The Less Obvious Neccessities of Transition

I am fairly early in my transition, and already I'm finding out that the process -- social, legal, professional, psychological -- is more complicated than I ever realized. It takes a lot to change a life!

As such, I'm trying to compile a list of goals for myself, all the things I need to keep in mind and the timeline on which some of them need to be undertaken. I was hoping you more experienced, further along the path women could help me out.

I have the obvious ones -- get hormones, legal name change, come out to relatives, electrolysis, etc. But if you could give someone at the start of their journey one piece of advice, one thing that they should do / should remember to do that you wish you'd known from the get-go, what would it be?

Love yourself.........................................

Be prepared for the up's and down's along the way and never lose sight of the end goal. It's a difficult journey that will test the resolve of the most determined person.

Hold your head high, keep your shoulders back and smile

Start electrolysis a year ago.

Don't let anyone tell you how you should do it. You do it YOUR way. Ask for help, listen and do what you think will work for you. At least that is what I am doing.

Realize this is a journey, not necessarily linear. Be open to opportunities that appear. Sometimes reality can be even better than what we plan.

Get involved with our community, make new friends, be honest and true, and live your new life with total pride of who you are, dignity in the face of fools, and self-respect. You are truly a miracle unfolding. Behold the real you with innocence and wonder! Ann x0*-*0x

I am also at the start of the journey. The most sensible suggestion is to take it easy; it's a life changing event, but every moment is just A moment. In Italy we say: "tomorrow comes one day at a time", so there is no need to worry. Keep the goal in sight, but do not miss the journey.

Thank you all for the supportive advice so far!!! :)

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Originally Posted by Nicole Brown

Start electrolysis a year ago.

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This is advice I received from a friend a few months ago, as well. I have already started, though at a snail's pace, in the last month. 300 hours usually required, vs, the about 2 hours I have in ... yikes!

A couple of things that occasionally get mentioned. Lose weight now if you need to. It is much harder to lose weight once you get your hormone levels up, and you will look and feel better. Get any other medical or dental issues taken care of now, again, it is much more of a pain to schedule that doctor visit in between your HRT, therapy, electro, etc. Also, if you have any dental issues, it is best to get them taken care of before you have FFS. Good luck.................Stephanie

If you are considering HRT, FFS, GRS, start getting in shape now. If you smoke, quit now! Smoking can reduce or completely cancel the efficacy of orally administered estrogens. Your body will thank you before, during and after transition and the surgeries. If you have other issues, mental or physical, take care of them first. Transition is going to be a lot to deal with on it's own, you don't need other problems interfering along the way.

Take care of yourself psychologically and have a plan on what to do, if it gets too much for you. For example: line up and start going to a therapist who has the time to see you in a crisis, who has gotten to know you, and whom you trust. Know exactly where to go to get emergency psychiatric help at your local hospital too.

Dr. Brassard has one piece of advice on his hand out to those scheduling surgery: Quit smoking now!

As for name change, after you obtain a legal name change, realize that an enormous number of organizations will have to have your name changed on their records, and then, your gender, perhaps after that. I am still working on that, years later, and after 67 such notices, often requiring several steps, each. But it is a real pleasure, when you are asked for i.d., to be able to pull out your new photo i.d. with your picture, as you want to be, female name, gender abbreviation, and so on! When you get it, it will be like a birthday and Christmas gift combined, and you will want to show it off to everybody.

Remember, you will eventually, with any luck, live a happier life, after the worst difficulties and troubles of transition are through.

Hugs, Beth

Don't worry about your appearance too much. Femininity will come. In the meantime, you're always better looking than you give yourself credit for.

If you're having a bad face day, or a bad hair day or anything like it, just remember. There are WAY more homely GGs than homely transsexuals.

Celeste that's so funny, and it's true, too! x0*-*0x

Regarding the name change: How many of you were able to get both name and gender marker changed at the same time? Here in MI, my reading of the law is that I'll have to have SRS before I can get my marker changed. Names are easier. So I probably won't be doing both at once ...

It is easy in Florida. Costs about $400 for the name change and then with a letter from therapist it is just a visit to SS office and drivers license center.

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Originally Posted by tgirlceleste

Don't worry about your appearance too much. Femininity will come. In the meantime, you're always better looking than you give yourself credit for.

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I would like to quote a verse from Mac Davis' Oh Lord It's Hard To Be Humble

"I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day."

In our case through the feminization that is most certainly true. :)

Johanna

Ok so you hear about all this stuff you have to do. Maybe one cannot afford certain things right now and maybe never. So you do the inexpensive things at least.

Hwere is my one piece of advice - The time to live your life is NOW. Not sit around and wait until this or that happens, but to get out there and live right NOW. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

When I was a kid I knew that MTF TS existed. Didn't know much but I somehow assumed they woke up one day, got SRS and were full-on women. I guess that some people, way in the back of their minds, still believe this. Even some TS.

But no it is a process. While doing this process, you still need to live your life. Even if you start out as a non-passable, quirky and nervous woman. Live today.

EDIT - If you are seeking what to do or where to start as far as actual transition then do this - train your voice to sound female. Many TS neglect this. A good voice will help one make a convincing woman than anything else. You see some CD or TS who look excellent and could otherwise pass without question but they speak and all the sudden they become rugged men again.

Good advice Nicole Erin. I try to live evryday like it was Sunday. I started hrt at 55. If I waited till everything developed that was going to, I'd be even older. Enjoy now, and if the effects of transition are slow to come, at least you're enjoying the ride.

I would suggest that you look behind you on occasion. My biggest mistake upfront was to not fully and truly accept myself (I can't say I do now, but more so), and in doing so I missed opportunities to stand up for my civil and legal rights in the face of blatant violations. And now I recognize it not only as a personal failure in the moment, but as so important to change things for those that come behind me. I wish I could get a day off from having to play the role of advocate for trans people, but unfortunately there aren't enough of us to go around so we by default have to become teachers to everyone around us.

Search out for legal counsel and other resources that may be able to help you. Even if it's for something you don't have any reason to need now, it's better to know about a resource now then to have to find one when you are in need.

Oh, and try not to carry to heavy of expectations. I.E. Your breasts might not be as perky and full as you wish. ;)

get your self a gallon of ice cream and enjoy, once the focus shifts on femaleness, you will fall a pray to an age old proverbial women's battle for perfect body, don't worry, it is as natural as peeing sitting down!
So enjoy without guilt.......for now that is...........

Good stuff. :) Thank you everyone for the insights.

Inna, I think I've already indulged in too many gallons of ice cream in my life! :D Gotta start losing that weight ...