It is weird... while I feel ready to transition and start HRT, I am not sure I am ready to face my parents and family. Ideally, you'd want your family behind you. That's a given. However, different circumstances call for different measures. So I wanted to get some advice from anyone who started HRT without their family's knowledge, more importantly, their parents' knowledge. How did you handle it? Do you regret it?
I did in the past. I was so afraid to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist that I did research on my own and decided to accept all the cons involved. I bought the meds online but I chickened out after a while. I decided to take solid steps instead of shaky leaps.
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Letting other know
If you start the transitioning[ process it will eventually come out, but there is a time for everyone to make it known.
If you do start HRT be sure it is under a doctor's care. There are dangers of not doing it right. Pill form is the worst to go because it passes through the liver and can cause liver damage. Patch or injectibles get directly into the blood stream, but make sure the patch is put on a place that is not on fatty tissue for best results.
Originally Posted by tgirlinva
Last edited by GypsyKaren; 02-11-2009 at 06:07 PM. Reason: fixed quote
Is this because it's an under-age thing, or just your older and trying to keep it a secret from the family thing, if it's the latter, or both for that matter, I truly regret not telling my parents while I was young, so if your young, tell them now or soon, and do what feels right in your heart, and then you'll never have regrets about it later on in life, it is your life.
Telling loved ones is so hard, and not something you just want to put them into shock over, so take it slow and be subtle, but be truthful, and hopefully they will a least be understanding or even better, supportive.
I'm still working on that with my own family.
Good luck,
Karen
If you're young, start them as soon as possible to reduce the effects of testosterone. I've known girls who had understanding parents and not, who started in their teens, and they pass easily.
Hello, for myself I started hrt before telling anybody I did not want them to try to stop me and after I was on hormones I found it easer to tell people but you should be letting the doctor giving them to you and be seeing a therapist and after a month or two on hrt you will or will not know if its right I did. And then if you feel good about it then start letting people close to you know what you are doing. best of luck
I'm 26. I already feel like I have a clock ticking like crazy. Don't worry, I am under medical care of a therapist and when I take HRT, I will be under the care of an oncologist who specializes in transgender issues. I feel very blessed to be under such care and support.
I'm not sure exactly why I don't want to tell my parents. Fear of their reaction, fear that I would disappoint them. But I think I'm afraid that it will affect them adversely health wise. My dad has health issues and I would hate to be the cause of any remission.
But I am the only "son" in my family...I'm Asian and I don't want to start lecturing people on how much emphasis the Asian community places on a son. Anyways, that's sort of the reason.
I'm still apprehensive to this day, but I'm getting there slowly and at my own pace I'm comfortable with, I wish I could just blurt it out, and start living now, but I can't until a few more walls come down, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel getting closer.
So I can understand exactly how you feel about it, I have a Mother that's 82 with heart problems, and with you being an only son surely doesn't help matters, but that goes for any family that only has one son, ( and that one son has the burden to carry the family name along with his offspring) and we as loving children that love our parents so much just hate the thought to disappoint them and break their hearts, and there's lots of emotional feelings that can stop us from telling them, but you are still young, and it is your life, but if you don't come clean about it in the near future, those feelings will tear you apart one way or another, and if you have loving parents, and you are their only son, and if you told them how you feel from the heart in a loving way, maybe they can find some compassion for you to live the rest of your life in true happiness, rather than live in torment.
There's always a special bond with an only son, and most just want them to be happy, but you know them best, and only you can make that choice to tell or not tell, but it may help now to start thinking about it, and having some heart to heart talks starting with your mother and go from there..yes, it's risky, but you'll never know until you try.
Best of Luck.
Karen
Telling our parents can be difficult and was for me as well. But, then again, it was difficult for me to confide with anyone in the beginning.
I have one question, however -- how will it be easier later than sooner in talking with your parents? At some point you will still need to be honest with them.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
I almost did, about 3 years ago. But I got laid off from work, had to move in back to my parents after a few months on my own, and with no money and no private mailing address, I couldn't.
Girlinva,
You must have been crossdressing during your life. I don't know of any ts who hasn't. Haven't you ever been caught? Didn't your mother ever find a bra under the bed when she made it? Even if they pretend not to know, they must have an idea. Middle class families especially are noted for not addressing sometimes obvious issues. We also often act feminine soetimes and don't know it. My ex has sarcastically drawn my attention to lots of behaviors that are effeminate. Split personalities sometimes get mixed up.
START NOW. Tell them later. Or they'll figure it out. My family will be cool when they find out, my ex will be very pissed.
Love,
Morgan
I got caught in girl stuff a couple times by my mom, but not since I was 10, and I haven't seen them too much since I was 18.
Most of my friends can't handle my TG issues. My parents would go crazy if they even knew I stepped foot in a gay bar.
I've not told my parents neither. Currently, only my wife knows that I'm taking Estrogen.
I have no idea how my relatives, especially my parents would react to this. In one way I want to tell them, but on the other hand I'd love to keep it hidden from them. Maybe I should do it step by step, tell them I'm married and then that I'm a transsexual...Hopefully, one shock will cancel the other one out.
Seriously now, I have no idea how to tell them nor am I sure do I really want to. I'm not planning to be living near them anyway, but at the other end of earth, so it would more than easy to hide it. At the most I'd see them only once in few years.
I look like a Girl
With Makeup on my Face
In Reality
A cute Kitty I am!
I didn't tell my parents anything until a few months into HRT. I only ended up telling them because they called a few days after my wife and I visited my grandparents, and they'd called around the family, worried that I "might be gay" (I guess I was a bit more femme there than I'd realized). I explained what was REALLY going on, and they were totally okay with it. (That was a surprise!)
Anyways, I guess what I'm getting at is that if you tell them, you may or may not get their support, but as long as they don't know, you can't have their support. If I'd confided in mine years ago, my life may have been much easier. Of course, they could turn out to be totally against it, and it could raise more problems. All I can say is that I really regret not telling my parents long ago...
Well, anything's better than being gay!
Seriously, though, where does that idea come from? I happen to know a lot of gay guys. None of them have long hair, and the only ones who dress like girls do drag on a regular basis.
lol, I guess I made that sound a little wrong. My dad wasn't actually calling about whether or not I was gay. He was just complaining about all the phone calls he got. (Like he doesn't call me 12 times a day, or something.) As far as my grandparents, I think they just had no idea what to think, so guessed based on the fact that pretty much all my friends are gay. Who knows.
Last edited by Tizabet; 02-17-2009 at 02:49 AM.
You 26 years old....what they gonna do...Spank you? ....Or am i missing somthing here.
Tizabet: Ahh. Well, several people have told me I'm insane and that my problem is that I'm just gay and don't want to admit it. Except my gay friends -- they just think I'm crazy.
My mother often asked my sisters whether I was gay, and that was even after I had told her that I'm transsexual and would visit her dressed in the appropriate clothing and make-up. "Gay" she understood -- she could never quite grasp what "transsexual" meant.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Exactly! My mom is always worried that I might be gay. I think in many respects, I'd rather be gay than transgendered. I think society is coming around a lot more with the gay community. our community though is still as outcast as the amish village.
I think in many respects, I'd rather be GG than transgendered. :P
So everybody's mother is just like a brick wall?
Mom: "Son, I'm worried. Are you gay?"
Daughter: "No, mom. I told you. I'm transgendered."
Mom: "So you're gay then?"
No, it meant that my mother was elderly and Alzheimer's was affecting her cognitive capabilities.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
I actually "came out" to my parents as gay (which I'm not) a few months before I told them the actual truth. I simply thought it was something easier for them to accept than the truth. I mean, if I was gay, they would still have the same "person" in the family, they would just know a little more about him. However, if I come out transsexual, then they are having to accept (at least in their eyes) a whole new person. I knew I would eventually tell them the truth but told them that as a sort of "feeler". Looking back though, it was just another form of dishonesty and TOTALLY unfair to them. Let me clarify this, I see ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with gay people. Many of my friends are gay and I even used to work at a gay bar (part time job at the door checking IDs LOL nothing glamorous). However, my parents are EXTREMELY religious and have a HUGE problem with homosexuality (and apparently transsexuality as well but that is another story). To put them through those thoughts of me was entirely selfish on my part just because I was scared.
As to actually telling your parents, the sooner the better. If you are planning a transition and it is a for sure thing that is GOING to happen, there is nothing to be gained by waiting. Even if it takes years for them to be accepting of you, then it will still take years for them to be accepting of you after you finally tell them at some point in the future. You may as well get the hard part over with now so you can enjoy the life you are emerging into rather than have something constantly looming over. Trust me on this, the fewer "secrets" you have the happier you are.
I started HRT before telling the family. Very easy for me to do that as I don't live in my home country anymore (born and bred in Ireland but live in England). When I did tell the Mother, she was not impressed at all. Her first reaction was 'What did I do to deserve this?' She has never accepted this aspect of me, and doesn't acknowledge it at all. As for my Da, he has early Alzheimers now, so it is not as issue for him anymore. When I went home visiting last year, my Ma commented that I really looked like her side of the family, where as before I looked a lot like my Da. What I think she was hinting at was that I looked a lot like her now (which I do, especially when I do the full works).
