Being truthful , " I'm very impressed !"

I almost feel I should aplogise for mentioning my art group yet again but sonething really special was said to me today .

It's been a few weeks now since I decided to attend my group a Teresa ( or Terri to them ) a very good friend I've known since starting my classes was talking in general while we were going through some books on art in music and looking at the artwork on old record sleeves . I made the remark about how stylised women were in many of the images . She turned to me and said , " talking of style , I'm going to tell you straight how impressed I am with your appearance , we all did discuss you coming back as Terri and have been very surprised how you look and how easy you've made it for us ".

She's a mature lady , very kind in many ways but doesn't mince her words so her comment was very special to me .

:c9: wow!

This is an interesting point of discussion. It’s something that kinda gets overlooked here in the mad rush for self expression. There seems to be heaps of anecdotal evidence that the better we “pass” or “blend” the more likely we are to be accepted by “normal” society. Ever seen a doll or robot or maybe cartoon character that was inexplicably “creepy”? That’s because people have weird thresholds for what their psyche can accept. Things that are not at all human, or definitely human. But some things fall a little in between and for some reason cause us illogical revulsion and fear. This was a principle discovered in robotics and called the “uncanny valley”. A similar principle applies to us. When we present as definitely male or definitely [passable/blending] female, people have an easier time accepting us.

This isn’t to say passing is better or something we all need to drive for, but if you’re interested in socializing and being accepted as your femme self, refining your presentation goes a long way towards putting others at ease.

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

This is an interesting point of discussion. It’s something that kinda gets overlooked here in the mad rush for self expression. There seems to be heaps of anecdotal evidence that the better we “pass” or “blend” the more likely we are to be accepted by “normal” society. Ever seen a doll or robot or maybe cartoon character that was inexplicably “creepy”? That’s because people have weird thresholds for what their psyche can accept. Things that are not at all human, or definitely human. But some things fall a little in between and for some reason cause us illogical revulsion and fear. This was a principle discovered in robotics and called the “uncanny valley”. A similar principle applies to us. When we present as definitely male or definitely [passable/blending] female, people have an easier time accepting us.

This isn’t to say passing is better or something we all need to drive for, but if you’re interested in socializing and being accepted as your femme self, refining your presentation goes a long way towards putting others at ease.

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You're so right and I try to avoid being consumed by this reality you're describing. I respect that this is not always easy for everyone who reads this forum.

It really is the effort we take to look good, ladylike. Maybe that's why I take so long deciding what outfit to wear ,I like to think I look put together(for my age group)which I believe makes my appearance more acceptable and able to move about in the RW as myself. I hope I debunk the myths and misconceptions about TG persons. I do receive comments almost all the time I'm out and about on my clothing, hair, nails etc...I know you know what I'm saying. Receiving compliments and having small talk with others just proves we're on the right path for our happiness.

> positive and respectful presentation of self as opposed to a clumsy characterization

I think I would lean more to this explanation. In my limited experience most people are doing the best they can with the material they have to work with. And women in particular, most of them work hard at their own challenges and if they can see you're doing the same then they respond to the genuineness of that. It's not about passing. You can't do anything about your height, or feet, or big hands, or whatever. But if it's clear that you're doing the best you can with what you have to work with then people will do their best to accept that. If you shove on a dress that's 4 sizes too small and a Halloween wig, well you can't expect people to take it seriously because you're clearly not.

Teresa , Congrats on winning over your group.

I expected no less from you and your group of ARTISTS.

I get the same thing from the general public, as I live openly in the RW.

No it is not about passing, blending, and all that.

Open your eyes. Teresa isn't fooling anyone here. They all knew her as a guy. Now they know and accept her as a woman.

That someone is amazed that you can flip a switch like that is to be expected.

I'm also not surprised that Teresa has her own since of style, after all she is an artist. I am happy for her that she can now express herself openly as she wants.

I have found that it is better not to go back and forth on people. Now that they know you as a woman, that's how you should present.

Still congrats, you deserve it

That's great!

Sincere complements from GG's are the best.

Many thanks for everyone's comments , OK the lady in question took a step I didn't expect her to take , maybe my message to the forum is becomming a little stale but I hope in passing on these moments may give heart and confidence to others .

Lisa,
To be truthful Wednesdays are a mad rush , I have to rise at 6.00am shower and shave all over , have my brerakfast , walk the dog , apply my makeup and be out dressed by 8.25am . I'm afaid it's a case of deciding what I wore last time and grab a variation on it , maybe iron a Tshirt , polish my boots . The sessions don't officially start till 10.00am but after driving the 20 miles I usually arrive just after 9.00am and then arrange the tables and chairs and place easels for the members who work off them . I then have a quiet 30 minutes to sit and work on my own project . Just after 10.00am the room is heaving and the silence broken by gossip and laughter , we swap ideas and check out each others work . I love it , to me it emphasises the point that being TG is part of my life but doesn't dominate it , as others have said it's not a case of passing but integrating into the community .

Jean,
Very interesting point , what am I seen as by the group , the lady in question and most of the others know me as Terry , about 6 only know me as Terri so they don't know if I'm TG or TS , no one has asked so far , maybe it only crosses our minds not their's . To back up your comment the worse thing I can do now is revert to Terry or anything in between . Sorry to make this point again but it's why being a MIAD or NB could never work for me , maybe to my art group I have totally transitioned .

Jamie,
I think you sum it up very well in one line , " Winning them over !"

Eemz,
I've told them all I maybe wearing my Xmas sequined top or Xmas dress at the last session , before Xmas , we have an informal get together with the morning and afternoon classes , I usually make mince pies which usually go down well ( too much alcohol in them !!) . The dress is just on the knee so it's not too outlandish and the top has a sequined elf wearing a skirt but no head so the neckline finishes at mine .

Teresa,

This is such a wonderful story. Congrats on your acceptance into your group.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

to me it emphasises the point that being TG is part of my life but doesn't dominate it , as others have said it's not a case of passing but integrating into the community .

they don't know if I'm TG or TS , no one has asked so far , maybe it only crosses our minds not their's . ....

Sorry to make this point again but it's why being a MIAD or NB could never work for me , maybe to my art group I have totally transitioned .

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I know and this is my point.

To everyone you meet you have transitioned. They don't analyze it like here, they just accepted it and move on.

That's funny, having to remember what you wore last and where. Welcome to my world and living as a woman.

And people talk, so just because you haven't talked to someone doesn't mean that they don't know. It happens to me, I get feedback from my friends , I'm told it is mostly positive.

Great thing you experienced Teresa. I am sure you were glowing inside after that. Probably still glowing a bit.

And Micki, as an understatement, I think you are on to something in your response. Fine perspective on expression.

I think Micki nailed it. You stand a better chance of being accepted if you stay well away from the uncanny valley. I think a lot of drag queens are off putting because of that.

I feel that my best effort at passing for female would land me in the creepiest part of that chasm, so I stay well within the MIAD range. I'm even hesitant to wear my yoga pants with a feminine top because of the mixed message I'd be sending. So it's almost always a skirt or dress for me, and women give me tons of compliments about my MIAD outfits.

Congratulations! It is always nice to get compliments but especially in these circumstances.

Suzanne,
I feel the opposite being seen totally as a woman feels normal , I would feel odd if not creepy half and half .

Jean,
Most GGs don't appear to give wearing the same thing twice a second thought in thses circumstances , OK I admit attending the art group is still fairly new so I'm trying to work through the various tops and cardigans without repeating myself at the moment . Much of my everyday shopping has been dictated by this happening , so its lovely now it's finally come together . The lady in question wears an old shirt to paint in , it looks like one of her husbands but I've never accused her of CDing , she is also accident prone and tends to get paint everywhere and spills her water container on occasions , maybe I need an old shirt , now who do I know has a spare one ? A woman can look quite cute in a shirt , OH my goodness I can't believe I've just said that !!!

It is wonderful to have that kind of acceptance and approval. While I am still in the toddler stage making my way into more exposure, I am able to dress in front of a couple that I have been close to for quite a many years. Dinner at their house is part of our weekly routine, and they are totally accepting of Caylee. It took a little while for it to not be awkward for him, but she is always excited to see what I have chosen for that evening. And so far my greatest compliment has been, when it was time for us to go home and I had changed back into man mode, they looked at me and said, ?We think we like you better the other way?. It?s those little compliments that go the furthest. For my wife I believe that it is helping erode some of her fear of what other people will think. Thank you for sharing your experiences... stories like yours help me build confidence for mine.

Caylee