End game?

This is a question I’m still trying to answer.

Do you have one?

Are you there?

Maybe I’m just in a holding pattern?

I basically started down this path a few years ago. At the time I wondered if this was just one of my obsessions that will fade away in time, and I’ll be off on something else. This is something only I can answer for myself.

So I went out into the real world. I’m not getting any younger. I need to figure this out now, not ten years from now. Not knowing what I was doing, just looking for the answer, well I ended up creating this new life.

I work in guy mode, well my guy mode. The only men’s clothes I have or wear are tee-shirts.

The rest of the time I’m Jean. I’m out and not hiding. My friends all know where I work, I can’t hide. You think that’s funny. One of my boyfriend’s left a message on the answering machine at work for Jean to call him, he lost my number. Yes he knows where I live, he could have just come by the house. Anyway No big deal, the secretary handed me the message and we had a good laugh.

So back to the question, I can stay where I am now, not that I really have a choice.

Here it comes, but I actually do. I have two offers to go to work where I could make enough money to transition physically. The problem is it would be seven days a week for a couple of years, maybe more. I did this before for ten years. Almost no time off and no vacations. This is what killed my marriage. I just can’t go back there.

I’m ok with the way things are now. That’s why I say maybe I’m in a holding pattern.

Oh my latest obsession, sewing, I don’t think this one is going to fade away either. I just finished a dress with a matching purse, which I wore for my birthday. My roommate and I went out to dinner, where I ran into a friend and his family. I have been to his house many times in both modes, as I said I’m not hiding.

Jean, don't feel bad. Most of us r in a "holding pattern". Until we're in a rest home or at our funeral. Few people live their lives for now, every day. And, the ones that do don't usually live all that long!:heehee:

The rest of us r waiting for something to happen or someone to change or do something to live the life they really want.:brolleyes:

U r simply waiting like the rest of us because u can!:thumbsup:
Eventually, we ALL run out of time!:sad:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

U r simply waiting like the rest of us because u can!:thumbsup:
Eventually, we ALL run out of time!:sad:

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Really I'm doing just fine.

You know how some have this drive to go all the way no matter what.

I know of two that attend the support group I do that have never been with a man and are unsure of their sexuallity. Yet they have fully transitioned.

I don't feel that way. Besides my boyfriend loves me just the way I am.

Being that I just turned 63 the time thing is on my mind.

Hi Jean, I can only relate to you what I was told by a friend in transition in her early sixty's. Its a real hard road. They are really hard pushed to give the older girls the green light for breast work other surgeries. She has been in a holding pattern on HRT and counseling for three years. Probably should talk to a counselor to see what you might run into. Hugs Rochal

My end game is at the end of a very long tunnel.

I may get there one day.

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Originally Posted by Rochal Tukque

She has been in a holding pattern on HRT and counseling for three years.

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As I mentioned I go to a support group. I haven’t been there in a while. One of the girls I referred to transitioned after only one year. It’s sad said to say but money talks. Cash up front, I’m serious, they demanded it. She had come into some money, so why not. She is actuality the first person I met from the group. They have a booth at gay pride. this was before Her surgery.

Here is a short story why I will never forget that day. After this meeting I ended up sitting on the steps to the mission. In the plaza below to my left was a stage with two women performing. Across and to the right the booths started. Around the stage further to the left was one of the main entrance. So people walking through and some dancing in the plaza. Enter this blind man from there, basically did a U-turn putting him at the foot of the steps heading toward the stage. People are picking up their feet not to be hit by his cane. Are you kidding me, no one would step up to help this person. So I did, all he needed was the lay of the land. He was a bit confused by the temporary structures. I just walked him across the plaza and told him where things where. He was a local, so once I did that he was good.

Having goals to strive for is a great motivator, but not at the expense of enjoying the journey along the way. I find that the second I've finished crafting a 'road map' of my long term goals (whatever they may be), something has already come along to alter it. Some cosmic 'curve ball' for good or for ill and then it is time to pull out the map making tools all over again.

Be active in moving your ball forward to your goal, but it's the game itself that is the reason for playing. Wherever you are, whatever journey you are on, enjoy it! You're worth it!

Jean,
What is our end game and when do we know we've found it ?

I feel you have found it , you sound comfortable , confident and your gender issues aren't giving you too many concerns .

Since Februray this year I've more or less found I'm in the same situation , while we post this in a crossdressing forum , I personally don't feel like its CDing any more . OK I do still have the problem of a wife and possible divorce , I'm sure like you under different circumstances that shouldn't need to happen , well that's life !

The thoughts on transition , I still remember Marcelle calling it social transition , I can now see exactly what she meant . Some of my TG friends can't understand why I don't start hormones , they tell me I'm a natural candidate . My reply is what big difference would it make in my life , how is it going to change my everyday living , I live basically as a woman anyway , everyone knows me as Teresa , hormones and possible surgery wouldn't change a single aspect of me as far as they are concerned . Besides I live alone now so who is going to take care of me if I take that route , my wife certainly isn't going to come running and I can't put that burden on my children .

At my age I feel if I'm fit and well , I can still contact my children and grandchildren , I can pay my bills and feed myself and hopefully start my art group, what more do I want . Is it my end game ? It doesn't look that bad !

Hi Jean,
It sounds to me like you are questioning whether to continue as is? If you don't feel like you have a need to transition, no need to worry about that.

Sounds like having a boyfriend is enjoyable - so maybe it is worth thinking about what is the endgame in that respect? Do you want to find a long term partner?

You know you don't want to work 24/7. but do you want a new job with new challenges or more money to enjoy life without transitioning?

What other topics do you wonder about that give you the feeling of being in a holding pattern?

I don't have an "end game" I live in the here and now.
Every day is a new day or a new 24 hour adventure.People always ask where is the leading,how far will I go?
I don't worry about it and most of my friends know about me so I'm out to them.Some I choose not to tell because it would upset the friendship plus they don't need to know anyway.
You don't have to have and end game is what I am trying to say.

Tracii,
You're probably right , I should be more like my dog , let her out the back door and see she it ends up , what a wonderful lifestyle , she knows when she come back she will be fed and patted on the head and can go back to sleep in her comfortable chair .

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Originally Posted by Jean 103

This is a question I’m still trying to answer.

Do you have one?

Are you there?

Maybe I’m just in a holding pattern?

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Respectively...

Yes.

No.

Perhaps.

I have an "endgame", but it will be a while before I get there (complete transition). I do not consider myself to be in a holding pattern, though career, financial and medical factors dictate a slow yet deliberate approach.

Now, if you had asked me a year ago, I'd have said "no", "yes" and "no". I identified as gender fluid and was (I thought) comfortable with that label. No, I am most certainly not suggesting that none of us really knows where we are or where we're going. I have more than one TG acquaintence who is very sure of their identity, wherever that is on the spectrum.

You're right, this is truly something one can answer only for one's self. Even at that, it's tough. For many of us, it takes skilled help to sort it out where we know we want to be. And again, for many of us, life has a way of complicating the journey. In the end all we can do is make the choices we need to make, according to our needs and commitments. It can be an incredibly tough balancing act, or all too often, devil's bargain in which everyone loses something.

I have asked myself this question many times. I am a middle aged family guy who loves to dress in public yet without my wife or anyone else knowing. I wonder if I will continue down this path until someone outs me and forces me to face a decision about who I really am? As society grows increasingly accepting of nonbinary gender options, I think more about these things. I know that if I were in my 20s today, I would probably transition. What holds me back is not my age (40s) as much as the fact that I have built a successful life and family over the years and would hate to flush all that away to start over at this point.

End game: Not really, I'm still figuring out where and how I want to live the rest of my life. Might I fully transition? Maybe, it depends on some factors.
Do I have a plan: My only plan is to continue doing what feels right and to push the envelope a little at a time.
We are about the same age and it seems you are further down the road than I am. I only need to answer to myself and at this point I'm pretty content living in both worlds. I have friends that know me in both modes and are comfortable with me in either way. Maybe I'm in a holding pattern until I can retire, then I guess I'd like to spend more time as Nikki.

I am where I'm able to be. I have no desire to come out and have to deal with all which that includes. I dress at home, indoors, and when I go out, I put on my 'man uniform', get the necessary chores done, and come home, and change into my girl clothes. When I bring a lady home with me, I stay in my male 'uniform' for the duration. I now keep my girl clothes in several lockable filing cabinets, so nothing is accessible to visitors; it's just simpler and easier to do it that way.
If I meet a lady who is okay with crossdressing, I might eventually invite her to move in with me, or I with her. But I'm not expecting that to ever happen. I'm prepared to live out my life living alone, occasionally dating, but probably restrict my social live to 'just friends'. I've been prepared for this since my divorce 20 years ago, when I discovered that there were virtually zero women who would even consider dating a crossdresser. About the last, nothing has changed. Personals on conventional dating sites still get zero interest if mention of crossdressing is in the ad. There is no real website where crossdressers can find the very few women who might date us, as everyone on the 'date a crossdresser' site identifies themselves as female, the few GG's, and all the 20,000 crossdressers so a search is useless.
Life is tough. But remember, it could always be worse.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Jean,
What is our end game and when do we know we've found it ?

I feel you have found it , you sound comfortable , confident and your gender issues aren't giving you too many concerns .

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I can remember when I was at the beginning, wondering what it would be like to be where I am today. What comes to mind is watch out what you wish for.

Your right, I don’t really have any gender issues. Last year I had to renew my driver’s license. I took a day off from work, I did my hair, makeup, wore a dress, heels, you get the picture. I just needed to take the eye exam and pose for a new picture. So on my license I’m in full make-up. I’m a service tech and sometimes I have to go on the local military base. So I have to present this ID to get a pass and again at the gate when they inspect my truck. I was expecting some kind of reaction, but I have not seen any at all.

Every time I bring up the topic of hormones my best friend begs me not to. As she see it, and she is right, I’m just fine the way I am. If I were young with my whole life ahead of me it would be a different story. One thing I’ve learned is sometimes” NEVER” happens.

Basically I’m a CD, I know what you mean. When it all becomes normal, expected, it is just the way you are. This is why I prefer Transgender person. I feel it is more vague, giving me more room to be myself.

Yes there are some advantages to being able to go back and forth. But I don’t see why you should. I have no problems with kids. For the most part I fall into the group called adults. The few I’ve gotten to know also no problem, as I’m like still a kid at hart. As far as adults, what’s to say, most people like me, some, whatever, life’s too short.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

If I meet a lady who is okay with crossdressing, I might eventually invite her to move in with me, or I with her. But I'm not expecting that to ever happen.

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I disagree a bit. Here is why and maybe you are right but I don’t think so.

First I would forget on line and just live your life.

It may be difficult finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, that wants to share this secret life. I’ll give you that

In the few short years I have had a few. That’s right a year ago a lady proposed to me and made me a very attractive offer. We dated for a couple weeks, she wanted me to take care of her, and she has money so I would not have to work. I did not and still don’t want to leave where I am now.

One of my GG friends wanted to date and more. It would have led to living together. I turned her down than, today I would have said YES. At the time I still feel it was the right decision for me. She also has money, but I would have continued to work.

We are coming up on the two year mark of when I broke-up with my boyfriend that I lived with for a year. This was shortly after he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It was a big deal, affected a lot of people. He died about six months ago. I would not trade that year of my life for anything. Like other parts of my life you needed to be there.

I’m old school, I believe the best way to meet people is to go out and meet them face to face.

One suggestion, DLV, not to find someone. I did another story, but to open your eyes. It should be on everyone’s bucket list.

Jean,

My opinion is the end game is out of my hands, but the approach to that should be focused on being happy.

Options are wonderful and none of us wants to be backed into a corner or make decisions that eliminate half our choices. The only problem with that for me has been I've dithered away years of my limited time searching for things that I might have stepped into much sooner. But I can't change the past and I'm keeping my eyes on finding ways to be happy in my world while understanding many of those options I've effectively eliminated, I wouldn't have used anyway.

And yes, DLV is a treat. I'll be back there this spring.

Be yourself. Be happy.

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Originally Posted by phili

What other topics do you wonder about that give you the feeling of being in a holding pattern?

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Here is the thing,

I have my day to day life and my latest obsession, sewing.

I have become comfortable with the way things are. Every time in my life this happens some big change comes alone and turns everything upside down.

My current situation is contingent on my landlord’s health. We have become best friends.

If you think finding a mate when you are like this is hard, try finding someone to rent you a room in their home.

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Originally Posted by Sarah Charles

Jean,

My opinion is the end game is out of my hands, but the approach to that should be focused on being happy.
And yes, DLV is a treat. I'll be back there this spring.
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Hi Sara

I would have to agree with your statement.

I believe we met at DVL a few years back. I don't think I'll be able to attend this year but you never know.

There's a saying that some folks throw out there:

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual? - About three years.

OK, that's cute but it's far from accurate. Most crossdressers are simply that, crossdressers. They (we) like to dress up as women from time to time but they have no intention of having surgery to become women or even living as women without surgery. To use your expression, that's their "end game".

I am a crossdresser. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hi Jean,

They are good questions.

"Do you have an end game?" Yes I do. But my end game has evolved as time has gone on, and I'd be foolish thinking that it wont continue to evolve. I only began this journey two years ago and it's fair to say that two years ago my end game was different to what it is today.

"Are you there yet?" Not yet, but I am getting closer. However it might be a couple of years before I'm there. Also, see my above answer.

"Are you in a holding pattern?" Not right now, but it has in the past, and could well in the future. See my next comments.

For me, these questions (and what I do about them) have to be balanced with similar questions about the rest of my life. Perhaps because I was 53 before I had any CD leanings, being a CD (or more accurately TG) is only a part of who I am, and not always the defining part.

I ask similar questions (end game, progress, etc.) about my home life, employment, education and development, finance, etc. It's all in a balance, and sometimes the development of my CD/TG goals takes second place to me earning money, or focussing on my home life. I'm also aware that the other parts of my life may place a limit on my CD/TG end game.

I'm fine with all the above, btw. My philosophy is to be happy with what I've got, be happy getting out of bed everyday, and enjoy the day! Aim for more, but don't be too disappointed if you don't get it. And if you don't get it, aim for a bit less, or aim for something else that will make you happy.*

Michelle.

*(Disclaimer: Not perhaps a perfect translation of my philosophy, but pretty close)

Yeah, my ‘end game plan’ has become full transition to female.

Just started down this path 4 and a half years ago, and I am 61 now. I have been full time female for 5 months now, and on HRT for almost that whole time. Have insurance that will pay for it, and already have secured one of the two letters from mental health pros that I need to get the surgeries. I am retired and widowed and pretty much fully out, so no real barriers. Got 100% acceptance so far from every friend and relative I have told, except for a brother in law who already hated me. Only a handful of cousins and casual friends don’t know yet.

Part of me kind of wishes I had started ten or more years ago, even though it would likely have destroyed my marriage. But now I am simply happy to be planning to spend the rest of my life as a woman.

I started to ‘socially transition’ over three years ago. Most of my public social time has been female since 2015. But for me, fully transitioning opens the door to more comfortably being free to work out in a gym and use the women’s locker room; to go camping and use the women’s showers; to be able to fly and not have a TSA agent question “what is in my panties” when my tucked parts show on a body scan... in short, if I am living as a woman anyway, and have a way to afford full transition, why retain and male aspects at all?

My end game is to just be able to wear whatever wherever whenever. Right now I have to respect my wife's concerns about our kids being bullied so I don't dress in my town or for certain guests at our house. So I am not there yet, and in some kind of holding pattern. My wife says once the kids are grown, that I could be more free, but she is not sure how comfortable she would be going out regularly with me dressed.

Like many of you I don’t have an end game. I never thought I would ever have got as far as I have done. When in my twenties it was a dream to be able to wear feminine clothes. I would never have dreamt I could have reached the stage I’m at now where I can go out in public and have a huge wardrobe of clothes accessories and makeup. Sometimes after I revert to guy mode I can hardly believe I have earlier been in a busy place with a female friend talking girlie talk and trying on clothes. Wish I’d started using beauty salons earlier and interacting with females when dressed but overall I’m happy with my progress and grateful for an accepting and attractive wife.