passing VS acceptance

[Legs]

[SIZE=4]I am not sure how to respond to this post but here is my two cents worth.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]For the past few years I have quit worrying about the passing vs acceptance issue, I just do my business and move on. I have however, legitimized my presence in female clothing by becoming a hairstylist who also does makeup. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]When I go anyplace now I am prepared to be stopped and talked to by any number of people. I carry my business cards and am happy to discuss why I dress like I do but it rarely happens anymore. Now most of the people that stop me are horny guys. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention, but guys can be so unfocused.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I work openly in a salon where many walk-ins stroll in for a haircut and encounter me. Some are so passe that they act like they meet CDs every day and this is no big deal, while others go out of their way to discuss every nuance of my dress.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]My biggest thing is being confident and not acting like a victim. Act like you know what you are doing, head up and smiling and virtually no one messes with you, except the aforementioned guys. I feel that I am representing CDs the best I can and I want observers to realize that we are strong, confident people, well most of us...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Look at that, she didn't post any pictures of herself again, like she always does[/SIZE]

Tamara,

Great for you girl.

If more girls would just give it a try and venture out they would find the fear is nothing to be so worried about.

BTW, where do you find all these unfocused male types that want to "chat" with you ..giggles.

All I get are the ones that trip all over themselves trying to get a second look.

Huggggggggggggs
Samantha

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

My question is when you are read but accepted are you treated different than if you were passing or in drab. I felt like I was passing and I guess it really doesn't matter other than I really want to know :D

I always try my hardest to be as passable as I can be, but I'm a realist. I know that sometimes I pass and sometimes I don't.

Regardless (and a lot of the time I don't know which it is), I usually stay in character. I am a female, I have every right to be treated as one. If I suspect that someone has read me, I ignore it, and continue being the woman that I am. Sometimes, that causes them to visibly change attitude in a way that suggests that they've realised that they were wrong when they thought that I was a CD.

Regardless of whether I pass or I'm accepted while not passing, while I behave as a female, I get treated as one. If I choose to drop out of character while talking to someone, then and only then do I sometimes find that I'm treated as a male.

Alice

[marla01]

The way I look at it is this:

• Some of us pass some of the time, whe we don't have a bad hair day. I'm in this category, and I must admit I'm often in a quandary about whether to out myself. I have at moments assumed that the other person has read me, when in fact they're still taking me for a woman. Any suggestions what the protocol is here??? Are there occasions when you should actually say, "Excuse me, haven't you noticed that I'm a guy in drag?"

I have two rules about this. On most occasions, I neither lie or try to hide the fact that my body is male, but at the same time I don't feel the need to declair it either.

The exception to this is when a guy (or girl) is hitting on me. Then I think it is necessary to directly point out that my body is an outie. (BTW, I'm not a guy in drag, I'm just a woman who has a male body).

Marla

[MsJanessa]

I would rather be accepted as a beautiful CD than pass as a drab gg---and I would rather have acceptance than "pass"---I have rarely had a problem going out in public---only once or twice and then it was because I was in an area where it was risky to be.

[vspowers]

I have to say that the vast majority of these experiences have really given me hope. At 6'2" my chances of actually passing are slim, even on a good day..

I am also 6'2", but I remember the shock of actually passing while waiting for a table at a steakhouse. It was Halloween, it was dim and I hadn't spoken yet. I knew I had been passing, because when I spoke, the hostess jumped.

[Hope]

I am also 6'2", but I remember the shock of actually passing while waiting for a table at a steakhouse. It was Halloween, it was dim and I hadn't spoken yet. I knew I had been passing, because when I spoke, the hostess jumped.

Yah - I'm worried about that one too... because even when I was in 7th grade, people kept pointing out how deep my voice was - and it hasn't gone back up.

But this thread is truly helpful.

[Hope]

[SIZE=4]My biggest thing is being confident and not acting like a victim. Act like you know what you are doing, head up and smiling and virtually no one messes with you, except the aforementioned guys. [/SIZE]

Easy for you to say - you are not only gorgeous, but very experienced. Acting like you know what you are doing is a bit more difficult when you, well, don't.

Experience is of course what you get immediately after you needed it.

[Nicki B]

I go with Karen on this. Anyone who takes a close look will read 95% of us. And it just doesn't matter.

Actually, I think it does - if they don't know we're trans, then the world will never improve for all of us, whether we 'pass' sometimes or not?

Acceptance as crossdressing men should be our primary goal, not just something to settle for if we can't pass!

Ralph, I'll agree with you partly - but please, just remember that some of us aren't men (we may not be genetic women, but we need to develop understanding that there is more than just a binary possible)?

I have to say that the vast majority of these experiences have really given me hope. At 6'2" my chances of actually passing are slim, even on a good day. It sounds to me like what a lot of you have been experiencing is being accepted not as a male wearing a dress, but as a person interacting in the world as a female, regardless of what reproductive organs you may be packing.

That would be my everyday experience - and I'm 6'3", plus heels? Have a look in my album..

[Stefanie_Adams]

This is a very interesting thread and I really don't have a whole lot to offer. I have never been out enfemme before meaning wearing makeup or a dress, but most all the time I do dress as androgynous as possible. I wear my hair long and styled and my ears are pierced.

There have been times when I've gotten Ma'am. a couple times out dining with my wife the waitress came up and asked what can I get you ladies and in the same restaurant when we paid our check the gentleman at the register made the statement was everything alright today ladies. My wife laughed and said look again and his comment was "I just wanted to be politically correct" I loved it of course so I guess he was accepting how I wanted to present? my two cents. one of these days I will get out with the ladies the way I want.
Stefanie

[Beth-Lock]

I think I am being accepted now when I am wearing pants, but not necessarily if wearing a skirt. In the case of a skirt, I seem to have to pass, or I get all manner of upsetting reactions from others. For example, last week I went to Walmart to buy a new pair of women's denim pants, and I got one 'sir,' one 'mam' and one sales assistant telling another that there was one lady in the dressing rooms, (me). So two out of three is not a total disaster. I guess I can live with that.

[linnea]

It's nice to be accepted whether we are passing or not. I would say, judging by your avatar, that you looked great and were passing just fine.