Opening the closet door

Hi ladies,
In my introduction I had mentioned that I would like to talk to my ex about some make up assistance,it was brought to my attention that it could be a slippery slope since I was very closeted. Shortly thereafter I made a visit to her,and we were having a nice chat. Since the time we?ve been divorced I was in a motorcycle accident that left me with some skin grafts on my calf,I was showing them to her and she said ?are your legs shaved??, I said yes,and I continued on and told her I was a cross dresser. She was very accepting of it,and has been behind me 100% since I?ve told her.
Shortly after I was Skyping with my niece,with whom I?m relatively close with,and I told her,once again,very accepting. She has given me many pointers since then,gotta love it from GG?s.
At this point,I am feeling like,wow,it?s pretty easy telling people. Next I begin telling my family,all more supportive than I could have imagined. Unfortunately I can not bring myself to tell my friends,I have only got a few,and we have all been friends for nearly 40 years,I just can?t do it. I guess I?m too afraid of them judging me. I hope that I can share this with them eventually. I am actually quite surprised they are not picking up on my femme ways,everyone else has.
I have not been outside,other than walking to the mailbox. I really feel that the make up is very important to go out in public. I am getting there,my ex has helped me,but I need tons of practice.
My mascara has gotten better since I first started,haha. I am in desperate need of fixing my eyebrows,but I am afraid once I do that,my friends will notice and I may be forced to tell them.
But then again,it is my life,and dressing is what makes me happy,and I want to be out.

Hi Davina. My take on it is that you and only you can weigh the benefits vs risks and decide whats right for you. I know that I can not come out as it would surely fracture my relationships. It may work out for you but take some time to think it though.

Sandi

Sandi is right. Maybe make a lists of the possible negatives of telling family and friends, as once the bell is rung, you can't unring it. If i had told my sister, like i almost did once, it would have triggered a disaster on me. I told one woman who i thought was a friend, and she said she would not spread it. Right!!! She went and told all my friends in that church. I left the area. Sometimes we just have to keep our secret to ourselves and this site, and possibly a very few, who do not know our families or employers or business customers.

The decision making routine is fairly simple. Put the positives on one side of a sheet of paper, and the negatives on the other. You do not have to balance one positive with one negative....just list them all. Plus or minus.

Then, subjectively, decide which of the positives or negatives is more relatively important. You can even give them point values. More important +1, neutral 0, negative -!

then add column 1 (positives) and column 2 (negatives). Which has the highest score?

Great thing...if you don?t feel comfortable with the result, you can trash the whole thing :)

You know you don't have to tell everyone you know.
You have told the important ones and thats all that really matters.
What do your friends benefit from you telling them? What benefit do you get from possibly losing a couple of old friends?
Maybe they would rather not know.I'm sure they don't tell you everything that they do.

Telling friends is a big one and I?d be cautious. Maybe you could make a few hints to gauge initial reactions but it could bring a friendship to an end. Brows! I keep mine plucked and trimmed reading for colouring with a brow pencil when going out dressed. No one ever comments. Same with my hair free body. I know lots of you are nervous of this being spotted but it?s never been an issue. However I have only told one friend who was totally accepting. The others- I?m leaving well alone.

Davina,

My advice would be only tell your friends if it aids in your dressing and by that in your ability to go out should you choose. I would ask even if you became fully confident in going out and about enfemme, would you ever contemplate going out say for a drink dressed with your friends? If the answer is no then why tell them?

You have support from your family and of course from the folks here. Don't rush the decision, see how your dressing develops and make a judgement once your way forward is clearer. As Alice rightly says, this is a bell you can't un-ring.

Davina, I am talking eyebrows, many salons do brows, I see ladies come into my salon all the time. You could walk in and ask and if they do and just tell the girl you would like them trimmed, cleaned up or shaped a little but not too feminine unless you want a more feminine shape. I think you may enjoy it and do not worry they will not tackle you and put polish on your nails, unless of course you want some. :)
As for coming out of the closet more, that totally goes to your own comfort level with anyone you are friends with. No big rush to do that, think it through.

It is a common feeling that when you come out of the closet you need to tell everyone. The excitement is great and sometimes there is a tendency to throw all caution to the wind. I recommend holding back on that urge. It is hard but important. I agree with Tracii and believe it is best to chose who to tell first, test the waters, and be discriminating as to who you tell. Family should always come first. But friends? Be careful there. If you think someone might not react well then assume that your thought is correct. A few reasons why you should restrain the excitement a bit.

1. You don't really know at this point where being open about your needs will lead you. Dressing makes you feel really good and happy now, but that can and sometimes does change. So be very selective among friends who you tell. Not everybody needs to know and need to know should be your guidance at this point until your initial joy settles down into a clear pattern.

2. It is important to get really good at your appearance with lots of practice and help. Makeup is actually an art form - the Mona Lisa was not DaVinci's first painting. Lessons might be helpful and if your ex is willing to help you learn take her up on it. You don't have to be a super model in developing your talent, but passable is important before you go mix with the muggles too much.

3. I think Crissy's suggestion of finding a salon to do your brows is a great idea. You might want to go half way from male brows to female brows to start with and see what the reaction is among friends. If you like it and they don't mind then wait a bit until they get used to it and go further. It is creates a bad reaction that you don't want, they will grow back.

4. There is a "rule" that most of us follow. It is the Rule of Baby Steps. Add something, see how it works out with both your feelings and other's reactions and then if all goes well take another step.

Interesting post OP. I don't know how close you are with your friends. Do be careful with who you tell. Many of my friends know. However, most of them are in AA and 12 step programs are quite accepting in general. In saying that 2 of my best friends were bikers. They were in two well know motorcycle clubs. They had no problem with it. They were not bothered. Another of my friends said to me and smiled "coming from you why am I not surprised" and we went out to dinner the next day.
I have told some family members, but not all.

Although more of my friends know than family members. Not everybody in my life needs to know everything about me. I know the desire for acceptance, approval, and love can be overwhelming. I also realize that if I don't accept and am ashamed of myself it does not matter how many people outside of me approve or accept or love me.

Thank you for some great responses. I suppose telling my friends is not critical in any way,it’s more about me wanting acceptance from the people I know. And being as though they all live south of the city,and I live north of the city,there is more than likely no way we will run into each other at a non opportune time. So for the time being,I am going to put that to rest and continue with my baby steps.

Davina, Remember that once you get to 10 posts in this section much more of this site will be open to you.

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Originally Posted by Crissy 107

Davina, Remember that once you get to 10 posts in this section much more of this site will be open to you.

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Yes,I know,I’m working on it�� I’m pacing myself