A crisis in identity.

I’ve been around here for many years, but sadly my old account has been lost in time & with a change in email addresses I could access the account to recover it. So hence whilst this account is new - I am not.

Recently I saw a You Tube video that got me thinking. It was about the American elections which was pointing out various (mostly female) contenders suggesting you should vote for them not because of their political views but because who they were. By that I mean it was xx is lesbian, xxx is Hispanic, xxx is Lantinx, xxx is openly bisexual, xxx is transgender, xx openly supports non-gender identifying people. It was suggesting that people’s identity was more important than what they stood for

It seems to me that it is perceived that, those who are straight “normal” Heterosexual (apparently) identify within the LGBT community. I.e you are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender. Then I saw it listed as LGBTQ on TV and thought... “Q”??

A Google search then adds the letters IAPK to this or Queer/Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual, Aromantic, “Ally”, Pansexual, Kink. And I thought.... what a load of well, you know.
I have often found myself feeling uncomfortable on this site because I don’t fit the mould here. I am male. I look at my body and think I am a slightly fat and aging 45-year-old man, but I am happy. Thing is I dress in women’s clothes. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. At home. At work. In public. In private.

I own 1 pair of male shoes. 3 male shirts, 3 male t-shirts, 2 male coats and that’s it. These are held as there are very rare occasions I need them. Everything else I own is female. My trousers (jeans, formal and shorts), my work shirts, my jumpers, my underwear (bras and knickers), my night clothes (Pyjamas and night dresses), The rest of my shoes/coats etc. I carry a shoulder bag every day (I have 6 in total). I live with my wife and (soon to be 16-year-old) daughter. I wear female clothes at home, around them, in public with them. I am growing my hair longer. At work I wear breast forms with a bra along with various smart-casual and causal female clothes. My ears are pierced, and always have studs in them, sometimes small hoops. Nothing is hidden. Sometimes have to restrain what I wear when out with my family but not that much but this often means no boots or breast forms. My brother knows, his wife knows. If my parents where still alive they would know. This is not a hidden secret. We don’t shout it out. But if friends come round I don’t suddenly change clothes, they see me as I am and have to deal with it.

The only think I do not wear is make-up at all - because I am male and not trying to be or appear female. Also in public or at work I do not wear Skirts/Dresses – that is only because I think that may cause issues at work and tip the scales too far but also, I would not be happy walking out of my block of flats wearing them. I do understand that some people could react badly to that. I am also conscious of any repercussions for my wife/daughter if I did. That is not to say this is not on my radar to progress too as it is… now is just not the right time. Can I foresee a time when I will have to address this? Yes, when, how and in what manner I will know when the time is right.

The important thing here is I am not ashamed or scared of who I am. I see no reason why I cannot wear what I am comfortable in and why shouldn’t. If you want to laugh at me, laugh. If you want to snigger behind my back, then do. But if you want to treat me as a normal person, then you get my respect and thanks. Address me as a man. I am “mate”, “pal”, “buddy”, “sir”. I’m not pretending to be someone else or something else here. Piss me off and you will get a full red-blooded male going ballistic at you. Talk to me on the phone and you would never guess what I am wearing on the other side. There is no change in personality or mannerisms.

So where am I on this list?
Lesbian/Gay? Nope, definitely heterosexual
Bisexual? Nope, only interested in women.
Transgender? Nope, I am male, I like being male. No need to change anything.
Queer? Well that’s what [in the UK] they used to call gay people years ago, so No.
Questioning? Nope, I know who I am.
Asexual? Nope, I have very strong sexual feelings.
Aromantic? God no, I love my wife dearly. I’d be devastated not to love her any more.
Ally? Not really. I don’t support this community, but I don’t try and harm it either.
Pansexual? Nope. That doesn’t describe me.
Polygamous Nope, only need one person.
Kink... Nope.

If there something else then? What about:
F – Furrie – someone who dresses as an animal or has animalistic traits?
O - Open Minded?
B - Adult Baby?
U - Unsure?
E - Experimenter?
B - Bondage/BDSM?
S - Solo/Sex Toy user?

When will it stop, why are so many additional letters and terms being added? Why is there a need to continually add more and more letters and variants because someone says, “that’s not me, I have to be represented exactly how I see myself”. Why not just put all the letters of the alphabet in? That way you’ve covered all basis. Oh, hang on... that could include “normal” people, bugger.... that won’t work then.

I’ve got an idea let’s have “HSMF” Heterosexual/Straight Male/Female. That way we can marginalise “normal” people and group them up to ensure they are socially isolated from those who are not like them. That means that “normal” people are no longer normal… Damm, that won’t work them.

So again, where do I fit in to all of this? Which one of these am I? I’m none of them yet I am apparently both. Normal people think I must be part of the LGBT community because I wear female clothes. But because I identify as male, am not transgender, a transvestite or do this for sexual kicks, I am often rejected by this community.

Okay new idea. How about we add letters to our names kinda like doctors do. What if I had GMIM to my name? Genetic Male, Identify Male? Or GMIMH, (H-Heterosexual), or GMIMHX (X-Crossdresser), or GMIMHMCX (MC – Married with Children). How much detail do you need or want to allow me to be boxed up? Does it even matter?

My brother often talks about his work and when referring to one colleague always says “Paul, you know the gay one”. I keep asking why he keeps saying that, why does he need to point out Paul is gay. All I get is, well because he is? WHO CARES??? I don’t, Paul doesn’t, clearly none of his colleagues have an issue or feel they are going to be pounced on by him. So why mention it all the time. What does he say about me, oh my brother you know the cross dresser? I doubt it, because that wouldn’t sit right or be comfortable for him. And nor is singling out a person due to their sexuality or idenity.

The world is in the mist of an identity crisis where a select group seem to need to feel special and/or protected like they cannot be harmed because their feelings are so precious it would destroy them. They to be placed in a protective box and shielded from harm, treated as someone special or made of the finest porcelain which would break if you looked at it the wrong way. . To have others look at us and say, “I know what you are”. Diversity is starting to become saturated to the point that we loose sight of what it achieves for us. People don’t really care. Those who do will narrow these categories down into a select few they can grasp and deal with, then bundle everyone in them irrespective of whether it is right or wrong – it doesn’t matter. The thing that makes us all special is that we are ALL DIFFERENT. There is no one box that fits all. It doesn’t matter who you are, how you identify or what sexual partner you prefer, what you wear, if you are black/blue/orange/yellow/tall/short/fat/thin etc. We are all the same because we are all different!

We are loosing our identity because we cannot fit ourselves within the mired of choices and options which people who think they are doing good create because they feel this is what people want, but they are not affected by those actions because they are “normal” so it doesn’t apply to them. Because a few (often younger people) cry and shout out about being hurt or treated unfairly things are changed that don’t need changing. Equality doesn’t need to be named, lablled, put on a wall and shouted about. The system is only broken because people tried to “fix” something that did not need fixing, it wasn’t wrong we just misunderstood what we where looking at.

Simply accept things and stop having a hissy fit when someone says something you don’t like. Deal with it, educate them if you need to but don’t go banging on about equality when what you want is to be marginalised and made to feel special and important because you feel the world owes you something and it’s not allowed to hurt your feelings because you have been brought up covered in cotton wool.

I’m simply a man who chooses not to wear male clothes. I want to be treated as a man. I just don’t see why I need to wear [what I see as] boring, unrefined and un-stylish male clothes that limit my ability to express myself. It’s an expression of myself, and I am comfortable with it.

What can’t we simply have one letter, one term:
H – Human, that is after all who we all are…