It's never enough

Do people ever feel this way, maybe there is more to it than just the crossdressing side of things but no matter how much further forward I get, I just never feel it's enough?

Years ago, I used to think I'd feel more complete once I had my own things & could dress more often.
Then it became about going out, so I made the leap & little by little got to express myself more that way.

But it just never feels enough & I always have a feeling like I'm yearning for more, that life could be better & that the grass is greener on the other side.
I think I need learn to enjoy the present more, rather than thinking things could be so much better if xyz.

That's not just crossdressing. That's the human condition.

Regardless of financial and social improvements, we always return to a baseline level of happiness.

I prefer to look to the positive side of what you are describing Nichola. As long as you don't get caught up in perfectionism it's a good thing to strive toward improvement, no matter what you do. You are right about needing to enjoy the present though...enjoy the ride!

There are times that this "peculiar pastime" can resemble an addiction. We feel a certain "rush," physically and/or emotionally the first time we try something (like wearing pantyhose, or a dress, or see ourselves looking distinctly feminine) and that feeling can lessen as we do it more. Then we take another step forward trying to duplicate that initial feeling.

I tend to set goals and try to achieve them. Once I have met a mark I have set for myself, I look to the next attainable thing. A few years ago I stalled, not seeing any further path to take. I didn't dress much for a year or so. Then I found a new path to a goal and I jumped back in until it became routine and less satisfying. I am close to that point right now. Then I find something to make it feel fresh and new again. It's no wonder some members have a huge wardrobe.

Its absolutely true that its a common error to miss the present moment if it is spent fixated upon what we may not yet have or may never have. Enjoy those opportunities to the fullest while you can.

But life is also about striving. As is so often said here, we are on a journey, one of discovery. We grow by pursing our aspirations for more. These give our lives some direction and purpose. Take note of what you are missing, without letting its absence dull your enjoyment of the moment. Put it on you list of things to do ;). The more concrete your ideas about what you want, the more likely these can be attained.

One take on that could be that, to paraphrase a well known film, it is your destiny my dear, to transition. However if you're not harbouring any thoughts of that then it's unlikely.

I can empathise with what you're saying. As my dressing has progressed over the years and like you moved though short journeys out to although sadly infrequent , being out all day, as time passes I'm always looking to further push the envelope. To find new things I can do while dressed.

I sometimes think these feeling are at least partly driven by us often being alone in what we do. We don't often share our time with others of our community. We shop by as a solo (back to star wars). Ours are often not shared experiences.

Different perhaps for those who go full time but for those of us who only spend part of our lives in femme mode, there's the element of the Loneliness of the long distance runner (in heels).

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Originally Posted by CharlotteCD

That's not just crossdressing. That's the human condition.

Regardless of financial and social improvements, we always return to a baseline level of happiness.

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Excellent point, Charlotte. Still, I believe Nichola might benefit from some professional analysis of her feelings. What she's describing could easily be gender dysphoria.

It has been said that for those who are not "full time" that you can not neglect your male self.

I other words. if your female self gets all the nice clothes and other things, has most of the fun in public, your male self will suffer and cause issues.

I understand what you?re saying. Been there..done that. The only residual is my wardrobe. With my hardly being able close any of my overflowing drawers or closet, there?s still strong feelings I never have enough. Yes, I buy more.

A wise friend of mine once said, "My best self is my present self. I choose to live in the present. "

I strive every day to live in the present.

Wise words from Barbara Jo.

I've seen some CDers in male mode looking very disheveled. They would never be seen looking like that as their female selves.

There are a multitude of types of meditation that all have the same basic goal - to teach one to be here in the present. It's a lofty goal but one worth pursuing because thinking there's always something better can lead to a very unfulfilling life.

I guess I was that way at one time.

As I look at it I went looking for answers and ended up creating a whole new life.

Taking it to the point that I live as Jean and my whole world has flipped. It does get to be a bit too much at times, but I've been doing it for so long it all comes second nature now.

Life is too short not to get out and enjoy yourself at least once in awhile. For me it's karaoke every Wednesday night.

There are of course things that both males and females can enjoy.

I love to cook and bake... and all humans love good food
I recently got a new audio rack as my old one is really bad and and unsteady.
Then, I have my Aquarium

Wise King Solomon made an appropriate comment on human nature that may apply here: he that loves silver will not be satisfied with silver nor he that loves abundance with increase. That has not changed in three thousand years even among cross dressers.

I must admit when I go on a 3 day shopping and clubbing trip, after 3 days of "keeping up appearances" the strain of keeping my makeup nice, shaving , doing my nails, changing outfits from shopping to clubbing, redoing make from blending for shopping to over the top for nightime,changing and messing about with wigs, Phew !!! I shattered after 3 days lol. Its nice to get back to being a bloke so I can have a rest.

I was just reading Debs reply and feel exactly the same. While I would love to go out more, the effort required for clubbing alone can be exhausting, and I need a break after a couple of days in a row. Even so I do find my mind wondering off into a daydream about planning my next outing.

Sandi

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Originally Posted by abby054

Wise King Solomon made an appropriate comment on human nature that may apply here: he that loves silver will not be satisfied with silver nor he that loves abundance with increase. That has not changed in three thousand years even among cross dressers.

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Great quote abby054!

I still feel that is is not enough. I too thought if I dressed more and learned makeup that I would be good. Then being dressed at home was not enough and I had to start going out enfemme. But still not enough. I thought if I developed breasts I would be satisfied. Even set a goal of a 36C. But was not satisfied and just passed a D cup and still working on them and my derri?re. Maybe I am not really enamored with dressing as much as I am with the process of transforming my body? But it is not enough. I really have no end game.

We inherently want more of whatever it is that makes us happy and fulfilled.
When I began this long journey I was at first content with Mom's panties. Then I had to try her bra, then a slip. Soon it was a dress then heels. Makeup soon followed and then I had to have my own things.
Restrictions on quantity because no one knew limited what I could own. Then that became too restrictive and soon escalated.
That fateful day when my wife became aware was a dam breaking. One outfit wasn't enough, being in the house, free to dress, wasn't enough. Now I had to venture out in public, then join a support group and so on and so on. Now I dress every day, venture out anywhere and everywhere and still I wonder....is there more???

thats why they sell 1000 dollar fly rods instead of everyone being satisfied with the 59 dollar special. its human nsture to want AND do more

I can so relate to your post. Trying to achieve the ultimate in femininity is difficult. I feel the most complete when I am fully dressed. with my nails done and everything cosmetic is in place. Even still it seems not enough. and why I do not know. I can say that it feels so right to be as feminine as possible!
Love, Sabrina

While it might be fun sometimes to contemplate the possibilities, I remember what Dirty Harry Callahan said in a movie, with a slight alteration: 'A crossdresser has to know his limitations'.

Being a rather huge male, there is only so much I can expect from trying to be a feminine beauty. So I don't go pursuing the impossible. I'll never look like more than a hippo in a tutu. So, that said, I'll be happy, spending time feeling like a female hippo in a tutu. And that will have to be enough.

You always want what you can't have.