interesting day.

SO today I was out and about for some business meetings. In between appointments I took time to shop a little. As I was working all day I was in drab. I am very comfortable shopping for womens clothes, make up and even panties by now. I'm even comfortable being dressed out in day light. what makes me feel embarrassed is being seen part way dressed. if I can present fully femme or fully drab I am fearless but if I had a dress on but no make up that feels different somehow. Anyway as most who know me are aware I am a shoe fanatic. I never have enough shoes. And as any lady knows a shoe size is not always a guaranteed fit.
So there I am in a suit and tie in a department store. I wanted to try on a wonderful pair of shoes that were only in a size 11. with this brand of shoes sometimes an 11 will fit and sometimes it won't. Well I didn't want to pop off my loafer and try on a pump right in the aisle so I carried the shoes under my arm and took a few pairs of pants into the fitting room. I tried on the shoes and they fit. I was thrilled. so I walked out and straight to a register. I bought the shoes and walked towards the exit. Just as I reached the door. two plain clothes security guards asked me to follow them to the office. I followed them and pulled out my receipt. They asked me what I stole. I said nothing. They kept repeating that the saw me stick something in my jacket and sneak it in the dressing room. At this point the cops hadn't been called but they were being very persistent and I thought if I didn't just come out with things would just spiral on from here. So I exclaimed, "OK! Look. I like buying and wearing womens clothes. I saw these shoes. and wanted to try them out in the fitting room. So I hid them in my jacket when I checked in the fitting room so no one would know I was trying them on. I bought and paid for them, you can search me I don't have any other merchandise on me. I was just trying to be discrete about something potentially embarrassing"
The two security guys were quiet and then they started snickering. One said " so you're not a thief, you're just a freak?" At this point I was furious. I asked if there was still any question about me stealing anything. They both said no so I said then I want to see the most senior manager that's in the store. After waiting 20 mins a nicely dressed young woman walked in and introduced herself as a manager. She said she was sorry about the mix up and that there was nothing to worry about, and that I was free to go.
Of course I was free to go I hadn't stolen anything. I said to her. "Well thank you for saying that. I will accept that my behavior looked suspicious and I certainly have no problem discussing it with your security if they are concerned that I've taken something. However after I explained, your security guards laughed at and mocked me. I heard them in the hall way telling other employees in person and on their walkie-talkies that they caught a 'freak or faggot'. I'm appalled that in this day and age that I would be treated this way in an nice department store like this. "
I don't think she was prepared for that and she began apologizing profusely. I didn't want to take out my anger on her because she hadn't done anything wrong so I simply said that I would like her to return the shoes for me because i'm not interested in shopping at an intolerant store. She insisted that the store and management encourage and require tolerance from their employees for shoppers of all kinds. She Returned my money, gave me the shoes for free and made the two security guys apologize.

very interesting day indeed. I was thrilled to get new shoes for free but I hate that some people behave that way.

Superbly well done, well said and well read good for you

Welcome to Dallas, hon. I'm sorry you experienced this side of our city. What part of town were you in? Dallas is one of the more tolerant areas in the state. That said - it's still Texas, which means it's not very tolerant at all. Sometimes I ask myself - "why am I still in this hellhole?"

But yeah, the native Texas redneck makes noises like the ones you heard.

Good for you but there are rednecks lurking everywhere and always come out at the most unexpecte times.

Congratulations - and thank you - for the way you responded properly and professionally to the store manager. It is clear that the security guys need some training on "how to be a human", and I suspect that all their employees will get people training in the very near future. You helped everyone by doing what you did, and also by sharing it here so we can all learn what to do if we are confronted like that.

Very well done

Concur with all comments. Very well handled with confidence and dignity.

interesting for sure! but, i think you and the manager handled the situation splendidly. those two nincompoop security guards, however, :facepalm:

Way to stand tall Ashley! Well done!:cheer:

Personally, I would press the issue that the prejudiced offenders be terminated. A note to a corporate headquarters questioning why they would continue to employee people that display such a narrow minded and evil view of people that are different. And screw sensitivity training. Let them feel the same desperate peril they imposed on you.

^^^ EXACTLY what Carla said.

I would write corporate and begin by pointing out how well the store manager handled the situation but that they need to be aware on a higher level of the kind of individuals they have working for them in security. Unsure if you can "demand" they be terminated though, a business will do what they see fit.

Well done, disgraceful behaviour towards you Ashley. You were very careful not to mention the town and name of the store. I suspect if I had made this post it would have been heavily capitalised.

Wow, well done Ashley! I would have been so angry that I don't know if I would have been at all rational !! ;) I would like to think that they ( the guards) learned their lesson, but alas, that may be a pipe dream. As other have said, it is Texas, and I have some experience there. Having said that, I do love Austin...

Erin

I'd like to see what searches you would find on those a__ h____'s computers. I find that those who are most vocal about other's bents are more bent than anyone could guess. I'm proud of you. Wear your shoes proudly. They were not free. You earned them!

Thank you everyone for the comments. and yes I considered pressing the issue further. Ultimately I decided that sadly even if I had gotten the two men fired and brought on massive sensitivity training for the company's employees it would only cause so much change. I mean this in no way to be disrespectful because I respect anyone who gets up and goes to work doing anything at a job but, the people who work in a retail or unarmed security aren't the most elite of professionals. I think they are likely to be less educated and I think there is a greater chance that you'll encounter people who are close minded and brutish. I felt the key was to be civil with the manager. I really felt like kicking the two men's asses (i'm no super hero but, i'm sure I could have handled these clowns.) and tearing the store down. I know how it is to work in that woman's position and I needed to behave so that by the time I left it was clear in her mind who the jerks were. I wanted to impress those in charge of that store with the precept that even "freaks" are good people and that the store will only suffer for the way her security guards are behaving. I think I accomplished that. So as 100's of retail workers come and go if that manager is there for very long hopefully she carries that message with her. and it's a small world maybe i'll run into those two losers another time and we can have a more indepth discussion.

Bravo well done ,
sorry to hear about a bad day like that but as a former risk mgr it did look a little suspicious ,however the unprofessional actions on their part were uncalled for , I too was out shopping today at walmart and as I paid for my items annother clerk made the snarky comment "what kind of a man wears these"? and without a minutes hesitation the gir ringing me up replied to the other "the kinda man that is brave enough to be comfortable with who he is !" I will shop with her anytime
hugs phylis anne

<standing on chair, applauding>

BRAVO

Best wishes
MsVal

Bravo !! So glad you stood up for yourself and maybe (just maybe) some people learned a lesson about how to treat people !

Well played in the end. Obviously you can't blame them for being suspicious, but we're right to confront the intolerance.

When I worked for NY & Company, we were heavily trained on loss prevention. We were told that to stop a person and accuse, we had to be absolutely certain that we saw the customer pick the item up, what the item was and that we did not see them return it to the shelves. If we were to accuse someone falsely, the store would be open to a lawsuit. We were shown training films of customers clearly hiding an item and then secretly returning the item. They were expecting to be stopped, accused and searched. They make their living from lawsuits and court settlements for being falsely accused.

It does not appear that these security people were similarly trained.

This is just another reason why we should be upfront and honest when we are shopping for ourselves. When we sneak around, hide something and look guilty, much negative attention will be brought upon us.
Store personnel are trained to look for any abnormal or bizarre behavior.

Jodi

You could always go back with your own pitch fork and flaming torch, reversing the norm so to speak. :heehee:

On a serious front, you handled it a whole lot better than I would have. Male me can be a little incendiary in situations like this (standard British understatement here - read nuclear detonation). You definitely earned your spurs heels in this case, so well done on your stand.

Rebecca

From what I read in your post and the responses it looks as though things worked out rather well. The manager is out the sale by giving you the shoes and most likely well make the security men understand the terms they may not use and actions they may not take.
As for the all dressed and all drab ... I dressed up one night and took along mens clothes just in case. After a night of partying I decided to go to the cafe. No shoes! So I was in my mens clothes and high heels. The waitress did wink and compliment me. Things are changing.

Sorry to hear of your negative experience. I'm not sure if I would know how to handle such a situation. You handled it superbly well. That being said, I've been out dressing in many department stores in and around Dallas, as I live there as well. I have not had such a bad experience, but would like to know which store you experienced this interaction so I may be warned to avoid the store and to not support it either.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ashleymasters

...Just as I reached the door. two plain clothes security guards asked me to follow them to the office....

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For future reference, if you didn't go through the door and leave the store you can't have stolen anything. The security guards were really playing fast and loose to accuse you.

Second, you are under no obligation to go with them anywhere and it is not a good idea to leave the public area of the store where everyone can see what is going on. Once out of view it is your word against the guard's about what you had in your possession.

Security guards have no more legal standing than anyone else. A guard may make a "citizen's arrest" but this puts him into a very shaky legal position for anything less than a felony. Simply by making you feel that you cannot leave they are legally arresting you. If you ask "Are you placing me under arrest?" you force them to clarify what they are doing. They are very unlikely to say they are arresting you and at that point they have to permit you to leave.

Here's the training they give security guards in Texas:

http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/rsd/psb...two_review.htm

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Years ago I was falsely detained by a security guard in drab and it was very unpleasant and embarrassing. Since then I educated myself and stopped playing rent-a-cop games. If I am accosted I just keep walking.