Do you ever talk to yourself in your own head? I do, all the time. I have been contemplating coming out to a woman I know, who is very open about being a lesbian. We get along very well, and she has remarked several times about how well she gets how my mind works, or how similarly we think. While thinking about how I may come out to her, I called myself a latent transsexual. About two sentences later, I caught myself and backed up, realizing what I had just "said". The fact that I had thought that didn't scare me, didn't hurt, didn't even feel odd. Just kind of a "Huh, OK", an acceptance.
I mentioned it to my therapist a couple of days ago. She got an expression on her face I can only describe as an "Oh, thank God" face. Seriously, she looked relieved, then asked me how I felt about it. The fact that I thought and labeled myself as that is, to me, a bit of a watershed moment. My therapist thought so, as well.
The funny thing is that after that, I did a google search for "latent transsexuality" and found this:
http://gendersanctuary.com/pdf/xdres...eridentity.pdf
The Late Onset Transsexual describes me pretty well. I had hints and notions as a kid, and a brief realization as a teen, but the train hit me in my 30's.
The question of what I want to do about it still remains, of course. When she asked me, I told my therapist the same old answer, that what I want kind of depends on what happens in my life regarding my family. That is the hard part, and what I need to figure out. I have accepted responsibilities as a provider, spouse and parent and I can't just shirk them to be happy. Man or woman, that is poor character and lacks integrity.
Anna
P.S. Sorry for all of the wishy-washyness. This is all huge to me. I know many of you have said "Just do it already", but changes like this deserve careful consideration, especially because I am a parent of pre-teen kids. And, I am trying to go back through nearly 40 years, trying to figure out what is nature and what is nurture, and who it is that I am and want to be.
