Was called sissy

I have to give you some back ground to why I was called a sissy. During the week my nephew had some work done to his car, he told me he wasn't happy because the price they quoted him wasn't the price he paid. I asked where he had the work done and I was surprised because I also had work done at that same place and I wondered why they would rip off my nephew. I called them and they denied everything so yesterday morning I picked up my nephew and we went to there shop. Long story short a bit of aggression and threatening that I would tell my car freinds about them and drag there name in the mud a little the owner finally admitted there may have been a error. This wasn't a few hundred dollars it was two thousand. When I brought my nephew home my wife was there and this is my wife's sisters son and if you followed me at all this would be the crazy sister. My nephew gave the great news what had happened and he got his money back.
Last night I was going to bed and there was a Siren Store bag on my side of the bed, I pushed it over to my wife's side and she came in the room telling me that the bag was for me. It was a skirt and she told me it was on sale and to try it on if it fits. I tried it on and my wife looked at me and said "it looks good, you make a beautiful sissy". I never heard my wife relate to me as a sissy and asked her what she was talking about. She told me that when she was at her sisters house and my nephew and myself walked in the door explaining I got the money back her sister said to my wife. "All for stereotypes, his macho father is sitting his fat ass on the couch drinking beer and his sissy uncle went and made time and fight and got his money back". I asked my wife what here response was and she said they both laughed. This was the first time I heard that said to me, it sounded funny.
The sad part of all this is my nephew is very verbal, he wasn't verbal enough to talk back to those guys who ripped him off, but he's very verbal when it comes to stereotype. He's shares many times about gay and cross gender and how they should be shot and torched or brought on a island left for dead.
Everyone has there right to an opion but don't tell me you wouldn't have loved to have said that his cross gender uncle got his money back. Maybe one day the cat will come out of the bag but for now I guess I have to bite my tongue.

Personally, I find such prejudicial terms very offensive. I recognize there is a movement in the LGBT community to recapture such words and use them in a non-insulting way - "queer" is another one - but I don't like it. I've seen a lot of references to crossdressers online being referred to as "sissies" . Perhaps in that context it is not meant to be insulting , but the connotations remain. Used in the way you describe here I would be quite affronted, and it's too bad that this attitude is being modeled for your nephew.

Yeah, I guess you have to bite your tongue right now, but short of calling them on their prejudice, you can create some distance. I would.

Hi Maria,

It is clear by the skirt she bought for you that she is proud of you for what you did on behalf of your nephew.
You did all the she could have hoped for and was success in getting the money back!

There is a delicate balancing act when you are a CD in a relationship. As the "man" of the relationship you are expect to stick up for yourself.
While properly respecting those around you. Most importantly your partner.

Marion

Victory for your nephew thanks to your efforts and your wife is still your greatest supporter

Just to clarify my earlier statement: Marion and Bridget are quite right - it appears your wife is very much in your corner, and I think anything she said was just in relaying the information of the exchange to you. My comments were directed at the prejudice exhibited by her sister and your nephew.

I know the word in question is nearly always used offensively/derogatorily, but you know what?...

I'd rather be a sissy than a bitter old clueless knuckle-dragging Neanderthal with all the nuance of a troll.

The statements attributed to the nephew are abhorrent. The proper time to confront the nephew about those statements is when he uses them. There is no reason to remain silent. That goes for the sister-in-law too. Let the chips fall where they may.

As to a conversation between husband and wife, sometimes there may be a term of endearment used in private that can be used by others in a derogatory manner. Frankly, I do not like one group trying to "recapture" usage of any word that may be viewed as derogatory when used by others. I had to chuckle a little when reading Maria's post. How many on this site have served in the United States military or another nation's military? Many. A lot of those calling any of us sissies probably did not have the balls to put the uniform on!

You're right, Stephanie. A disproportionately high number of non-gender conforming people join the military. Sure, a lot of us try to do it to enforce some silly notion of our manhood. But, a lot of us are pretty bad ass and run TO the danger rather than away from it. I know I felt my own transition in bootcamp from civilian to the beginnings of a warrior as they stripped away at my sense of being a civilian. It didn't stop me being on the trans spectrum in the slightest.

Personally, I despise the term "sissy". It smacks of some sort of attempt at degradation of who I am simply because I am gender+. I am me, and no one can take that away from me.

Maria, you've been very wise to keep your sister-in-law at arm's length in all things.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Marissa Q

I'd rather be a sissy than a bitter old clueless knuckle-dragging Neanderthal with all the nuance of a troll.

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Marissa, I could not agree with you more.

Maria, While I appreciate you helping your wife's nephew, I might be a little more cancel culture than to help someone with that deep animosity towards LGBTQ+ members.

This is a confusing thread.

Original post:
her sister said to my wife. "All for stereotypes, his macho father is sitting his fat ass on the couch drinking beer and his sissy uncle went and made time and fight and got his money back".

I read that initially as SIL is talking to wife and is trying to goad her husband like a football coach trying to get team moving aggresssively. Previous posts said SIL knows of poster likes fem clothes and does not have an issue with it. Her focus is the "macho" husband who is acting like a sissy. My guess is she said this loud enough to nag husband.

How this was converted into an expession by nephew, I have no clue.

I also don't get why some only hear red flag words and don't read post in context.

Definition of sissy:
1. A person regarded as timid or cowardly.
2. A boy or man regarded as effeminate.
3. Sister.

So which def is SIL using? #1 no, not for uncle, husband yeah. #2 weak, not for uncle. Thus #3. Not "my grandfather is a alien" but "my BIL is my sister" and fights for my family.

IF you all want to just discuss the word sissy and the best reaction to that word, create a different post. Don't confuse the original point.

My question is: wait saved a couple thousand of dollars, and only got one skirt out of it. Great of wife, but shouldn't the SIL given a better reward than just her husband goading comment?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maid_Marion

Hi Maria,

It is clear by the skirt she bought for you that she is proud of you for what you did on behalf of your nephew.
You did all the she could have hoped for and was success in getting the money back!

There is a delicate balancing act when you are a CD in a relationship. As the "man" of the relationship you are expect to stick up for yourself.
While properly respecting those around you. Most importantly your partner.

Marion

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Marion makes some very good points here.

Maria’s wife is and has been in her corner, the SIL is a loose cannon at times but I do not think she meant anything derogatory towards Maria it was more of a shot at her own husband.
The nephew and his attitude is poor at best. That said I would have still handled things the same as Maria did.

This is a tough one to interpret. It seems to me that your wife and sister in law threw a greater insult at the fat ass sitting on the couch. I think Marion is right, your wife is proud of what you did but I also think that she in no way sees you as something less than the person you are. But your story leaves me with a few of questions. Now that you did this for you nephew, what are his views about you, or doesn't he know? Second, did you talk to your wife about her use of the word and in what way was she using the word? I mean, if she is supporting you with this, she could be using it as a term of endearment, not as a slight against you.

I agree with Kris Burton in that I dislike the term "sissy" and find it a derogatory term of reference. I live in the UK and although I am aware the term here, I tend to find it is more of an American term. I see that there is an entire Wikipedia page devoted to the word: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sissy

I don't like the term "sissy", but I have come to realize that I have no control over language except for words that I use myself. I don't use the term.

Seems like we're living in an era where you cant make anyone happy

Looks like a clash of definitions and interpretations mixed with generational differences. Back in 2011 when I first came out I fit the definition of genderqueer as it meant back then. I hated that because of the use of "queer." In my generation that is a very derogatory term. That word has declined in popularity since then and largely replaced with non-binary as people realized that it really doesn't work and often creates tensions.

Sissy is kind of the same thing. It seems to be making a comeback among some younger folks but sissy for us old ones can be taken as highly derogatory because when we were younger it was derogatory. It seems to me in this case the word sissy is used more in a descriptive sense rather that kind of close to whimpy, timid, and the like. In these younger folks it is a reference to appearance and demeanor.

To me it seems to be currently a bit of a fad term that is said without consideration of the possible interpretation by the person it is referring to. Clearly, Maria, you are not part of the old definition but you were very assertive in resolving this issue. The thing is more and more women these days are like that and I don't think anyone would call them a sissy. Thus, the term itself creates a mangled mess of emotions and images in different people of different ages when used as a general term. But I can certainly understand your feelings and I suspect I would feel much the same way.

On balance though I agree largely with what Marion said about it. Perhaps the actions speak louder than the words. And I suspect your nephew may have gained a bit of a different perspective on the weirdo "sissy" folks. Another fine example of how stereotyping can be so very hurtful because the reality is often quite different.

Well, you got some points with your wife, SIL and nephew for standing up on his behalf when a supposedly real male would not. At least your wife and SIL appreciate the irony?and your character. Crazy (and at times inappropriate) or not, its great that both wife and her sister are supportive.

It seems there was name calling on both sides here. Although many are focusing on the word "sissy", the name that the sister called her husband was not kind or respectful either. Sounds like you have to "consider the source".

If my wife had bought me a skirt, told me to try it on, and said, "It looks good, you make a beautiful sissy.", I'd have been in Heaven. To me, that comment simply means: I love you, you did a wonderful thing, and you look great cross dressed. Even though my crazy sister thinks it's weird and probably thinks of you as less than a macho man, to me you are all man and all the man I desire or need. Basically, I think she was complimenting him and using the sissy term as a slap in the face to her sister. Yeah, I may have a strange way of interpreting things; but, buying the skirt for him is affirmation of her love, support, and pride in him.

Well I am a sissy. And im pretty ok with that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rhonda

Seems like we're living in an era where you cant make anyone happy

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No, we're living in a world of woke where nobody is allowed to have a good old fashioned prejudice. Call me what you like; I don't care.

Never liked that term sissy and I do find it rude and insensitive.
Of course you need to consider the source.
Sometimes its best not to give them any reaction and just walk off.