The satisfaction of passing...

...is such a new feeling for me! Its almost magical after a decade of telling yourself that you'd be an ugly woman, only to end up passing at the end of it all :)

I only went out once before this week, about 2 months ago. Just in the past week I have gone out 5 different days as Vanessa!

And the responses were lovely...since I was still fairly new to being potentially pretty passable, I actually had the courage to walk up to people with the intent of saying a very deep male voice. I did that so I could gauge them on how I pass when it came to looks and basic mannerisms. 3 different people at convenience stores thought I was messing with them...until I showed them my ID. one guy still didnt believe me till I busted out a silicone! It was hilarious watching males go from being extra kind to being quiet, and watching a few girls go from giving off a catty vibe to smiling and complimenting me, all for simply opening my mouth. An ex-marine barber even said I was pretty, after I told him. Almost everyone said that they thought I was a girl, until I spoke :laughing:

This past night, I actually made an effort to use a female voice since I realized that I actually can pass without opening my mouth. I havent done much practice but I know the basic warm ups. And in the places I went to last night...it somehow worked! Now passing has just taken over my present life! Nothing beats getting compliments and free cigs just for being presumed to be a woman :battingeyelashes:

Yes, that was a long, pointless read. But I just had to get all that off my chest because the pink fog is coming on really strong :)

Congrats! It must feel great!

Someday I will have the guts to go outside.

First of all, from what I can tell in your avitar, you seem to have a lot going for you in your quest to "pass", the overall look, youth, frame, etc. However, you also present an intersting twist to my personally held belief that passing is a crock because no one can really say whether we do or not without being on the other side of the fence.

If you were to tell your story as simply walking through the crowds, going about your day, and no one said a peep to you, I'd say you didn't pass, you blended, because how are you to know what the perceptions of those around you are?

What makes your story very intriguing is that you took it that extra step to engage some of those who you came into contact with and they seem to have found it hard to believe you weren't a natal woman. I'd say that brings you about as close to passing as can be but keep in mind that the next time you come across these people, you will no longer pass...they know the truth.

you sure look like you pass in your photo...

i am very happy for you ...one thing i like is your confidence..i can see it in your smile...people respond to this...lurking in the shadows and avoiding contact is a passing killer!!!

when i started transition, i had to tell lots of people and the more i did it, the more i found it was ok...in fact, i had some really wonderful interactions and i can only think of 2 bad interactions..and they were not so bad..just unapproving looks

so if you are out, and afraid of not passing, as long as you are in a safe place, its ok to try to pass and fail (get it? hehe)...it really is...

a big confident smile is your ticket
get your ass out there!!!:hugs:

Vanessa, what a great post! Of course you are going to make us non-passers hate you!:heehee: Isnt it nice to just get out there and be accepted and treated with respect or at least some extra attention.

Pointless no! You did it and now Vanessa whole life is in front of her. Have fun.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

First of all, from what I can tell in your avitar, you seem to have a lot going for you in your quest to "pass", the overall look, youth, frame, etc. However, you also present an intersting twist to my personally held belief that passing is a crock because no one can really say whether we do or not without being on the other side of the fence.

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I am not sure exactly what you mean when you say "being on the other side of the fence", but one CAN absoulutely tell if they are passing rather than just blending in... maybe not 100% of the time naturally, but for the most part.

Kelly's 100% right, when you pass you pass and when you don't you know it...congratulations Vanessa, that's a big step for you and it's only going to get better as you feel more comfortable with your voice and your confidence grows

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I am not sure exactly what you mean when you say "being on the other side of the fence", but one CAN absoulutely tell if they are passing rather than just blending in... maybe not 100% of the time naturally, but for the most part.

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Originally Posted by windycissy

Kelly's 100% right, when you pass you pass and when you don't you know it...congratulations Vanessa, that's a big step for you and it's only going to get better as you feel more comfortable with your voice and your confidence grows

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First of all, let me say that I was pointing out to Vanessa how her description challenged my long-held POV when it comes to the word passing. I don't want to take anything away from her day in the sun.

Her challenge to me, and the point I'm making, is that for those around us, most of whom remain silent, how do we know if we truly pass? Simple, we don't. We're not in their heads, we're not seeing ourselves as they see us, as they perceive us.

It is all about semantics and the way I see it, the nirvana of passing is simply an idealistic goal that we can never know for certain if we achieve, short of direct communication with those around us which is what Vanessa did in this case. In doing so though, she certainly learned a lot about how the world sees her but also let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. My take is that for those of us who present as part-timers, a better stated goal is to blend.


Kelly, you are in a different place in that being full time, you can choose to attempt stealth if you wish, a place that I'd guess you are already at.

Congratulations Vanessa, it certainly isn't a pointless read, I thought it was interesting, insightful and inspiring. I haven't gone out yet but every time I read one of these experiences it helps me get there, so thanks!
Great experience, it's very cool you went the extra mile & questioned people to see if you actually passed or not. Very nice, I can't wait to join :D

Congratulations!!!! I'm so happy for you and jealous too! :P

congratulations Vanessa Enjoy it.

:daydreaming:

Congrats Vanessa! I know exactly how it feels! It's such a great feeling to pass and even to have guys treat you like a woman! Have fun with it. The rewards are great :-)
In this past month, I've done a few firsts. Went to Wal-Mart at 3am, went to buy gas a couple of times (once in the middle of the day!), driving to and from the bar, and even went to a Mexican restaurant with a couple of GGs during 99 cent margarita night! =)
Based on your post, I think we may be in the same stage of our CDing, experiencing a lot of firsts.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

Kelly, you are in a different place in that being full time, you can choose to attempt stealth if you wish, a place that I'd guess you are already at.

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I have read a ton of these passing threads and it seems like if someone says..I can pass, the room goes silent and suddenly that person is no longer "one of us". It's almost like the person is committing blasphemy or something. Your statement ( I am not accusing you of this) is a "reminder" of how many times and how much I hate it when someone says..."it's easy for you to say" I have seen and spoken in private to a lot of cder's right here on this site that are "weekend warriors" and who can pull off passing quite convincingly. The general consensus is that keeping one's mouth shut is preferable to being seen as some kind of boaster, bragard, or outsider. I think that there are those who have a gained a lot of insight through their experiences, but their opinions are not taken seriously because,"it's easy for them to say".:heehee:

Sorry Vanessa, I didn't mean to go off track. Congrats on your courage....and the great outcome.

Kel

WOW, I don't think i would have had the courage to do what you did. I wouldn't have been able to reveal myself to anyone like you did.....but more power to you...you go girl!!!! It's funny how you actually had to try and convince someone that you really were a guy when all along, you were worried that you wouldn't have been able to convince people that you were a women. Now that is the definition of "Ironic"....lol. Great story, what a confidence builder that must have been for you! :)

Congratulations, Vanessa!
It's great that the time and work you spent paid off!
I would have loved to see their expressions XD

I apologize for derailing the topic, but I feel compelled to say something serious.
I think it's unfortunate that the term we use is passing, because what's the opposite of passing?
The first word that comes to mind is "failing."
I know no one ever says it, but it's always in your head.
I think this is one of those cases where just changing the word we use could make a tremendous difference.

Once again, I don't want to detract from Vanessa's accomplishment.
She should be able to share her good experiences with the community unabashedly.
So once again, congratulations on your breakthrough, and I hope your success inspires others XD

Kelly, please don't make more of my comment than is there.

I am nothing but complimentary of Vanessa and her accomplishment.

but...

Had she said "hey, I went out and I passed...", I'd have replied a simple "yes, you look great, but how do you really know?"

There's really not so much to my POV. It's matter of fact, how does one know if they passed?

So I went on to say to Vanessa how the way she engaged others around her challenged my view, or perhaps proves it up a bit in that she did in fact talk to people about the way she was perceived.

I don't know how many ways to say it. I'm not raining on her parade. I'm not making a larger statement in that she is somehow bragging and should be silent. I think she looks terrific and brought what i thought was a truly interesting perspective to the whole thing, nothing more, nothing less.

And my comment about you had nothing to do with "easy for you to say" (I'm not sure if you took it that way). I acknowledge that anyone who is in this full time likely has a totally different perspective.

Jeez Vanessa, look what I started. I hope you're not upset.

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Originally Posted by Sara Jessica

First of all, from what I can tell in your avitar, you seem to have a lot going for you in your quest to "pass", the overall look, youth, frame, etc. However, you also present an intersting twist to my personally held belief that passing is a crock because no one can really say whether we do or not without being on the other side of the fence.

If you were to tell your story as simply walking through the crowds, going about your day, and no one said a peep to you, I'd say you didn't pass, you blended, because how are you to know what the perceptions of those around you are?

What makes your story very intriguing is that you took it that extra step to engage some of those who you came into contact with and they seem to have found it hard to believe you weren't a natal woman. I'd say that brings you about as close to passing as can be but keep in mind that the next time you come across these people, you will no longer pass...they know the truth.

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Woah, this simple comment made this thread kind of blow up? You did present it in an odd way, not gonna lie...but I knew where you were coming from so I did not take offense. You complimented me then said how I challenged your beliefs all because I had the courage to speak to people with the purpose of outing myself. Theres nothing wrong with that. I'm always out there to change people's notions about anything lol. And I dont care if I am outted to those people...because I did all of this outside of my hometown. and even then, I am moving 500 miles, back to university in only ONE week!

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Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

you sure look like you pass in your photo...

i am very happy for you ...one thing i like is your confidence..i can see it in your smile...people respond to this...lurking in the shadows and avoiding contact is a passing killer!!!

when i started transition, i had to tell lots of people and the more i did it, the more i found it was ok...in fact, i had some really wonderful interactions and i can only think of 2 bad interactions..and they were not so bad..just unapproving looks

so if you are out, and afraid of not passing, as long as you are in a safe place, its ok to try to pass and fail (get it? hehe)...it really is...

a big confident smile is your ticket
get your ass out there!!!:hugs:

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I read this somewhere about 4 years ago...
"confidence; wear it like make up"
When I get into girl mode...all my insecurities and doubts as a man melt away as I assume my preferred gender :) Its almost crazy how much better I think it is...maybe that is why it isnt a bad idea that I am seeing a gender therapist very soon :)
my ass is sooo out there, girl. i'm not being kept in a house any longer :hugs:

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Originally Posted by erika130

Congratulations Vanessa, it certainly isn't a pointless read, I thought it was interesting, insightful and inspiring. I haven't gone out yet but every time I read one of these experiences it helps me get there, so thanks!
Great experience, it's very cool you went the extra mile & questioned people to see if you actually passed or not. Very nice, I can't wait to join :D

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Thank you so much Erika :) Glad to know I entertained some people at least.
But I gotta tell ya.
Theres like 5 CDers on this site that I REALLY admire for their beauty/passability. Before I even spoke a word to you, you were definitely one of those 5! How the heck have you not been out?! You look so fantastic that I wouldnt be worried about not passing, I'd be worried about keeping the guys away. get out there, Erika! :)

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I have read a ton of these passing threads and it seems like if someone says..I can pass, the room goes silent and suddenly that person is no longer "one of us". It's almost like the person is committing blasphemy or something. Your statement ( I am not accusing you of this) is a "reminder" of how many times and how much I hate it when someone says..."it's easy for you to say" I have seen and spoken in private to a lot of cder's right here on this site that are "weekend warriors" and who can pull off passing quite convincingly. The general consensus is that keeping one's mouth shut is preferable to being seen as some kind of boaster, bragard, or outsider. I think that there are those who have a gained a lot of insight through their experiences, but their opinions are not taken seriously because,"it's easy for them to say".:heehee:

Sorry Vanessa, I didn't mean to go off track. Congrats on your courage....and the great outcome.

Kel

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I have sometimes noticed the same thing Kel...but in this case she wasn't really attacking me, rather just saying that I defied her beliefs. So if I kind of changed her view on passing...then theres no harm done :P

thank you all for your wonderful comments :hugs: it made my morning!

Congratulations Venessa! I know you must feel wonderful with people really thinking you are female. I think that is a dream most of us have, but for whatever reason haven't attained that dream. You do have a nice femme face and with a pretty smile, I imagine most people are just going to assume you are female untill a definative characteristic tells them otherwise (ie. your voice or DL). I would love to be able to float between being able to present as passing as a female and then back to male.

But, what r the odds? I'm guessing that for every girl that can ACTUALLY PASS before speaking, there r 50 who CAN'T! (I'm one!):sad:

And, maybe another 5 who go out and don't care if they pass or NOT!:eek:

Hi Vanessa,

Not a pointless read at all, quite the opposite.......proven by the friendly banter this has opened. I'm ecstatic for you, as you have conquered your fears with a great result. Hope you can control your pink fog though.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

But, what r the odds? I'm guessing that for every girl that can ACTUALLY PASS before speaking, there r 50 who CAN'T! (I'm one!):sad::

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Yeah, I'm with the doc here. :doh:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

And, maybe another 5 who go out and don't care if they pass or NOT!:eek:

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Happy to say that's me too :daydreaming:

Best of luck Vanessa, enjoy your future outtings.

Tash :)