What do you get out of it? Or how did you find it out?

Hello everyone, Pixie here! I hope you are having a nice day.

I didn't think I'd post another thread here after some time I tried to find new hobbies, to be productive or looking for a "cure" once again. Though, about the second, I finally got a job! And it has helped about any feelings of usefulness, but that's not the focus of my thread.

Recently, as I'm more in my senses than when depressed or the like I remembered a question that a friend of mine has often asked whenever the topic of my crossdressing (or the urges to do it) arises. A question that instead of being easy to answer for me, it's rather a headache or my mind becomes sort of blank, it is "What do you get out of it?". Unable to say a response that isn't something too vague or cheap. Never able to say a reason besides "it's comfortable", even less when getting a response similar to "What do you mean? [Garment(s)] are very uncomfortable!". Not too long ago she even told me that getting to an answer takes some introspection, especially with her statement after that, which I know many of you will identify with: "For me crossdressing seems like a way to be a different person", which I have honestly never understood to be honest, but I see it's common among many of you here, which is curious to me.

So, at least for you, how did you get to find out your actual reasons to do what brings us to this nice online portal?

I'm sorry if any part of this comes out as nonsense or confusing.

That a very astute question. It makes me wonder what I get out of it... Me, my time dressed as Erin is my time to feel relaxed and at ease. My life has been a journey of self acceptance and discovery. Being here is a place to meet others that have similar interests, life experiences and also to learn from those who came before me down this path. That is why I'm here and what I get out of this site.

Glad you got a job : ).
Yes crossdressing is a strange hobby. This is such a large question and for myself I like to feel soft and vulnerable and pretty. Sometimes I say to myself when I get home I am going to slip into something more uncomfortable. I like the creativity of putting together an outfit then working on feminine mannerism's. The dark side is when you go out and guys drool all over you. Guys can be so creepy. I like coming here as this is a comfortable place to share thoughts although just sharing through electronic messages can be lonely.
Reading post's like Erin77's makes me happy, there are many thoughtful people on this board.
J

This website is what has enabled me to understand and fully appreciate why I love to cross dress!

Reading the posts of members of this site who are all on different points of the transgender spectrum helped me to realise what I did not get out of the this hobby, as much as what I did get out of it.

As a result, I am able to enjoy what I do and what I choose to wear, without feeling guilty or ashamed.

I am finally comfortable in my skin and in the clothes I choose to wear. It has been a long journey.

It took many decades to go through countless questions and answers of my own to find the true answer. It is so simple and one word, Satisfaction. It satisfies more needs, emotions and desires than one can write in volumes. When I found that all these things were driving me and crossdressing releaved them all for me, for what ever time I choose to indulge dressing I was satisfied. The rest of you may feel different or even disagree but this is my reality and I'm sharing it the only way possible. Writing it for your review.

I came around to crossdressing much later in life than most. I just know that it seems to fill a need that was unaddressed throughout most of my life. As I've spent most of my life trying to find out what it was I was missing I now choose not to question too much why, not only when I am dressed but even in male mode do I find I feel so much better psychologically. There are many short term benefits - the emotional high when dressed, the erotic sensations, the ability to live "in the moment" and others are obvious, but the overall feeling of self acceptance, maybe for the first time in my life, cannot be denied. Again perhaps because I am a late bloomer I have not experienced the guilt or shame that many here describe in an earlier day or even still. I feel quite fulfilled.
And, even when I am not dressed, I can visit others in the community of crossdressers by coming here and engaging in discussion with everyone...companionship,validation, conversation and education all in one.

No therapy was ever able to get me to this place, but I am so happy I am here!

I gave up looking for a reason decades ago. When I realized it was something that was part of me and was not going away no mater how hard I tried. So I embraced it and turned it into something I enjoy vs something I was tormenting myself over. Some things you just can not explain. And I loved this forum, it is the best one out there.

I don't need to get anything "out of it." This is simply who I am. The framing of this question implies that what we do is some kind of habit or learned behavior that we choose to engage in, not something that is inherent to our character and/or identity. What does a left-handed person get out of writing with their left hand, when most people are right-handed? Obviously, people ask this question because they are curious, not to offend, but it is a constant reminder that we are (still) often perceived to be misfits or freaks for engaging in this behavior.

Those kinds of questions would be difficult for me to answer, even after sixty+ years of introspection. Certainly, there is some sort of pleasure derived, but the term comfort is so often used. It might be that we experience the absence of discomfort when we dress in a way that feels congruent with our self image.

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Originally Posted by Pixie_94

Never able to say a reason besides "it's comfortable", even less when getting a response similar to "What do you mean? [Garment(s)] are very uncomfortable!"..

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As near as I can figure, wearing female specific clothing satisfies (at least a bit) of gender identity dysphoria. This is reflected in the large number of men who claim that women's clothing is 'more comfortable' than male clothing, despite this generally being disproven by all the women who prefer men's clothes. The incredible number of men who just can't wait to put on a bra when they get the chance, again, despite women hating the things, supports this as well.

It seems like there's always those two guys, the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and unless we're dressed as our subconscious tells us to, one or the other is constantly poking us, telling us, 'Hey, you're in the wrong clothes', over and over until we acquiesce. Then we feel 'better'. It's a psychological mechanism most aren't able to describe, we just have to do it to feel 'right'.

The reason for the GID is still unknown for most.

An erotic experience. A kind of foreplay if you will.

For me it's simply getting in touch with a fem side that I feel I've always had that started to come out in my early teens. I love gorgeous lingerie and how luxurious, relaxing, and emotionally satisfying it is for me to wear it, which is the ultimate femininity in my opinion. I think my love of beautiful/romantic lingerie is what ultimately led me to wanting a boyfriend so I would have someone who would tell me how beautiful I looked in it and be turned on by seeing me wear it in addition to how beautiful I felt wearing it and therefore "confirm" my femininity if you will.

As Monica said "it's just who I am" and it makes me feel complete :) ...................Debra

"What do I get out of it?" If you've seen any pics of Sherry with this skinny, old, man inside her and u still don't understand yet?:eek:

I guess u never will!:devil:

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I get to wear clothes and experience things from the female side. All the things they wear just make you look so much better, and they feel softer and smoother too. Most importantly, it helps to bring out my feminine side.
Probably what I get out of it the most is, I feel sexy, and I mean very sexy. As a man, I'm nothing to look at, never have and most likely never will. I guess I figure if I cannot be a sexy man, I can be a sexy woman. Of course, I put zero effort into looking sexy as a man, and 100% as a woman. Part of the reason why I do this is because women just have sexier bodies. And while I can only do so much to give the appearance of curves, I still look like a sexy woman. For me, that is what seals the deal.
Before I go, I should mention too that sometimes I like to look cute. Women have an awful lot of things to make them look cute, and so I like to wear things that make me cute as well. I don't think men go for a cute look, but rather a tough manly type look. So looking cute as a man is harder. Doesn't matter anyway, as I want to look and feel like a woman, not a man when I dress up.

I kind of think about like golf, a hobby that's much more acceptable than crossdressing.

Why would someone chase a little white ball all over the place, from one side of the fairway to the other. For the reward pu hitting it long and straight down the center, and then again, and putting a whole series of these together to get a good score at then end.

Escapism, relaxation, fulfilment, peace of mind., a feeling of calm.An opportunity to be someone else . To be pretty and glamorous which cannot be obtained as a man in drab. A safe stress release that does not involve drugs or alcohol.Umpteen reasons . I could write a book but don?t want to get bogged down in paralysis by analysis.I think Sherry sums it up perfectly.

I get to express my female side.

I think Debbie read my mind. I couldn?t have said it better. I can?t explain or understand it, heaven knows I?ve tried, but it?s definitely a part of my life style and I love it.

What do I get from this? An escape from my male life, a vacation of sorts. I have a busy life with many demands from many people. Please do not misunderstand: I chose my male life and I worked hard for decades to get it because I enjoy all that it is. But sometimes I need a break, a solace where I not only do a completely different life, I am a completely different person. There is nothing that I can think of that is more completely different than to change my gender appearance. (Transitioning is not for me. I enjoy my male life too much to transition.). Maybe just a couple hours in the closet is mildly refreshing and often sufficient. Sometimes a day or an evening out and about does it for me. I can walk right by people who I know well and never be recognized. It is a private escape of unimaginable proportions. It recharges my soul. My wife figured this out before I did, yet she does not understand. She asks me, ?What is it about [male name] that you want to escape?? I know but I have difficulty putting it into words.

Being pretty. As a guy, I am many things, but somewhat pretty or attractive has not been among them. As a woman, I have a chance to be pretty if I do the work. I love wearing pretty clothes, styling my dark hair, changing my face into a prettier one, feeling beautiful. When I am complimented as pretty, it really makes my day. I have related several instances on this forum. Doc has this figured out. Look at Sherry and look at Doc and the reason to look like Sherry is abundantly evident. When I was five years old, one of my friends had a twin sister who was drop dead gorgeous even at that age. Her Mum dressed her to emphasize that fact. I resolved to look as gorgeous as my female peers. I will never achieve that goal but it sure is fun to try.

Makes the mundane exciting. Kim Huddle, a fellow who is well known for her travels dressed as a woman, said it best. Travel can be boring and tedious and even dangerous. (Try being an ordinary guy that a TSA agent decides to dislike.). Traveling dressed as a woman livens up the process. It brings back excitement and wonder. Even the realm of risks and protections are much different for a woman. Going to a theatre is fun. Going as a woman is a whole different adventure, a completely different perspective. Try doing so when the show has a sexual perspective. It is really a different experience. That is true for an enormous range of things to do. It is a new perspective on life. Because I do it infrequently, it retains much of its bloom.

Therefore, I can answer the question of what do I get from this. That I can identify. Why do I do it is something else entirely and more difficult to explain.

I would also say that Debbie described it very well for me. I still don't see it as "who I am." The few times I have gotten really introspective I discovered how complicated I am. Cross dressing is for me the great escape, and I can be relaxed, excited, and exhilarated to just try and be pretty and have fun.

Many times, dressing up as a woman is purely erotic for me, but once I have calmed down, it's just comfortable, like being held feels. I can look in a mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful, which is something that the male me would never tolerate. There are probably some endorphins or other things that are released. I never get to the end of a session thinking "Thank God I can take this stuff off." I always feel the same kind of regret I feel when coming back from a weekend trip, that it wasn't quite long enough, and the place I'm leaving is not as nice as the place I'm coming back to.

I have a vivid memory from childhood, from Kindergarten, of envying a blouse and skirt outfit a girl was wearing and wishing I could wear such pretty things. My desire to be female started early. I would say that what I get out of wearing female clothing is affirmation. I experience my daily underdressing as affirming ? affirming that I am not ALL male inside. When I have an opportunity to fully dress, wear my forms, wig, etc., I feel affirmed, happy, calm, sometimes even euphoric. One reason that I do not dress as often as I used to is because I experience such an intense dysphoria, let-down, when I change back from him to her.

I have come to understand myself as a non transitioning mtf trans person, so to me, crossdressing is far from a hobby or an escape, although I have no judgement of those who experience it that way. Nancy

As strange as it might sound, I'd have to say I get a feeling of "appropriate-ness."

Sure I've had the thrill, the sexy feelings, the sense of -um- naughtiness, but none of those are why I persist -no- NEED go continue.
I do what I do simply because it's the only way for me to feel deep down that I'm dressed "right." Feminine garb is what I'm supposed to wear, because I was supposed to be a girl.

[QUOTE=abby054;4557189]What do I get from this? An escape from my male life, a vacation of sorts. I have a busy life with many demands from many people. Please do not misunderstand: I chose my male life and I worked hard for decades to get it because I enjoy all that it is. But sometimes I need a break, a solace where I not only do a completely different life, I am a completely different person. There is nothing that I can think of that is more completely different than to change my gender appearance. (Transitioning is not for me. I enjoy my male life too much to transition.). Maybe just a couple hours in the closet is mildly refreshing and often sufficient. Sometimes a day or an evening out and about does it for me. I can walk right by people who I know well and never be recognized. It is a private escape of unimaginable proportions. It recharges my soul. My wife figured this out before I did, yet she does not understand. She asks me, ?What is it about [male name] that you want to escape?? I know but I have difficulty putting it into words. ]

It's EXACTLY the same for me-----Indeed I had to read your post TWICE to make sure I wasn't reading something I wrote that YOU lifted from me-----And I Like the feeling of "being pretty" too. So WE must exist as a specific "Type" of CDer along with several other types.

Pixie, I don't know why I like to dress, but I "always have." I have long ago accepted that this is who I am. My dressing does not hurt anyone and when dressed, I am my most comfortable.

Short answer; This is about emotion and sensuality. Looking for a logical explanation is a waste of time.

Longer answer: when I was young I was an enthusiastic Motorcycle racer. This involved spending most of my weekly salary, and almost all for my freetime, hours of labor on the bike, hundreds and hundreds of miles of driving, supply problems, often a good deal of pain and discomfort, and even girlfriend problems all so I could line up with a bunch of other guys and we could ride around in a circle over and over trying to be the first one back to exactly where we started from. The vast majority of us would be unsuccessful even at this. We would go home disappointed, vowing to do better the next time. Looked at from an objective point of view, this makes no sense at all.

Even at 71 I still ski. A lot of money to pay to ride up to the top of a hill so you can labor your way down so you can ride up again so you can.....you get the point. Golf? Football? Bowling?...nothing is going to suck the joy out a passion faster than trying to logically defend it. It is about how you feel, and chasing that feeling is everything, and it needs not be defended.

Crossdressing is rarer, I suppose and so subject to more scrutiny. But you are not responsible for answering or justifying that scrutiny. You will be happier if you can just love what you love and realize that nobody else's passions make any more sense than yours do.

Isn't it a bit like asking to explain why your favourite colour is your favourite. Some things we're drawn to and we're never sure why. I know I've been drawn to wearing femme things all my life and now having progressed in my dressing over many years if I have to give a answer to what do I get out of it that'd have to be it allows me to express myself as the type of person I am.

Like others I've give up trying to analyse the whys, and concentrate more on the doing and improve my presentation. What I do know is me in a skirt feels so natural and allows me to express myself at the same time.

Peace and contentment, when I am dressed everything from the clothes to interactions with others feels right.

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my thread! I'm still unable to come out with a response not too similar to what I'd usually say, but I can say that what all of you have commented here may be helpful to me. I even had a chuckle about what some of you mentioned about golf, for how accurate it objectively is, but yeah, what I can say is that I know that something one can get from any men's section of a clothing store, no matter if it's the same material as something from the women's section, it would not be the same for me, the aesthetic is a big part of it to me, even when I was still not exactly fit. Anything I used to get for myself was either cute or colourful, ornate in general.

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Originally Posted by KimberlyJean

Peace and contentment

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Okay, that one sounds nice. I like it.

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Originally Posted by Paulie Birmingham

An erotic experience. A kind of foreplay if you will.

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I'm with Paulie. It's a turn on.

At first it was an instantly sexuallly exciting experience. Now, as Pauline answered, if is more like enjoyable foreplay.

Yes, since I have progressed to being able to pass.I love being pretty.
It's true I can go unnoticed. Even at sometimes having a door held for me or being called mam

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I love being Kendra Sue, it is so relaxing. I am in no hurry to get out of my dress, panties,bra .I am comfortable in my own skin.

Initially it was a sexual turn on for me. then as I grew older I figured out that it makes me happy. I like the feeling of the clothes, the makeup when on point, the feel of wearing a sexy pair of high heels and the sound that it makes when walking in them. I also get a kick out of those that were unable to figure out I was a guy under all that stuff.

My next step as I hate shaving is Electrolysis. I have been getting waxed from the brows down and although it is lite hair now. My face still needs it too often.

Good question

Congrats on the by now not so new job. Hope it's going well.

For me, it's a form of relief from the pressure of having to be so "macho" all the time, an element of which is the feeling one must be constantly serious.

All I can say is crossdressing brings me an inner peace I can't seem to get from anything else. Also, I find that paradoxically I get treated better in some settings when I'm enfemme. In a weird way, it's almost safer than being a black male in America. Go figure.

It?s a very liberating experience with me. With the daily grind of family and work, it?s a good way to blow off steam.

It's definitely a way to get in touch with my feminine side. It is a huge turn on and it makes me feel pretty. I really enjoy feeling pretty.

Oh and I started when I was 12. I'm 54 now.

For me, crossdressing adds a new dimension to my sense of self and opens up the opportunity to experience the world and life itself through the senses of another person, namely Marsha Louise. Like most who have posted here, I get real comfort and satisfaction from dressing up in traditionally female clothing and accessories, and have no idea why. I like what I see, and it just feels right.

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Originally Posted by alwayshave

Pixie, I don't know why I like to dress, but I "always have." I have long ago accepted that this is who I am. My dressing does not hurt anyone and when dressed, I am my most comfortable.

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Agreed. There's no easy answer for me.

I've been doing since my early-to-mid teens, so that's a good 40 years for me.

I do feel happier and more complete when I do it.


Sue.

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Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi

I kind of think about like golf, a hobby that's much more acceptable than crossdressing.

Why would someone chase a little white ball all over the place, from one side of the fairway to the other. For the reward of hitting it long and straight down the center, and then again, and putting a whole series of these together to get a good score at the end.

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I do them both (CD and golf) for the same reason. I enjoy doing them both.

What do I get out of it? I'm really not certain; but, being at peace with myself comes to mind. But, that could well be a copout as I've always thought I was at peace with myself even before I started dressing. All I know is I am extremely comfortable wearing women's lingerie and clothing. I believe if CDing were 100% acceptable by everyone, I would rarely, if ever, wear men's clothing.

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

Isn't it a bit like asking to explain why your favourite colour is your favourite. Some things we're drawn to and we're never sure why. I know I've been drawn to wearing femme things all my life and now having progressed in my dressing over many years if I have to give a answer to what do I get out of it that'd have to be it allows me to express myself as the type of person I am.

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Long Reply Alert
Helen's answer seems to resonate best for me. I started very young, and not under the best of conditions. As I was reading all of the posts one thing that struck me is that we are all at different stages in our dressing and our needs to do so. Developmentally in my crossdressing is not at all near my chronological age. I went through my highly sexualized reasons for dressing. The lure of sexy and lacy lingerie that created to me the illusion then of what I thought was femininity. Then moving into times of wearing short dresses and high heels again brought out the lure of sexy and of maybe being desired. That then gravitated to my current stage of what is comfortable for me and what I really see many GG's wearing. I feel the only way you can even have a clue as to how to dress like a women is to pay attention to the GG's that are doing it everyday. I like cute blouses and skinny jeans (although I am not that skinny), skirts and dresses that are appropriate for a women of my age. I have moved from the Stiletto heel to enjoy flats and 2 to 3 inch heels. However, I still enjoy wearing sexy bra's and panty sets under all of those things including my male clothing. I do not get to dress fully very often. So underdressing has now allowed me to explore more of my desire to dress. I do enjoy what it looks like when I scoop the breasts that I already have lifting and pressing inwards to create a cleavage and even the bounce that I feel as I walk down the hall at work. I have always been the binge and purge crossdresser. Alluding to my own pathologizing of why I enjoy dressing as I do, and why no matter how hard I have attempted to be rid of this, it always finds itself back into my life. I believe this is what has prevented me from maturing as a crossdresser. Without generalizing a women moves through natural stages in her dress and as she matures her style changes. This is accepted by our society and they can be just as comfortable and as accepted in frumpy jeans and a sweatshirt as a dress and heels. Our plight is far different. We struggle for acceptance not only from society but also in many times the very persons that we trust and love the most. Which brings me to my reason for being a part of this forum. Here I feel a natural acceptance that I am unable to get anywhere else. Which is mostly what I am seeking to get from my experience now in my life.

I searched for decades for The Reason.
It was always elusive and finally I gave up the search. The only thing I can definitively say is that it makes me feel real. I feel that I am who I am supposed to be and surely who I am most comfortable being. I never really felt at ease as a male and dressing always gave me that peace. It was as if I was home. I struggled through things always trying to fit in as a man, always trying to find where I was supposed to be and never could. That feeling always came when I would dress.

Cheryl nailed it.

Sense of accomplishment, overcoming obstacles big and small, enjoying the moment, that's what I get out of it. Call me weird, but I like to take roads less travelled, acquire new skills, explore, and discover.


Karen