Thank you very much all for your thoughtful and detailed answers. Reviewing them with my wife raised a few points and really helps our progress towards understanding each other.
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Thank you very much all for your thoughtful and detailed answers. Reviewing them with my wife raised a few points and really helps our progress towards understanding each other.
To Diane - as Di pointed out, all our situations are different based on the length of time we were in our relationships when we found out, the degree of honesty from the onset, whether it is a first or second relationship, etc.
My SO told me before we started dating. I already had a friend whose husband CDed and I saw that their marriage worked, so I was OK with it. Had I been married for years and had found out that my husband had lied for years, it would have been much harder for me.
My SO explained that he needed the forms in order to not look like a man in a dress while out in public. I believe him. But, they don't have to be huge. A lot of women are small-breasted and no one thinks these women look weird. At home though, I don't see why wearing forms is necessary for CDers who say they are not a woman and who do not see transition in the picture. But then I'm not a CDer. After all these years, I still don't see the attraction of a non-transitioner for fake boobs, other than the necessity for a believable presentation.
That said, I've seen pics of forum members wearing breast forms that are way over the top. The only thing you see in these pics are the size of the boobs! When I see pics like these, I see dressing for fetish. There's nothing wrong with dressing for fetish, as long as the CDer is honest with himself about his true motives.
As to things I drew a line on, it was hormones, surgeries, and on a CDing scale, wearing lipstick when kissing and perfume at any time. I am turned off by kissing someone who is wearing lipstick and perfume. Everything else comes off during intimacy. I am not sexually attracted to women.
EDIT -
Forgot to address the other things you mentioned.
Wig: my SO has long hair tied at the nape in guy mode (many of his work peers also have long hair), and this was never an issue. Although when I picture my SO wearing a wig, I think it would look weird. But then everything takes getting used to and if my SO needed a wig for a believable presentation, I would understand.
Heels: Depends on the look of the shoe. There are sensible heels, and there are (as a friend of mine puts it), f*ck-me heels. lol. Over the years I have not liked it when my SO dressed in a manner that I perceived was motivated by a desire to attract men. This included certain types of heels, clothes that were way too tight, or too short, or plunging necklines, etc. Women who just hang out with each other don't dress like that. Those types of clothes come out when women want to make an impression, and believe me when I say that other women aren't impressed with a woman's boobs, booty, legs, etc.
I also want to note that on our local campus, I've noticed fewer and fewer women over the years who dress to impress men. We've progressed to the point where we know that we can embark on our own careers, and when we're not looking for a mate, we don't feel the need to dress as if we are. :)