Advice for Newby

Hey everyone!

So, long story short, I just recently started cross dressing. I’m pretty new to all of this and don’t know the ins and outs. I bought my first bra and panties and some simple articles of clothing to get started. What would you say is the best way to get going? Where do I start with all of this? I come from a strict religious household where this type of thing would never be allowed, so I’m a bit nervous about what my family will think. How do I let them know without being pushed away? Thank you all for your suggestions! Much love!

Hi slcgirl09,

I see this is your first post so welcome to the forum. You may want to go to the Introduction section and tell us a little more about yourself.

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I hope you enjoy your time here.

Welcome to the site.
I love it, it is clean(pics or talk allowed) and I have gotten some good advice.
Hope to see you around.

I would refrain from telling your family until you figure out what it is you are looking for with your crossdressing.
Never rush into things like that and there is no rule that says you have to tell anyone.

Maybe you could start by telling us why you want to wear women's clothes?

The best way to start cross dressing: panties go on like regular underwear, LOL. Bra is a bit tricky, put it on with clasp in front then spin it around.

The only reason to tell your family is if you plan on dressing around them, there is nothing wrong with just making this a personal thing that you don't share with people who wouldn't accept it.

I think wig and makeup is just as important as clothes, so I would look into that.

Crossdressing, and your gender identity, unless you plan to go full time or transition, is a private matter. I have worn feminine underwear exclusively for over 40 years and crossdressed since teenage, and the only person that knows is my wife. None of my extended family knows.

Unless you are living at home and your mom will be doing your laundry (and you can start doing your own) no one needs to know. Why complicate your life? How would it help them or you for them to know? At the very least, learn much more about yourself first. Nancy

Welcome to our little community. I started dressing about a few months ago after a lifetime of keeping it buried deep inside me. I am still a newbie trying to figure out my look. I have learned so much from all the wonderful ladies here. They are so accepting, supportive and encouraging. Sit back and enjoy the ride. So what prompted you to start dressing?

Hi slcgirl09,

Welcome to the forum. Can I ask if you've chosen a femme name for yourself yet? It's something that I feel helps cement your identity and makes it easier for those here to converse with you. It's not compulsory by any means but should the day come when you meet another from this forum face to face and you begin a conversation then having a name is a distinct advantage.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

I would refrain from telling your family until you figure out what it is you are looking for with your crossdressing.
Never rush into things like that and there is no law thats says you have to tell anyone.

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This is good advice from Tracii. Once you're sure that dressing is going to play a part in your life long term then is the time to consider outing yourself. Many here including myself successfully manage their dressing while remaining in the closet. Being out does simplify things but unless you're sure you can cope with any possible negative outcomes it's not something you should do lightly.

One phrase used commonly here is Baby Steps. Take things at a steady pace. That way you avoid mistakes or traveling into blind alleys. If in doubt, ask. There is so much experience to be found here, make use of it and things will flow more smoothly. Bon voyage on your journey.

I would only tell people on a "need to know" basis. Once they know the toothpaste can't be put back in the tube! And, u burden them with keeping your secret!:sad:

I didn't tell anyone in my family for over 10 years! I only told them after I was almost caught several times. And, knew I eventually would, if I didn't discuss it with them!:eek:

Another voice that’s going to amplify what Tracii already said. The first thing you need to figure out is what you want to do with your dressing. Once we know that, we can better guide you to resources. Some girls are just into putting on lingerie and “sexy” clothes to become aroused and then follow that to its logical conclusion. Others just want to wear the clothes around the house because they feel women’s clothes are more comfortable. Or perhaps you’d rather get dressed up and look fabulous and go out and have fun. Still others are full on trans and wear the clothes because that is what is right for their gender.

If you’re the first type, then your dressing will likely stay in the bedroom for now, so there’s really no reason to tell anyone. But if you’re going to be going out in public, better to tell the important people before they find out another way.

I dressed for years and told no one I was married 51 years ago and only told my accepting wife 13 years ago. no one else in my life needed to know I didn't need them to know. If I know some one won't accept what I do I don't tell them. As others have asked please tell us some more about yourself. And welcome to our little family. :hugs:
Angie

Please do not tell your relatives now. It can make your life very painful, and no going back. It is wise to keep it to yourself or on this forum for a while, and not at all necessary to tell family or relatives. Like one said, once you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, there is no pushing it back in.

Welcome to the site and this little club of ours. There are some amazing folks here with lots of different experiences that go from occasional dressing to people like me who live full time as women (but started out as an occasional CDer). As one has already said. Dressing is all about you. What makes you comfortable, but most importantly, uncomfortable. No one needs to know unless you feel compelled to share.

Enjoy it - its an amazing journey.

XO
Bree

Welcome, and as others have advised, tread lightly. There isn’t really any obligation for you to tell anyone, and frankly at this point, you really need to get to know yourself before trying to explain yourself to others.

You've already taken a very positive step by joining here. You'll be exposed to a very broad range of experiences and desires.

I would say the next step might be going to a transformation service, and seeing how you can present yourself, and what you like.

After that, join a support group and start having fun with friends.

You are going to learn a lot on this journey.

Some fine ass advice already.
I'll just echo a point Helen made.

A femme name makes a hell of a difference. Put it this way. A week after coining the name Abigail I quit drinking. Cold turkey after 30 years of HARD drinking. The name was a sign of my self-acceptance. There was a huge release with that.

Having said that I consider myself very lucky to have found the right name on the first attempt. I know many girls here will change their femme name a number of times. And many simply choose one that's the female version of their make band. I could have done that. Chris is easily converted but a different name was important to me for some reason.

Give it some thought while you're also thinking about what dressing means to you.

We're all happy to help when we have a handle on where you're at.

Hello slcgirl

First, I strongly recommend you keep this to yourself. Yes, there are some high religiosity people who are tolerant, but IMO it isn't worth the risk at this time. There is plenty of documented evidence this kind of people can be abusive when confronted with non-heteronormative behavior.

Second, if you haven't already found it, employment that supports an apartment is a good idea. There are plenty of stories on this site, and others like it, about loved ones finding a stash of CD clothing and going berserk; you need a fallback if they throw you out.

Third, stay away from makeup and nail polish. It's too easy to leave traces when cleaning up; women are notorious for finding traces of makeup on males.

And lastly, find a good hiding place for your CD clothes. Between mattresses, the back of closets and in the bottom of a dresser or built-in drawers aren't very secure.

Edit:
I don't recall any direct mention of a partner, Micki. Slcgirl may still be living with her parents; she is more than old enough to be making her own decisions.

Gonna disagree with you here: A spouse finding a secret apartment is just as bad, if not WORSE than her finding your clothes.

Totally with Micki here.
Those who are closeted find their ways but a separate apartment, either for dressing, or as a 'fallback' sounds extreme.

I agree with Micki here too. lol that's wayy too much.