It used to be I could "dress pretty" often and when dressed was told it was "nice". Now with all the worries, it's more than DADT, I don't like it, it's bad and if not broke, I'll divorce. Wow.
So what have been the changes you have seen in your SO and how are you coping? Does anything or any comment work at this time?
I'm sorry if I can't answer this question in the "right" way, SirDonna, but only because I may not be in the same circumstances and the same "headspace" as yourself and some others here.
I have to laugh when I use the word "headspace." Much of its meaning is all about "mindfulness," and good stuff like that. Yet it's also a word with the quality of "polysemy"; that's to say, "having multiple meanings"--some of which have nothing at all to do with one another!
In the same way, we may be talking at cross purposes when we discuss the impact of coronavirus on us as crossdressers. Is it necessarily stressful in terms of our crossdressing? To some it means staying at home with a DADT wife--or worse, one who doesn't even know about "Linda" or "Debbi" or whoever--with no opportunity at all to dress. To others it's the opposite: an opportunity to stay home from work and dress to their heart's content!
As for the coronavirus itself, the vast majority of us are never going to die from it. So any "stress" depends on how we realistically reckon our chances of survival, based on personal health factors--and on our emotional makeup too, whether we're prone to panic or have a more sanguine temperament.
In short, you're bound to get a whole range of answers, based on all these factors. Which is interesting in itself, of course.
Just the same, there is one question I'd like to ask, isolated from all these other factors. That is about the impact of stress--regardless of where the stress is coming from. Whether it's anxiety about health risks posed by the coronavirus--or being prevented from dressing by temporary circumstances--how much does stress alone impel those of us with such inclinations to dress more? Or to wish to anyway?
That alone is an interesting question, for at least two reasons. First, dressing is a pleasure, and in times of stress we're always grateful for pleasures to relieve it. Ir we're deprived of relief, the stress only grows.
Yet there's more to it than that, because to many crossdressers the act of doing so is a symbolic "laying down" of the "burdens" of manhood. That's a topic I haven't seen much discussion of on this board. In fact, the problem is that some people have had the opposite idea shoved into their heads about the significance of male-to-female crossdressing. I won't go into that right now. It deserves a separate thread. However, I don't doubt that stress has the general effect of making many crossdressers want to dress all the more! So it will be interesting to see what others have to say about this.
As for my personal answer, "who cares"? I'm dressing just as much, or just as little, as I always did. As Alfred E. Neuman said: "What, ME worry?" I'm sorry that I know this isn't much help to you, but it's the only truthful answer I can give you about myself. Other people's "mileage may vary," and no doubt will.
Not much, prior to the shelter in place stuff, my wife and I had it out on the topic. She still doesn?t understand but she is willing to give me space. If something happens she will donate my gear to a charity. In short we have each other?s back.
Since I've been staying home and live on my own I'm not wearing a bra very often, shaving my legs or underarms and there is no need to do my makeup. My focus is on staying away from the virus and maintaining my physical and mental health the best I can. This will be a long process and it's helping me focus on how much more valid my feminine identity is and how I'll probably emerge from this more as Sarah than before.
How about this for a "hint": Speech No. 1
"Dear, we need to talk. To survive we need to stay in. I used to be able to dress when u were out. It helps me stay sane. But, now u don't go out. So, I'm stressed and going crazy! Do have a suggestion on how I mite stay sane?":straightface:
Maybe she doesn't even know u dress? So, the conversation could start this way: Speech No. 2
"Dear, we need to talk. Turns out I'm a crossdresser. What do u think of that?" U talk for awhile. Then, go to speech No. 1, above!:brolleyes:
My wife has always known. I started sorting through stuff in garage etc. I can't believe how much clothing I have. Wife told me she doesn't even have a tenth of lingerie thatI have. She said don't you think you have enough. I was looking through Nordstrom's night gown sale when she said it.
I think the media blown this virus all out of proportion. People need to slow down and worry about what they can control. The world is not going to end. We have been though many things that are a lot worse than the current virus. Practice good hygiene and relax. For those in a DADT relationship do the same thing as if all your relatives were visiting for next two weeks.
Me personally I am more worried about my 401K, but again I have no control over it so what will be will be. At the rate it is going I will only be able to retire to some remote tropical island with 2 hookers instead of 4. LOL
Please note: This is the MtF section. There is a Sticky at the top of this page entitled: "Read" Please read it.
This thread is in danger of veering off the topic. If this thread veers off the subject of MtF dressing, it will be closed.
I understand the virus is on everyone's mind. If you wish to address that subject, please use the Lounge.
Nothing has changed in my house but the lack of toilet paper.
I hope the horders are happy with their self centeredness.
Sir Donna, you have my sympathy. Your situation sounds like another case of a wife stifling her true opinion, but, when feeling an external threats she cannot lash out against, she breaks. Many spouses just suck it up and let things slide for just so long before the cork blows off the bottle. I have to assume you're under a statewide shelter in place (Sac Valley). My wife and I are in a DADT relationship when it comes to my interest in wearing women's clothing. Up to a point I can suck it up and muscle on. We are in a stay at home situation, and, in the age group more apt to die from this virus. So, it is not just isolating ourselves. We always have been able to get along. It is also the lack of social interaction. The best we have been able to do is have brief chats through the storm door with our college age granddaughter.
I don't know your age or station in life. My wife fully retired from teaching this school year. Gone are the days when I fully dressed a la June Cleaver. Whether it was her way of giving me space or not my wife was doing overnight babysitting at our daughter's/son-in-law's apartment. That gave me a lot of time to be en femme and go for a drive and stroll. Not only has the stay at home order done away with that opportunity, she also had a total knee replacement just as the virus was making itself known. Slow to mend.
The combination of retirement and medical issues there is not going to be much opportunity to seek comfort in wearing pretty dresses, heels and hosiery. Most of us are social beings who need human interaction. My weekly vet meetings are canceled. Stress breakers have been put on hold. The best I can do now is wear a nylon panty and sleep in a nylon nightgown.
Sorry you're going through this. I'm the exact opposite. I don't have a SO, live alone, can do as I please, but that aint all its cracked up to be. I guess we all need balance
Crossdressing is a very relaxing thing, it allows you to destress and you don't need to be "the Man" it benefits you. Your SO now really needs you to help her by taking the stress from her and i feel she wants you to "man up" and make her safe. You should at this time think more about her needs if you want to survive in your relationship.
I'm sorry about the DADT situation arising Sir Donna. My wife and I are a "bubble" meaning we have to stay away from other people. For me this means no visitors coming on business which , in turn, means I can dress 24/7. I don't have to change my clothing as I sometimes do when I have meetings.I am very happy about this and my wife encourages it as she says I am easier to get on with. (Not that I am bad to get on with normally).
Please stay safe
Luckily my wife is very accommodating. I love leggings; have about 50 pairs. I wear them around the house all day. I have worn them out to do shopping every now and then; but now when I do go out for necessities I wear them. At this point I really don't care who sees me. If, given what we are going through, you are that concerned about what someone is wearing you simply need to reorder your priorities.
I am basically where Tracii is at with this! Elbow Bump Lana Mae
I may have to social distance from this site because of all the wonderful pictures in the gallery keeping the pink fog rolling in.
I?ve actually considered purging just incase the worst happens to me. I?m in my mid forties, smoke, and work at a university as essential staff that still has several students that couldn?t go home.
On the flip-side, when this passes, I intend to get a make-over, and perhaps bring Nadia out a bit more.
Stay Safe.
Taking it in the shorts, but trying to be a good sport. SOMETIMES STIR CRAZY, but walking a lot, meditating, soul searching, discerning the times we are in, seeking the spiritual, realizing how short and vain life is, thinking a lot about mortality.
The offspring are here now 24/7 so there is no Allison time. I can get away with androgynous pants/shorts and panties, that is the extent of it for me right now. Honestly, I thought it would be more stressful not being able to be more Allisonish, but I am more concerned with finances, and being driven slowly insane by my new neighbors and their refusal to teach their idiot dog to stop barking incessantly. I looked up recipes for dogs in case the grocery stores are no longer an option.
Oh and my wife was going to stop travel nursing and come back to the local hospital. Now that's toast, because we could only afford the pay cut if I worked. Two of my four employers are "temporarily shut down."
And Lane Bryant just sent coupons, spend over $15, get $15 off. Great... excoet they're all closed! Aaaarrggghhh
No stress here.
Enjoying the opportunity to do nothing without feeling guilty; to stop worrying about job-hunting because there are none to be had.
I am fortunate to have an income via my pension. Having nothing to spend it on, apart from rent, I am able to live within my means!
More fortunately, my wider family all seem to be in a good space, financially.
Catching up on reading and DIY projects. Spending too much time online. Talking to my son and daughter at least once a day. Skyping with K for several hours a day.
I am living with my sister and brother-in-law at the moment, so no opportunities to dress. Even this makes for a more stress-free existence because it is something I cannot control.
So, stay home, stay safe, be kind.
She never liked your dressing (and probably hated it) and was just trying to be supportive, as some wives feel an obligation to be. As the old saying goes, "In wine (or stress in this case) there is truth." You may have to choose dressing or your marriage down the road regardless.Quote:
Originally Posted by SirDonna
I think you hit it. phfft
Only thing that stresses me in reference to coronavirus is being stopped by police as I just read I live in Indiana and Kentucky is only a few miles from my home. I go visit a friend fully dressed at least twice a month but now I hear Kentucky doesn?t want anyone from other states to enter. She lives alone on social security and has me pick up cartons of cigarettes for her as they?re only $32.00 a carton here and $65 a carton there now. She?s been a great friend and very accepting of my dressing so kill two birds so to speak.
Guess I?ll have to take that chance as I plan on visiting with her on this coming up Friday night. Sometimes even spend the night and come home the following Saturday evening or Sunday morning.
Anyway I?ve been keeping my hands and face clean and as far as makeup use Luminess air now and don?t touch my face period as I used to when I used liquid makeup.
I retired 3 years ago I do a lot around the house my wife is good with my dressing and even buys thing for Angie. So the staying home more isn't that different I do dress more each day for the list few weeks. under dress almost 24/7 saving gig time on gas that's a good thing. :hugs:
Angie
My wife and I have been more playful and intimate with each other lately. Even more playful with my cding related stuff. And more wine.