I got busted today

But you won't believe for what.

I've always had a heavy beard. I was shaving regularly by the time I got to high school, and I grew a very impressive full beard the summer between junior and senior years in high school.

I hadn't shaved in a couple of weeks, so my beard was very thick. I shaved once with Edge but the beard was still kind of ragged. I shaved a second time with Skintimate,which is my "go to" girlie shaving gel. I usually gt a closer shave with the gel as opposed to the cream.

I left the Skintimate on my bathroom vanity, and got busted for that.

But the funniest sidebar is that I was in bed, under the covers and wearing one of my favorite bras with breast forms. She has decided to sleep in a different bedroom at least partially because I crossdress. If she knew, I would have been busted with a baseball bat instead of just a reprimand.

How about that!

Hi Steffi :hugs:, Sounds like you are pressing your Luck, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

The thing that comes to mind is that somebody got hurt in the process. Apparently it wasn't you.

Not sure how her finding a bottle of shave gel constitutes being busted. Does she know that you use this product when dressing?

It falls under the category of stuff happens. At least you got through it unscathed. So which side came smoother... Edge or Skinmate?

Was she upset that you used Skintimate? Or, that you left it out on the vanity and didn't put it away?

Wives are not stupid. You left our a reminder for her that you are a cross dresser; whether intentional or not. I had to Google the product and it seems it is marketed to women although personally I do not know why a guy who has sensitive skin would not use it. If you wear a bra with breast forms to bed with a non-accepting wife I think you're pushing the limits. That's a good way to eliminate any snuggle time with your wife.

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Originally Posted by MonicaPVD

Not sure how her finding a bottle of shave gel constitutes being busted. Does she know that you use this product when dressing?

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When I get a "talking to" about it, it's getting busted. I'm not sure if she knows or not.

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Originally Posted by BTWimRobin

It falls under the category of stuff happens. At least you got through it unscathed. So which side came smoother... Edge or Skintimate?

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Skintimate. It's more gel than Edge. Edge is more cream.

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Originally Posted by char GG

Was she upset that you used Skintimate? Or, that you left it out on the vanity and didn't put it away?

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Both. She says that Skintimate is marketed to "teenage girls." It probably is since it comes in several scents. But, mostly she was upset that I left it out.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Wives are not stupid. You left our a reminder for her that you are a cross dresser; whether intentional or not. I had to Google the product and it seems it is marketed to women although personally I do not know why a guy who has sensitive skin would not use it.

If you wear a bra with breast forms to bed with a non-accepting wife I think you're pushing the limits. That's a good way to eliminate any snuggle time with your wife.

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You're probably right. Leaving out a reminder is probably why she got upset at me.

You're assuming that I get any "snuggle time" without breast forms. She moved out of the communal bed to another bedroom about 10 year ago. I haven't gotten any "snuggle time" in that 10 years.

Shaving gel, really?
I used to use my ex wife's Secret deodorant because it works and didn't make me break out, I still use it but have to buy my own because she has issues with me using hers since we've been divorced for ten years, go figure ...

Point is, I think the gel was an excuse to revisit an older hurt.

My question is, if your choice of sleeping clothes kicked her out of the bedroom.....WHY do you continue? What ever happen to your compassion, resolve, and compromise for your wife? IMHO You'll be hard pressed to get even a shred of acceptance continuing what kicked her out, and every time you're caught is another stark reminder of her current situation. You're basically "housemates with feelings".
My wife knows and accepts what I do, but her HUGE turn offs are red lipstick, wigs(ESPECIALLY cheap wigs), and hip/butt pads, and out of love, compromise, and respect for her feelings, I DON'T wear or own any of those.

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Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi

You're assuming that I get any "snuggle time" without breast forms. She moved out of the communal bed to another bedroom about 10 year ago. I haven't gotten any "snuggle time" in that 10 years.

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What do you get out of the relationship?

No intimacy. Doesn't sound like there is much trust or caring. Does she at least cook and clean house? It may be easier to hire a maid for some of that!

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Originally Posted by SissieScott

My question is, if your choice of sleeping clothes kicked her out of the bedroom.....WHY do you continue? What ever happen to your compassion, resolve, and compromise for your wife? IMHO You'll be hard pressed to get even a shred of acceptance continuing what kicked her out, and every time you're caught is another stark reminder of her current situation. You're basically "housemates with feelings".

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Actually, it's quite the opposite. When she found out, she determined that my night shirts were "too girly" and she made e throw them out and get pajamas instead.Mow my night shirts were about as male as they could get. Yes, they were the type that you pull over your head. But the winter ones were a plaid flannel in men's colors (red, blue or gray). The summer ones were basically long -shirts that went down to mid-calf n a solid men's color. They were all purchased from the blue side of the store. I had been wearing nightshirts since college. My wife has never seen me dressed, never seen any of my clothes except maybe a bra that didn't get out away, which is very rare. She has never even seen pictures of me dressed Bit, I do go out and about with like-minded friends.

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Originally Posted by Pumped

[1] What do you get out of the relationship?

[2] No intimacy. Doesn't sound like there is much trust or caring.

[3] Does she at least cook and clean house?

[4] It may be easier to hire a maid for some of that!

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[1] Not much really. But, we're both getting older and we take care of each other when those medical frailties come to bear.
[2] No intimacy at all, not much trust, but there is caring.
[3] I shop for my own food and I usually cook or at least prepare my on meals. She does clean house on a day-to-day basis, who comes in monthly to do the heavy duty stuff. You didn't ask specifically, but I usually wash, dry and fold my own clothes and put them away.

Like Sissie Scott said, "Roommates with feelings."

There have been many times when I've asked myself, Why do I stay?"

My wife says, Why do boys want so very much to be girls? They can never be girls, no matter what they do.
She has found one of my bra/panty sets, and she has seen my toes painted. She asked me if I'm a crossdresser, to which I said, Yes. She replied that was better then having an affair.
We haven't talked about it since then. But knowing her as I do, it's a conversation I don't wish to have. I'd really like to wear femme outer clothes, but I don't see that in my future.

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Originally Posted by Kelli_cd

She replied that was better then having an affair.

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I just hate the double standard that society generally have. Most women will have a fit if you tell them they must only ever wear "feminine" clothes full time, and do only girly activities only. Yet, they expect men to wear only "male" clothes and do only male activities.

Men must be manly, men should man up, men should not cry, men should be gentlemanly, men should this and that. Somehow it's not sexist when this rubbish is aimed at cis male.

How cross dressing can be thought of as cheating is ridiculous, sure it's not being truthful, but so is not telling her you hate onions or something. Yet, due to the sexist expectations, you are deemed to have failed her trust if you weren't forthcoming for whatever reasons.

If you were to find a pair of trousers or Oxford shoes in her wardrobe, it's perfectly fine, it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow because you never expected her to be wearing dresses and skirts full-time, she is allowed to wear whatever she wants because society says it's ok.

This societal expectation is as sexist as thinking women are too weak to do certain jobs, or too dumb to vote. Imagine a wife telling a husband she wants to get a job and the husband says "well at least that better than having an affair".

Yep. My wife recently told me I was supposed to be "the man of the house".

I feel for you girls with unaccepting wives.

Tonight my wife was getting ready for bed and I got out my girl clothing. I decided on my school girl outfit because of a post I saw earlier. My wife happened to come downstairs after I was dressed and she gave me a big smile and said, "School girl tonight!" She came over and said she had to go to bed, told me she loved me and gave me a huge hug.

I love my moderately accepting wife. I didn't moderately lied to her, so.

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Originally Posted by Pumped

Does she at least cook and clean house? It may be easier to hire a maid for some of that!

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Sometimes I have to pinch myself when reading some comments.

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Originally Posted by Swottie

I just hate the double standard that society generally have.

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Swottie, if we took an isolated Pacific island and raised a new generation of women who never were conditioned to wear dresses, I bet they would all wear pants once they were invented, and men would do whatever they'd wish and nobody would care.
As for crossdressing being cheating if you don't tell, this mystery has long been solved by many interesting posts from GGs on these forums. Check the first sticky in the Loved Ones section for instance (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-a-GGs-POV-two). There are others. In the same section I explained how the reveal of my dressing rocked the world of my wife, and why hiding equates having an affair (actually it can be worse). Comparing the love of onions and of female dressing is specious, because the latter has a bit more implications for the nature of the being your wife elected to live with.
As for societal expectations, women live in the world they live in, and got educated in that same world. They expect to have the right to get a job, and don't expect their man to wear dresses if he didn't tell upfront. All this is totally understandable. If you want to change this, you can. Work at changing the societal expectations. Don't blame women. They didn't make this world anymore than men did (and even a little less but that's another topic).

DianeT, I wasn't blaming women, but the double standards that everyone have learned and internalised and don't think it's a problem that I have an issue with.

Lying or withholding information from the wife aside, even a complete stranger will think you are noting unless you are a manly man, the same people would at the same time fight for "equality" on matters that suits them. The same people would put men down for not being manly, then the next breath fight for women's rights.

Please don't put words into my mouth, I have no issue with women's rights or doing whatever they want to do. I have daughters that I want to be empowered to do whatever they want in life. But at the same time, society are all too happy to continue to expect men to live up to every stereotype you can think of, any deviation are labeled with the worst names you can think of.

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Originally Posted by DianeT

if we took an isolated Pacific island and raised a new generation of women who never were conditioned to wear dresses, I bet they would all wear pants once they were invented, and men would do whatever they'd wish and nobody would care.

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That is exactly my point. It's the current society expectations that's the problem, I'm not blaming women or men specifically, as both hold the same sexist expectations and don't see the problem in the way they think.

I will concede that the onion analogy is a poor one, one day I will come up with a better one.

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Originally Posted by Kelli_cd

Yep. My wife recently told me I was supposed to be "the man of the house".

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and that, is part of the issue I have. It's totally acceptable to say that, yet not the other way round.

And before someone twists my words, I'm saying "supposed to be man of the house" is as sexist as saying women should be girly or do this or do that.