Driving me freaking Crazy.

Ok, so I moved in with my friend i met on the net in a video game like a a few years ago.
Well as it goes, it was a bit awkward at first but then we kinda fell in to the whole friends thing.
But neither of us can forget the things that we said to each other over MSN and in the MMORPG we used to play. I mean i guess its pretty much a story book sorta Internet relationship that sorta ended up working out.

But now that were together, in the same room...
Its driving me crazy.
I didnt think it was gonna be this bad.
No nothings wrong with him or me, We are great friends.
But oh my god, I never wanted to have sex with someone so bad in my life.
It's driving up a wall.
I mean, the guy pratically rescued me from a hell I had been living in for years.
I mean, can i say i love him? Im not sure but he's a realyl good guy, and im sure as hell he likes me as well.
Sorry if this is hard to understand I have ****in clue how to deal with this.

I mean, I had never wished i had been a girl so bad in my life, well, i mean in a way that its depressing but its a will to live thing...
Its making me really depressed but i dont feel suicidal like usual.
I mean if i WAS a girl im pretty sure we wouldnt be able to leave each other alone.
I mean... We click... We have pretty much the same intrests, and he's 100% Ok with me being the way I am.
I just, its driving me ****in crazy that I cant be "his girl."

The million dollar question is what is his sexual orientation? To be blunt and to the point, you are a genetic male and so is he. Sounds like you are ok with that. Is he? Lower body plumbing can be a real show stopper when not aligned. You should ask him some hypothetical "what if" questions about sexuality. If you hear what you are hoping for, then put your cards on the table.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jill Devine

The million dollar question is what is his sexual orientation? To be blunt and to the point, you are a genetic male and so is he. Sounds like you are ok with that. Is he? Lower body plumbing can be a real show stopper when not aligned. You should ask him some hypothetical "what if" questions about sexuality. If you hear what you are hoping for, then put your cards on the table.

---

I dont know.
I've been wrestling with that for a long time.
When it comes to personal taste and things, im attracted to women, but at certain times I really don't care what gender a person is, as long as they are good looking. but when it coems...
You know what
I dont know.
I just don't
I'm probably going to have to accept the fact that I'm more thatn likely a pansexual.

I have to agree with Jill! If the plumbing isn't the same would he still want to be with you? The oppitset does not always attract!

His hopes are probably the same as mine.
He's not gay, Although I think he has a thing for "genderbenders."
But Its the "I will eventually be a female" mind set.
OH i read jills comments wrong
He's straight I guess.

Yea just kinda hint, leave a clue you (probably) only have to go through te awkward bit once. I plucked up the courage once to ask a guy if he would ever try a 'gay moment' trouble was we were all stoned so it wasn't taken seriously, I'm
With a girl but have a constant bi-curious thought, i only need to try it once but no opportunities nowadays, damn!

Myojine,
You should hold off on your impulses until you can think clearly. Right now you seem to be overwhelmed with these feelings, perhaps for the first time in your life, and you might do something that you will regret later.
Being a girl is not all it's cracked up to be. Try being yourself. That is the person that your friend found an interest in over the internet.
That is always a good place to start.

I felt that way about my housemate.til it happened and he became a typical man!!don't rush in

Were you his girl online? Did you have female toons/avatars in the game (assuming either WoW or Second Life here)? Did you act femme in such modes? Were his interactions with you before you moved in together in a way that regarded you as femme? Did you two discuss anything about sexuality before moving in?
I really feel for you. You consider yourself straight except for this guy. As pansexual myself I can understand that. I may have feelings for one guy but the rest I could do without. Same applies to women or TG's I could have interest in. You really like him for who he is.
I see two things that you need to really answer for yourself. One, can you be as close to female as you wish to be with him and balance the rest of your life. I say that because I do not know just how much of your femme side you have shared with friends, family, work, etc. Two, just how openminded is he? Takes a judgement call on your part I think but from what you say he sounds like he is.
This is gonna drive you nuts and could strain your friendship, at least from your end. You're gonna be tormented by the what ifs.
I think you should make a day where you two can talk seriously and discuss your thoughts and feelings. I would really stress to him that even though you have these thoughts and feelings that there is no need on his part to even reciprocate, but that you just have to let him know so that you can just empty out your head and find out what he feels. You have to let him know that if he doesn't feel the same that you can move on as your already are, two good friends. Don't pressure him into anything he's not prepared for. Be honest with him but make sure he's not pressured into anything. And if he does break your heart by not feeling the same, put on a strong face and buck up that heart. Face the rest of the day like you always do with him and continue being friends, let the tears lose later that night in the privacy of your bed or with another friend. Show him that you can move on still as friends so that he knows you can do so. Good friends are a hard thing to come by, hold on to them where you can. At the least if he doesn't feel the same as you, you will have unburdened your feelings and can move on. But talking with him about it is going to be the only way you will possibly reach what you hope will be, a relationship with him.
I agree with Dawn Marie, she gave some great advice, you might want to give yourself a little time though. Can tell your head is spinning with the emotions right now, and as wonderful as they are, they can play havoc with sensibility. Give yourself a little time and be sure of what it is you wish to discuss with him and how you feel.
I wish you luck. As someone about to turn 40, I am so envious of you. You have made the TG steps at a young age and have so much opportunity ahead of you. Grab them where you can, you'll have more to come even if this one doesn't pan out.
Reading some of your other posts leads me to think you have a lot of questions about life but haven't landed on a lot of answers for yourself yet. You need something solid to hold on to. Are there any lgbt or TG support groups in your area? Would be a great resource for you. Someone or a group to unload your thoughts or feelings would really help I think. Would be able to others who have already wandered your path and give you some direction. Take advantage of what resources there are for us TG's.

Kisses
Monica

hmmm fascinating discussion