How do you see yourself? All Welcome to Respond

Ok, back again with more food for thought. Here is a question that anyone can answer FtM, MtF, GG, etc. I just hope this comes out in away that everyone will understand.

As a genetic female I noticed that my original view on myself was a constant state of depression because I didn't think as a woman I was pretty enough, wasn't skinny enough, etc. Being out in public with my husband, bean pole that he is :happy: it made me feel even worse because I always thought of us as the typical couple with the unattractive fat girl and the thin nice looking guy.
After I finally realized that I am trans and started to dress and be who I really am I found that the feeling of not being pretty sort of didn't matter as much anymore. I know we all worry about if we pass or not but it just seemed to me that it's ok for a guy to not be perfect and unless you are a slob, people won't look down on you as much for your appearance. I don't feel as bad going out in public with my husband anymore either.

Do other FtM's feel this way about how you look?
I also wonder if perhaps the MtF's feel the opposite and go through the am I pretty enough phase. Just in general, anyone who is in a relationship do you see yourself differently by how your partner presents themselves to the public?

Ok done rambling now and I hope not to start anything offensive with this post as with the last or I may just not start threads anymore.

*tear* Your threads are always so thought provoking though. It's other people, NOT you, so don't ever stop posting threads. EVER!

To the point. Body image....urgh. I'm never really happy with me, but can we be really? 100%. Maybe. Not me though. For me I get a little more self conscious when I'm male, not because of the passing or anything, but rather because it's a toll on my sanity that I look very very young when in drab. Although I find that I feel bigger in drab, even though I'm not. I'm like the king of my world, my walk changes, my expressions change, I have a more "I'm the man!" attitude about me which is very empowering but then it's all squashed by the fact that I look like a ridiculous pre-pubescent boy who thinks he's the shazmaster. That blows.

As a girl I feel like a pretty kickass girl, but I always wish I was prettier. I definitely see myself really differently since being with my boyfriend. I always wanted to be powerful stronger, as kickass of a girl as I am I kinda wanted to be more like Wonderwomen, the whole amazonian goddess, who's still really sexy kind of look. With my boyfriend around I am perfectly content being the cute little, girly girl that hangs off of him, but could stand on her own. In all dimensions I'm about a third of the size of my boyfriend, which makes me more comfortable. I slide in perfectly as the stereotype girlfriend. *sigh* why does it sound so bad on paper? WELL I AIN'T CHANGIN' FOR ANYBODY!

Yarr! that be the all for now, I'm goin'a go share a bottle of Rum with the Capt.'n and any other takers. ARR!

For me, I hate to say body image has never been very much of a problem.
Before I started crossdressing, I was always a big (by which I mean in structure) girl. That kind of made me feel out of place amungst my petit lady friends, but at the same time, my size was an empowering thing. I suppose in a way it was kind of my thing (I intimidated most of the boys I encountered.. and didn't like in highschool, which came in handy :D)

As a boy, I actually feel a little disenfranchised, because now I'm not the big one, by any means. I mean, I am tall comparatively to some of the boys I know (5'11"), but especially with my build I look lanky, and feel rather weak. My femish face sometimes makes me feel a little less empowered too. At the same time, there's a certain something about dressing and that that just overrides all of that. I do feel good looking, and the gender reversal is also like drugs. I love it.


You do have interesting threads! Always post them ! ALWAYS!

When I tried to live my life as a guy I always worried about how I looked, and at how others perceived me. I was never satisfied with my appearance, always trying to look more manly because I desparately wanted to fit in.

Now that I live my life as a female and accept myself, it doesn't really bother me. I mean, I always feel pretty now and I do have nice taste in clothes and such, but I really don't care how others see me, it's just not important anymore. I don't expect the world to see me as a female, just as a person, that's all I want to be treated as. I guess it's more important to me how I feel inside, instead of how I look. I feel great now, and it comes across in my appearance, and that's good enough for me. Hope this makes sense...

Karen

I am a bit undecidet here.
Male baldness and bodyhair is something I really don't like and makes me feel uncomfortable. Other than that, my body is ok for a GM and with a little workout would look quite good, I guess. But this never meant a lot to me and in pure male mode I don't care much about it and the clothing.
On the other side the very same features may cause feeling disguised when in full female mode or cause even depressions (the man in a dress feeling).
Therefore I feel best as a feminine man, instead of a "real" man, that I am not, or a caricature of a woman that I don't want to be seen as.

Ladymoonserpent: I know where you're coming from. As a guy very conscious of the fact that I'm fat and of questionable looks. As a woman I'm a BBW and while I'm no great prize I think I'm fairly average.

Why the difference? I think it's because my guy version comes with so much emotional baggage. That's who I was when I became very self-conscious about my weight. That's who I was when I became very self-conscious about my looks. I took on all my baggage as a guy. And that includes the bagage of if I'm not a man and I'm not a woman then what the heck am I?

When I'm a woman I seem to leave that baggage behind. I can look at myself with a less critical eye. OK, I still look like a man in a dress but even that image is changing little by little.

Mike is still to some degree a fat ugly freak. Shari Ann doesn't have all that baggage because oddly enough most of it was never associated with her. So I'm more free to view myself non-judgementally when I'm a woman. Just dropping that baggage takes a huge weight off my shoulders.

And I agree with Wren. The problem hasn't been what you've said, it's what some others have said. In fact, this thread is one more reason I'm thinking about asking The Powers That Be for a new common forum.

Wren: I know a guy in his mid-twenties who looks like he's in his early to mid teens. I can't remember what he's got. But he doesn't let that be a problem for him. It's all about the attitude.

Sparro: Want to trade? I'm 6' and would love to be lanky.

I guess all I can really do is say what others have said: it's all in the attitude. As though it's that easy, right?

Great question. I used to think it was all about my looks. I always felt that I was fat even though I only weighed 125 -135 in high school and I am 5'5". I had C cup boobs and was very active in tennis so I had muscles. The most I weighed when I was pregnant was 140-145 lbs. Even in college I had very little body fat. But you see I grew up in the twiggy era. Since I had muscular legs I could not wear go-go boots. I could not wear blouses that buttoned around the biceps. There was also a stigma about dressing too provactively so you tended to go to the baggie which does nothing but make you look bigger. I spent so much time thinking about how I looked that I forgot what was really important. It also erroded my self confidence.

Now that I am older I find that it really doesn't matter what you look like as long as you are a nice person. I look around, make eye contact, smile, engage in conversations with people. I find that haveing confidence makes a person more attractive because your body language is so much more inviting. People want to be around others that seem to eminate self confidence. When you see someone with hunched shoulders, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't smile, you tend to want to steer clear because you think that something may be wrong with them.

I think that clothes express who we are. We all have some sort of style. If you are wearing clothes that you just aren't comfortable in then your body language changes. You start feeling less confident, you make less eye contact and people get the impression that something may be wrong.

Weather you are a ftm, mtf, conservative dresser, punk, biker, or hooker. Most people will relate to you if you are confident and open to interaction with others.

It is more about your body language and your openess to others than what you are wearing don't you think?
Kitty

I used to be way self concious about my body. I've had people tell me that I scared them when they first met me. My height kept me from going out for years. A few year's ago I figured the heck with it, why should I hide away and let life pass me by. I still get an occasional comment (I'm 6'2" and broadshouldered, makes shopping, uhm, interesting). When people look at me (those cute short, vertically challenged ones) and make a comment about me scaring them, I tell them that if they're scared they should go and talk to my Mother.

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Originally Posted by ladymoonserpent

Ok, back again with more food for thought.

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Keep 'em coming! I love thought-provoking posts - it keeps my brain working. :D

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Originally Posted by ladymoonserpent

Do other FtM's feel this way about how you look?

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Hey, Rev. ladymoonserpent (may I call you Reverend?):

That's a very good question. Never really thought about it much, but yeah, I know what you mean. Don't know if my body image issues relate to my transgender issues, the way women are portrayed by the media, something else entirely or all of the above, but I can relate.

As a female I always felt that men were looking at my breasts and judging me by my looks, and that made me feel increasingly uncomfortable. The more uncomfortable I felt, the baggier my clothes got and, as kittypw pointed out, that just makes you look bigger and is not flattering. Once I started dressing more masculinely (is that a word?) I found that I felt more comfortable in form-fitting clothes and couldn't imagine why I had wanted to wear such big shirts, pants, etc. I don't have the body-image problems I had before, although my body is basically the same and only my presentation has changed.

Another interesting note: no-one ever gave me a glance before, but now I get my share of appreciative looks and comments. As I said, I haven't really changed physically, so I imagine it has to do with what kitty mentioned - I have more confidence now. It's a great feeling. :)

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Originally Posted by ladymoonserpent

Ok done rambling now and I hope not to start anything offensive with this post as with the last or I may just not start threads anymore.

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Lastly, I'd like to add my vote to the going consensus here that you shouldn't hesitate to post what you want here. None of the problems that have arisen were directly related to you or your great questions.

I'm happy with myself. I love to dress and am content. I am just as comfortable dressed as a female as I am as a male. I have struck a balance in life. I am happy about life and where I am at the present time.

Gennee:)

To Everyone, thanks for making me feel better about my posts and starting threads. Now I don't have to worry as much about starting something.

Capt: Yeah, go ahead anyone can call me Reverend. Most people do. It's kind of in the job description and it's less confussing than Dr. since most people associate that with medical doctor and not other doctorates.

This is a good thread!! Well I have always had braod shoulders and the feeling that I want broad shoulders so that I can cope with. The rest of me I have never been totally happy with since I had my kids my body has never been the same lol I think I need corrective surgery :rolleyes: Thing is if I had surgery to sort my body out I would probably want my boobs making into pecs cos I fantasize about that all the time. I want a six pac but unless my stomach is sorted out then theres no chance of that lol I have to laugh at myself otherwise it would all drive me nuts. I'm only 5ft well if I am that now I've never had what you would call a womanly shape well except for the big boobs which I have never felt comfortable with since they sprouted lol. Now I'm tryin to dress more like a boi and cos I'm binding I have to wear a larger tee shirt to get the affect. Man I have too loose some weight that will help!! Until recently I have been able to wear sweat shirts but the weather is too hot so I have had to get over it and not wear them lol I wanted to try a shirt on in a shop and I said I don't mind going in the mans side the woman said can't let women in there but then she said oh what the heck if you don't mind, ofcourse I didn't :tongueout I think the worse thing is I don't feel I can do the whole thing in my workplace so it's back to my croptops in the week that will be a pain. So I definately feel more comfortable presenting as a boi :D

i find that when i am with mates and in male mode i always seem to try to be overly masculine to hide my feminine side . if i act more masculine no one would suspect that my my real feelings are more ts . guess im just so scared of anyone no the true me that i go to such lengths to hide it . i just know know 1 would understand it and would rather have the few friends i do have than none at all. i hate who i am and what i am just because of how everyone would be towards me . i find it so hard even to put in writing or put in away that i could be understod. 1 thing i do know is that me and most others i have spoke to on here have very good heart but not every one gets to see it cos i so scared to show it . sorry for rambling on i just dont know how to put in writing how i feel and how to answer your question in my words

Hi all, I am new here.

I am a very girly girl, from a conservative catholic family. I've only told one person I know that I have a desire to cross-dress and that is my fiance. My fiance is a very manly man, and interestingly enough, he is a closet transvestite too. He has only told me of his desires, I've only told him of mine.

I see myself as attractive for the most part, and I am fairly comfortable being feminine since I've never been anything else. I guess I have an issue with being feminine sometimes because I see my femininity as weak. I know that's not right, and it doesn't even make sense because women can be stronger than men a lot of times, but I have this preconception in my brain... whenever I'm being wimpy I'm being "a girl."...so I need to suck it up and "be a man". I get so jealous of people who are physically strong, and who have strong aggressive personalities like my boyfriend and it makes me feel hopeless... in some ways I feel like if I were to crossdress I would feel even more hopeless because I would just end up looking like a pre-pubescent boy and people would laugh. I have a muscle wasting disease, a hormone imbalance, and a low tolerance for pain. I am fighting all the time, figuring out what the hell I'm doing here and I don't know. I want to be strong but I am just whiney and weak. I want to dress like a man cuz maybe then I'll stop crying all the time. Maybe then I'll learn to think like a man.

As for what my partner thinks, he gets why I'd want to wear men's clothing, but not why I'd want to do something like bind my chest. Guess he isn't used to this side of me yet, (or more likely, he just doesn't think I could "pull if off".) Whatever.

Anyway, I came across this forum and I'm glad to see there are other people out there who just don't feel like they can express themselves fully when limited to just one gender. I must say, I'm happy to be here.
~Bess

Well you wanted M to Fs to respond, so here goes. I am told that I am a pretty good looking guy, which is ok with me, but unless we were really grotesque--as in being HUGELY obese or obviously deformed, I dont think us guys really care all that much abut our appearence (aside from proper grooming).
The pressure for you "to feel pretty" as a female is ,as you say, no longer felt when you are in the male mode---Well, THAT should be a given. as a "guy" such pressures normally dont exist. This may be a part of your urge to CD---I, Myself CD in part to get away from my own "Pressures" of being a male.
I consider myself an "escapist CD" about half us M to Fs could fit into that category. Unlike the better known version of a M2F who CDs "to become who we really are" , Us "escapists" CD to get AWAY from who we really are.---we take "vacations" from OURSELVES and also from our MALENESS,---both pressures from personal responsibilities and "male obligations" drop away when we temporaly change our identities from male to female--it is the ultimate stress releiver thet we engage in every so often when the need and oppourtunity presents themselves.

As far as the pressure to "feel pretty" as a female in my female mode, Well, I already think I AM "pretty", so thats not really a factor with me.

I would dare to propose that many F2M CDs are also "escapists"---The fact that YOU are releived of your normal "FEM PRESSURES" in male mode illustrates the principle to an extent. Of course THAT goes along with the territory of being in male mode---IF you CD specifically for the stress releif and rush form "identity change" (rather than a feeling that you really ARE a male in a female body) you likely are an escapist.

[SIZE="3"]Don't get me wrong, I do like who I am, and love to hear it from others how passable I am but, I always hear that Michael Jackson song, Man In the Mirror, for it's my eyes I am seen with that matters after all. One day I will pass by a mirror and not recognize myself.[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by Bessie

I guess I have an issue with being feminine sometimes because I see my femininity as weak. I know that's not right, and it doesn't even make sense because women can be stronger than men a lot of times, but I have this preconception in my brain... whenever I'm being wimpy I'm being "a girl."...so I need to suck it up and "be a man".

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I don't think it's necessarily you, Bessie, it's the message the media sends us day in and day out, non-stop. When we hear things like, "you're such a girl" or "don't be a wuss", these are things meant to make us (all - male and female) think that women are weaker and that femininity is to be avoided. And this causes problems for us all, Female-to-Males and Male-to-Females.

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Originally Posted by Bessie

I get so jealous of people who are physically strong, and who have strong aggressive personalities like my boyfriend and it makes me feel hopeless... in some ways I feel like if I were to crossdress I would feel even more hopeless because I would just end up looking like a pre-pubescent boy and people would laugh.

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Yeah, that happens a lot. Female-to-Males tend to look younger when presenting as males, and if you're already young it just makes one feel like no-one will take them seriously.

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Originally Posted by Bessie

I have a muscle wasting disease, a hormone imbalance, and a low tolerance for pain. I am fighting all the time, figuring out what the hell I'm doing here and I don't know. I want to be strong but I am just whiney and weak. I want to dress like a man cuz maybe then I'll stop crying all the time. Maybe then I'll learn to think like a man.

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I don't think you're whiney . . . I think you have a lot to deal with and if crossdressing helps you deal with any of that, even a little, then why not?

Welcome to the forum, Bessie, and thanks for sharing your story with us. :welcom:

People want to be around others that seem to eminate self confidence. When you see someone with hunched shoulders, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't smile, you tend to want to steer clear because you think that something may be wrong with them.

It is more about your body language and your openess to others than what you are wearing don't you think?
Kitty[/QUOTE]

Well Kitty I could have not descibed myself any better thank you. I have been a down and out looser in the relationship department most of my life. I have friends and they are losers to some extent them selves. When I finaly grew up I realized the same things you speak of here are so true. I am thought of very
well by the people I meet and work with I have for so long let the negative one's hold me down in a place I could not see the light from. You see what made me improve was working with people and taking responcablity for my own happyness. My SO is not the best looker anymore but I tell her every day how special she is me how much being with her means to me. I truly get a high when I have helped someone that to me is the best thing anyone can do for themselves. :D

I tend, as a genetic male at age 52, to be porky. In male mode, I could care less about that. In MTF CD mode, it really wakes me up and gets me caring about how I look.

Is it gender discrimination? Or something else? I have no idea! But this is my answer to your interesting question.

- Doug (aka Julie)

How do I see myself? I've always hated what I saw. I remember a confrontation with my mother where I was trying to explain why I always kept the mirror in the bathroom covered when I was in there. I hate seeing myself as a guy. I try as often as possible to avoid cameras, mirrors, and other reflective surfaces, because I don't see who I want to be. The crossdressing helps a little.

How do I see myself... This should be an easy question to answer - but it's not.

I'm male bodied with the standard factory installed genital package and a reasonable amount of body hair. Interestingly, I also seemed to have come equipped with factory breasts at no additional charge - an interesting choice of options.

I'm 5'8" - 260 lbs (down from 283 lbs) - as I child, I used to have to get 'husky' clothing - that was the nice way of marketing clothing for 'big boned' boys. :( I'm a 'plus sized' gal when I go shopping so my options are somewhat more limited, but that is in my control and I'm working to be a bit less on the 'plus' end of things.

IMO, I do not have expecially feminine features, but with my hair grown out, a bit of a natural bustline and the right accessories, they seem to work well enough as part of the total package - at least enough to confuse people.

While I'm neither manly nor girly, I also don't fall into the average category for either man or woman. Probably the closest 'common' description for my look is 'soft butch' if you can visualize that - or you can have a look at my profile pic as that is pretty much me outside of work.

As I said above, the total package works so that it's about a 50/50 split as to how I get read - which is about how I feel. More correctly, I don't feel that I'm half man / half woman - I don't feel I'm either. From a practical, implementation standpoint, presenting as somewhere in the middle amounts to the same this as presenting as neither.

Which brings us to "How do I see myself?"

I see myself as neither a man nor a woman - at least not as society would like to define them. I also don't see myself as shifting between these two extremes either. I can not know what it is to be a woman - no amount of 'feminine trappings' will give me that experience. To feel 'feminine' - exactily what does that mean? Can anyone really answer that? Is feeling feminine the same as being a woman? I doubt it, but I can't know.

By the same token, I can not know what it is to be a man. I was raised as a boy - to be a man - but never felt a connection or sense of belonging. I have 'boyhood' experiences, but what do they mean in relation to the construct 'man'? I feel no real resonance with that which society identifies as 'man'. Given this, are they really 'boyhood' experiences? Can I even claim to have had a 'boyhood'? A childhood perhaps - but a 'boyhood'...

I did learn my part and I can look like and act like a man if necessary. It is, however, largely a role I play with varying degrees of success. Much as above, I also don't know what it means - or is supposed to mean - to actually be a man. What does it mean to feel 'masculine'? Is it really the opposite of 'feminine'?

To me, both are on the same side - opposite whatever it is I think I am.

Or perhaps they are two sides to a coin - where I find myself balanced on the edge.

I can only relate (in a somewhat fractured way) what it means to be me - whatever that is. Call it 'man', 'woman', a mix of both - call it neither, paradox, freak, queer, 'other' - it's by and large irrelevant as it all amounts to someone else's interpretation of what they think I am or should be.

I see myself as all and none of the above when I dwell too long in my little patch of negative space. On a day to day basis, I simply see myself simply as me. My gender - or lack thereof - usually doesn't come into play unless referenced by someone external to myself: then I deal with it as needed.

Love & Stuff,
Donna