Thank you Jennifer! This is truly inspirational!!!
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Thank you Jennifer! This is truly inspirational!!!
Hi Jenn,
Very true in that for the most part people are so busy with their own lives they take little time to look around and truly scrutinize people and unless something glaringly jumps out are unlikely to give anyone a second glance in a crowded venue. Naturally "confidence" is big thing and that is not just the confidence to go out but confidence in yourself and as others have said, the confidence to accept your own limitations. In my case, I blend but the "kid ain't pretty" and I never survive first contact. However in the end "the kid doesn't care" if people see a guy in women's clothing, for at that moment I am a woman (in my mind) and that is all that counts.
The one bit of advice missing is "preparedness". Specifically, it is easy for those of us who are day walkers to say "just do it and all will be well". However, unless you are ready and have a relatively thick skin your first time out can go well or it could go bad. If nobody bats an eye it goes well but that is not always the case. As first timers to the Vanilla world, we tend to be hypervigiliant in that we scrutinize every glance, every whisper and every laugh. It may or may not have been directed at us but ones perception is ones reality. If you are not prepared to accept that some may be rude (real or perceived) it can send you scurrying back home with your tail between your legs setting you back ten-fold on your journey. So, you truly need to be ready for this and you will know in your heart of hearts when it is time.
While there are lots of high five, sunshine and lollipop stories out there about day walking or for that matter night walking, do play safe. Don't launch yourself out to a venue where you know trouble could occur and always have an exit plan should things go bad. Some cities, towns, venues are very TG friendly others . . . not so much. Just because one poster can walk into a bar in a city at night with no issues (have done so myself) does not mean you will meet with the same results. Know the venue and know the people who frequent it. In my line of work we always say "time spent on recce is seldom wasted". The reality of life is that in 99.9% of your outings you will have no issues but there is that .01% which you always need to keep in the back of your mind where things can go very bad and that will give you a healthy sense of caution . . . I am not trying to scare anyone, just providing a sense of caution which we all need even if your out and about dressed "en boy".
Hugs
Isha
Great advice, Isha.
Always read the street, Know who's around you and what they are doing and whether it makes sense; particularly whats going on behind you. One of the best techniques is to move illogically and see if you're followed. Stop to adjust something (always with as many people and as much light as possible). Do this particularly in unfamiliar areas when you can't avoid them altogether. If something looks out of place or unusual, find some people and stay with them, indoors if possible. There are predators about.
Hi Jennifer,
Many thanks for this! As much as I've been out and about I've been having withdrawal symptoms --- it's been two weeks! Your post is just the kick in the tush I've needed -- and I'm sure it will help others as well. And Isha and Donnalee, thanks for the sound advice. Not having been brought up as women, we often don't think of the dangers that women (GG or TG) can face in that not always vanilla world.
Excellent advice on how to survive and prosper in the real world!
How true! The first time I went out I was nervous and scared as hell but then thought "when WON'T I be nervous and scared?" After I got out my front door the rest was just SO easy for me! I have never had a more liberating moment in my life
That's a good way to get yourself hurt, or even killed. Any college girl can tell you that you have to be aware of potential dangerous threats. All it takes is one homophobic idiot, with a little hate in his head. Think. Be careful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenniferathome
Lexi, I clearly did not indicate to stop being a normal person. Stop thinking was obviously meant to stop beating yourself up before getting out the door. Bad things can happen to anyone, that's the cost of being a resident on the planet earth these days.
Jennifer, this is some great advice. When I used to go out the only hard step was the first. It doesn't matter how you look for the most part the general population doesn't care how others present themselves. To further add encouragement I will share this: I never learned make-up and there were times I wanted to go out and didn't have money for a make over. I'd go out neck down en femme, clothes shoes hip padding, breast forms, and from the neck up me buzz cut and scraggly beard. Few people looked and no one seemed to care. I stopped going out out of boredom and not out of fear or bad experiences. Just go out if you want don't let fear hold you back.
Jennifer, while I agree with you that we have a tendency to overthink at times... I do think Lexi raised a valid point. The fact of the matter is that life isn't always a rose garden. There are folks out there that would seek to do us harm. People need to use common sense when and where they go out, along with the clothing they wear. Additionally for many of us... it's not a matter of lacking courage to go out. It may be because of "boundaries" set with a SO, or as fathers and husbands we don't want to risk being detected and then have our loved ones experience negative repercussions of our actions. Wives harassed, kids bullied... (E.g. The Sins of the Father)
To clarify, I don't want you to think I disagree with you on your post. For those wanting to get out; or for those who've made the decision to go out, but are still struggling... I think you you've provided some really positive feedback. The majority of the time a CDer is seen out and about, it is not going to be a big deal. People are too wrapped up in themselves and whatever they have going on.