The Emptiness of the Purge

Hello my Darlings...

As I mentioned in my re-introduction, I purged a few years ago. More like, I nuked.

Poor G.

I tossed all her clothes.

All her sweet, sweet hair.

Her makeup.

Her earrings, and navel rings...and I hoped the piercings would just close up.

I tossed her leather corsets and boots. And her Rennaisance wench costumes.

Alas, I even tossed her photos. Deleted about 200.

Luckily, I forgot about a few images I uploaded to an internet site....and they survived.

Except for those few pics, G is gone.

So I was wondering...have any of you purged? Nuked? Destroyed the women in you?

And after the rush of emotions that led to the purge...have you then had the rush of regret? That you have virtually killed...this part of you?

Tears and love,

G

[SIZE="2"]I keep wondering if someone has purged and stayed purged, completely cleaned of all vestiges of whatever came before? We’ll never know, because if one is truly purged, they won’t be looking in here, will they? :doh: I threw out a lot of stuff once, but it wasn’t a deliberate purge – I kept a few key items, but them in a box, and kept them out of sight, but it wasn’t long before I took them out and began to dream again…

One thing I would never throw out is my journal/diary, where I have lengthy accounts of all of my crossdressing adventures from Day One onward. I could easily write a book using these nearly unintelligible jottings for reference -- I couldn’t get away from it if I tried, so I don’t, but I’m happy being who I am in any event. I suppose purging helps in the short term, but not in the long term, unless you live like a hermit or an ascetic, shunning contact with the world and its seductive modes of dress – as soon as you see your favorite fetish garment or object on someone else, striding past with complete alacrity, you’ll soon be rebuilding what you’ve destroyed. You can’t destroy the woman (or women) in you, anymore than you can destroy yourself by removing all meaningful inanimate possessions. I say keep it all – put it away, out of sight if you must, but don’t toss it away. Please don’t throw out any photos, since you cannot get those back no matter how much you try – I made that terrible mistake on numerous occasions…:sad:[/SIZE]

I have done the purge thing where all items went. All of them. Well it lasted a few years then the emotions came back and the anger issues got worse. Then I got internet and found a lot of girls like me and the closet door was ript off the hinges. I now have three closets of clothes, go out and about and I am out. The times before I only had a few items like a small moving box and when I did buy something I usually tore it first time I but it on, not anymore. I have yet to met anyone who actualy stayed purged. I have met some who where just as happy with the once a year event our national holiday Halloween. I have met some that needed to transition to find their balance.

HUGS Snadra

Thank God my purging days are over, I hope, but if not, I'll rent a storage bin.

One thing I've made my partner promise is no more purging. Melissa's things need a special place and she has a right to them.

The emotions and guilt and regret are such huge emotions that they're exhausting to try and process. I hope you're able to find a peace within yourself to know that your femme side is entitled to everything that makes her feel beautiful.

Sometimes it seemed that way but like the "bad penny" it kept coming back.:)

You think you "destroyed the woman in you" by simply removing physical traces of her that are outside of you? :heehee:

Good news: you forgot to call the exorcist. She's fine.

She's not made of clothes, really. Is she?

Thanks, all of you, for your thoughts. All very, very appreciated.

And yes, I'm realizing that this is who I am. Forever.

The purge is the result of ultra-high emotions...fear, conflict, panic. And while emotions come and emotions go, who you are stays put.

So I begin from step one. Again.

By the way, Frederique raises a key point...photos. I tossed nearly all mine. But it occurs to me that when I was sharing them, perhaps some of you downloaded a few. If so, could you let me know? That would mean the world to me.

Without them, it's as though I'm living life without a mirror.

Hugs,

G

Ah yes, the purge. I did mine one year ago-everything gone. I talked to a gender disorder counsellor and realized that the one thing I truly wanted in this life was to be married to my wife. She knows about my CD but did not support it. I do not like keeping secrets and decided that I would rather not dress at all than have to remain in the closet. I miss it, it was fun, but I just don't have the overwhelming urge anymore. I am here in the Forum because I enjoy this community of like-minded people and who knows what the future will bring.

I won't try to speak to anyone elses times and events, but for me purging has been about guilt, real or imagined, rather than just some feeling of I could do better with my life and time.

These are complicated issues and the anwers are a varied as the people. All I know it that had I stayed the course I would have had quite a different stuation right now in my life. Perhaps the counseling is a part of the solution but in the end you will just have to live life and hopefully it will be a happy one. Are you happy?

This is a great community and there is a lot of support for you if you want it.

:love:

The only one I regret is when I tossed my purple wig a few years ago after a spat with the wife.. Don't know why I did it but I loved that hair...

I never purged when I stopped CDing when I was 16 because my GG Cousin dressed me up in her clothes since we were pretty much the same size back then,but for 27 years I fought the urge to CD until my wife encouraged me. It was a battle but now I feel so good letting my inner female out,so I never purge.Why fight it?



Felicity

I think I must have purged every other year for a long time. It's been a long time sence I had a destructive purge now its just geting rid of cloth's that don't fit properly anymore (In a good way).

been there done that got the t-shirt..no wait I purged it....

I understand completely I am coming back from a purge right now

Yes, I have purged, purged, and purged, the last being in 2004. So, I came back with a new attitude in 07.
Hence the tag on my name. I'll not do that again.
You can box your favorites, and store them, then give the things that don't fit to charity. Your clothes are there when you get back in the groove.
But for me, all or nothing will never work.

Oh Yes! Purged! Been there done that, several times. I haven't lately and hope I never do it again. The clothes are expensive enough depending on sales and where I shop but make-up forget it that essential stuff is Expensive. Of course certain lingerie is outrageously expensive as well but good make-up is dear. I don't know how much I've tossed but it's in the thousands. The biggest ptoblem is not the expense but the heartache of losing things, at least in my case things that were and are so hard to buy. I'm getting better but there is still the urge to purge, I hate it.

Hugs and good luck!

Don't purge