Rachel Escapes

Hi,

I hope someone here remembers me... :idontknow: I have not been posting here for a long while and I wanted to post an update on my progress. Funny thing for me is that when I first joined these forums as a crossdresser someone had posted a question of what is the difference between a crossdresser and a transgender. The answer that struck me was "About three years."


After a lot of thought and counseling I decided to begin my transition. I saw a Doctor back in late October and she started me on HRT. So I have now been on HRT for 87 days now and yes I have been keeping count, I have unfortunately gained some weight but I have also noticed some minor changes. After being on HRT for about 21 days I was getting soreness of my nipples. About another week of increasing soreness and I started getting an itchy feeling in my breasts. The itchy feeling comes and goes but has been persistent. I have noticed some breast enlargement but I am still not even a full A cup. So a little disappointed so far but I am still hopeful of at least getting to a full A cup. Of course a C cup would be awesome but I am mostly sure that would not happen without breast augmentation surgery. (Adding BA surgery to my list of things to get done.)

I have also noticed a lessoning of the body hair growth. It seems to not grow in as fast and thick as it used to. I am very glad for that as being hairy anyplace other then the top of my head just freaks me out. So still having to shave all over but defiantly not seeing the huge forest of hair coming in that I used to see. (Adding face electrolysis to my list of things to get done)

Oh and my skin is getting much softer. The feeling of my legs after shaving is out of this world now.

I have been hoping to see some change to my body shape you know a little more in the butt and thighs but so far I have only seen my gut growing so diet and exercise has got to start now. I have never been good at maintaining an exercise program before but I now have a better vision of myself that I want to achieve so hopefully that will provide the motivation that I need.

Since my Chemo treatments back in 2007 I have had low testosterone levels. I was prescribed testosterone and used it for several years but I realized how much I despised using it. I realized that my motivation for staying on the T was for sexual function with the wife. When I stopped using the T our sex life and relationship suffered. But I just could not keep doing that to my self. Anyway the point is that my Doctor did not start me off with any T blockers. I will be getting blood work soon so I will have a better idea if my femme & Ms are lowering the T down to female levels or not. I did notice that there is no more early morning wood, but I do not miss that at all.

I have noticed that I have an internal happiness that I did not have before. The dysphoria that was constantly buzzing around my head like a swarm of gnats has become much more tolerable. My wife and I are still separated but I feel that I have finally accepted the situation. It is something that I have no control over and I realize that I need to move forward with my life. My daughter (30 years old) knows everything and has been very supportive. She has been helping me with learning makeup and giving me advice on self care. I have gone out three times now as Rachel. The first time was to a transgender support group and the other two times to a local resort night club at Rainbow Mountain. The Halloween party was so much fun and I danced all night. So even though I was not someone who enjoyed dancing Rachel IS a dancing girl and she will not be denied when a dance floor is available.

I am not out to all of my family or publicly but I know that the day is coming. Each day it gets a little harder to put on the boy cloths and trudge off to work. I look forward to the day I can let Rachel be free. I realized one of the main factors that was preventing me from transitioning was knowing that I could never pass as a woman. I eventually came to the realization that it was not about passing but it was about being true to who I am inside.

I am no longer CD Rachel, I am TS Rachel....LOL

Thank you to everyone here who has helped me overcome the pain and depression that I was going through. I do not think I would have made it were it not for so many caring individuals that supported me when I was low. I hope I am able to pay it forward.


Rachel

I believe I do remember you! Welcome back!

My experience with hormones has been that patience is a virtue. You may not see much, then all of sudden changes may be apparent. I would also hang on for a bit of an emotional ride. Things will settle out over time.

With electrolysis, start yesterday. I had around 18 sessions of laser, and 2.5 years of electrolysis so far, and I’m finally at the point where my electrologist will soon be able to clear my face at each appointment.

One thing I wish I had done was keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings.

Good luck!

welcome back Rachel, the changes come slowly, remember good things take time like a fine wine.
i have been on low dose hrt for 2 1/2 years and in the last couple of months my breasts are about an good a cup and hair is starting to get finer

Hi Rachel,

I too remember you, welcome back! Congrats on your journey! 87 days! But who is counting, right? Well, I do - actually my spreadsheet on Google drive does it for me (1532 days on Estradiol and 1058 days on progesterone, and 291 days to my FFS surgery :) ). Nikki is right - keep the journal. I have it all in the same spreadsheet. Speaking of Journal, my breast didn't really START to grow until 90 days. There was pain and discomfort earlier but not much growth. And the body fat (thighs, butt) - that's happened around 2 years, so you better get patience. One more thing - I never was on T blockers. E shots were enough to bring T down and E to the right levels. Less drugs, less side effects, same results.

If you feel right about it today, you know you made the right choice! I wish you all the best on your journey.

Katya

Hi Rachel,

So much of your story sounds like mine-especially about being true to who you are inside being more important than passing. Like everyone says, it's a slow process but it's way better than being stuck in the wrong process!

Happy to hear that you've found your way to yourself.
As for the effects of HRT, we're all different, but when it comes to breast development, most of us will not progress beyond Tanner stage 3. My advice is to take comfort in the fact that your body is becoming as feminine as hormones and your genetics will allow. There's a lot more to transition than physical changes (including surgery). Don't miss any part of the journey by dialing in too much on any one thing.

Hi,
Thanks for everyone's advice and support. Especially the advice on remembering to enjoy the journey. It is good advice.

Rachel