Latest for Regan

Through the help of a great therapist I have come to total acceptance that I am a crossdresser and homosexual. My wife and I, mainly my wife, have decided we need to divorce. She is not angry about the dressing or gay but more about the dishonesty. She also says she cannot put up with the dressing and knows she can’t fight the gay part. Also I told her that I have never been sexually attracted to woman and mainly played the role that I was raised to play. I also realize that this was real weak on my part not to be honest to her or myself sooner. I will be living in the basement for awhile because of financial reasons and it also gives us the time to deal with the kids. The kids know we are divorcing and my 15 year old daughter knows about me being gay but not the CD side. We are not telling my 12 year old son either part at this time. We are both in therapy and also are recovering alcoholics so we have that support also. I will be coming out to my family after the holidays; my younger sister is the only one who knows the whole story. As painful this is for everyone, I realized I cannot give my wife what she needs and deserves, and I will never be happy with myself. I hate myself for hiding this for so long and not being the real me but I need to let everyone close to me who the real me is. I also want to thanks everyone on this site because you also give me the support and strength to be the real me; you are all life savers.
Love
Regan

My heart goes out to you and your family, Regan.

Hi Regan.

Not allways so easy to tell others & more so those close to you,
At least for now you both know where you stand in that regard,

Long term though you can not live together, try & be friends & if you both can , you maybe able to surport each other with some of the issues that may arise,

Hugs to you both .Take care,

...noeleena...

Yikes, That is rough for everyone involved, I hope you all get the support and peace that you need for the Holiday season.

It is a lot to carry this burden at this time of the year.
As long as you can separate amicably and remain in contact with each other your future should improve.
As recovering alcoholics you both know what is expected of you and this should help immensely.
I wish you both the best for your respective futures, and please try not to argue. :)

Wishing you the best, Regan. Especially for your kids. YOU will come though all of this OK, but the kids will be the ones who will have the toughest road ahead, especially in the next few years (mid-to-late teens), which are so important to one's development as adults. Make sure they are your priority, and let everything else fall in behind that. Godspeed.

Regan,

Good luck to you and all the family in overcoming any difficulties you might have in the future.

Lets hope that each of you can find peace in the new year!

Thanks to everyone and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I can only echo these sentiments Regan. I can't blame you for not being honest with your wife. I don't think you planned it that way. I think that you figured if you fought it long enough it would go away. But now you've come to the realization that it will never go away. It's just WHO you are. It's hard to explain to someone else what you don't understand yourself. My best wishes to you this holiday season and in the future. Hugs,Tonya

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Originally Posted by SandraInHose

Wishing you the best, Regan. Especially for your kids. YOU will come though all of this OK, but the kids will be the ones who will have the toughest road ahead, especially in the next few years (mid-to-late teens), which are so important to one's development as adults. Make sure they are your priority, and let everything else fall in behind that. Godspeed.

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Very upsetting situation. My heart goes out to you Regan. There is nothing unusual about hiding aspects of yourself that you feel would be unaccepted by your parents, authorities and peers.
I am confused by certain of your comments. If you are not interested in women--why would you want to stay?

hey Regan!

You and your family are in my thoughts, I am wishing the best for you all. You seem to really be getting on top of your life now, despite the pain. I'm lucky that i managed to get the guts to tell my girlfriend before we married, but i understand where you are coming from, and yeah, society and religions are equally as culpable for fear of disclosure.

The only thing i might suggest, dear, is to change your sentence that you 'hate yourself' for whatever happened, to "I hate the way that it happened..." Regardless of whatever portion of blame you may feel, just as you do not hate your wife for not being able to accept your true self, you have no business hating yourself either.

This sounds like a little thing, but i think it is a hugely important distinction that helps you focus on the future and what you can do with it, rather than assigning a dead end to the blame. I've had to force myself to do this with the things that i feel shame for, and it really does help.

I hope it can be of some use to you. And you know, when i remember this way of thinking, it's funny how it helps me avoid the very situations that started the feelings of guilt in the first place.

hang in there!

kristi

Take care of the kids.....their future is most important.

Jennifer

I am only staying because of financial reasons. I hope to also connecting with the LGBT resources in GR, want to be careful in KAlamazoo for the kids sake.