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I assume that when you and your wife were married 17 years ago there were words said like love, honor, cherish?
Words like this are usually used when making a vow (promise).
I wonder if your wife ever reflects back on that day and wonders why, in the past year, 24/7, she no longer deserves to be cared about like that because of a panty fetish.
She knows! You are not fooling her, just yourself.
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Yes, by definition you are a crossdresser.
I started at 5 years old, with a friends panties. Ie 65 years of crossdressing.
Terms had changed over the years and public acceptance has changed some over the years.
I do not necessarily like labels, but I consider transgender is umbrella term of a group of people.
That covers crossdressers on one side and transsexuals on the other side and everything in between.
You will need to come to terms In your inner self, you mentioned in your posts about other dressing thoughts.
Do a lot readings in the various topics and the other areas such as non-binary and loved ones, etc.
Reading some of the thousands of post will help you along your way. Ie increase your understanding - we all are individuals.
You and your wife are what matter.