It's like the fifth time I've dumped it all. This time hurt. Two or three years worth of stuff. The urge never goes away. I just want to be a "normal" dad, you know?
Printable View
It's like the fifth time I've dumped it all. This time hurt. Two or three years worth of stuff. The urge never goes away. I just want to be a "normal" dad, you know?
I think we've all purged at one point or another, and some of us many times. For my part, my last time was >25 years ago. Once I accepted the reality that, as you say, it never goes away I realized that purging was a very negative thing. It's self hatred at a pretty high level. It's saying, "I reject this part of me so hard, that I will refuse to allow it outlet ever again!" This doesn't work. I don't know of anybody for whom it has worked.
I am a dad. Throughout the more than 20 years I've been a dad, I have kept my crossdressing self hidden from my children. They do not know, and likely will never know. They have no need to know. That doesn't make me a bad dad. I don't have to get rid of all my dresses, skirts, shoes, etc. in order to be a good, normal dad. My wife and I chose to keep it a secret from our children because we wanted them to have a 'normal' childhood, where they didn't have to keep this secret about their dad. It's worked, and worked well.
In a while, maybe weeks, months, or even years, you will start buying femme clothes again. I would encourage you to not purge again. It doesn't work, and causes you far more harm than good. Best of luck.
I can honestly say I have never completely purged. O have a skirt my sister no longer wanted when I was 13. I took it and still have it to this day. My mother made it and knew I had taken it
I spent years fighting it! It always comes back and usually much stronger! My wife stated there will only be one female in this marriage, when I asked if I could wear female clothes! For 34 years and 5 months of marriage I repressed my true self! I wore panties a total of 4-5 times and purged them each time! (the black ones felt so nice!) I have two children! After my wife passed away and an appropriate period of mourning, I bought a pack of panties at K-Mart! It grew from there! I came out to my adult daughter since she lives with me! She is very accepting and has found that she in an NB! My son is married and I am a grandad! The family is accepting! Son and daughter still call me, Dad! I am now a 24/7/365 transwoman! Move on when you are ready and just be you as you can! It is a journey not a destination! Live life and be happy with yourself!
I have purged a few times in my life, but the last 2 times I had the urge to purge all I did was box all my stuff up and hid it in the garage. Yes I knew it was there, but both times I went about 6 months without wearing anything, except the last time I did wear panties but again that is the only underwear I own now.
I put all my stuff in the garage the last time I wanted to purge. I just had this anxiety about it being there. Like I was cheating on my wife... or someone would find it. It was a relief dumping it all, but part of me still wishes I had it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Happilymarriedguy
Ican understand . though single and no kids. I got to hating myself so much that i purged 99% in 8 bags and containers and dropped it all off a mission thrift store in 2017. I said i will try to never dress again, but might slip up once in a while. I have 9 dresses now and several skirts and tops and 2 wigs. 2 prs heels. But having some faitly serious health issues now, and balance problems and may not be able to walk in heels now. Have not dressed fully in quite a few months, and thinking of purging it all. But, i think a lot about dressing, Have tried to find a girlfriend, but giving up. Would like a foregn lady, but could never afford to bring one here. Such is the sands of time for an old bachelor, with brain wired differently.
I have bagged my stuff several times but thankfully never purged more than a few items However, about a month ago I purged a couple hundred photos on a private SD card that had cataloged my progression.
I hate that I did that during a blow up about non-CD issues. It?s a total shame but it?s done. I could slowly build up a wardrobe again but the photographic history is gone.
Hi Laurie :hugs:, Crossdressing is like being in the Mafia, you just can't Quit!! >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**
I went back and read your prior postings. You're all over the place. In earlier postings you're out and about in the world. You're talking to others in Target or out doing exercise/running en femme. Yet, you're paralyzed when it comes to talking to your wife. I understand the conflict. I was there once. Unlike you with a treasure trove of femme stuff (wigs, padding, etc) my wife and I had "The Talk" when I had a minimal amount of "stuff." She had and probably still has a lot of inner conflict about my cross dressing. She has not said "boo" about anything since the early 1980's. For us, the world did not end. Two issues arose. The first and foremost is resolving the inner conflict between what I feel and what society expects. I thought about all those misconceptions. Am I gay and do not know it? How would my kids feel if they found out?
I have never purged. Perhaps, that is due to growing up with few cherished possessions. Maybe I am too darn cheap to toss anything? I would suggest getting some help in resolving your inner conflict. It is possible to be a "normal" dad. I've seen some "normal" dads over my seven decades and many of them are just a bunch of "sorry ass" individuals who are so self centered they do not give a crap about their kids or wife. Once you accept yourself that problem is solved. Then the issue becomes dealing with others who have issues accepting you. Of course, the paramount issue is dealing with your wife. That's a crap shoot. Will it be instantaneous trip to a divorce lawyer? Or will it be "Hey, that's great! Let's doll you up and go clubbing." Maybe, you can lay off the booze for a while, but, there is always going to be the urge. I wish you well.
Sorry Laurie, but in trying to put this together, one notes that you gave everything to Goodwill and then five hours and forty-four minutes later you are telling your wife that you like to dress as a woman? I think that I have similar questions as Stephanie. To avoid beating yourself up too much more, a good talk with your wife is needed while you are both sober.
I wish you did a post before you purged so we could maybe prevent that from happening but then again you knew that so you purged. I have purged in the past and can say for myself it was a big mistake.
You most likely will regret doing that.
I totally understand your inner conflict but unfortunately, your femme side never goes away. For many years, l fought the same battles but as I have gotten older and I have seen my kids growing up I have realized that I too deserve to be who I am and be happy. We don't stop being dads or moms we continue raising good decent children who are accepting of others. Hope that you are able to resolve your inner "demons" and choose to be happy. As for normal, normal is what you make of it. Wish you well!
This is SO WRONG, Laurie! U should always post here BEFORE u purge. Then, those of us that live near u will know to visit our Goodwill store!:thumbsup:
What Goodwill?
I have never purged only because of coming here and reading. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and I'm moving towards that. I'm very single so that helps I don't have to hide and can dress freely and I do.
I am a normal dad. Not sure why you would suggest that dressing makes one less of a normal dad.
I am sitting with my kids right now and they seem totally fine with me having my toes painted.
Just so you know, you can still be a normal dad! There are a lot of normal dads here, including me. Tribalism and conformity teaches you to hate yourself but in truth we have a gift that allows us to experience the world in a different way. Crossdressing does not harm anyone, it does not start world wars and it does not make you a bad father.
I purged twice; never again. Now that I have become more comfortable in my skin my guilty feelings have waned. My children don't know and I have no intention of telling them. I can coexist in both worlds.
In the past I purged a few times. That said it was no major deal because I did not have much to toss. But the effect was the same. You are symbolically trying to "throw yourself away" because you do not like who you are as a CD, Trans, or whatever. Problem is, if it is a habit then it is a habit that helps to define who you are and who you are is there for reasons. If it is more than a habit and is an integral part of your identity then you definitely cannot get rid of it except by getting rid of yourself which is an ultimate risk. Although those seem different, the solution is basically the same.
I sense that perhaps your difficulty is management. You don't have to throw away this part of you even if you could, but it is a matter of managing this aspect and the other aspect of you as a unit. If you continue to think your male self and your female self are almost completely separate, the problems, the conflicts, the dysphoria will always be there. But managing it takes some discipline on your part and decisions based upon a personal inventory of what triggers the shift from one side to the other resulting in conflict. For starters, as others have said, you need to accept your self and forget about all the traditional and stereotypical things that continue to keep your two sides separate. Manage them in a cooperative and collaborative way so what appears to be two identities/people operate as a unit. They each have certain skills and once you achieve that merger, conflict will no longer make sense.
For 59 years I fought the SHE in me and never got anywhere. But when the HE surrendered in the war and the HE and SHE were merged then it all went much more smoothly. But it is still not totally smooth and likely never will be. No matter who you are there are personal battles to fight - it is called being alive. Eight and a half years ago just before I accepted myself I was pondering suicide. Now I am quite happy.
I can sympathize. I’ve purged many times. Then one day I thought, "These are my clothes, and I'm not going to throw them away!" I always wanted to be a good person and do the right thing. For a long time, I thought that meant "playing the cards I was dealt." But eventually I realized that pretending to be something I'm not (i.e. male) was self-destructive and was leading to constant frustration and unhappiness. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you?
I live as a woman most of the time now, and I've never been happier.
Lovingly yours,
Cynthia Katherine Davis
Sorry you felt you have to purge .we all go thru this and we all come back its part of who you are.:sad::):)
I think you mean... "I want to pretend to be someone I am not."
Look, if you define gender non-conformity as "abnormal", then it is likely that you will never be normal. If you acknowledge that gender non-conformity is a normal part of the gender spectrum, you are normal; atypical perhaps, but definitely normal.
Please take my advice and find a way to come to grips with this.
The "Fifth time"?
You need another plan. This one is clearly not working. I was a normal dad until I came out to my son when he was 22. He told me he had known since he was 14. He was a normal kid, who thought there might be Pot in the house and tore the place up trying to find it. He didn't find any. Guess what he did find (my journals, not my clothes; so the gory details.)
My relationship with my son has been solid, through some trials and tribulations in both our lives.
Purge or don't purge. But don't just be a normal dad: Be a Dad who teaches his children that difference is to be celebrated not not shamed, and that every one has their own struggles in life and that is to be respected.
Do that and your children will be a comfort in your old age regardless of how that old age is dressed or manifested.
The fifth time you say...
You know the definition of insanity... Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
been there, done that, gave up denying ME.