Cautionary tale when complimenting your wives

My wife has been trying to be more creative in how she dresses lately, which I think is great. I love her developing sense of style and I've been trying to be encouraging to her. I think we all know how hard it can be to step out of your "comfort zone".

Problem is, I may have been getting to specific in my compliments. I'll say things like, "Those earrings go great with that top"....and things along that line....ya know...things a guy might not notice so much. I may have been complimenting her as her husband, but the way I was doing it sounded more to her like Josie and she eventually told me so.

I guess I get it; thing is, even in "guy mode" I've always had an eye for detail and an appreciation for anything creative. It's probably just the fact that Josie is a part of me means I need to be a little more clear that the compliment is coming from her husband.

So, nowadays I just say, "you look great" ;)

I also get specific with my compliments. Of course she knows, supports and encourages my little hobby. She loves it when I compliment specific parts of her wardrobe.

We crossdressers have a better eye for detail than most men. My wife even asks me for advice with her clothing and accessories. I do her makeup when she really wants to make a statement.

My wife understands when I get to specific with a complement, where I get in trouble, is places where I know a person well, but not personally, such as last time I'm at the doctors office, I noticed his nurse had colored her hair, and changed the style, while complimenting her on the new look, I realized I Had gotten to specific, in how the color complemented her complexion, and how the new style framed her face, not sure what she must have thought, but her new look was cute and I could not help myself but to complement her on it. Sometimes being a girls is such an easy thing to be!
Tina B.

I do that all the time Tina. I never realized how odd that was for a guy until one time one of my coworkers was like "WTF was that?"

-Tatyana

Before my wife knew about Linnea, I would compliment her in ways that sometimes sent her antennae up. Sometimes she gave me a funny look; sometimes she asked how I would know about particular terminology. In those days, I would tell her that I learned it from a girlfriend whom I dated for several years in high school. That girlfriend made most of her own clothes and she was good at it (I wish that I had come out to her; she probably would have made me some custom outfits). Anyway, I would listen to her tell me about her latest creation. She was usually glad and pleased to give me details; I was interested, but she didn't know the real reason why.
It was the truth: I learned a lot about styles and fabrics and construction of women's clothing from her.
Now, though, even though I'm still guarded in what I say, my wife realizes that I have "inside" information. For the most part, it doesn't bother her.

My wife loves it when I go shopping with her. I am always giving her compliments and suggestions. Last saturday we spent some of our tax return on up dating her wardrobe. One of the SA's over heard our conversation and said to my wife, "You've trained him well." To that my wife said,"On the contrary, he has trained me well." The SA had sort of a blank smile on her face and no comment. She walked a little farther turned to look back, all the while I was watching her. I gave her a big know-it-all kind of a smile and watched her shake her head and continued walking off. When we checked out one SA started to help us but this SA took over and then said something about men who shop with their wives are not usually very helpful. It's about time someone breaks the mold. With my lively hood in art before retiring it kind of was natural for me to put my 2 cents in with my wife because she was never sure about color coordination. She was always asking, "Does this go with that, or does this look good with that." She didn't train me except to open my mouth and talk to her about her choice and to make suggestion. And I don't care if anyone hears and questions my manhood. My wife doesn't and her's is the only opinion that matters.:D

Hi.

For me iv done it for a good few years & more so as a woman. For jos its , does this look right are my brows in line or look good is this top matching this skirt is my make up not to orange & so on well allmost every day we went out yea so its been good
my compliments are in keeping with how Jos looks , so not a problem.

...noeleena...

I have to err on the side of caution here. My wife is dead set against Erickka, and I don't ever want to upset the apple cart. I just generalize in compliments to her or any of her friends as to not infer that it is another girl's point of view.

Hey Josie, I know what you mean. I've been on the "you look nice" plan for a while but it is a struggle sometimes to hold my tongue. Usually don't even offer a "you look nice" to co-workers but caught my self the other day just before complementing a co-worker on how nice her boots looked with her outfit. Uggg. Close call. Alisa

It is a shame though that there are some married cders who feel they have to pretend they don't have specifiic knowledge or interest in womens style and fashion, and maintain a guy side only facade. How are you supposed to fake that?

Are you kidding I love it when my girl compliments something I put together (I have no sense of style). If I look good it's usually because she pickled it out or I bought it off the mannequin, jewelry and all.

My wife enjoys positive feedback, just as I do. While I try to be helpful when we shop, she's got a much better sense of what works than I do. I find I imitate her style or those I see on other women, rather than create my own.

Been there, done that. I compliment my wife on very specific things now and she's noticing. She doesn't seem to mind, and she now listens to my advice rather than dismissing it as "stupid guy knows nothing" advice. Trouble is, she gives me funny looks now. I get them alot anymore.

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Originally Posted by JosieCD

Problem is, I may have been getting to specific in my compliments. I'll say things like, "Those earrings go great with that top"....and things along that line....ya know...things a guy might not notice so much. I may have been complimenting her as her husband, but the way I was doing it sounded more to her like Josie and she eventually told me so.

I guess I get it; thing is, even in "guy mode" I've always had an eye for detail and an appreciation for anything creative. It's probably just the fact that Josie is a part of me means I need to be a little more clear that the compliment is coming from her husband.

So, nowadays I just say, "you look great" ;)

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I really don't understand this. What's wrong with giving open and honest compliments when it pertains to something you have knowledge of? Most husbands say "you look great," because they're just saying something without paying attention. Josie isn't a different person than you are, she's just an aspect of your personality. Josie is your wife's husband, so compliments from Josie are compliments from her husband.

It just seems silly to me to withhold nice comments just because they come from an unorthodox place.

My wife and I keep my male self and my female self (Tina) separate, BUT...

We've finally come to grips with how to look at this situation. Clearly I have but one brain and one body, but my two gendered selves use them differently. Tina has a different set of opinions, priorities, likes, and dislikes. This was important to us in order to try to find out what part Tina has played in my life all this time that she was hidden (my first 55 years).

With that preamble, my wife and I have slowly learned which part of me is responsible for which activities and emotions. One very positive aspect of living in two genders is the empathy that we now share about all things feminine (masculine too, but that's for another posting). The fact is that I now CAN comment on fashion sense, deportment, makeup, skin care, and all the rest. It's come to the point where we can't imagine what it was like before, living in genders so separate that we couldn't relate to each other in these ways. It's just great to see the smile on my wife's face when we know that the conversation/activity is somehow Tina related, and that she (my wife) has had a major role in making it happen.

Life is lovely!

tina

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Originally Posted by Tina B.

where I get in trouble, is places where I know a person well, but not personally, such as last time I'm at the doctors office, I noticed his nurse had colored her hair, and changed the style, while complimenting her on the new look, I realized I Had gotten to specific, in how the color complemented her complexion, and how the new style framed her face, not sure what she must have thought, but her new look was cute and I could not help myself but to complement her on it.

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Funny that, I used to do it all the time when I was in denial about my gender. Many waitresses in restaurants and the such like love to come up to talk to me (or previously to Robert) because I paid attention to their appearenace and was detailled with my compliments.

My Wife loves when I help her with dressing advice,It's only fair she is quick to point out my fau pas regarding what I wear.

Added to this my GG friends at work ask my advice too,as my best friend did this week about what to wear for her birthday party,which I think is well cool

I always notice and compliment the ladies who work in my office when they change something in their appearance. Just last week one of the ladies said that her husband never notices these things. The other lady piped up and said, "___ always notices..." My responce was, "My wife has me well trained!" I do tend to keep my observations general.

I love it when my SO compliments me on my look, and even more so if she is specific. Once there was a mega sale at a huge department store and I couldn't make up my mind what to buy. So I brought several outfits home, and she helped me decide what worked and what didn't, and why. (I also got to see what his guy side appreciated too. :))

But I've got to make a comment on this: :p

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Originally Posted by Samantha43

We crossdressers have a better eye for detail than most men.

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It's true that CDers have a great eye for fashion detail. But men have an eye for detail as well ... it's just in other forms. There's no way I'd remember all the different makes and years of cars, all the sports & player stats, or even know at first glance what I'm looking at when I look under the hood of my car. I think it's a matter of interest ... we are all detail minded about the things we care about.

It's a fine line we often walk. I also have an eye to such details and often give my wife the same compliment, She just laughs and says "I just bet you would like to wear them." We each have our own collection of ear rings and do not share them. I not afraid to complement a woman I meet about things such as her ear rings, clothing, purfume or shoes. I never receive a negative response, just a thank you, and care not what they may think about me.

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Originally Posted by Tanya C

It is a shame though that there are some married cders who feel they have to pretend they don't have specifiic knowledge or interest in womens style and fashion, and maintain a guy side only facade. How are you supposed to fake that?

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Women have been regularly concealing the breadth of their true knowledge from men for centuries. :)

I'm glad that sort of deception is behind me, though. What little knowledge I have is freely given and I think that my wife appreciates it when I compliment her. I think that she even appreciates it when she tries something on and I tell her that it is not good for her.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I love it when my SO compliments me on my look, and even more so if she is specific. Once there was a mega sale at a huge department store and I couldn't make up my mind what to buy. So I brought several outfits home, and she helped me decide what worked and what didn't, and why. (I also got to see what his guy side appreciated too. :))

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Ha ha... Just goes to show you you get much more for your investment of emotional capital with a CD... :lol:

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It's true that CDers have a great eye for fashion detail. But men have an eye for detail as well ... it's just in other forms. There's no way I'd remember all the different makes and years of cars, all the sports & player stats, or even know at first glance what I'm looking at when I look under the hood of my car. I think it's a matter of interest ... we are all detail minded about the things we care about.

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Reine, I've got to thank you for your insightful posts... Your a gem and your SO is very lucky. Love, Alisa :bighug:

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Originally Posted by Alisa

Reine, I've got to thank you for your insightful posts... Your a gem and your SO is very lucky. Love, Alisa :bighug:

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Except when I ask too many questions. Lol. :)