Family members uncomfortable so u hide and r DADT? Read this!

My 22 y/o daughter who lives with me and has refused to even discuss my dressing. Much less see me dressed finally answered my question. We have been DADT since I told her about my dressing 3+ years ago. :sad:

I have continually asked her why she was so dead set against something I enjoy so much and has become an important part of my life?

Her reply, "How would like to see your manly father suddenly all dressed as a woman with makeup and everything?"

I must say, that answer got to me! That's an image I would NEVER want to see.:doh:
I understand and appreciate her feelings about my dressing a lot more now.:straightface:

Thot I would pass this along to others that wonder why family and friends may have such a hard time accepting your dressing. :eek:

Sherry,
Is it a case of acceptance or education ?

I made a mistake and forgot my daughter was home and she caught me ironing a dress which she knew didn't belong to my wife so I found it easier to tell her about my dressing. She was OK with it, she's dealt with CDing in her nursing degree so she knows that it's something we can't do anything about we are basically born like it. She hasn't seen me dressed but has seen my pictures, also there is a social group within a few miles of her home so she told me I could dress there . Her husband is also OK about the situation and they don't have a problem if my granddaughter sees me, I know my wife isn't too happy about that .

I have done a great deal to help my daughter out over the years so the thought of dad wearing a nice dress and makeup after so many years of seeing me in old clothes and steel capped work boots to renovate her home doesn't give her a problem, I'm still dad to her.

Well, you are communicating with her RS and that is definitely a good thing. :thumbsup::)

Thank you for sharing that, Sherry.
I actually never thought of it like that.
:)

Doc, it seems that the communication has started. I would sit down with her and tell her about yourself take it slow. Perhaps it with go from DADT to acceptance

This is a revelation, sherry??? Seriously?

News flash! - This particular fear/aversion on the part of our wives and SO's is the basis of pretty much every DADT relationship out there, and certainly the ones we hear about here on this forum (mine included). Have you not been paying attention while the Crossdressing 101 class was in session here all this time? ;) :eek: :doh:

Hmmm. I found my father's stash once. He gave me some lame excuse, but I never really believed it. A big ho-hum as far as I'm concerned.

I have never said it on here, DRS, before, but i too, would NEVER have wanted to see my dad, or brothers all dolled up. It would sicken me. I feel like a hypocrite, but i surely made sure none of them ever saw me all dolled up! I suspect they all trie it at times, though.

Hi Sherry:hugs:, Oh my that is an image that I am really trying to repress...:daydreaming:...

Wow! Sounds like you have a smart girl there. That was a great answer, I couldn't bare to see my father as his Alzheimer's was taking over him. It was tough watching a powerful man couldn't remember my name and couldn't dress himself. I guess children have an image of there parents and that's how they like it.

I am understand the discomfort she must have with that image. At the same time it's a pretty basic adult development milestone to figure out parents are people themselves not just some fixture in her life. This may ultimately be good for her.

My dads dead but I have thought many times I hope there's not holes in the floor of heaven that he can see me when I'm dressed. One reason I'm not out is I know my kids think I'm the rough old dad that would not ever do anything like I do. Family has always been important to me and I feel why shake up my kids image of me. If I'm ever out it would be a long ways from home. Kids have a way of getting you to thinking. Docrobby sounds like your daughter is wise way beyond her years and wants to remember you as a manly father. I hope you respect her wishes.

My daughter is very supportive and approves but does not want to see daddy in a dress. Daddy was always the manly person in her life. I also think that she is afraid of what her reaction would be-laugh, cry,or whatever. I am also verbally out to my son who is ok with it. I would not dress in front of my son. I respect my children and will not dress in their presence. It is funny though my daughter wants to see the pictures of my transformation! I am just glad I am loved!! Hugs Lana Mae

I already knew this was the case...some don't care some only care...

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

I have continually asked her why she was so dead set against something I enjoy so much and has become an important part of my life?

Her reply, "How would like to see your manly father suddenly all dressed as a woman with makeup and everything?"

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Why would you be so dead set against something that your father enjoys and is an important part of his life? That's the question I would ask you, Sherry. I'm sure he has passed on, but it's a hypothetical question.

Would you love your father less knowing he enjoyed putting on a dress every so often?
Would you be embarrassed to be his son if you happened to see him at home in a dress?
Would you be ashamed if someone you know also knew he liked female clothes?

Just asking.

Let's be careful not to judge people for their emotions, including the OP. While yes we all hopefully know logically that clothes don't have gender, we should all be free to live happy however that is, etc. sometimes our emotions don't match the logic. What the OP learned here is how those emotions can have a powerful impact. Docrobbysherry, what your daughter expressed is similar to how I believe many wives feel when they find out about their husbands (I know for sure this is the case with my wife). They have a very strong image of us that has been formed over time and logical or not there is a social stigma to seeing that flip 180 degrees to the binary opposite. Sounds like your daughter gave you a very good tool through her analogy to enhance your empathy for her feelings and emotions. The communication is good, having that perspective hopefully you can now have more open and understand conversations between you.

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Originally Posted by Kate Simmons

Well, you are communicating with her RS and that is definitely a good thing. :thumbsup::)

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Yes, Kate, I agree. It's something, at least. Just not sure what yet.:straightface:

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Originally Posted by Alice Torn

I have never said it on here, DRS, before, but i too, would NEVER have wanted to see my dad, or brothers all dolled up. It would sicken me. I feel like a hypocrite, but i surely made sure none of them ever saw me all dolled up! I suspect they all trie it at times, though.

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Rite there with u, Alice. Already knew I'm hypocritical about a few things. Guess I have to add another to that list.

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Originally Posted by Maria 60

Wow! Sounds like you have a smart girl there. That was a great answer, I couldn't bare to see my father as his Alzheimer's was taking over him. It was tough watching a powerful man couldn't remember my name and couldn't dress himself. I guess children have an image of there parents and that's how they like it.

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Both of my parents became ghosts of their former selves before they passed, Maria. It hurt to remember them when they were younger, strong, and competent.:sad:

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Originally Posted by BettyMorgan

Why would you be so dead set against something that your father enjoys and is an important part of his life? That's the question I would ask you, Sherry. I'm sure he has passed on, but it's a hypothetical question.

Would you love your father less knowing he enjoyed putting on a dress every so often?
Would you be embarrassed to be his son if you happened to see him at home in a dress?
Would you be ashamed if someone you know also knew he liked female clothes?

Just asking.

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U ask some very penetrating questions, Betty. I don't know if I can't, or just don't want to, answer them!:doh:

I can't imagine my dad in a dress and I don't think he had any interest in it, but the thought doesn't repulse me. He did wear an earring way back in the 1930s as an act of rebellion, though!

However, I do believe my maternal grandfather had deep questions about his gender identity and, whether he dressed up or not, spent a lot of time studying the literature of the time (1960s) on transgenderism and considering his options. Toward the end of his life he took feminizing hormones, although this was for the treatment of the prostate cancer than eventually killed him, a standard (if extreme) therapy at the time. I have a hard time believing he would have made a very attractive woman physically, but his spirit was undeniably feminine, gentle and nurturing. I lost him when I was 14 and still remember him every day.

- Diane

Very interesting thought, Sherry. I had always suspected my own father being CD possibly. It was because one time my mother was scolding me and said, "Stay out of my bra drawer!" She then looked at my father and said, "That goes for you, too!"

But, until I read this post, I'd never envisioned him dressed.

:straightface:

You might have replied, how do you think your dad feels about his only daughter dropping out of college, getting neck tattoos, piercings in her nose and left eyebrow and having noisy sex with somebody who looks and smells like he crawled out of a sewer?

Perhaps your daughter is squeaky clean Doc, but for many of us the above is all too true!

I'm glad you've made some progress with communication, but it sounds like she still has some growing up to do. The young are so judgemental...

Sherry, we are about the same age!:) I really cannot say why, but all three of my daughters have not only seen Devorah, but have been out with her and husbands and grandchildren too! They are fine with their father as a women, and even encouraging! Maybe it is partly because I am more on the transgender spectrum and have told them about my childhood experiences of struggle with gender. We also have a very open hearted, loving relationship for many years; but not when they were teens!:eek: Now for my sons, that is a different story!:straightface:

I guess you cannot generalize about interpersonal relationships.

Get her more info about dressing and maybe she will eralize dressing is more of a need then a wont.:hugs:
Angie

My daughter has known about my dressing since she was about 5 years old, it didn't worry her then, but once the wife or should I say ex-wife now found out she poisoned my daughters mind about it, telling her that if her friends found out about me that she would lose them. she is 26 yrs now and don't have as many friends now as she did before and none of them ever found out.
One time she complained about me being dressed so I said to her that if she were to die of old age but had never traveled to America would she be as happy as she is now, she has been there 4 times and loves the place.
She said no that it was her ambition to live in America first chance she gets.
On that note I said to her don't you think that people should be allowed to do anything legal that makes them happy, so that they don't go to their grave regretting the things they had wished they could have done, but didn't because of what other people would think of them.

I assume my whole family knows because I don't hide my dressing and post lots of pictures on Facebook. I am friends with my dad, aunts cousins, brother and sister. I'm sure people talk, gossip like this is too good to not talk about. My adult (26) son knows and is cool with it, I often check outfits with him. I told him about 4 years ago before I went public because I was tired of running and hiding in my own home every time he came home. He was raised well. I have never heard anyone say anything derogatory.

I have a daughter. She's still much younger than yours. The answer of your daughter gave me pause. In some ways, she is right. In her mind, she sees you as that strong father, always there to resolve whatever problem hits or slay any dragon. My father was one of the toughest men that I ever knew. Not that he could win a street brawl but I never remember him being afraid of anything, not even the cancer that took him out. I believe your daughter is okay with knowing that you dress but just doesn't want to compromise the image she has of you in her memories. Just adjust your cape, and remember, no matter their age, they still think of us as Dad.