Courage and Southern Comfort

Hey ladies,

I've told people, mainly female friends, about my dressing, but am still petrified of my male friends knowing as I don't want my relationship with them to change for the negative. So with that in mind, my question is for ladies who have both gone in public dressed and those who have attended Southern Comfort dressed. Know do you get that courage to do it for the first time? I just learned about it this year, and Southern Comfort is in the city I live in yet I'm too nervous to go. So I'm wondering if asking the question with my fellow friends here might provide the rational courage to go?

Well, since it's a convention, you should feel pretty welcomed, I would think. You'll have tons of new friends to make. You can go out with a group, to the mall or a restaurant, and gain confidence that way, too. It should be a ton of fun!

Stacy

Kate,
Ur gorgeous, just go for it!!!!!
Hugs
Ash

Kate, courage?? It's called taking that set you were born with and using them.

Jodi

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Originally Posted by Stacy M.

Well, since it's a convention, you should feel pretty welcomed, I would think. You'll have tons of new friends to make. You can go out with a group, to the mall or a restaurant, and gain confidence that way, too. It should be a ton of fun!

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Hi Katie

I agree with Stacy, if it's a convention it'll be a blast, you should go!!! :)

I've been to BDSM conferences where sometimes I was "Paula" and sometimes I was en drab; either way was fine and I didn't worry about it.

As an FYI, most "conferences," usually based in and/or around a hotel or resort, have strict rules regarding the taking of photos and video; photos are generally okay as long as you're discrete and ask, shooting video is usually banned in my experience.

I've also attended the Folsom Street Fair twice en femme. This is a public/outdoor event and there are a bazillion cameras/cell phones/camcorders, both professional and amateur - including my own! :heehee: - being pointed in all directions!!!

The chances of someone I know digging through the photos of the Fair on-line and finding photos of me, even if they'd recognize me, are so infinitesimally small, it's not even worth worrying about!!!

I say go and enjoy yourself, and if you still have doubts, ask yourself this; WHY would any of your male friends, who are not CD's obviously, be hanging 'round the hotel on that particular weekend anyway?! :battingeyelashes:

Enjoy!!!
Paula

Well. Do your friends hang in that area of the city?
What are the odds your going to run into them?
What if they did meet you? Would they recognize you?
Perhaps going to another convention wold be a better way to go.

while I have never attended a convention i do go out en femme. I have never run into anyone that I wasn't planning on running into. About the courage. I got sick of or just getting dressed at home and decided to go out. I took the extra step of leaving any and all male clothes at home so I couldn't chicken out and change. When will you get the courage and how will you get it? I have no idea. only you know that and only you will ever know that. I would suggest that alcohol not be involved. Your nerves will be on high alert without it. No need adding the thought of getting busted for a DUI.

Cheers

Mt first public outing, short of running into a parked car and driving around behind tinted windows, was Southern Comfort 2012. The entire week was such a blast! Most of the girls arrived fully dressed. We even had someone from the TSA speak to us about travel on airplanes and through the airport enfemme. Go, you will have the ultimate time of your life. You are not alone, we are all in this and will support you.

Kate - you've got a great look so you shouldn't be worried about that aspect... :)

But I know what you mean and share that other issue... for me, it would be worse if it was somewhere close by - so I'm planning for somewhere that's a couple hours away... Doesn't help you, I know, so maybe some local members can help out with some moral and practical reinforcement... :cheer:

Good luck if you do..!

Katey x

Kate, my advice is to GO, GO, GO. You will have a great time. I've never been to Southern Comfort, but I have been to Be-All in Chicago and never regretted the experience. As for your male friends, yes this can be a tough decision if you really want one of them (or more) to know, but, if they are good friends, it shouldn't make a difference. That is something only you will be able to determine. :)

The conference will be great fun and an eye opening experience. You'll make a lot of friends, and likely meet local people to go out with another time.

So do a risk assessment. How many times out at the mall or grocery store do you meet someone you know?

What if you went to a mall 20 miles away?

What if you wore a disguise so it would be unlikely that they would recognize you anyhow.

If you're not likely to see someone you know, you can be brave.

Once the first jitters go away you'll be fine.

I went to Keystone 2014 Conference about 5 days after cutting my leg and getting stitches. I knew the stitches had to be taken out while I was at the conference, and decide that I would go as Steffi. It turned out not to work out, but I did go as Steffi.

While I haven't been to a conference, I do know what it took me to be fully out and about. It's like a bazillion baby steps.

For the longest time the time dressing was confined to the house. Never passed the front door. Then, I tried night driving. Did that a bunch a times and then found a desolate cul-de-sac to actually get out of the car and walk.... the cool summer night breeze on my legs felt amazing.

Fast forward many months, and the time came when I went out during the day. Again started with empty subdivision cul-de-sacs then strip malls that only had a few stores. Each time I was building up a little more courage. I traveled to a bunch of places that were away from all human contact, like the vet cemeteries. Heck, no one will care about some girl dressed up in black just walking around the memorials... no one cared.

Little by little, I worked up more and more courage. Each adventure, I learned a little more about walking, dressing to blend and where to park and go...

Now, after all those baby steps, I'm out and about (not locally as this town is so small, people know my car) to malls, museums, thrift stores, restaurants, bars and basically everywhere else.....

That's my journey. I wish I could have gone back in time and told myself not to wait so long and just get passed the front door...

Hope this helps...

Renne.....

I remember my first time to Southern Comfort. Easily the scariest part for me was the walk from my room, down the hallway to the elevator. I was nervous that a regular hotel guest would open the door and I would stumble in my heels. Well, the only other person to walk out was another CD and we shared an elevator ride to the lobby. Once in the lobby you are home free. Safety in numbers and some if the nicest people I have ever met!!

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Originally Posted by cdkateinboston

... but am still petrified of my male friends knowing as I don't want my relationship with them to change for the negative. So with that in mind, my question is for ladies who have both gone in public dressed and those who have attended Southern Comfort dressed. .....

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and you are concerned your male friends will be in attendance at Southern Comfort and recognize you in girl mode? Kinda seems unlikely when you think about it. They could be cross dressers too and THAT would make for a really interesting conference! Relax Kate. Once you are out of the hotel room door, you won't even think about being dressed. You can do it.

Hey Kate,

I can understand your dilemma. I lived in Atlanta for a while and although it's a big town -- it's a small town. And it's the south, where we love our gossip. That said, if you step out you have to be prepared (mentally and emotionally) to be found out. You could go and not be noticed (easy to handle) or have someone recognize you (maybe not so easy.) If you can handle the worst, then go for it. Otherwise . . . . think before you act.

Getting out is not so much about courage, in my estimation, as physics. The inertia of fear and the force of need. Sooner or later, the one overcomes the other, and you'll find your out the door. The interesting thing is that you'll probably gain momentum, as you realize that your fears were exaggerated.

My experience was almost exactly as described above. It got to the point where I could no longer bear living I isolation, and had to step outside. I've never been to a conference but I've been out, literally and figuratively, for four years. Never looked back!

Hey, Kate, not to worry, sis. It is far easier than you think once you get past the door, and in minute you will be having the time of your life. If it helps, I will be there this year with about ten good friends. PM me, and I can meet you in the parking lot. Its always easier the first time with a sister to hold your hand. Lol
Personally, I am thinking about making the flight there en femme...haha
That would be a first for me. Haven't decided yet, but I do like the idea...tee hee

Hi Kate,

I say go. Southern Comfort is a blast and you'll have more fun than you ever imagined.

I travel enfemme as I can drive to Atlanta from South Carolina. That being said the chances are very remote I'll see somebody I know.

However; that doesn't apply to you. I suggest that you go to the conference and walk in drab. Once you get to your room change and go have fun. You never need to leave the hotel if you don't want to. Some girls stay there the whole time and never go out the doors.

Also, if you need help making that first step outside the hotel room door the conference has chaperones who can help the first timer's get over the anxiety of being outside.

Go, you'll have a blast and not regret it and don't forget to tell us how it turns out!!!!

Wow! I'm new to the forum and had no idea this conference existed! Sounds like fun (scary though). Never been out in public, but always dreamed of a place like this conference. There used to be a hotel for CDs somewhere in England but it closed down before I mustered the guts to go. This is a bit further away from Spain and would require to use some holiday time, plus explanations to the family (wife and kids), but it does sound great!
For now i'll just dream about going, maybe next year with a bit of planning? I'd see myself with significant difficulties to get out of the hotel room. Most of you look terrific, but my face would give me away immediately.
In any case, great discovery! Are there any other similar events anywhere else? I've resigned to make a trip for one of these events, but the closer the better (also in terms of days off and explanations...)

Really good advice here! I can totally understand your fears and nervousness. Its easy for those that have done it to tell you how easy it is though. Remember as a child that first time you jumped off the diving board into the pool? Sure, some of your other friends, brothers, or sisters were already doing it with no problem...but almost every single one of them had fears and nervousness their first time too. Its easy for us to forget about those. Could you be recognized? Yes. Will you be recognized? Chances are slim to none. I hope you have the courage to step out and have the time of your life! :) I am in the Atlanta area, but can not make it to the entire conference, but I do hope to make it to a party one of the evenings!

Hi, Kate,

I have never been to SCC, but I do go out in public in my home town. I still get nervous at first, but the nervousness quickly subsides. I don't know what to suggest other than "Just go for it!".

I've never met anyone from my guy-mode life when dressed en femme, but I have thought about how I'd handle it. If I'm recognized, I'll just own it and say "Yes, I am transgender. Now you know." But it's up to you to decide whether or not you can live with that.

What I would specifically not recommend is making your first outings at night, in unfamiliar territory, in bar districts, or anywhere where young guys and alcohol may be found. Go to safe family-friendly places like malls, coffee shops, parks, etc. during the day.

I think there is enough anonymity for you to go out safely.

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Originally Posted by Carolina

Wow! I'm new to the forum and had no idea this conference existed! Sounds like fun (scary though). Never been out in public, but always dreamed of a place like this conference. There used to be a hotel for CDs somewhere in England but it closed down before I mustered the guts to go. This is a bit further away from Spain and would require to use some holiday time, plus explanations to the family (wife and kids), but it does sound great!
For now i'll just dream about going, maybe next year with a bit of planning? I'd see myself with significant difficulties to get out of the hotel room. Most of you look terrific, but my face would give me away immediately.
In any case, great discovery! Are there any other similar events anywhere else? I've resigned to make a trip for one of these events, but the closer the better (also in terms of days off and explanations...)

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I've gone to Keystone Conference the past 3 years. One good thing is that there are several makeup artists at Keystone who regularly do makeovers for CDs. They do an amazing job. Look at my profile pic, for instance.

You can also get buddied up with a veteran CDer who can help provide the courage to get out of the room.

Here's a list of other US conferences:

http://www.keystone-conference.org/