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I think that your desire is in the right place, but the question isn't how you dress, its the role you fill.
You can be a rock solid provider while wearing frills.
"Role" in a relationship is a part you play. Who you are isn't that role, its what you do to support your nest. I do 100% of the cooking. Its just how that fell. That has nothing to do with what my bits are.
Be yourself.
/hugs
- MM
Sammie, The male image will always be there, I am Ex U D T Viet Nam era, a ex power line man for U I. So I can an do satisfy her as a man. I then have my Fem side which she loves . Your Cross dressing will be with you all your life it get's harder to deny as you age. JO
I obviously don't know your wife, but as a GG this is what I sense:
1. She has no clue what the CDing is about, in you or in anyone else. My feeling is that she suspects it is a kink. Hence the playful suggestion that you wear her panties in the bedroom. A lot of GGs are OK with a little kink in the bedroom, especially if it appears to be a turn on for our spouses. But remember that nothing in her background with you gives her any hint that you are inherently feminine.
2. She loves you a lot. She knows there is something associated with feminine things that you are embarrassed to talk about, and to a GG this spells "disconnect". We do feel uneasy when our spouses have personal things they do not like to discuss. In a way, it feels as if they want to keep us out of a part of their lives. So your wife's comments are designed to bring you out of your shell … to let you know that it's OK and that no matter what it is, she loves you and she is willing to play along. Hence her comment about needing a girlfriend shortly after your move. She wants you to share with her what is going on, like any girlfriend would.
I think that you should talk to her and tell her everything. But please don't make the mistake of downplaying it and letting her believe that it IS just a kink. There have been many stories here of wives who are OK with it as long as they think it's not serious, but who then cool off when they discover it is more serious and their husband's gender comes into question. There are of course wives who know that it is more than a kink and they're OK with that, but I think they still fundamentally believe that their husbands are men.
It's best to tell her the truth from the onset and this means that you will need to do your own homework so that you will be able to communicate what the CDing brings to you, how you feel when you don't crossdress, how far you think that you will want to take it (your ideal mind's-eye scenario). Also be prepared to share all your feelings, including your feelings of embarrassment. You do want your wife to know how much you struggle with this.
Reine, thank you for your advice. Theres a lot here that I've never even considered and I really appreciate a fresh perspective. I'm feeling a lot better about talking to my wife about all this, but I'm not sure when that will be. We moved for her to take a new job (a promotion) that has her a little more stressed than usual, but I think when she gets into the groove of things, she'll be more easy to talk about this sort of thing.
Getting a pedi with her might be a good conversation starter.. I'd rather not bring it up out of the blue, because that seems to surpise her in a negative way. She has confronted me about it all before but not directly. She and I were talking about fantasies and fetishes and she kept asking me if I had any that I hadn't told her about. Of course, I balked (this was a year or two ago) and couldn't bring it out to her. But she asks these sort of questions every once in a while.. I might try and just ask her what she thinks she knows about my cd. One thing I've learned so far from you and from others in this thread is that she probably has a predefined image or conception about what cd is.
Thanks again everyone for your help! I'm always open to more advice :) Hope you all had a great weekend!