Originally Posted by
maya1love
Hi all. It's been some time since I have added anything to this posting.
I actually wanted to talk about the patterns that I am noticing in my dating life these days. As I have said before, I consider myself to be a gay male crossdresser. I've never been with a woman and date men exclusively dressed as a boy or girl. I realize that I am "just" a crossdresser, in that I enjoy dressing up and feeling feminine, but I have no plans to transition. I therefore feel that my best partner would be a man who would be attracted to me as a male 90% of the time and as a woman 10% of the time (because that's how much time I spend in each gender). I also would like to be considered the more feminine partner in the relationship regardless of how I'm dressed. So, I really do feel that dating a "gay" man -- a man who primarily likes other men is my best bet. I get ALOT of online attention from "straight" or "bi" guys as Maya, but the problem is that they'll likely never commit to a fully functional relationship with me because they don't want to see me dressed as a man or envision telling the world that they are in a relationship with me. This is the sad truth about trans admirers -- they are an emerging community that still feels very marginalized in society and they need to mature as a community. (I say that with great respect to them.) So, I realized recently that I should stick to the gay guys if I want to have a shot at a long term relationship with anyone, and hope that he won't mind (or likes) the fact that I dress from time to time. It's very similar to the dilemma that straight crossdressers face -- do they actively seek out women who like crossdressers, or do they meet mainstream straight women as men and tell them that they are secret crossdressers?
Recently, I've had a number of affirming experiences with gay guys. I do a fair amount of online dating, and simply post a picture of my male self and do not mention that I dress. Recently, I joined adam4adam.com, put up a profile with my male self and for the first time revealed in my profile that I liked to dress (but that it was not a must). I've noticed that I've had a fair number of gay men interested in me despite the fact that I've mentioned that I like to dress. So far, I haven't met "the one", but I feel like it's a step in the right direction. I was also set up with a gay guy on a blind date by a friend. He's a really nice guy (but I'm not feeling attracted to him physically). Nonetheless, he revealed that he has always wanted to be with a crossdresser, and only after that, did I reveal that I was a crossdresser! So, I guess what I am saying is that there are alot of stable gay guys who want relationships out there, and may tolerate or enjoy having a crossdresser as a partner.
One of the things about gay men that doesn't do it for me is "gay acting" gay men. Unfortunately, my femininity isn't awakened by softer, gay men -- I really like the very masculine type. I realize that I just can't be with a gay guy who looks or acts gay, even if he is the sweetest, nicest guy (which was the problem with the guy above who revealed that he wanted to try being with a crossdresser). I find that that is hard to find in the mainstream gay community. So, other patterns I've noticed about the type of gay guys that I might be attracted to are: a) that they do not hang out in the mainstream gay community and were never really attracted to gay culture and don't know much about it; b) they used to date women, they have had some experience with women, and may be divorced with children and now feel that they are gay in their 30's, 40's and 50's; in other words, they are "late bloomers" to being gay; c) they are more masculine than other gay guys in general; d) they like skinny smooth Asian guys (like me, thank god!) and tend to be the "top" sexually.
I will keep adding to my list as I think of things. Now, I know that I am making sweeping generalizations about these men, so please don't clobber me! If anyone wants to exchange ideas, I'd love to hear from you!