Acceptance ? Tolerance? Not sure

My wife has known about my crossdressing for years. She hates and and just wishes I would stop. We have been married 40 plus years and it has bubbled to the surface on several occasions. I put it away at times, but it comes back. Finally last year I think I just accepted myself for what I am. A good father, husband, and yes a crossdresser. Its as simple or as complicated as that.

Recently, there were a few more barbs thrown about how I ruined her life, etc. She wanted it to go away. We argued and eventually got got pissed at each other and tabled it. The next day she could tell I was quite sullen as the future weighed on my mind. While I love my wife dearly, Traci could just not be put away. Later that day she somewhat apologized and said that maybe she could live with the panties. My entire top drawer is filled with them and that is all I wear, 24/7. I really made no comment and life went on.

The other day we were preparing to have someone else stay in our home to care for our dogs while we traveling for a period. In the past she has asked that I remove the panties so no one finds out my secret. She asked about them and I told her I had already removed them. Them she offered that maybe I could just keep them in her drawer so I would not have to go through this each time. I said I would think about that. (It would mean I would have to cut my selection down and I certainly enjoy opening my drawing each day now to eye the options.)

So now I question. Is she softening on the crossdressing? I know, who can figure out the thought process of a woman. Certainly not me. But my hope is that this is a tiny bit of forward movement and the future might have just a touch of the sun shining in.

Traci

Maybe she's just trying to defuse the situation a bit. But, you're right, with wives you can never tell.

Is certainly take her up on her offer. Even if it means a reduction. That's actually quite an olive branch vs say put them all in a box in the garage or whatever.

I doubt she's actually anymore in favor of it, but might be that's she's accepting that it is part of you, and that it doesn't do your marriage any good to bash you about it. It's probably not the last time something negative will be spoken by her, but I really do think her suggestion to put yours with hers is a big move on her part.

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Originally Posted by Nikki A.

Maybe she's just trying to defuse the situation a bit. But, you're right, with wives you can never tell.

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Think of our own selves, how often do we feel ok with ourselves, or that we don't go through phases of pink fog vs not really feeling it. Many of us vary in how we feel, how strong our desires are. And I'm pretty sure they can't figure out us at all.

I also agree that maybe you can accept her offer. Maybe she is trying because maybe because you made some decent points with her in the last discussion, she is trying to cut you some slack, which is what you need, and which may lead to more gentler conversations in the future. Put your excess panties in a bag, or box, and then switch them out as needed. Good luck.

The person staying in your home to care for your dogs should not be snooping through your drawers. That is just creepy.

I am leaning towards taking her up on her offer. If after a little time goes by, and I am able to bring up the crossdressing as part of a decent conversation, I look at that as being a positive, since virtually all the conversations have been negative. I don't like the crossdressing being unspoken, yet being the elephant in the room. She knows I have WAY too many panties. This puzzles her of course, she's a basic cotton pantie girl. I guess switching them out would just be like reintroducing old standbys into the rotation every once and a while. The positives would seem to vastly outweigh the negatives.

Indeed I think that is a good option. But I would keep a stash were you need if she controls it.

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Originally Posted by Tracy Irving

The person staying in your home to care for your dogs should not be snooping through your drawers. That is just creepy.

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Tracy, the person is my daughter so not as creepy. There could be a reason for going in a drawer, like maybe needing an old grubby oversized tee shirt for painting or something. Not likely, but odd things do happen.

Yes having a stranger doing that would be really creepy, I agree. I should have stated that little detail.

My wife allows and accepts my crossdressing to the point of anyone else finding out about it. That seems to be her biggest fear.
But, she has tempered to it in daily occurence but still hits me with it during arguments.

I agree with those who say to take her up on it. It is an offer of accommodation, wrapped in a "practical excuse". Acknowledge and accept it. Let her know that you appreciate how thoughtful she has been here, that you know it's difficult for her, and then ask what you can do to make it easier for her. Don't suggest, or bargain. Just ask.

Traci,
The problem I see is your wife might be happier if you didn't appear to have a fetish about panties, having so many may be part of the problem . I have managed to move out of my hiding place in my darkroom and been given my daughters bedroom to hang my clothes , I do wonder if it's partly because she can sneak a look now it's more in the open. My problem is not the quantity of panties but the rapidly growing quantities of shoes. No it's not a fetish but an acceptance that you do need far more choices depending on where you go and what you wish to wear.

Yes your wife is trying to deal with it, she appears to accept it's something that's not going away , she has to come to terms with, you haven't really spoiled anything she just needs to understand why you do it .

Seems like she might be more tolerant just for the sake of it.

I'm blessed that my wife is very tolerant.
She is supportive, especially dressing up for entertainment purposes (YouTube and stand-up comedy).

Hopefully it gets better for you, Traci.

:)

Mine waffled. Badly. I never knew where I stood. Then I stopped for her sake. That didn't work, so we just divorced.

I got a bit ticked off at her for not making a decision on what I could or couldn't do one day just after we split. So just to get her to do a slow burn over it, I was dressed to the nines when she showed one day to pick up some of her stuff.

Yep, I'm nasty. Mean and rotten. and I was wearing her perfume. Ahh well, good riddance.

"Acceptance ? Tolerance?"

It's hard to tell with women. Your wife (or my wife) might be OK with certain things but bothered by others. My wife will sometimes make a wisecrack about my "fake boobs" or "fake butt" but then turn around and joke about them a day or two later.

I would take her up on the offer to keep the panties in her drawer. I see that as a sigh of acceptance and of course, each morning when she went for her panties, she would be reminded that she accepted the fact that you own and wear panties.

Women wear plain cotton for hygenic reasons. Men wear pretty satin for the feel and look ... I believe. Moms and daughters talk. Daughter knows that mom's panties are cotton. Suddenly (if she needs to open the panty drawer), she sees lots of pretty colored, non-cotton panties, possibly a different size then she knows is mom's. What's she to think? Its a wonderful offer on your wife's part. Discuss it with her and the above thoughts in mind.

My thinking when reading this: What is the problem of daughter (an adult I assume) find what you use every day? If she dislikes it will probably be a DADT situation but maybe it will be a positive outing? She will maybe accept?
My children are adults well beyond their 30's but has a DADT attitude. I am constantly breaking norms small scale so I expect to wear down their DADT.
So, at the end - if it is your goal not letting daughter know, best tactics should be to hide, second maybe "in your wifes drawer", otherwise maybe hope for an accidental outing?

Personally, I think panties are the least eye raisers of women's clothing. If it is just wearing women's panties I think it would be perceived as a fetish. Heck, when I read the reviews at many department store sites it seems a good portion of the reviews are from men. I think your wife's offer is more tolerance than acceptance. She may just be throwing her hands up and crying uncle about the panties. I do not think she would make the same offer for your collection of bras. The down side is if your daughter were to borrow something from mom's drawer on the spur of the moment. Are you and your wife the same size? Frankly I'd be willing to bet your adult daughter already knows.