail pullers! Chalk it up to obsessions not Machismo.

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Why do you English speakers have to use the same word for nails and fingernails? I initially got the creeps reading your post Karen (something like "whaaaaaat?"). Then I realized what you really meant. At least, I hope I did.